For just_1_word - 14.10 Ruin
Co-written with mrpublicity | Relates to THIS and THIS
Harri didn't go back to the conference. She didn't even go back to her hotel room. She made a call to her assistant to get her things packed up and brought back to New York, pleading family emergency. It didn't matter that most knew she had nothing to do with her family. She couldn't think of what else to say. The lies tasted like ash in her mouth, but they were necessary. She caught the first flight she could find back to New York, the wait in the airport spent staring into space as she held a cold cup of coffee in her hand. No thoughts ran through her mind, and if they did, she just couldn't hear them. She couldn't focus on anything except the cold, dead space in the middle of her chest.
She didn't go home, she didn't even think to. There was only one place that Harri wanted to go and only one person Harri wanted to see. She had no idea what time it was, just that it was dark and New York was lit up by streetlights and neon signs advertising beer, food, and sex. Harri couldn't even manage a smile. Funny how those three things were so prevalent in advertising, and how none of them appealed to her right now.
She let herself into Aiden's building, the two best friends having exchanged keys long ago. It was only when she reached his apartment door that she knocked. She had come out of her sleepwalk enough to realise that her cheeks were still damp with tears, and the sobs racked her body. Harri could only guess how long she'd been crying for. And she didn't want to guess how long the tears would take to stop. Aiden would fix it. He had to fix it.
It didn't particularly matter what time it was. Aiden had spent the whole day trying to sleep off a Tequila-induced hangover after Luke successfully managed to get him blind drunk the previous day. They had partaken in some male bonding, Aiden was sure of it. He just couldn't remember a single minute of it. The knock had him throwing himself blindly out of bed and running into the wall beside the en suite. Luckily he had mind to think rationally for a moment in his haste to realise he was starkers. He fumbled into a pair of Pat's purple and pink pyjamas pants (inside out and back to front) and then hurried to his apartment door. His ceiling to floor windows in his living room told him it was dark. Fuck, had he really slept for nearly twenty four hours? He unhooked the chained and pulled the door open, squinting through his bleary eyes to try and see who it was. He blinked and pushed his hand through his sleep-messed hair. "Harri? What are you... why... aren't you in LA?" he asked hoarsely.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you..." Harri's own voice was hoarse, but not from sleep. She didn't think she could sleep. She looked over Aiden, her eyes stopping at the interesting pyjama pants. The corner of her lips tugged up into something resembling a smile. Then the tears started again and she cursed loudly as she covered her face with her hands.
Aiden stared at her in shock for a moment and then drew her into a hug. "I'm going to kill him," he said without hesitation. "I'm going to kill him and hang his balls on my rear-view mirror for a souvenir. Then I'm going to kill him all over again. Twice."
Harri let Aiden hold her, too exhausted to even fight the hug. She couldn't even fight the bloody tears. There was a reason she didn't cry, and now she was remembering why. It was messy and it was weak. "Don't. Please..." She was going to try and say it wasn't Marc's fault, but in a way it was. As much as she loved Aiden and his guard dog act, it just reminded her that she would never be able to tell him the truth about why she was hurting. "I just want to forget about him. I need to forget about him."
"What did he do to you? Harri, what's going on?" Aiden pleaded, leading her into his apartment. "Two days ago I was worrying you were going to start buying bridal magazines and I hadn't even met the bastard yet! What did he do to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she replied quietly. And she didn't. She really didn't. "Can't we just leave it at you being right, and him being right and me making a very bad decision?"
Aiden looked like he wanted to say something. A lot of somethings, in fact. Instead he just stared at her silently. "Alright," he said quietly. "Whatever you want."
Harri wiped at her eyes and stayed close to Aiden. "I'm sorry, love. I'd talk if I could. And I don't want to lie to you. I've had enough of lies." She pulled Aiden into another hug and hid her face against his neck. "Can I stay here?"
"I'm sorry, Harri, but that doesn't make me feel any better about this. You turn up here like this and then roadblock me." Aiden sighed, shaking his head a little. "You already are lying to me. Whatever it is, I hope the fucking was worth it. You know you can stay whenever you like. Pat's still in Princeton."
Harri lifted her head to look at Aiden, pain etched into her features. She didn't know how she was supposed to tell Aiden what he wanted to know, and still keep Marc's secret. The blue eyes that belonged to James Campbell flashed in front of her mind's eye and a shudder rolled through her body. "He wasn't who I thought he was. That's all. I shouldn't have been so fucking blind, but I thought I was onto a good thing. It hurts, Aiden. Everything fucking hurts and I don't know how to make it stop. Is Pat okay? I didn't even ask..."
"Yet you're still protecting him," Aiden pointed out. "Sorry if I'm not connecting all these dots here. What are the chances the cops are going to show up on my door step in a week's time telling me they found your body at the bottom of a lake strapped to a concrete cast?" He waved his hand. "It doesn't matter. Pat's where he needs to be."
"Very, very low. I'm not going to get murdered, and there won't be any cops. He didn't do anything wrong but be someone I decided to fall for. It was just the wrong someone." As long as she kept her mouth shut. Plus she had a feeling that if Marc really did choose to get rid of her, there would be no body. Weren't the Secret Service good at the whole disappearing act thing? "How are you, then? Apart from frustrated with your annoyingly vague BFF?"
Aiden glanced at her and exhaled slowly, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "This isn't vague, Harri. It's hurtful," he told her. "But it doesn't matter. You don't want to talk about it, we won't talk about it. I won't mention it again. I'm alright. Luke was around yesterday. He got me drunk, which seemed to be his day's goal."
Harri kissed Aiden's cheek, and let out a heavy sigh. She would owe him for this. She would have to make it up to him somehow. Maybe one day she'd tell him. One day when she thought there was enough distance between her and Marcus Fraser. "No wonder you looked so asleep. Did he have a reason for wanting you drunk?"
"Besides the fact I was close to breaking into a passionate rendition of 'All By Myself' at any point?" Aiden murmured, scratching his stomach. "I think Pat and I are going to have to go back to the distance thing. I'm going to tell him to stay in Princeton. No wait, that was my reason. Luke just wanted to make up for me not drinking on my thirtieth."
She raised an eyebrow. "You don't want him to move in, or it's to do with the new baby?"
"Of course I want him to move in. This is breaking my damn heart, but so is knowing what I'm asking him to leave. That baby..." Aiden paused and glanced at her. "Pat was going to help out, so to speak, if Lachlan couldn't father children. He was going to help them have a kid because he wanted to help them so badly. Gay guys, you know, we never know if we'll have kids of our own. It's nice to see our friends living the dream. His friends are going through all these happy life changes and Pat feels like he missed the boat."
"I told you to rent out my uterus if you needed it. We don't even have to fuck the old fashioned way. Do whatever you want to do. If I'm going to get pregnant for anyone, it'll be you two. I'll probably never have kids of my own. I'd rather see you with a family."
Aiden smiled softly at her with a tiny nod. "Yeah, I know, and I love you for it. I don't know how Pat would feel thinking about it now, though. He won't plan too far into the future because he doesn't know how he will be. He won't even let me plan holidays too far in advance. He's given up his job and was planning to give up everything else to come here to live with me so we could be together. I can just see now that it can't be a positive thing bringing him out of his comfort zone to a new city, new apartment, away from everything in Princeton when his health is at a low... as much as I want to take the next step with him."
Harri looked at him. "So why not move to Princeton?"
"Everything's here..." Aiden said quietly. "My job is still here. I'd have to commute. I've thought about it, I guess, but I don't know..."
Harri took Aiden's hand tightly in hers. "I'd miss you like hell, but I'd understand. Luke's already there. Plus there's this thing called the internet now, and also these new fangled inventions they're calling 'telephones'. An office can be anywhere. You don't always have to be here in person."
Aiden shook his head and cleared his throat softly. "We're supposed to be talking about you here, even if you're stonewalling me."
Harri shifted on the sofa and kicked off her shoes. "I just need to forget him. He told me to forget him. I don't know him, you were right. I didn't know anything about him. He was just looking for a bit of fun, and I pushed my luck too far."
"Why can't you tell me?" Aiden asked quietly. "I wouldn't tell anyone. And you're going to say I would tell Pat, but I wouldn't. Even Pat has secrets he hasn't shared with me."
The tears built up in Harri's eyes again, and the tall blonde brought her knees up under her chin. She wasn't used to wanting to feel so small. She also wasn't used to not being able to tell Aiden anything. "Because I made a promise. And because I shouldn't even know this truth."
Aiden just shook his head. "I don't understand. I guess I'm never going to," he said in defeat.
"He's in the Secret Service," Harri whispered. She wasn't even sure she'd said anything until she realised her heart had started beating faster and she couldn't breathe. She was too scared that somehow Marc would know she'd said something when she was trying so hard to give him the one thing he actually asked her for--trust.
Aiden's head turned sharply and he stared at her right before giving a small bark of a laugh in disbelief. "Yeah, I'm James Bond."
"No, not James Bond." James Campbell, but she didn't correct him. "He used to be FBI. He faked his own death."
The laugh died on Aiden's lips and he gaped at her. "Y-You're serious..." He shook his head, trying to clear it so he could at least make an attempt to understand. "Why the hell did he tell you that? Why would he? I mean that in the nicest way, but why would he? The SS is hardly flipping burgers at McDonalds!"
"He didn't tell me by choice. He told me because I tried to surprise him with a booty call and found him out on his balcony talking business. With an Australian accent and blue eyes. Not a British one and brown eyes." Harri covered her face as she tried to hide. What the fuck was she supposed to do now?
Aiden continued to stare, frozen still as if it took more effort to move and make his mind work all of a sudden. "Is it going to be like the movies? Does he have to kill you now?" he asked, feeling really inadequate all of a sudden. "Isn't the chick Luke's cousin is seeing FBI or something like that?"
"No, he just has to trust I won't say anything." Harri snorted as she rest her forehead in her hand. "Guess I did pretty well to last this long with my mouth shut. And I don't know, I don't know the cousin. I can't really remember, but maybe."
Aiden's forehead creased into a frown and his nose screwed up like he had a bad taste in his mouth. "What the fuck, Harri? Why the fuck can't he still fuck you? You aren't good enough for him? That fucking bastard! I'm going to kill him!" he growled.
"I got too close," she said, her voice starting to crack again. Fuck, she hated this. She hated how small and broken she felt right now. "Aiden..." She was too tired to tell him not to kill Marc. Who knows, maybe it would be better that way. Certainly a lot easier to forget him.
"Where does he work?" Aiden asked seriously. "Not his fancy SS Agent, his persona. What's the name of his company? Where is his building? I want the address. I'm going to talk to him."
"Promantech. I'll write the address down later. Right now... I just want to sleep." And hide, and cry and maybe get drunk.
Aiden was still frowning. "Do I call the cops for an armoured guard tonight?"
"No." She was already lying down, legs stretched out as she rest her head in Aiden's lap. "He won't do anything. He wants nothing to do with me."
"How do you know that?" Aiden asked pointedly. "How can you trust anything that has come out of his mouth?"
"Because for the first time in weeks, he's told me the truth. You should have seen his face, love. You'd know it was true."
Aiden's face just hardened a little bit more, his lips tight so he didn't say something he would regret. He just nodded with a small huffed breath. Everything felt like it was all about to hit the proverbial shit fan.
Harri fell silent, the tears still streaming down her cheeks even as she closed her eyes. She just wanted to forget everything. Aiden was supposed to fix things and make her safe, take the fucking hurt away. Now she'd just hurt him as well.
Words: 2588 | All muses referenced with permission
Harri didn't go back to the conference. She didn't even go back to her hotel room. She made a call to her assistant to get her things packed up and brought back to New York, pleading family emergency. It didn't matter that most knew she had nothing to do with her family. She couldn't think of what else to say. The lies tasted like ash in her mouth, but they were necessary. She caught the first flight she could find back to New York, the wait in the airport spent staring into space as she held a cold cup of coffee in her hand. No thoughts ran through her mind, and if they did, she just couldn't hear them. She couldn't focus on anything except the cold, dead space in the middle of her chest.
She didn't go home, she didn't even think to. There was only one place that Harri wanted to go and only one person Harri wanted to see. She had no idea what time it was, just that it was dark and New York was lit up by streetlights and neon signs advertising beer, food, and sex. Harri couldn't even manage a smile. Funny how those three things were so prevalent in advertising, and how none of them appealed to her right now.
She let herself into Aiden's building, the two best friends having exchanged keys long ago. It was only when she reached his apartment door that she knocked. She had come out of her sleepwalk enough to realise that her cheeks were still damp with tears, and the sobs racked her body. Harri could only guess how long she'd been crying for. And she didn't want to guess how long the tears would take to stop. Aiden would fix it. He had to fix it.
It didn't particularly matter what time it was. Aiden had spent the whole day trying to sleep off a Tequila-induced hangover after Luke successfully managed to get him blind drunk the previous day. They had partaken in some male bonding, Aiden was sure of it. He just couldn't remember a single minute of it. The knock had him throwing himself blindly out of bed and running into the wall beside the en suite. Luckily he had mind to think rationally for a moment in his haste to realise he was starkers. He fumbled into a pair of Pat's purple and pink pyjamas pants (inside out and back to front) and then hurried to his apartment door. His ceiling to floor windows in his living room told him it was dark. Fuck, had he really slept for nearly twenty four hours? He unhooked the chained and pulled the door open, squinting through his bleary eyes to try and see who it was. He blinked and pushed his hand through his sleep-messed hair. "Harri? What are you... why... aren't you in LA?" he asked hoarsely.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you..." Harri's own voice was hoarse, but not from sleep. She didn't think she could sleep. She looked over Aiden, her eyes stopping at the interesting pyjama pants. The corner of her lips tugged up into something resembling a smile. Then the tears started again and she cursed loudly as she covered her face with her hands.
Aiden stared at her in shock for a moment and then drew her into a hug. "I'm going to kill him," he said without hesitation. "I'm going to kill him and hang his balls on my rear-view mirror for a souvenir. Then I'm going to kill him all over again. Twice."
Harri let Aiden hold her, too exhausted to even fight the hug. She couldn't even fight the bloody tears. There was a reason she didn't cry, and now she was remembering why. It was messy and it was weak. "Don't. Please..." She was going to try and say it wasn't Marc's fault, but in a way it was. As much as she loved Aiden and his guard dog act, it just reminded her that she would never be able to tell him the truth about why she was hurting. "I just want to forget about him. I need to forget about him."
"What did he do to you? Harri, what's going on?" Aiden pleaded, leading her into his apartment. "Two days ago I was worrying you were going to start buying bridal magazines and I hadn't even met the bastard yet! What did he do to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she replied quietly. And she didn't. She really didn't. "Can't we just leave it at you being right, and him being right and me making a very bad decision?"
Aiden looked like he wanted to say something. A lot of somethings, in fact. Instead he just stared at her silently. "Alright," he said quietly. "Whatever you want."
Harri wiped at her eyes and stayed close to Aiden. "I'm sorry, love. I'd talk if I could. And I don't want to lie to you. I've had enough of lies." She pulled Aiden into another hug and hid her face against his neck. "Can I stay here?"
"I'm sorry, Harri, but that doesn't make me feel any better about this. You turn up here like this and then roadblock me." Aiden sighed, shaking his head a little. "You already are lying to me. Whatever it is, I hope the fucking was worth it. You know you can stay whenever you like. Pat's still in Princeton."
Harri lifted her head to look at Aiden, pain etched into her features. She didn't know how she was supposed to tell Aiden what he wanted to know, and still keep Marc's secret. The blue eyes that belonged to James Campbell flashed in front of her mind's eye and a shudder rolled through her body. "He wasn't who I thought he was. That's all. I shouldn't have been so fucking blind, but I thought I was onto a good thing. It hurts, Aiden. Everything fucking hurts and I don't know how to make it stop. Is Pat okay? I didn't even ask..."
"Yet you're still protecting him," Aiden pointed out. "Sorry if I'm not connecting all these dots here. What are the chances the cops are going to show up on my door step in a week's time telling me they found your body at the bottom of a lake strapped to a concrete cast?" He waved his hand. "It doesn't matter. Pat's where he needs to be."
"Very, very low. I'm not going to get murdered, and there won't be any cops. He didn't do anything wrong but be someone I decided to fall for. It was just the wrong someone." As long as she kept her mouth shut. Plus she had a feeling that if Marc really did choose to get rid of her, there would be no body. Weren't the Secret Service good at the whole disappearing act thing? "How are you, then? Apart from frustrated with your annoyingly vague BFF?"
Aiden glanced at her and exhaled slowly, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "This isn't vague, Harri. It's hurtful," he told her. "But it doesn't matter. You don't want to talk about it, we won't talk about it. I won't mention it again. I'm alright. Luke was around yesterday. He got me drunk, which seemed to be his day's goal."
Harri kissed Aiden's cheek, and let out a heavy sigh. She would owe him for this. She would have to make it up to him somehow. Maybe one day she'd tell him. One day when she thought there was enough distance between her and Marcus Fraser. "No wonder you looked so asleep. Did he have a reason for wanting you drunk?"
"Besides the fact I was close to breaking into a passionate rendition of 'All By Myself' at any point?" Aiden murmured, scratching his stomach. "I think Pat and I are going to have to go back to the distance thing. I'm going to tell him to stay in Princeton. No wait, that was my reason. Luke just wanted to make up for me not drinking on my thirtieth."
She raised an eyebrow. "You don't want him to move in, or it's to do with the new baby?"
"Of course I want him to move in. This is breaking my damn heart, but so is knowing what I'm asking him to leave. That baby..." Aiden paused and glanced at her. "Pat was going to help out, so to speak, if Lachlan couldn't father children. He was going to help them have a kid because he wanted to help them so badly. Gay guys, you know, we never know if we'll have kids of our own. It's nice to see our friends living the dream. His friends are going through all these happy life changes and Pat feels like he missed the boat."
"I told you to rent out my uterus if you needed it. We don't even have to fuck the old fashioned way. Do whatever you want to do. If I'm going to get pregnant for anyone, it'll be you two. I'll probably never have kids of my own. I'd rather see you with a family."
Aiden smiled softly at her with a tiny nod. "Yeah, I know, and I love you for it. I don't know how Pat would feel thinking about it now, though. He won't plan too far into the future because he doesn't know how he will be. He won't even let me plan holidays too far in advance. He's given up his job and was planning to give up everything else to come here to live with me so we could be together. I can just see now that it can't be a positive thing bringing him out of his comfort zone to a new city, new apartment, away from everything in Princeton when his health is at a low... as much as I want to take the next step with him."
Harri looked at him. "So why not move to Princeton?"
"Everything's here..." Aiden said quietly. "My job is still here. I'd have to commute. I've thought about it, I guess, but I don't know..."
Harri took Aiden's hand tightly in hers. "I'd miss you like hell, but I'd understand. Luke's already there. Plus there's this thing called the internet now, and also these new fangled inventions they're calling 'telephones'. An office can be anywhere. You don't always have to be here in person."
Aiden shook his head and cleared his throat softly. "We're supposed to be talking about you here, even if you're stonewalling me."
Harri shifted on the sofa and kicked off her shoes. "I just need to forget him. He told me to forget him. I don't know him, you were right. I didn't know anything about him. He was just looking for a bit of fun, and I pushed my luck too far."
"Why can't you tell me?" Aiden asked quietly. "I wouldn't tell anyone. And you're going to say I would tell Pat, but I wouldn't. Even Pat has secrets he hasn't shared with me."
The tears built up in Harri's eyes again, and the tall blonde brought her knees up under her chin. She wasn't used to wanting to feel so small. She also wasn't used to not being able to tell Aiden anything. "Because I made a promise. And because I shouldn't even know this truth."
Aiden just shook his head. "I don't understand. I guess I'm never going to," he said in defeat.
"He's in the Secret Service," Harri whispered. She wasn't even sure she'd said anything until she realised her heart had started beating faster and she couldn't breathe. She was too scared that somehow Marc would know she'd said something when she was trying so hard to give him the one thing he actually asked her for--trust.
Aiden's head turned sharply and he stared at her right before giving a small bark of a laugh in disbelief. "Yeah, I'm James Bond."
"No, not James Bond." James Campbell, but she didn't correct him. "He used to be FBI. He faked his own death."
The laugh died on Aiden's lips and he gaped at her. "Y-You're serious..." He shook his head, trying to clear it so he could at least make an attempt to understand. "Why the hell did he tell you that? Why would he? I mean that in the nicest way, but why would he? The SS is hardly flipping burgers at McDonalds!"
"He didn't tell me by choice. He told me because I tried to surprise him with a booty call and found him out on his balcony talking business. With an Australian accent and blue eyes. Not a British one and brown eyes." Harri covered her face as she tried to hide. What the fuck was she supposed to do now?
Aiden continued to stare, frozen still as if it took more effort to move and make his mind work all of a sudden. "Is it going to be like the movies? Does he have to kill you now?" he asked, feeling really inadequate all of a sudden. "Isn't the chick Luke's cousin is seeing FBI or something like that?"
"No, he just has to trust I won't say anything." Harri snorted as she rest her forehead in her hand. "Guess I did pretty well to last this long with my mouth shut. And I don't know, I don't know the cousin. I can't really remember, but maybe."
Aiden's forehead creased into a frown and his nose screwed up like he had a bad taste in his mouth. "What the fuck, Harri? Why the fuck can't he still fuck you? You aren't good enough for him? That fucking bastard! I'm going to kill him!" he growled.
"I got too close," she said, her voice starting to crack again. Fuck, she hated this. She hated how small and broken she felt right now. "Aiden..." She was too tired to tell him not to kill Marc. Who knows, maybe it would be better that way. Certainly a lot easier to forget him.
"Where does he work?" Aiden asked seriously. "Not his fancy SS Agent, his persona. What's the name of his company? Where is his building? I want the address. I'm going to talk to him."
"Promantech. I'll write the address down later. Right now... I just want to sleep." And hide, and cry and maybe get drunk.
Aiden was still frowning. "Do I call the cops for an armoured guard tonight?"
"No." She was already lying down, legs stretched out as she rest her head in Aiden's lap. "He won't do anything. He wants nothing to do with me."
"How do you know that?" Aiden asked pointedly. "How can you trust anything that has come out of his mouth?"
"Because for the first time in weeks, he's told me the truth. You should have seen his face, love. You'd know it was true."
Aiden's face just hardened a little bit more, his lips tight so he didn't say something he would regret. He just nodded with a small huffed breath. Everything felt like it was all about to hit the proverbial shit fan.
Harri fell silent, the tears still streaming down her cheeks even as she closed her eyes. She just wanted to forget everything. Aiden was supposed to fix things and make her safe, take the fucking hurt away. Now she'd just hurt him as well.
Words: 2588 | All muses referenced with permission