Hitler, Dracula, and You [a Ruby and Crowley friendship fic]
Title: Hitler, Dracula, and You
Series: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Ruby, Crowley (mentions of Sam/Ruby)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 874
Spoilers: Takes place during season 3, but spoilers up to 5.10
Summary: Ruby and Crowley watch the history channel together.
Author's note: I'm not a writer by any means, but the concept of Ruby & Crowley being friends hit me after last night's episode and I just had to sit down and make it happen. Thanks to my lovely beta mad_teagirl, to whom this fic is dedicated to. <3
Ruby liked to crash at Crowley's mansion whenever life trailing the Winchesters wasn't going the way she wanted. They'd been friends for a long time, often cohabitating with each other. Some of her favourite years on Earth were when they shared a flat together in London during the 1960's.
Sometimes years would go by without them seeing each other, but when you've lived as long as the two of them have, years didn't really matter. She was comfortable with him. Honestly, he was probably the only demon she had met that she didn't outright dislike. She had respect for the guy. In fact, she pretty much adored him. Crowley was her platonic soul mate. And sure, their souls were all corrupted with fire and brimstone and the like, but they still cared about each other. It was nice to have someone she could actually call her friend.
"I brought you In-and-Out." She kissed him on the cheek and set down two grease-soaked bags.
"You lovely thing. I knew you were my favorite for a reason."
She quirked her eyebrow at him and straightened up, "I though I was your favourite because I always pick the meat-suits with the best hair and you respect a demon with refined taste?"
"Actually, you are my favourite because no one else enjoys taking advantage of humanity as much as you and I do."
"If only everyone else would stop focusing on the bigger picture and learn from us. Lucifer, the apocalypse, where’s the fun in that? Just give me fries and the occasional hilarious bloodshed and I'm good."
"Speaking of those focused on the bigger picture, how goes it with the youngest Winchester? Still threatening to shoot you in the neck, or has he finally fallen for your irresistible charm?"
"Sam Winchester has more issues than any man I've ever met, and that includes all those I've had the pleasure of meeting in the seven levels of hell."
"And yet you keep trying to win him over." He poured Ruby a drink and handed it to her.
"I can't help it. He’s like a stray dog locked in the pound, all sad brown eyes and eager to please. And all I want to do is sign the adoption papers and take him home."
"I suppose I can't blame you. I've seen the bloke from afar, and let me tell you, I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed. Nice, broad shoulders."
"I really love those shoulders." She threw her head back in frustration.
"Well, if he ever does wise up, you’re welcome to bring those gorgeous shoulders and the rest of the package over so I can meet the golden boy personally," Crowley paused, and then gave Ruby a pointed look, "As long as he promises not to shoot me in the face, of course."
"Of course," She plopped down on the sofa next to him. "What are you watching? Oh, Nazis. That's cheerful."
"It's the history channel. I like the history channel. It's reliable."
"Uh huh." She gave him a look.
"The thing with the History Channel is I can always trust it to bring me Hitler 95% of the time. The other 5% is usually filled with specials on the history of sexuality or, if you're very lucky, with the rare exception of a program tracing Dracula's family tree. Which, by the way, just happens to be next."
"Dracula, huh?" Ruby flashed him a grin, "I suppose there's also the appeal that we lived though most of the stuff these programs are about, so there's the potential to yell at the TV when they get facts wrong. We'll get to feel all superior that way, and feeling superior is always fun."
"Except we can't do that tonight because neither of us ever met Dracula."
"Or Hitler."
"I met Hitler."
"You did?"
"Doubt he'd remember me though."
Ruby laughed and then turned her attention to one of the fast-food bags. She pulled out an obscene amount of french fries and then proceeded to hand the remaining contents to Crowley, "So what’s new in the world of crossroads and deals? Anything for me to worry about?"
"Well there was this little business transaction with a rather big fish that was supposed to take place tonight, but I think I'm going to let one of the ladies handle it. I'm suddenly feeling like a bit of a vegetation night on the couch, what with Hitler and Dracula and you here to enjoy them with me." He beamed at her.
"Crowley, Crowley, Crowley," she propped her legs up on the coffee table "Why can't all demons be as fabulous as you and I?"
"Because if they were, the amount of people signing up for eternity in hell would be astronomical. Everything would become way too crowded, and I hate crowds. Besides," he slipped an arm around her shoulders, "I like the exclusive club of just you and me."
"Me too," Ruby laid her head against his shoulder, "I like to think the masses are jealous of us."
"They are, doll face. They are." Crowley kissed the top of her head and then picked up his glass to have another drink.
And while you're here, please check out some of the other fandom-y things I've worked on:
more fanfics + more things supernatural
Series: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Ruby, Crowley (mentions of Sam/Ruby)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 874
Spoilers: Takes place during season 3, but spoilers up to 5.10
Summary: Ruby and Crowley watch the history channel together.
Author's note: I'm not a writer by any means, but the concept of Ruby & Crowley being friends hit me after last night's episode and I just had to sit down and make it happen. Thanks to my lovely beta mad_teagirl, to whom this fic is dedicated to. <3
Ruby liked to crash at Crowley's mansion whenever life trailing the Winchesters wasn't going the way she wanted. They'd been friends for a long time, often cohabitating with each other. Some of her favourite years on Earth were when they shared a flat together in London during the 1960's.
Sometimes years would go by without them seeing each other, but when you've lived as long as the two of them have, years didn't really matter. She was comfortable with him. Honestly, he was probably the only demon she had met that she didn't outright dislike. She had respect for the guy. In fact, she pretty much adored him. Crowley was her platonic soul mate. And sure, their souls were all corrupted with fire and brimstone and the like, but they still cared about each other. It was nice to have someone she could actually call her friend.
"I brought you In-and-Out." She kissed him on the cheek and set down two grease-soaked bags.
"You lovely thing. I knew you were my favorite for a reason."
She quirked her eyebrow at him and straightened up, "I though I was your favourite because I always pick the meat-suits with the best hair and you respect a demon with refined taste?"
"Actually, you are my favourite because no one else enjoys taking advantage of humanity as much as you and I do."
"If only everyone else would stop focusing on the bigger picture and learn from us. Lucifer, the apocalypse, where’s the fun in that? Just give me fries and the occasional hilarious bloodshed and I'm good."
"Speaking of those focused on the bigger picture, how goes it with the youngest Winchester? Still threatening to shoot you in the neck, or has he finally fallen for your irresistible charm?"
"Sam Winchester has more issues than any man I've ever met, and that includes all those I've had the pleasure of meeting in the seven levels of hell."
"And yet you keep trying to win him over." He poured Ruby a drink and handed it to her.
"I can't help it. He’s like a stray dog locked in the pound, all sad brown eyes and eager to please. And all I want to do is sign the adoption papers and take him home."
"I suppose I can't blame you. I've seen the bloke from afar, and let me tell you, I certainly wouldn't kick him out of bed. Nice, broad shoulders."
"I really love those shoulders." She threw her head back in frustration.
"Well, if he ever does wise up, you’re welcome to bring those gorgeous shoulders and the rest of the package over so I can meet the golden boy personally," Crowley paused, and then gave Ruby a pointed look, "As long as he promises not to shoot me in the face, of course."
"Of course," She plopped down on the sofa next to him. "What are you watching? Oh, Nazis. That's cheerful."
"It's the history channel. I like the history channel. It's reliable."
"Uh huh." She gave him a look.
"The thing with the History Channel is I can always trust it to bring me Hitler 95% of the time. The other 5% is usually filled with specials on the history of sexuality or, if you're very lucky, with the rare exception of a program tracing Dracula's family tree. Which, by the way, just happens to be next."
"Dracula, huh?" Ruby flashed him a grin, "I suppose there's also the appeal that we lived though most of the stuff these programs are about, so there's the potential to yell at the TV when they get facts wrong. We'll get to feel all superior that way, and feeling superior is always fun."
"Except we can't do that tonight because neither of us ever met Dracula."
"Or Hitler."
"I met Hitler."
"You did?"
"Doubt he'd remember me though."
Ruby laughed and then turned her attention to one of the fast-food bags. She pulled out an obscene amount of french fries and then proceeded to hand the remaining contents to Crowley, "So what’s new in the world of crossroads and deals? Anything for me to worry about?"
"Well there was this little business transaction with a rather big fish that was supposed to take place tonight, but I think I'm going to let one of the ladies handle it. I'm suddenly feeling like a bit of a vegetation night on the couch, what with Hitler and Dracula and you here to enjoy them with me." He beamed at her.
"Crowley, Crowley, Crowley," she propped her legs up on the coffee table "Why can't all demons be as fabulous as you and I?"
"Because if they were, the amount of people signing up for eternity in hell would be astronomical. Everything would become way too crowded, and I hate crowds. Besides," he slipped an arm around her shoulders, "I like the exclusive club of just you and me."
"Me too," Ruby laid her head against his shoulder, "I like to think the masses are jealous of us."
"They are, doll face. They are." Crowley kissed the top of her head and then picked up his glass to have another drink.
And while you're here, please check out some of the other fandom-y things I've worked on:
more fanfics + more things supernatural