I spent a week in the woods, wearing makeup and a fluffy skirt. Dancing... or more honestly, watching people dance in a barn. Kissing...or more honestly watching people kiss (for the most part) and talking and smiling and having an amazing time that seemed to be made of spun glass. Heat and pressure making sand into something sparkly and fragile. ( Read more... )

I should be packing right now.. and I started but apparently knowing I have 9 days and I need to wear clothes for all 9 of those days makes it extremely hard for me to pick out what to pack and what to keep out. I'm having a really hard time picking out what to bring with me to Philly and what to leave here. I'm working on cleaning out the room I ( Read more... )

May 1st will be 3 years ( Read more... )

I haven't posted to live journal in forever. For good reason. I had another journal i regularly updated. Well now I don't have that journal anymore.
I have been having a really hard couple of weeks. I know that part of it is needing to get out of Albany and I do need to get out of Albany, but I also know that part of it is more then that. The ( Read more... )

triggering events are just that... triggering. I can't log into my bme journal and it's driving me crazy. I wish I could get over things and not cry. I wish i could.

Things i want to do ( Read more... )

I'm listening to Kimya Dawson because i had an intense craving to and it makes me wonder why being depressed makes me stop listening to music when listening to music makes me not so depressed anymore. I guess I'm feeling better lately. I don't know... better or worse. I was honest some of the time but i didn't tell whole truths all the time, and ( Read more... )

For the first time in a long time i feel like i may not be teaching at the high school next year. If that happens I guess I'm okay with it. I mean, I wont have a choice, if I don't get rehired than that's what happens. I will leave Albany if that's what happens. I don't know where I'll go exactly, but I would have no choice but to leave here. Maybe ( Read more... )

I want to explode and leave little pieces of myself all over this city. Like a party you were too drunk to remember but you wake up and the confetti is everywhere. I want out.. but i never want to leave. I want to die here but not alone. I'm going to wake up one morning and everything i have is going to turn to dust and be wiped away with a wet ( Read more... )

What is there to say really. I'm depressed I have not a single person I want to talk about it with. Not here not anywhere. At the same time I want to scream that things aren't okay. Last night was really hard, I had a fever and I called my mom to tell her I didn't feel good and i realized for the last 4 months of his life ron never felt goo and I'm ( Read more... )