For muse_shuffle - January Disc One
Track 05. Don't give me that bullshit,
you know who I am
[‘One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces’ - Ben Folds Five]
Co-written with agentfraser
[Follows THIS]
Harri stayed where she was, one hand braced against the sliding door as she tried to work out if it was easier to bolt, or to try and get some answers. "What the fuck am I doing here?! I'm here to give you a fucking surprise, but I guess it's mutual. Who are you?"
Marc just stared at her at first and then soon closed his eyes, which he realised were totally different to what she was used to looking into. It was reactionary as he exhaled sharply and put his hand over his mouth. He was too numb to speak immediately. He couldn't be confident he would open his mouth without throwing up. Was this punishment for breaking his cover with Ali? How the fuck had she gotten into his room?! He finally held up his hand to her, whether is was to shield himself or call a truce he couldn't be sure. "Harri, it would be best if you just go. Walk out of here and forget all about crossing my path," he warned quietly, not even bothering with the British accent.
"Walk out?" Harri stared at him, anger swiftly rising to the surface as she stepped out onto the balcony, not caring that she had on only a slip. This was LA, it wasn't exactly cold. She gazed steadily into the blue eyes she didn't recognise. "Walk out," she repeated, and bared her teeth at him. "I'm supposed to just bloody forget someone I've just spent weeks fighting to keep and get to know?" She shoved him roughly in the chest and turned her back on him as she stalked back over to the sliding door and pressed her forehead against it. "This isn't fair... this is so not fucking fair."
"Fucking hell!" Marc snapped, but he was angry at himself more than her. "I've been warning you for fucking weeks! Trying to get you to just keep your distance! You don't know me, Harri! No matter how much you think you have been trying to! You know someone I've been letting you know and nothing more! The person you know doesn't exist!"
For the first time in what had seemed like years, Harri could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She felt so utterly betrayed, and so pissed off that the only way she could express it was to cry. She couldn't even think up an argument because there was no comeback. Marc was right. Aiden had been right. Harri was wrong. Very, very wrong and now she didn't have a single piece of ground to stand on. She pressed her fingertips against the glass before her hand formed a claw and she dragged it down, watching as her fingernails didn't even make a scratch. Nothing was supposed to scratch glass. Just like nothing was supposed to ever get to Harri. But this did.
Marc did.
"And you're really not going to let me know the person who does exist? I'll be a risk, right? A gamble you can't afford to take because whatever the fuck you do is far too important." Harri pressed her lips together as she gave a nod. "Of course it is. And you're right. You were always right. I'm just a very fucking stupid bitch who's been wasting your time."
This was Izzy all over again and Marc felt the most painful slice of déjà vu cut through him that it almost knocked him off-balance. He was still hurting from confronting Ali and now this. He hadn't meant to get these sorts of feelings for Harri. She was just supposed to be a bit of fun and if it was ever more than that, he was supposed to have been able to fucking pull it off as Marcus Fraser and not have everything end up in a big steaming pile of shit around him. He had fucking failed! Twice. Once by choice because he was weak and once because he hadn't been on the ball. "I never pegged you as one to be so damn self-loathing," he finally said, shaking his head. "Or self-sacrificial."
He pushed his hands through his hair and started pacing back and forth across the balcony. "My name's not Marcus Fraser. At least, it is now, but it wasn't. I'm not British and I don't own some fucking drug technology company. About the only truth I have told you is the fact I'm diabetic."
Harri snorted. "The only truth, huh? Thank you ever so much for at least sharing one truth. You weren't trying to do me a favour by pushing me away. You were doing yourself one. It must be so hard to pretend to like someone." She turned around to press her back against the glass, tempted to sink down to the floor but she stayed standing. "And it's funny how self-loathing and self-sacrificial I can be when I'm not prepared for something. When I'm not prepared for someone. I never factored you in, love. I understimated just how deeply you'd burrowed under my skin. Although I guess it wasn't really you doing the burrowing, was it?"
Marc's eyes searched her face but he kept his distance. "I can't trust you, Harri. I can't trust anyone. If I tell you anymore, you could ruin more than you would ever realise in the blink of an eye. It's safer that you don't know any more. This past week I risked a whole lot more than I ever should and I was a fucking selfish bastard. I don't want you being dragged into that. You were never supposed to get this close."
"But I am close?" she asked, latching onto the one thing that had oxygen flowing back into her lungs. Suddenly things didn't seem so apocolyptic. Harri pushed off the glass and started to close the distance between them. She moved slowly, watching him closely to see if he'd try and run.
"Harri..." Marc mumbled with a shake of his head. "You don't get it. This can't..." He stopped, letting his shoulders slump as he looked down at his bare feet. "You can't possibly have feelings for someone you don't know. Without telling you everything, this can't work. You're better to just walk away and forget about it all."
She ignored his words, and reached up to brush her fingers down the side of his face. There was really only one truth she cared about right now. If this was something that wouldn't work with Marc--or whatever his real name was--right now, then she'd walk away. She leaned in to press her lips to his, drawing him into a kiss.
Marc started to kiss her back but he soon struggled out of it with a small frustrated growl. He caught her wrists gently in his hands, holding her just away from him so he could search her eyes. "This is not Romeo and Juliet, Harri. I'm not kidding here. It's not even about playing with fire or taking risks. It's my status. I'm here for a reason," he insisted. "How can I get you to see all this? Why can't you just walk away?" he pleaded helplessly with her.
"I bloody well hope it's not Romeo and Juliet. I'm not about kill myself for you, no matter how great your arse is. I'm assuming that is your real arse?" Harri arched an eyebrow, and sneered. "Thank you for thinking so little of my intelligence, by the way. And I can't walk away because you're better than anything else I'm going to find out there. I don't want to settle for something beneath me."
"I'm not what you've been led to believe!" Marc cried in frustration, throwing his hands up. "I'm not beneath you, I'm not above you. Fuck, I'm not even in the same universe as you. I'm here to do a job. I thought we were just going to be a bit of fun. That's what I do. All this? Harri, this is all lies! Fabrication, all of it!"
"All of it." The words fell flat as she repeated them, still wondering why Marc didn't seem to get it. Didn't seem to understand. She pulled out of his hold and pushed her hands through her hair. "You're really not as good at faking things as you let yourself believe. If you want me to leave, fine. I will. I hope you and your lies are very happy together. I hope they keep you warm at night."
Marc's eyes narrowed slightly. "I had you fooled," he reminded her quietly. She had his cover blown anyway. Ali knew about him. It was either all going to blow up in his face or he could risk trusting them both to retain what they knew. All he could do was hope it would be the latter. He had no control over the former any more. "I'm a Special Agent with the FBI. My real name is James Campbell and I used to be a field agent with the FBI Headquarters in New York. Two years ago, I was recruited by the Secret Service. I had months ahead of me to be trained to transition into the Service undercover and a couple of months ago, I faked my own death in Australia and became Marcus Fraser, leaving behind my family and everything important in my life. I'm an undercover Secret Service Agent investigating in a taskforce targeting financial fraud operating alongside a high class international drug ring. I'm investigating business officials linked to the government, which is why I was placed in the driver's seat at Promantech which supplies equipment for public hospitals. I know nothing about fucking medical or drug technologies. I studied Forensic Psychology and Science at college and I've been in the FBI from day one. I was made the Deputy of my department right before I left for Australia. I took the job with the SS for personal reasons that I won't get into. They aren't important. What's important is this is not a world you want to be caught in, Harri. I have to trust you not to tell anyone what I've just told you here now and I have to ask you to walk away and forget any of it happened."
Harri looked down at her bare feet, not wanting to meet the blue eyes that she now loved even more than Marc's brown eyes. James Campbell, Secret Service Agent. James, Marc, whoever the hell he was, had created a hole in Harri's heart that she didn't think anyone would be able to repair. All she did was nod before she lifted her head up and straightened her back. She still didn't look at him as she turned to go, already making her way back through the main room to collect her shoes and dress. This time she would take his advice. She couldn't even go to Aiden to cry about it because that would mean betraying Marc's trust. And if nothing else, she wanted to prove that she was at least worthy of that.
--
Words:
you know who I am
[‘One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces’ - Ben Folds Five]
Co-written with agentfraser
[Follows THIS]
Harri stayed where she was, one hand braced against the sliding door as she tried to work out if it was easier to bolt, or to try and get some answers. "What the fuck am I doing here?! I'm here to give you a fucking surprise, but I guess it's mutual. Who are you?"
Marc just stared at her at first and then soon closed his eyes, which he realised were totally different to what she was used to looking into. It was reactionary as he exhaled sharply and put his hand over his mouth. He was too numb to speak immediately. He couldn't be confident he would open his mouth without throwing up. Was this punishment for breaking his cover with Ali? How the fuck had she gotten into his room?! He finally held up his hand to her, whether is was to shield himself or call a truce he couldn't be sure. "Harri, it would be best if you just go. Walk out of here and forget all about crossing my path," he warned quietly, not even bothering with the British accent.
"Walk out?" Harri stared at him, anger swiftly rising to the surface as she stepped out onto the balcony, not caring that she had on only a slip. This was LA, it wasn't exactly cold. She gazed steadily into the blue eyes she didn't recognise. "Walk out," she repeated, and bared her teeth at him. "I'm supposed to just bloody forget someone I've just spent weeks fighting to keep and get to know?" She shoved him roughly in the chest and turned her back on him as she stalked back over to the sliding door and pressed her forehead against it. "This isn't fair... this is so not fucking fair."
"Fucking hell!" Marc snapped, but he was angry at himself more than her. "I've been warning you for fucking weeks! Trying to get you to just keep your distance! You don't know me, Harri! No matter how much you think you have been trying to! You know someone I've been letting you know and nothing more! The person you know doesn't exist!"
For the first time in what had seemed like years, Harri could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She felt so utterly betrayed, and so pissed off that the only way she could express it was to cry. She couldn't even think up an argument because there was no comeback. Marc was right. Aiden had been right. Harri was wrong. Very, very wrong and now she didn't have a single piece of ground to stand on. She pressed her fingertips against the glass before her hand formed a claw and she dragged it down, watching as her fingernails didn't even make a scratch. Nothing was supposed to scratch glass. Just like nothing was supposed to ever get to Harri. But this did.
Marc did.
"And you're really not going to let me know the person who does exist? I'll be a risk, right? A gamble you can't afford to take because whatever the fuck you do is far too important." Harri pressed her lips together as she gave a nod. "Of course it is. And you're right. You were always right. I'm just a very fucking stupid bitch who's been wasting your time."
This was Izzy all over again and Marc felt the most painful slice of déjà vu cut through him that it almost knocked him off-balance. He was still hurting from confronting Ali and now this. He hadn't meant to get these sorts of feelings for Harri. She was just supposed to be a bit of fun and if it was ever more than that, he was supposed to have been able to fucking pull it off as Marcus Fraser and not have everything end up in a big steaming pile of shit around him. He had fucking failed! Twice. Once by choice because he was weak and once because he hadn't been on the ball. "I never pegged you as one to be so damn self-loathing," he finally said, shaking his head. "Or self-sacrificial."
He pushed his hands through his hair and started pacing back and forth across the balcony. "My name's not Marcus Fraser. At least, it is now, but it wasn't. I'm not British and I don't own some fucking drug technology company. About the only truth I have told you is the fact I'm diabetic."
Harri snorted. "The only truth, huh? Thank you ever so much for at least sharing one truth. You weren't trying to do me a favour by pushing me away. You were doing yourself one. It must be so hard to pretend to like someone." She turned around to press her back against the glass, tempted to sink down to the floor but she stayed standing. "And it's funny how self-loathing and self-sacrificial I can be when I'm not prepared for something. When I'm not prepared for someone. I never factored you in, love. I understimated just how deeply you'd burrowed under my skin. Although I guess it wasn't really you doing the burrowing, was it?"
Marc's eyes searched her face but he kept his distance. "I can't trust you, Harri. I can't trust anyone. If I tell you anymore, you could ruin more than you would ever realise in the blink of an eye. It's safer that you don't know any more. This past week I risked a whole lot more than I ever should and I was a fucking selfish bastard. I don't want you being dragged into that. You were never supposed to get this close."
"But I am close?" she asked, latching onto the one thing that had oxygen flowing back into her lungs. Suddenly things didn't seem so apocolyptic. Harri pushed off the glass and started to close the distance between them. She moved slowly, watching him closely to see if he'd try and run.
"Harri..." Marc mumbled with a shake of his head. "You don't get it. This can't..." He stopped, letting his shoulders slump as he looked down at his bare feet. "You can't possibly have feelings for someone you don't know. Without telling you everything, this can't work. You're better to just walk away and forget about it all."
She ignored his words, and reached up to brush her fingers down the side of his face. There was really only one truth she cared about right now. If this was something that wouldn't work with Marc--or whatever his real name was--right now, then she'd walk away. She leaned in to press her lips to his, drawing him into a kiss.
Marc started to kiss her back but he soon struggled out of it with a small frustrated growl. He caught her wrists gently in his hands, holding her just away from him so he could search her eyes. "This is not Romeo and Juliet, Harri. I'm not kidding here. It's not even about playing with fire or taking risks. It's my status. I'm here for a reason," he insisted. "How can I get you to see all this? Why can't you just walk away?" he pleaded helplessly with her.
"I bloody well hope it's not Romeo and Juliet. I'm not about kill myself for you, no matter how great your arse is. I'm assuming that is your real arse?" Harri arched an eyebrow, and sneered. "Thank you for thinking so little of my intelligence, by the way. And I can't walk away because you're better than anything else I'm going to find out there. I don't want to settle for something beneath me."
"I'm not what you've been led to believe!" Marc cried in frustration, throwing his hands up. "I'm not beneath you, I'm not above you. Fuck, I'm not even in the same universe as you. I'm here to do a job. I thought we were just going to be a bit of fun. That's what I do. All this? Harri, this is all lies! Fabrication, all of it!"
"All of it." The words fell flat as she repeated them, still wondering why Marc didn't seem to get it. Didn't seem to understand. She pulled out of his hold and pushed her hands through her hair. "You're really not as good at faking things as you let yourself believe. If you want me to leave, fine. I will. I hope you and your lies are very happy together. I hope they keep you warm at night."
Marc's eyes narrowed slightly. "I had you fooled," he reminded her quietly. She had his cover blown anyway. Ali knew about him. It was either all going to blow up in his face or he could risk trusting them both to retain what they knew. All he could do was hope it would be the latter. He had no control over the former any more. "I'm a Special Agent with the FBI. My real name is James Campbell and I used to be a field agent with the FBI Headquarters in New York. Two years ago, I was recruited by the Secret Service. I had months ahead of me to be trained to transition into the Service undercover and a couple of months ago, I faked my own death in Australia and became Marcus Fraser, leaving behind my family and everything important in my life. I'm an undercover Secret Service Agent investigating in a taskforce targeting financial fraud operating alongside a high class international drug ring. I'm investigating business officials linked to the government, which is why I was placed in the driver's seat at Promantech which supplies equipment for public hospitals. I know nothing about fucking medical or drug technologies. I studied Forensic Psychology and Science at college and I've been in the FBI from day one. I was made the Deputy of my department right before I left for Australia. I took the job with the SS for personal reasons that I won't get into. They aren't important. What's important is this is not a world you want to be caught in, Harri. I have to trust you not to tell anyone what I've just told you here now and I have to ask you to walk away and forget any of it happened."
Harri looked down at her bare feet, not wanting to meet the blue eyes that she now loved even more than Marc's brown eyes. James Campbell, Secret Service Agent. James, Marc, whoever the hell he was, had created a hole in Harri's heart that she didn't think anyone would be able to repair. All she did was nod before she lifted her head up and straightened her back. She still didn't look at him as she turned to go, already making her way back through the main room to collect her shoes and dress. This time she would take his advice. She couldn't even go to Aiden to cry about it because that would mean betraying Marc's trust. And if nothing else, she wanted to prove that she was at least worthy of that.
--
Words: