Kiss Away The Pain
Title: Kiss Away The pain
Pairing: Yoosu
Genre: Angst,
Fluff
Length: Oneshot
Rating: R to be safe
Summary: Junsu makes the biggest mistake in his life and he's trying to fix it.
Kiss Away The Pain
"You're never around anymore."
The words were out, sent into the world and all he could do was wait for a reaction, feelings exposed by one simple statement.
"Why do you care?" he retorted. He was flicking pebbles into the sea even though the wind was hard and it was starting to get dark and he could barely see how far they went.
"You'll be held back if you keep skipping classes," Junsu said, ignoring Yoochun's question.
"Why do you care?" Yoochun repeated and Junsu was at a loss of words. He opened his mouth to say something but his mind went blank.
"You don't care," Yoochun continued. "You're forcing yourself to care, but I don't need your pity, Junsu. I don't need anything from you."
"You don't know what I feel," Junsu said. "Don't put word in my mouth, because you don't know, okay."
"Fine." He let the last few pebbles slid through his fingers and onto the cold sand. He buried his hands deep into the pockets of his sweats and turned to look at Junsu for the first time since he got there.
Junsu stopped breathing for a second when he saw the dark purple bruise on Yoochun's cheek and the cut above his eye.
"What happened?" Junsu exhaled and took a step forward.
Yoochun shrugged and pulled the hood of his sweater over his head. He started walking. Junsu followed.
He walked a few feet behind him for a while, and then next to him and then Junsu tried to hold Yoochun's hand but Yoochun shook him off. He tried again and Yoochun pushed him away, into the sand. He kept walking as Junsu got back onto his feet. He didn't say anything and kept following him from a few feet behind.
When they reached the boulevard the sun had set and the street lights had come on. It was Friday evening, the streets were bustling and Junsu was having a hard time keeping up with Yoochun. He wanted to hold onto him, but didn't want to get pushed onto the ground in a busy street.
And then all of a sudden Yoochun turned around. Junsu froze, expecting him to talk, but instead Yoochun passed him and started heading back to where they came from.
"Yoochun," Junsu said and to his surprise he stopped. "Wait for me, please."
"Why?"
"Because...you're never around anymore and we miss you."
"You don't miss me."
"I do."
Yoochun started walking again and Junsu hurried up to walk next to him. "Don't touch me," Yoochun said and Junsu put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
"It's not because we broke up," he continued. "It's not."
"I know," Junsu said quickly. "But still I wish it didn't have to be like this."
"You said we were friends before but we were never friends, Junsu. We were never friends and you know it."
Junsu knew it. They met when they were thirteen, kissed six months later, started experimenting with everything they could come up with not long afterwards. They had been together for close to five years when Junsu got a big crush on their class president and decided he'd try to go for it and broke up with Yoochun.
"But still you can talk to me," Junsu said. "You're hurt and I didn't even know..."
"It's none of your business," Yoochun said. "You have other things to worry about. More important things. More important people."
"He's not more important," Junsu said hoarsly. "I can't take not knowing what's going on with you. And now all of a sudden...you're hurt...and I can't ki- I can't do anything about it."
Junsu had almost said 'kiss away the pain' like they used to say one of them had gotten hurt, whether it was a paper cut or a broken leg.
"You didn't care when you ripped out my heart, so why would you care now? Let me guess, he wasn't interested? Was he straight?"
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?"
"Come back to school," Junsu said. "Just come back so we can graduate next year and we can...we can be friends..."
"Never. I'd rather be stranger than friends."
Junsu closed his eyes for a few seconds, forcing back the tears pricking behind his eyelids like needles.
"Then be my boyfriend again," Junsu sobbed and immediately covered his mouth with his hand.
Yoochun scoffed. "Second choice? No thanks."
"You're not!" Junsu wailed. He couldn't stop. It had been a while and he had tried to repress the feelings, he didn't want to admit he was wrong, that he had hurt Yoochun without it having a good result at the end, but at the end of the day all he can think of is Yoochun, all he can dream of is Yoochun and all he can cry for is Yoochun. "You were never second choice, I was just stupid, please."
"No."
A sob escaped Junsu's throat and he covered his mouth again. He was this close to giving up entirely and collapsing right then and there.
"You did this," Yoochun said. "This is all your fault."
"Don't you think I know that?" Junsu said, his voice quivering. "I know that and I'm sorry, Yoochun. I...I love you so much..."
"Liar."
"I'm not lying!"
"You hate being alone, and you think I'm going to be waiting for you no matter what, right? Well fuck you, Junsu. Really, fuck you."
"You don't love me anymore?" Junsu asked softly taking a step back, knowing there was a chance he'd get hit. "Do you?"
"It's not about me loving you. You clearly didn't love me enough-"
"I do, I do! I love you, Yoochun and if you'd just give a chance... I swear I'll never do something as stupid ever again. I'll prove it. I'll do anything, everything, I'll be waiting in front of your house every morning, I'll walk you home every day, I'll treat you whenever we go out for the rest of our lives, I'll never ask anything from you just please don't...please don't let us bleed to death like this...."
Yoochun's mouth opened but nothing came out for a while. Until finally he asked: "Did you sleep with him? With anyone?"
Junsu stared at him, shocked. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about how sleeping with someone other than Yoochun would be, but he had never dared to try it out, not even after they broke up. "No," he said. "No, of course not."
Yoochun looked away. "I'll think about it."
"I won't ask for more," Junsu quickly said. "Will you be back at school tomorrow?"
"Probably not."
"...Why?"
"That's none of your business. I'll let you know."
"Then tell me how you hurt your face," Junsu said. "Did you get into a fight?"
To his surprise a blush crept up Yoochun's neck and onto his cheeks. "No."
"Did you...fall?"
The red in his face deepened and Junsu knew he was right.
"I'm going home," Yoochun said and turned around.
"Will you call me?" Junsu asked loudly and Yoochun shrugged. "Wait," Junsu said and jogged after him. "Let me walk you home?"
"No," Yoochun said.
Junsu knew it'd be too good to be true if he had said yes, but at least he had tried. "Then can I...you know?"
He knew, Junsu knew he knew. He hesitated though.
"This doesn't mean we're back together," he said.
"I know."
"And no mouth action."
"I wouldn't dare."
"Fine."
Junsu smiled as Yoochun turned to look at him. He got a good view of the bruise on his ex lover's cheek and leaned in. He gently pressed his lips against it before moving up and kissing the cut above his eye. "Here," he said softly. "I kissed away the pain."
"You missed a spot," Yoochun said. Junsu reached out to touch his chest, right where his heart was when Yoochun smacked his hand away. "I'm going home."
They sat across from each other. The study hall was quiet since it was only second period.
“Your bruise looks much better. My kiss must have worked,” Junsu finally said after long awkward minutes of silence.
Yoochun didn't answer. Instead he seemed to be fascinated by his hands, not looking up for a second.
“I called you a few times,” Junsu continued. “I didn't know if you'd be mad but I just wanted to know how you were doing. I'm happy you decided to come to school. Everyone missed you.”
Yoochun didn't say anything or even move for a while until he finally lifted his head.
“I don't know if I want to date you again,” he said. “A few weeks ago the thought of being without you never even crossed my mind. I thought we were everything to each other but clearly you didn't think the same.”
“You're still everything to me, Rabbit, I swear.”
“Don't call me that.”
“Why?” Junsu asked and he sounded as insulted as he was. He he's been calling his boyfriend 'Rabbit' as long as he can remember.
“Because it sounds stupid. No one calls me that.”
“I call you that. I've always called you that and I'll keep calling you that. You're my Rabbit.”
“It's a stupid name.”
“I don't care.”
“Whatever, this isn't about that. What I was saying was that I don't know if I want to be with you again.”
“You do,” Junsu quickly said. “I know you do. The fact that you're hesitating means that you love me right? And I love you and that's all we need.” He reached over and put his hand over Yoochun's warm one. “I swear I won't ever do anything to hurt you ever again.”
Yoochun took his hand back and put them under the table. “I kissed someone. Two weeks ago.”
“You...kissed someone.”
“Yeah.”
“We were...broken up I guess.”
“Aren't you pissed.”
“I... I could honestly shave and kill innocent kittens right now, but I'm afraid you'll get mad if I get mad so I... I don't know. I don't know what to say right now.”
“Shaving innocent kittens is pretty serious.”
“gI'm pretty damn fucking pissed.”
“He wasn't that good of a kisser.”
Junsu sighed loudly and pulled a hand through his hair. He knew it made his hair stand up on all sides but he didn't care. “Just tell me you'll be my boyfriend again,” he said. “Just tell me we can be together again.”
Junsu was chronically nervous at first. Not knowing how to act, not knowing what was okay and what wasn't, not knowing if they could just pick up where they left off. It started feeling ridiculous when they had been together for three days and they still hadn't kissed yet. He made up his mind that things shouldn't be like this and that he should do something about it.
It was Friday afternoon and their date was planned for that evening. Junsu walked Yoochun home and before he left he pressed a kiss onto his lips. It was quick and onesided, but he felt better after he did it.
"Are you sleeping over tonight?" Junsu asked and Yoochun shrugged.
"You should," Junsu added. "It'll be fun."
"We'll see," Yoochun answered and went into his house.
The last three days were awkward, at least when they were alone. When they were with their friends things seemed no different at all. Yoochun seemed happy, he laughed like he always did, he teased like he always did. But when they got together, just the two of them, at the beginning of the dat or at the end of the day, he was quiet and mostly shrugged to anything Junsu asked him.
Junsu rang the doorbell and Yoochun answered, still wearing his coat and shoes. "Did you forget something?"
"Yeah," Junsu said and took a step forward so that the only space between them was the threshold. He leaned in and took Yoochun's lips with his own, longer this time, telling himself he wouldn't pull away until he got a reaction, he was happy to find out Yoochun was sharp. He kissed him back and all of a sudden there was tongue involved and his hands had found their way to Yoochun's hips.
"Oh lord, can you at least take this upstairs," they heard behind them. They broke apart, startled and saw Yoochun's younger brother Yoohwan coming down the stairs at the end of the hallway.
"Get out," Yoochun growled at him and he took off shaking his head.
"Are we done here?" he asked Junsu.
"Hardly," Junsu grinned back at him and managed to steal another peck. "But I guess I'll see you tonight."
Junsu wished Yoochun had watched him leave and called stupid things after him until he reached the end of the street, like he used to do, but instead Yoochun nodded, turned around and closed the door behind him. Maybe tonight, Junsu thought. That kiss sure as hell had made him optimistic.
When he drove up to Yoochun's house in his dad's car a few hours later, he wondered if Yoochun would have dressed up. After five years of being together they barely got all dressed up for each other anymore. If Junsu took the time to shower after his soccer practice that was a whole lot and if Yoochun took the time to comb his hair it must be their anniversary.
Tonight though, tonight Junsu was wearing his best jeans and one of his brother's v-neck sweaters and he had even wiped off his sneakers from all the dirt that had piled up on them through the months.
He got out of the car and walked up to Yoochun's doorstep. He rang the doorbell and Yoohwan answered.
"Oh..." Yoohwan blinked. "/Oh./"
"What?" Junsu asked. "Is Yoochun not ready yet?"
"I don't know how to tell you this, but Yoochun left about an hour ago."
Junsu felt his heart drop in his chest. "Where did he go?"
"I don't know, he just said he was going out."
"Well, thanks," Junsu said. "Bye."
"Bye," Yoohwan said and closed the door. Junsu went back to the car where he had left his phone and the first thing he did was call his boyfriend.
"Hello."
"This is a shitty thing to do, Yoochun. This was your idea and you just leave me hanging? I thought... I thought we were at least going to try..."
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean "what do you mean"? I come to pick you and you're gone. You stood me up."
"You're...ten minutes early."
"So?" Junsu snapped.
"I'm on my way home. I'll be there in five."
"...Oh."
"Yeah."
"I thought..."
"Yeah."
"Your brother..."
"I just went into town to get some things. I'm almost home."
"I'll wait here then."
"Okay." He hung up and Junsu felt like an enormous dick.
About five minutes later Yoochun's mother's car came into the street and parked right behind Junsu. Yoochun got out of the car and into the front seat with Junsu.
"You sounded like you were going to shave kittens again, Jesus," Yoochun said. "Well yeah if you really had stood me up. What was so important you had to go into town for anyway?"
Yoochun opened a little plastic bag he was holding with the drug store's logo on it and pulled a dark blue pack out of it.
"Oh," Junsu said, recognising it even when only half of it was showing from behind. Yoochun got it out of the bag completely and held it up to Junsu's eyes. "Is it important enough for you?" Yoochun asked.
"Someone might see," Junsu said and pushed Yoochun's hand down. He took the pack of condoms, opened it and ripped two out. He stuck them in his back pocket and put the pack in the glove compartment.
"Your dad is going to find it," Yoochun warned.
"I'll take it out tonight," Junsu said. "You just have to remind me."
Going out for them was getting a pizza and wolfing it down in the car, followed by a make out session and a very frustrating drive to whoever's house was closest to seal the deal.
Tonight they sat in the parking lot of the beach looking out over the ocean, while they ate their ice creams. They sat next to each other on the hood of the car. It was cold and they were bound to eat some sand with their ice cream because the wind wasn't gentle. Still they sat there, making a comment now and then, but mostly, they just sat there.
"You look nice tonight," Yoochun suddenly said. "Is that a new shirt?"
"It's Junho's," Junsu quickly explained.
"It looks nice on you."
"Thanks. He said I looked like a fag and went 'oh wait' and laughed his ass off. He's so stupid sometimes."
"He was just messing with you," Yoochun said. "Jealous you look better in his clothes."
Junsu laughed. "I was just trying my best. I really really don't want us to be apart, Rabbit. I love you. I really really love you."
Yoochun hummed around his popsicle. "I hope it's true," he finally said. "I hope you won't find someone else you like in a few months and shove me aside like an old soccer ball."
"You're a perfect and amazing soccer ball. I would never want a new one."
"You weren't thinking that a month ago."
"I regret it. I hate that we're like this now, so awkward and weird. I just want to kiss you and touch you and call you Rabbit without you frowning at me like that."
"It's a stupid name," Yoochun muttered.
"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?"
"The point is that you didn't care before." Yoochun turned and looked at him. He broke off a piece of the popsicle with his teeth, let it fall back into his mouth and leaned in. The kiss was ice cold and lemon flavoured. Yoochun pushed the piece of ice into Junsu's mouth with his tongue and Junsu pushed it back, they continued like that until the whole thing had melted and their lips felt numb from the cold ice.
"It's a bit early for a summer kiss, isn't it?" Junsu asked softly. "Not complaining, of course."
"We can kiss however the hell we want, whenever the hell we want," Yoochun said a bit hoarsely.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really," he said and pressed his icy lips against Junsu's adam's apple and onto his lips again.
Junsu's popsicle fell out of his hand and he took the opportunity to unzip Yoochun's hoodie. He bent down and pressed his lips against his boyfriend's chest, right where his heart was. He didn't say the words but the way Yoochun looked at him was enough to tell him he knew. And it was okay.
They laid there, fully clothed, on their sides, facing each other, engaged in a liplock for some time now. It was innocent. Just lips. The kiss on the hood of thr car had been more heated and even the kiss on Yoochun's doorstep was more exciting.
Yoochun hummed softly before pulling back. "I'm thirsty," he said and sat up straight. "I'll be back in a second." He left and Junsu heard him rush down the stairs. Junsu rolled onto his back and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't know what to do. Yoochun was kissing him, he was talking to him but it still felt like there was this large wall in between them that kept them from really connecting like they used to.
Yoochun came back with two cans of coke and put them on the nightstand. He climbed back onto the bed, leaning against the headboard.
"You never told me why you skipped school," Junsu said.
"Why do you think?"
"I thought it was because of what happened but you said-"
"I say a lot of things. Of course it was because of you. Its always been you."
Junsu reached up and gently grazed his fingers over the light yellow bruise on Yoochun's cheek. "And how did you fall?"
"Drunk," Yoochun shrugged. "Came home really late one night and tried to climb the stairs with my drunken face."
Junsu pushed himself up and pressed a soft kiss on the bruise
"How many times are you going to do that?" Yoochun chuckled.
"Until it's gone," Junsu said and kissed it again, and again and again until Yoochun started leaning away and they fell onto their sides, laughing. Junsu's lips were still latched to Yoochun's cheek and Yoochun's hands had found their way to Junsu's waist.
"We're going to fall off," Yoochun laughed. "Stay still."
"Does it still hurt?" Junsu asked, planning on slobbering more kisses on him if the answer was yes.
"No, it's fine. Your spit made it all better."
"Healing spit."
Yoochun hummed in agreement and. pressed a kiss onto Junsu's lips again.
Junsu's shirt had crawled up in their tussle and left a patch of naked skin right above the back of his jeans. Yoochun rested his warm hand on his skin, pushing his sweater even higher. The kiss deepened and for a few seconds it felt like they had never been apart. His sweater was lying on the floor not long after, Yoochun's hoodie with it.
They sat there, Junsu in Yoochun's lap wearing identical tanktops. Junsu remembered the day they had bought them. It wasn't too long ago, just a few months. Shopping wasn't a thing Junsu liked doing but at that time he was in desperate need for new underwear since all his tanks had rips in them and all his boxers were basically falling apart. Yoochun had gone out and bought them for him. A stack of white shirts, tanks, socks and boxers.
He knew it was the brand Yoochun always wore, and it wasn't the first time they wore the same underwear, but sitting there after so long, like nothing had changed, a million things went through him. Including his blood rushing to dick.
He shivered as he felt an erection coming up. He remember the condoms in his back pocket when Yoochun's hand slid in it. Their lips still connected, breaths heavy. He felt a hard squeeze in his ass and moaned softly into his boyfriend's mouth. Sweet relieve, he thought. He hadn't been able to get off for over a month now, from the moment they broke up. Even jerking off felt wrong, he didn't know why.
His hands traveled to the front of Yoochun's jeans and undid the first button. And the second. They broke apart for a few seconds, panting, heaving.
"I love you." Junsu heard the words, but he wasn't talking. It took him a while to realize those words didn't come from him.
"I love you," Yoochun repeated. "More than anything, Junsu, I love you."
Pairing: Yoosu
Genre: Angst,
Fluff
Length: Oneshot
Rating: R to be safe
Summary: Junsu makes the biggest mistake in his life and he's trying to fix it.
Kiss Away The Pain
"You're never around anymore."
The words were out, sent into the world and all he could do was wait for a reaction, feelings exposed by one simple statement.
"Why do you care?" he retorted. He was flicking pebbles into the sea even though the wind was hard and it was starting to get dark and he could barely see how far they went.
"You'll be held back if you keep skipping classes," Junsu said, ignoring Yoochun's question.
"Why do you care?" Yoochun repeated and Junsu was at a loss of words. He opened his mouth to say something but his mind went blank.
"You don't care," Yoochun continued. "You're forcing yourself to care, but I don't need your pity, Junsu. I don't need anything from you."
"You don't know what I feel," Junsu said. "Don't put word in my mouth, because you don't know, okay."
"Fine." He let the last few pebbles slid through his fingers and onto the cold sand. He buried his hands deep into the pockets of his sweats and turned to look at Junsu for the first time since he got there.
Junsu stopped breathing for a second when he saw the dark purple bruise on Yoochun's cheek and the cut above his eye.
"What happened?" Junsu exhaled and took a step forward.
Yoochun shrugged and pulled the hood of his sweater over his head. He started walking. Junsu followed.
He walked a few feet behind him for a while, and then next to him and then Junsu tried to hold Yoochun's hand but Yoochun shook him off. He tried again and Yoochun pushed him away, into the sand. He kept walking as Junsu got back onto his feet. He didn't say anything and kept following him from a few feet behind.
When they reached the boulevard the sun had set and the street lights had come on. It was Friday evening, the streets were bustling and Junsu was having a hard time keeping up with Yoochun. He wanted to hold onto him, but didn't want to get pushed onto the ground in a busy street.
And then all of a sudden Yoochun turned around. Junsu froze, expecting him to talk, but instead Yoochun passed him and started heading back to where they came from.
"Yoochun," Junsu said and to his surprise he stopped. "Wait for me, please."
"Why?"
"Because...you're never around anymore and we miss you."
"You don't miss me."
"I do."
Yoochun started walking again and Junsu hurried up to walk next to him. "Don't touch me," Yoochun said and Junsu put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
"It's not because we broke up," he continued. "It's not."
"I know," Junsu said quickly. "But still I wish it didn't have to be like this."
"You said we were friends before but we were never friends, Junsu. We were never friends and you know it."
Junsu knew it. They met when they were thirteen, kissed six months later, started experimenting with everything they could come up with not long afterwards. They had been together for close to five years when Junsu got a big crush on their class president and decided he'd try to go for it and broke up with Yoochun.
"But still you can talk to me," Junsu said. "You're hurt and I didn't even know..."
"It's none of your business," Yoochun said. "You have other things to worry about. More important things. More important people."
"He's not more important," Junsu said hoarsly. "I can't take not knowing what's going on with you. And now all of a sudden...you're hurt...and I can't ki- I can't do anything about it."
Junsu had almost said 'kiss away the pain' like they used to say one of them had gotten hurt, whether it was a paper cut or a broken leg.
"You didn't care when you ripped out my heart, so why would you care now? Let me guess, he wasn't interested? Was he straight?"
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?"
"Come back to school," Junsu said. "Just come back so we can graduate next year and we can...we can be friends..."
"Never. I'd rather be stranger than friends."
Junsu closed his eyes for a few seconds, forcing back the tears pricking behind his eyelids like needles.
"Then be my boyfriend again," Junsu sobbed and immediately covered his mouth with his hand.
Yoochun scoffed. "Second choice? No thanks."
"You're not!" Junsu wailed. He couldn't stop. It had been a while and he had tried to repress the feelings, he didn't want to admit he was wrong, that he had hurt Yoochun without it having a good result at the end, but at the end of the day all he can think of is Yoochun, all he can dream of is Yoochun and all he can cry for is Yoochun. "You were never second choice, I was just stupid, please."
"No."
A sob escaped Junsu's throat and he covered his mouth again. He was this close to giving up entirely and collapsing right then and there.
"You did this," Yoochun said. "This is all your fault."
"Don't you think I know that?" Junsu said, his voice quivering. "I know that and I'm sorry, Yoochun. I...I love you so much..."
"Liar."
"I'm not lying!"
"You hate being alone, and you think I'm going to be waiting for you no matter what, right? Well fuck you, Junsu. Really, fuck you."
"You don't love me anymore?" Junsu asked softly taking a step back, knowing there was a chance he'd get hit. "Do you?"
"It's not about me loving you. You clearly didn't love me enough-"
"I do, I do! I love you, Yoochun and if you'd just give a chance... I swear I'll never do something as stupid ever again. I'll prove it. I'll do anything, everything, I'll be waiting in front of your house every morning, I'll walk you home every day, I'll treat you whenever we go out for the rest of our lives, I'll never ask anything from you just please don't...please don't let us bleed to death like this...."
Yoochun's mouth opened but nothing came out for a while. Until finally he asked: "Did you sleep with him? With anyone?"
Junsu stared at him, shocked. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about how sleeping with someone other than Yoochun would be, but he had never dared to try it out, not even after they broke up. "No," he said. "No, of course not."
Yoochun looked away. "I'll think about it."
"I won't ask for more," Junsu quickly said. "Will you be back at school tomorrow?"
"Probably not."
"...Why?"
"That's none of your business. I'll let you know."
"Then tell me how you hurt your face," Junsu said. "Did you get into a fight?"
To his surprise a blush crept up Yoochun's neck and onto his cheeks. "No."
"Did you...fall?"
The red in his face deepened and Junsu knew he was right.
"I'm going home," Yoochun said and turned around.
"Will you call me?" Junsu asked loudly and Yoochun shrugged. "Wait," Junsu said and jogged after him. "Let me walk you home?"
"No," Yoochun said.
Junsu knew it'd be too good to be true if he had said yes, but at least he had tried. "Then can I...you know?"
He knew, Junsu knew he knew. He hesitated though.
"This doesn't mean we're back together," he said.
"I know."
"And no mouth action."
"I wouldn't dare."
"Fine."
Junsu smiled as Yoochun turned to look at him. He got a good view of the bruise on his ex lover's cheek and leaned in. He gently pressed his lips against it before moving up and kissing the cut above his eye. "Here," he said softly. "I kissed away the pain."
"You missed a spot," Yoochun said. Junsu reached out to touch his chest, right where his heart was when Yoochun smacked his hand away. "I'm going home."
They sat across from each other. The study hall was quiet since it was only second period.
“Your bruise looks much better. My kiss must have worked,” Junsu finally said after long awkward minutes of silence.
Yoochun didn't answer. Instead he seemed to be fascinated by his hands, not looking up for a second.
“I called you a few times,” Junsu continued. “I didn't know if you'd be mad but I just wanted to know how you were doing. I'm happy you decided to come to school. Everyone missed you.”
Yoochun didn't say anything or even move for a while until he finally lifted his head.
“I don't know if I want to date you again,” he said. “A few weeks ago the thought of being without you never even crossed my mind. I thought we were everything to each other but clearly you didn't think the same.”
“You're still everything to me, Rabbit, I swear.”
“Don't call me that.”
“Why?” Junsu asked and he sounded as insulted as he was. He he's been calling his boyfriend 'Rabbit' as long as he can remember.
“Because it sounds stupid. No one calls me that.”
“I call you that. I've always called you that and I'll keep calling you that. You're my Rabbit.”
“It's a stupid name.”
“I don't care.”
“Whatever, this isn't about that. What I was saying was that I don't know if I want to be with you again.”
“You do,” Junsu quickly said. “I know you do. The fact that you're hesitating means that you love me right? And I love you and that's all we need.” He reached over and put his hand over Yoochun's warm one. “I swear I won't ever do anything to hurt you ever again.”
Yoochun took his hand back and put them under the table. “I kissed someone. Two weeks ago.”
“You...kissed someone.”
“Yeah.”
“We were...broken up I guess.”
“Aren't you pissed.”
“I... I could honestly shave and kill innocent kittens right now, but I'm afraid you'll get mad if I get mad so I... I don't know. I don't know what to say right now.”
“Shaving innocent kittens is pretty serious.”
“gI'm pretty damn fucking pissed.”
“He wasn't that good of a kisser.”
Junsu sighed loudly and pulled a hand through his hair. He knew it made his hair stand up on all sides but he didn't care. “Just tell me you'll be my boyfriend again,” he said. “Just tell me we can be together again.”
Junsu was chronically nervous at first. Not knowing how to act, not knowing what was okay and what wasn't, not knowing if they could just pick up where they left off. It started feeling ridiculous when they had been together for three days and they still hadn't kissed yet. He made up his mind that things shouldn't be like this and that he should do something about it.
It was Friday afternoon and their date was planned for that evening. Junsu walked Yoochun home and before he left he pressed a kiss onto his lips. It was quick and onesided, but he felt better after he did it.
"Are you sleeping over tonight?" Junsu asked and Yoochun shrugged.
"You should," Junsu added. "It'll be fun."
"We'll see," Yoochun answered and went into his house.
The last three days were awkward, at least when they were alone. When they were with their friends things seemed no different at all. Yoochun seemed happy, he laughed like he always did, he teased like he always did. But when they got together, just the two of them, at the beginning of the dat or at the end of the day, he was quiet and mostly shrugged to anything Junsu asked him.
Junsu rang the doorbell and Yoochun answered, still wearing his coat and shoes. "Did you forget something?"
"Yeah," Junsu said and took a step forward so that the only space between them was the threshold. He leaned in and took Yoochun's lips with his own, longer this time, telling himself he wouldn't pull away until he got a reaction, he was happy to find out Yoochun was sharp. He kissed him back and all of a sudden there was tongue involved and his hands had found their way to Yoochun's hips.
"Oh lord, can you at least take this upstairs," they heard behind them. They broke apart, startled and saw Yoochun's younger brother Yoohwan coming down the stairs at the end of the hallway.
"Get out," Yoochun growled at him and he took off shaking his head.
"Are we done here?" he asked Junsu.
"Hardly," Junsu grinned back at him and managed to steal another peck. "But I guess I'll see you tonight."
Junsu wished Yoochun had watched him leave and called stupid things after him until he reached the end of the street, like he used to do, but instead Yoochun nodded, turned around and closed the door behind him. Maybe tonight, Junsu thought. That kiss sure as hell had made him optimistic.
When he drove up to Yoochun's house in his dad's car a few hours later, he wondered if Yoochun would have dressed up. After five years of being together they barely got all dressed up for each other anymore. If Junsu took the time to shower after his soccer practice that was a whole lot and if Yoochun took the time to comb his hair it must be their anniversary.
Tonight though, tonight Junsu was wearing his best jeans and one of his brother's v-neck sweaters and he had even wiped off his sneakers from all the dirt that had piled up on them through the months.
He got out of the car and walked up to Yoochun's doorstep. He rang the doorbell and Yoohwan answered.
"Oh..." Yoohwan blinked. "/Oh./"
"What?" Junsu asked. "Is Yoochun not ready yet?"
"I don't know how to tell you this, but Yoochun left about an hour ago."
Junsu felt his heart drop in his chest. "Where did he go?"
"I don't know, he just said he was going out."
"Well, thanks," Junsu said. "Bye."
"Bye," Yoohwan said and closed the door. Junsu went back to the car where he had left his phone and the first thing he did was call his boyfriend.
"Hello."
"This is a shitty thing to do, Yoochun. This was your idea and you just leave me hanging? I thought... I thought we were at least going to try..."
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean "what do you mean"? I come to pick you and you're gone. You stood me up."
"You're...ten minutes early."
"So?" Junsu snapped.
"I'm on my way home. I'll be there in five."
"...Oh."
"Yeah."
"I thought..."
"Yeah."
"Your brother..."
"I just went into town to get some things. I'm almost home."
"I'll wait here then."
"Okay." He hung up and Junsu felt like an enormous dick.
About five minutes later Yoochun's mother's car came into the street and parked right behind Junsu. Yoochun got out of the car and into the front seat with Junsu.
"You sounded like you were going to shave kittens again, Jesus," Yoochun said. "Well yeah if you really had stood me up. What was so important you had to go into town for anyway?"
Yoochun opened a little plastic bag he was holding with the drug store's logo on it and pulled a dark blue pack out of it.
"Oh," Junsu said, recognising it even when only half of it was showing from behind. Yoochun got it out of the bag completely and held it up to Junsu's eyes. "Is it important enough for you?" Yoochun asked.
"Someone might see," Junsu said and pushed Yoochun's hand down. He took the pack of condoms, opened it and ripped two out. He stuck them in his back pocket and put the pack in the glove compartment.
"Your dad is going to find it," Yoochun warned.
"I'll take it out tonight," Junsu said. "You just have to remind me."
Going out for them was getting a pizza and wolfing it down in the car, followed by a make out session and a very frustrating drive to whoever's house was closest to seal the deal.
Tonight they sat in the parking lot of the beach looking out over the ocean, while they ate their ice creams. They sat next to each other on the hood of the car. It was cold and they were bound to eat some sand with their ice cream because the wind wasn't gentle. Still they sat there, making a comment now and then, but mostly, they just sat there.
"You look nice tonight," Yoochun suddenly said. "Is that a new shirt?"
"It's Junho's," Junsu quickly explained.
"It looks nice on you."
"Thanks. He said I looked like a fag and went 'oh wait' and laughed his ass off. He's so stupid sometimes."
"He was just messing with you," Yoochun said. "Jealous you look better in his clothes."
Junsu laughed. "I was just trying my best. I really really don't want us to be apart, Rabbit. I love you. I really really love you."
Yoochun hummed around his popsicle. "I hope it's true," he finally said. "I hope you won't find someone else you like in a few months and shove me aside like an old soccer ball."
"You're a perfect and amazing soccer ball. I would never want a new one."
"You weren't thinking that a month ago."
"I regret it. I hate that we're like this now, so awkward and weird. I just want to kiss you and touch you and call you Rabbit without you frowning at me like that."
"It's a stupid name," Yoochun muttered.
"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?"
"The point is that you didn't care before." Yoochun turned and looked at him. He broke off a piece of the popsicle with his teeth, let it fall back into his mouth and leaned in. The kiss was ice cold and lemon flavoured. Yoochun pushed the piece of ice into Junsu's mouth with his tongue and Junsu pushed it back, they continued like that until the whole thing had melted and their lips felt numb from the cold ice.
"It's a bit early for a summer kiss, isn't it?" Junsu asked softly. "Not complaining, of course."
"We can kiss however the hell we want, whenever the hell we want," Yoochun said a bit hoarsely.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really," he said and pressed his icy lips against Junsu's adam's apple and onto his lips again.
Junsu's popsicle fell out of his hand and he took the opportunity to unzip Yoochun's hoodie. He bent down and pressed his lips against his boyfriend's chest, right where his heart was. He didn't say the words but the way Yoochun looked at him was enough to tell him he knew. And it was okay.
They laid there, fully clothed, on their sides, facing each other, engaged in a liplock for some time now. It was innocent. Just lips. The kiss on the hood of thr car had been more heated and even the kiss on Yoochun's doorstep was more exciting.
Yoochun hummed softly before pulling back. "I'm thirsty," he said and sat up straight. "I'll be back in a second." He left and Junsu heard him rush down the stairs. Junsu rolled onto his back and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't know what to do. Yoochun was kissing him, he was talking to him but it still felt like there was this large wall in between them that kept them from really connecting like they used to.
Yoochun came back with two cans of coke and put them on the nightstand. He climbed back onto the bed, leaning against the headboard.
"You never told me why you skipped school," Junsu said.
"Why do you think?"
"I thought it was because of what happened but you said-"
"I say a lot of things. Of course it was because of you. Its always been you."
Junsu reached up and gently grazed his fingers over the light yellow bruise on Yoochun's cheek. "And how did you fall?"
"Drunk," Yoochun shrugged. "Came home really late one night and tried to climb the stairs with my drunken face."
Junsu pushed himself up and pressed a soft kiss on the bruise
"How many times are you going to do that?" Yoochun chuckled.
"Until it's gone," Junsu said and kissed it again, and again and again until Yoochun started leaning away and they fell onto their sides, laughing. Junsu's lips were still latched to Yoochun's cheek and Yoochun's hands had found their way to Junsu's waist.
"We're going to fall off," Yoochun laughed. "Stay still."
"Does it still hurt?" Junsu asked, planning on slobbering more kisses on him if the answer was yes.
"No, it's fine. Your spit made it all better."
"Healing spit."
Yoochun hummed in agreement and. pressed a kiss onto Junsu's lips again.
Junsu's shirt had crawled up in their tussle and left a patch of naked skin right above the back of his jeans. Yoochun rested his warm hand on his skin, pushing his sweater even higher. The kiss deepened and for a few seconds it felt like they had never been apart. His sweater was lying on the floor not long after, Yoochun's hoodie with it.
They sat there, Junsu in Yoochun's lap wearing identical tanktops. Junsu remembered the day they had bought them. It wasn't too long ago, just a few months. Shopping wasn't a thing Junsu liked doing but at that time he was in desperate need for new underwear since all his tanks had rips in them and all his boxers were basically falling apart. Yoochun had gone out and bought them for him. A stack of white shirts, tanks, socks and boxers.
He knew it was the brand Yoochun always wore, and it wasn't the first time they wore the same underwear, but sitting there after so long, like nothing had changed, a million things went through him. Including his blood rushing to dick.
He shivered as he felt an erection coming up. He remember the condoms in his back pocket when Yoochun's hand slid in it. Their lips still connected, breaths heavy. He felt a hard squeeze in his ass and moaned softly into his boyfriend's mouth. Sweet relieve, he thought. He hadn't been able to get off for over a month now, from the moment they broke up. Even jerking off felt wrong, he didn't know why.
His hands traveled to the front of Yoochun's jeans and undid the first button. And the second. They broke apart for a few seconds, panting, heaving.
"I love you." Junsu heard the words, but he wasn't talking. It took him a while to realize those words didn't come from him.
"I love you," Yoochun repeated. "More than anything, Junsu, I love you."