This has been brewing for a while now

[stratospherique]

An Essayrant on Putting All Your Personality Eggs in One Basket

Comments

[minaloush]

You never came back to girl with The Boyfriend?

[stratospherique]

Girl with the Boyfriend is going to get another post, which will largely be about my thoughts on boyfriends and the girls I know whose entire lives revolve them. Hers has a happier ending, though, eventually, because it is not an ending but a *glitter* NEW BEGINNING *glitter*.

[swear_jar]

Man, I am not good enough at anything to solely define myself by it. Dodged that bullet, ha. I really agree with you, though. Especially that people who define themselves so intensely by ONE thing tend to be pretty fucking boring.

That said: Blaire now is married to her first and only real boyfriend and works at a tire shop. She dropped out of college entirely.

That doesn't read like a tragic ending to me.

[stratospherique]

I left out a lot about her- from the day I met her in freshman year, her goal had been to get out of our town, go to medical school, and have a career. When I say she was a better student than I ever was, I mean it- I wanted good grades but I was fuckdamn lazy and slid along on being clever. She studied and worked hard and took honors classes and advanced maths and special tests and entered competitions so she could build up her applications. She didn't want to end up like her mom, married to the first guy who came along, working an hourly job for the rest of her life. She wanted to do big things and help people, even if it was just help them have straight teeth. She worked really really really hard at science and math, interned, did everything she could, and then met this guy who was selling vacuums out of the trunk of his car. She dropped out to live at his mom's place.

That's why it's sad, to me at least.

[swear_jar]

Ahhh, okay, yeah, that makes it sound a fuck of a lot worse. D:

[stratospherique]

Also people who define themselves by one thing aren't necessarily very good at that one thing XD It just sort of means they put far too much emphasis on that one thing to the exclusion of other things, and may like the Idea of the Thing rather than the execution (flippant example- i like the Idea of being A Model but I have absolutely no illusions as to my abilities to be A Model). I THINK YOU ARE AWESOME AND GOOD AT MANY THINGS. SO THERE. HI IT IS 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND I AM LOSING TRACK OF MY BRAINS.

[howifall]

I liked reading this, i was nodding along all the time and it helped put into words some of the things i'd been feeling on the issue. So y'know nice one!

[stratospherique]

\o/ It's been bothering me a lot lately, as Del can tell you. I think it's because I'm starting to form proper adult friendships for the first time in my life, and so there are people who are starting to sort of stand out as not necessarily holding me back but as people who aren't moving forward at a similar pace.

GLAD YOU LIKED.

[minaloush]

yes, I liked it too, despite my wordy defense of having odd hair and ways in which that it, while it shouldn't be your identity, may not hold you back from Reaching Your Potential or somesuch.

good god, it's early. i must sleep now.

but yes. adulthood on your own terms. yay!

[apiphile]

I think it's kind of a part of becoming and adult, figuring out that what makes you yourself isn't as readily-identifiable as a specific brand of hair dye, or as constrictive as only wearing clothes from Hollister. ;)

ok, er, yes...in my own long winded opinion (partially: a defense of quirky hair color)

[minaloush]

So, yes, I think the last paragraph is maybe particularly about a bandom/fandom thing I don't know the specifics of....though I believe a good general rule for those things in real life is, "whoa, take a step back." I'm not particularly fan-oriented in that way, I can obsess about things on the internet, but honestly, it mostly ends there for me

Re: ok, er, yes...in my own long winded opinion (partially: a defense of quirky hair color)

[minaloush]

part the second because I'm a verbose motherfucker

Re: ok, er, yes...in my own long winded opinion (partially: a defense of quirky hair color)

[stratospherique]

Okay if you took that as saying "people with funky hair are inherently unprofessional" that's my mistake for oversimplifying. I don't think that at all. My point was that in some situations, for some people, in this case two in particular, their self-worth and identity was SO TIED UP in how they looked, that they would not consider changing their hair color. These aren't people I have pre-judged based on their hair. If you've been successful with non-traditional hair that's fantastic. I had blue hair for a while, and short hair and hair that was five different lengths. However, at a certain point in my field and career path, I did have to make a decision- professionalism or scene hair. I want knuckle tattoos; I have come to terms with the fact that if I want to get the jobs I really want, they would probably be a reason for me to get passed over. The point is, I am comfortable enough with other aspects of my personality to say that despite growing my hair out a bit and not faux-hawking it or spiking it or putting purple streaks in, I

[apiphile]

I write papers. I read. I bake. I cook. I knit and sew. I go to shows. I wear dresses and heels when I feel like it, and jeans and trainers when I feel like it. I sing semi-professionally. I watch terrible television with my roommate and cheesy movies with my mother. I dance like an idiot and flirt like a failure.

You also have an absolute belief that whatever you do is okay and not self-contradictory, which is what I think a lot of the people you're talking about lack. I remember being 17 or so and beig convinced that now I'd embraced goth, everything I did, liked, wanted, or cared about had to fall into a pre-defined category, and it took bloody years to go "actually, I can like whatever the hell I want". Sexyladyfriend, I don't know if she doesn't have the imagination or if she's just very insecure, but you're right - it's frustrating and frequently depressing.

Basing your lifestyle and personality on people who don’t know you exist is incredibly unhealthy, and honestly really sad. Being incapable of flexibility because your

[stratospherique]

Yup. It shouldn't be *easy* to define yourself in ten words or less. Either "me" is definition enough or you should need a goddamn book for it. :)

STOP SUMMING UP MY RANTS BETTER THAN I CAN XD <3

[apiphile]

Don't tell me to stop, you bell-end, one day I'll be writing blurbs for your best-selling art history books. :P

[stratospherique]

Good point \o/