Comments | stopthat_destro: [156] ~CONTEMPLATION~ // Voice.

stopthat_destro

[156] ~CONTEMPLATION~ // Voice.

Aug 08, 2011 13:05

At what point can you turn your back on your crimes? When they become absorbed into "the past" and aren't a matter for public circulation anymore? I don't mean "how long does it take for the entire Barge to forget a crime so I don't have to actually seek forgiveness." What I mean is. [He pauses, trying to articulate his thoughts more precisely, ( Read more... )

curiosity, totally innocent, omnom hypocrisy, not happy.

Comments 129

ourlastbesthope August 8 2011, 18:17:07 UTC

I don't know if you can turn your back on anything you've done. But the point of the barge is not to forget and move on. It's to take those mistakes and realize why they were mistakes, other than "you got caught." And then keep going.

stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 18:21:27 UTC

But that's what I'm talking about. I didn't say I wanted it forgotten so I could do it all over again. I want to know when we earn the right to move beyond our mistakes without having our noses rubbed in it like nothing we do after matters.

ourlastbesthope August 8 2011, 18:26:10 UTC

Well, I'd think that you'd have it now. But being on the barge means that you have to face the people you've wronged, who still have feelings about it. Assuming you're talking about crimes committed here, though. [Wait.] Is that what you're referring to?

That's a problem I don't know the answer to. [Seconding that ~emotions are hard.~]

stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 18:42:35 UTC

Either, really. The latter's more likely to be an issue, since most everything else is confidential.

Mm. I guess it's just human nature.

Thread 36

buywithme August 8 2011, 19:03:54 UTC

I think there comes a point where you need to take other people's judgments in your stride, and... take it upon yourself to change for your own sake, no matter what anyone else says or things. I would like to think that there is a point when people will get past it, Comrade, but that's their responsibility, not yours, and it doesn't take away your ability to change.

stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 19:14:42 UTC

You're right, it doesn't. It's just... frustrating. Does it even stop once you graduate?

Private lifeafterhope August 8 2011, 19:27:42 UTC

Do you want to abandon the person you were?

Private stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 19:37:09 UTC

It's unavoidable at this point. He's as dead as the man I was before him.

Private lifeafterhope August 8 2011, 20:51:01 UTC

Are you in the habit of dying so often?

Private stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 20:56:26 UTC

Not by choice.

Thread 26

emptyyourself August 8 2011, 19:48:42 UTC

You can't simply abandon the person you were. It will linger with you, as it should, as a reminder of what you must never be again.

It is a matter of persistence, of proving yourself to others that you are capable of good. The more terrible the deeds of your past, the longer it takes to convince those around you of the changes you see in yourself.

stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 19:56:37 UTC

I understand the necessity of proving myself to the people I hurt. I would expect the same, myself. It's the people I didn't. Why do I have to prove myself to them? What right do they have to treat me like a freak when I'm trying to do right already?

emptyyourself August 8 2011, 19:59:48 UTC

Because people function as a society, and it is to society that you must prove yourself. They fear that your past actions might be repeated towards them. The onus is upon you to prove they won't.

And in some cases, it may well be you cannot. There will always be a select few who think the absolute worst of you. The choices you have made will always impact you in that respect.

stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 20:51:23 UTC

The Barge barely functions as a society. [Buuuut he sees your point.]

Has that been your experience? Even after becoming a warden?

Thread 17

championoftime August 8 2011, 22:12:46 UTC

I agree with what's been said before. They'll always follow you. People might even fear you for them, and make your progress difficult.

But it is something you do for the people you care about and yourself. Not for them.

Private stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 22:41:00 UTC

I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it, Doctor. I know people will always expect me to be a monster, just like they did back home.

Private championoftime August 8 2011, 22:42:41 UTC

Who was it that said something to you?

Private stopthat_destro August 8 2011, 22:51:11 UTC

It doesn't matter. It was a minor issue, and we... resolved it.

But there are people running around telling newcomers that I can control minds. [Exaggerating, since he only knows of it happening with Sirius.] From there, it doesn't matter how... 'nicely' or professionally I present myself. The damage is done. Because of pathetic, small-minded gossip.

Thread 17