Haven't seen or spoken to her in more than a month. After I deleted her from my f-list and MySpace, she sort of got the hint. Gawds... I miss her sometimes, though.

This should be a good thing, though!

If she can't be good to herself - if she can't leave the drugs and alcohol alone, she definitely can't be MY friend.

I've GOT to stop bending over backwards to accomodate her.

The loneliness is eating away at my stomache.

Directing The Vagina Monologues.
Job hunting....
Drinking an absurd amount of coffee.
finding t-mobile hot spots
Learning egyptian belly-dancing

All I wanted to hear was: "I made a mess of this. I'm sorry. Can we start over?"

What I heard was: "I'm clumsy."

This is over. I just need to start fresh. Re-focus on what I want instead of chasing what I thought I wanted.

FUCK.

Being a grown up is hard.

In Sacramento this weekend visiting a very good friend - trying to break the rut of my life. This is certainly one way. New town, new people. It's been raining and gross all day, but I got my hair cut and it looks awesome. A new Jessi will return to Vegas on Monday night....

I've been talking with a new gay boi who I met at the bar. He's adorable. But he's moving home to WY and last night was the last time I'll get to see him - since I'll be visiting my actual fag in Sacramento next weekend ( Read more... )

It's been 2 weeks since I last posted - according to LJ's handy main page. UGH. not like much has changed since then. I've cut the time I spend with HER into pieces. It's been 2 weeks now, and we're still talking on the phone and texting, but not much more than that. Somehow my sanity is returning, but I will see her tomorrow night at that ( Read more... )

Finding ways of avoiding the bar. Creative things to do that don't involve her. Watching lots of Star Trek on DVD, lol. Reading - and finding that I really enjoy losing myself in books the way I did as a child. Tonight I'm skipping my bike ride for the first time since the new year. After I get in from hanging out with Brian, I'm going to do ( Read more... )

At 25 years of age, it seems nearly unreal that I am still living at home, having yet ANOTHER Christmas with my family. It feels like I should have moved onto my own family and my own traditions by this point in my life. I am so sick of being alone ( Read more... )