Fic: Fate 3/3 (Cara/Kahlan, NC-17)
Title: Fate (3/3)
Author: stopstartstall
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~6100
Summary: When Zedd casts the Spell of Undoing it throws them back to the day Cara should have been taken by the Mord’Sith. AU from that point on.
Previous: Part One, Part Two.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get this up, I was having major writer's block.
Kahlan’s trail was easy enough to follow. She’d headed east along the main road to Galea; they’d received word that the Seeker had been seen in the woods there a few days before. Cara laid a hand on her sword hilt and marched on through the night.
***
Kahlan was met by a wall of noise when she entered the tavern. It was crowded, and no one noticed a lone traveller seeking shelter from the cold. She kept her hood up and tried to remain unnoticed as her eyes swept the bar until they settled on the skinny old man in Wizard’s robes. It had to be him. She swallowed her excitement and tapped him on the shoulder, “Excuse me?”
He spun round at once. His mouth fell open in shock, “Kahlan?”
Kahlan faltered for a moment. How does he know my name? He quickly spoke again, “Er - you must be Dennee’s sister. She’s told me a lot about you.”
Kahlan nodded and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face at the mention of her sister’s name, “You’re Wizard Zorander?”
“Oh please my dear, call me Zedd,” his eyes bored into her as though she was an old friend he hadn’t seen in a long time and he was trying to catalogue every change. Kahlan found it disconcerting and had to look away.
She couldn’t help thinking the Wizard seemed a little odd. She pushed the thought away guiltily, “Zedd, then. Can you take me to my sister?”
***
“Kahlan?” Dennee’s voice was as shocked as Kahlan had ever heard it. She launched herself across the clearing and enveloped her sister in a warm hug, “I thought you were dead!” Dennee examined her closely then laughed and hugged her again.
“The Resistance found me and nursed me back to health.” Kahlan grinned and pulled back, still holding Dennee’s hands, “You found the Seeker!”
Dennee gestured towards the young man sitting by the fire, “This is Richard Cypher. Richard, this is my sister, Kahlan.”
Richard smiled politely, “Nice to meet you.” Zedd positively beamed at them from the other side of the fire. Kahlan found the Wizard’s odd behaviour easier to ignore now she was back with her sister. There was something about the way the Wizard looked at her that Kahlan found unsettling, and now he was looking at her and Richard in the same way. She took a step away from the Seeker self-consciously.
Dennee took Kahlan’s pack and dropped it with their things before settling on the floor near Richard. Kahlan sat down next to her, taking care to avoid sitting opposite Zedd. Dennee was the first to speak, “You say the Resistance found you?”
Kahlan nodded, “A woman named Cara Mason.” She was interrupted by a choking sound Zedd’s side of the fire. The Wizard had gone deathly pale.
They all turned to look at him but when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to say anything Richard chuckled, “Remember to chew your food, Zedd.” He rolled his eyes conspiratorially at the sisters and Kahlan saw Dennee hide a smile behind her hand. She and Richard were obviously close, but she supposed travelling with someone for months in such close quarters would do that.
Zedd muttered something unintelligible and Richard and Dennee shared another grin before Dennee turned back to Kahlan, “So this Cara found you?”
Kahlan picked up the thread of her story again, “I was nearly dead but she took me to a healer. I stayed with her while I recovered.”
“I’ll have to thank her,” Dennee smiled again, “For keeping my sister safe.”
***
“You said a woman found you?” Dennee and Richard had gone into town to fetch supplies and left Kahlan alone with the Wizard. He’d bustled around the camp trying to find things to do but Kahlan knew he was building up to asking her something. A Confessor could always tell.
“Her name is Cara,” Kahlan felt the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth when she mentioned her name.
“Cara Mason?” Zedd spoke slowly and carefully, as though he was trying to get to the bottom of a particularly difficult puzzle. “She’s part of the Resistance?”
Kahlan nodded, “She found me and took me to her village healer, and then let me stay with her while I got better.”
Zedd smiled and spoke to himself quietly, “Well, well, well. Cara Mason is a Resistance fighter.” He saw Kahlan’s confused expression and raised his voice, “I-I ...knew Cara once, years ago. Tell me, what’s she like now?”
Kahlan thought Zedd wasn’t quite telling the truth, though it was hard to tell with a Wizard. She watched him carefully but his face was the picture of innocence, and he obviously cared about Cara so she let the suspicion drift away and went on, “She’s... Cara. She’s strong and fearless, the leader of the Resistance in her village.” Her eyes went far away, and a smile danced on her lips when she continued, “She doesn’t talk all that much if she can help it but her eyes say everything she can’t. Her eyes are beautiful.” She paused and blushed, coming back to herself suddenly, “And she helps people. I wouldn’t be standing here now if it wasn’t for her.”
Zedd was looking at her oddly, and she blushed a little more. “Kahlan, what exactly -“
They were interrupted by Dennee and Richard returning and Zedd turned away from her quickly, apparently eager to drop the subject. Kahlan stared after him for a moment and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She watched as Richard said something that made Dennee laugh and poke him in the ribs with her elbow. Richard pretended to look hurt and headed for Zedd, leaving the two sisters alone. When Richard reached him Zedd said something to him and then glanced over in Kahlan’s direction, and looked away quickly so they wouldn’t see her watching them. She wondered if the Wizard was telling Richard what she’d said and felt her uneasy feeling grow.
Dennee handed Kahlan some of the supplies she carried bundled in her arms, pulling her attention back from the Richard and Zedd. “I bought you a travelling dress and some little things you were missing. You’ll need them now you’re travelling with us.”
Kahlan stared at the things her sister had given her and swallowed hard. She didn’t know how to tell Dennee she wasn’t staying. She felt like a coward as she whispered, “Thank you.”
***
Kahlan stared into the depths of the fire, unable to sleep. She was thinking of Dennee and wondering how to explain that she had to leave again so soon. How could she explain Cara? She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly, still thinking. She didn’t know what she was going to do. She had to go back. She had promised, and more than that, she wanted to. She had to tell Dennee.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Richard sitting down next to her. She glanced at him and then looked away quickly, unsure what to say. He spoke instead, “Couldn’t sleep?”
She shook her head. “Too many thoughts.”
Richard smiled sympathetically as he stoked the fire, “Want to talk about it?”
She did, despite the fact that she hardly knew him. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Kahlan was grateful he didn’t ask again or hurry her into telling him what was wrong. It was that that made up her mind for her. “I’m not staying and I don’t know how to tell Dennee.”
Richard let this sink in. Finally he spoke, “She’ll understand.” He met her eyes and smiled, “Eventually. She might be angry at first but it won’t last.”
Kahlan lowered her head onto her knees and stared into the fire again, “It would if she knew why I was going.”
Richard looked at her quizzically, “You’re going back to help the Resistance aren’t you? Why wouldn’t she understand that?”
“Because it’s not just the Resistance I’m going back for. There’s someone waiting for me.”
Richard grinned again, “But that’s wonderful! Why wouldn’t she be happy for you?”
Kahlan wondered how much Dennee had told this boy from Westland about Confessors. Not enough evidently. “Confessors don’t have people waiting for them,” she looked away, feeling tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “You don’t understand.”
Richard stood, sensing she didn’t want to talk anymore. He turned away and then stopped, his back to her, “Talk to your sister. She loves you. I can’t think of any reason why she wouldn’t want you to be happy.”
***
Cara stepped carefully over the forest floor so as not to make a sound. She’d received directions to the area where the Seeker had made camp from a man in the local tavern and then she’d rolled her eyes and made a note to tell the Seeker to be more careful in the future. Their lives depended on it after all.
She saw the dying embers of a fire through the trees and moved closer to get a better view. Her eyes settled on Kahlan asleep by the fire and she grinned fiercely, trying to ignore the way her heart leapt at the sight of the Confessor.
Cara felt the blade at her back before the other woman spoke. She turned around slowly and raised her hands to show she was unarmed.
“Who are you?” It could have only been Kahlan’s sister. She was fair where Kahlan was dark but there was enough of a resemblance between them for Cara to make the connection.
“I’m not here to hurt anyone,” Cara spread her hands wider. “I’m a friend of Kahlan’s.”
Dennee looked sceptical in the shadows. She gestured with her dagger for Cara to move closer to the fire. Cara did so, taking in the old man still asleep and the younger man - the Seeker - coming awake and reaching for his sword. She tried to smile in what she hoped was a disarming manner. “My name is -“
“Cara?” Kahlan climbed to her feet and made a beeline for her across the clearing. Dennee, sensing the danger had been averted, sheathed her dagger and stepped away though she still watched Cara closely, as though she might attack them at any minute.
Kahlan took a step forward and then halted, apparently unsure how to greet Cara with her sister watching. She settled for taking Cara’s hands in her own, “What are you doing here?”
Cara glanced sideways at the still listening Seeker and Confessor and turned away from them slightly, pulling Kahlan with her. “I got tired of waiting. Now I don’t have to.”
Kahlan’s eyes softened and a smile spread over her face. She turned back to her sister, “This is the woman who found me and helped me get better. Cara, this is my sister, Dennee, and the Seeker, Richard Cypher.”
Cara nodded politely at Dennee and grasped the Seeker’s forearm when he offered it, “Any member of the Resistance is a friend of mine.” He yawned and swung his arms to stretch them. “I think it’s my watch.”
Dennee nodded, “Close enough.” She yawned and headed for her bedroll, losing interest now it turned out Cara wasn’t a threat. “We’ll talk in the morning. I owe you my thanks, Cara, for looking after my sister so well.” Cara looked away as though she was embarrassed and Kahlan found herself fervently hoping her sister never found out exactly how well Cara had looked after her. Dennee offered them one last smile before she lay down for the night; she was asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.
Kahlan looked at the ground, suddenly bashful now she was alone with Cara. She swallowed and raised her eyes to stare at the blond woman. Cara held her gaze then made a show of looking around to make sure no one was watching them - Dennee was laying with her back to them and Richard was pacing the perimeter of the camp - then grabbed Kahlan’s hand and pulled her into the trees.
At the far side of camp, Richard turned and watched them go with a smile on his face, listening to Kahlan’s giggle disappear into the night.
***
Cara tugged at Kahlan’s hand until she judged they were far enough away and then she spun around suddenly and captured Kahlan’s lips in a kiss. Kahlan responded immediately; she pressed herself against the other woman and tangled her hands into Cara’s hair. Cara’s hands slid around her waist tightly as she deepened the kiss and walked Kahlan backwards until her back hit a tree. Cara pressed against Kahlan, one hand still around her waist and the other high against the tree keeping her balance. She nipped at Kahlan’s lip and pulled back with a smirk. “Miss me, Confessor?”
Kahlan licked her lips and met Cara’s eyes. “Yes,” she whispered breathlessly. Cara’s expression turned serious and she leaned in to kiss the Confessor again. The kiss was slower this time but no less heated and Kahlan felt desire bloom low in her belly. Her breath hitched in her throat as Cara planted kisses along her jaw line and down her neck before kissing a trail back up to her lips.
Cara leaned into Kahlan again and pressed her knee between the Confessor’s legs. Kahlan gasped at the feel of it, almost-but-not-quite what she wanted, and moaned into Cara’s mouth. She tried to buck her hips to increase the pressure but Cara pulled away and smirked. Kahlan made a disappointed sound low in her throat and tried to kiss Cara again but Cara held her against the tree. Her eyes shined in the darkness as she took Kahlan’s wrists in each hand and raised them above their heads. She pulled them together and gripped them with one hand as the other trailed back down Kahlan’s body. Kahlan bit her lip and strained against the tree, looking at Cara with hooded eyes.
Cara drank in the sight before her free hand reached down to hike up Kahlan’s Confessor dress and find the slick warmth there. Kahlan gasped as Cara’s finger brushed against her teasingly then increased its pressure and began to move in earnest. Cara held herself apart from Kahlan for a moment, thinking how thoroughly dishevelled the Confessor looked before her, how unashamedly wanton, before she pressed herself against the other woman and kissed her fiercely.
Kahlan moaned into Cara’s mouth and deepened the kiss, sucking Cara’s tongue into her mouth greedily. Cara slid two fingers inside Kahlan slowly and used the heel of her palm to press against Kahlan’s clit in time with her thrusts. Kahaln trembled against her, aching with need, and it was only Cara’s body pressing against her that kept them upright.
Kahlan’s arms struggled against Cara’s hand as Kahlan’s moans became more frantic, and Cara let go quickly, hoping Kahlan would remember to keep her hands away from her. She did; Kahlan came with a shout, clutching the tree trunk above her head, muscles clenching hard around Cara’s still-moving fingers. Cara felt her skin prickle as Kahlan’s Confessor magic crackled around them and she watched Kahlan’s eyes carefully so she’d know when the magic had faded.
When Kahlan’s eyes were blue again, Cara slowly withdrew her fingers and used her other hand to reach up to tug Kahlan’s hands down and wrap them around herself. She pressed her forehead against Kahlan’s and smiled. “I missed you too.”
***
Cara woke with Kahlan half on top of her and half tucked into her side and, as always, she wondered what it was she’d done to deserve such a gift. She tightened her arms around Kahlan protectively, trying not to disturb the Confessor. She’d lost her overshirt in the night, and it was screwed up under her head as a makeshift pillow. Kahlan had her shift on but her dress was thrown over a tree branch above their heads and it cascaded down, creating a little white world all their own. Cara yawned and snuggled into Kahlan. Her shirt was half open and Kahlan had one hand pressed inside it close to her heart. Cara felt each heartbeat against Kahlan’s fingers and hummed happily at the sensation.
Kahlan came awake with a happy sigh, “’Morning.”
Cara kissed the top of her head in response, “Do we really have to go back?” She pulled the other woman closer, “Can’t we just stay here?”
Kahlan batted her away, “They’re probably already wondering where we are.” She kissed Cara’s cheek and then sat up, rubbing her fingers through her hair to straighten it. Cara had done her best to mess it up during the night.
Cara groaned and threw a hand over her eyes to block out the light. “It’s not even light yet,” she lied, “Stay a little longer.” She pulled Kahlan back down to her and the Confessor laughed and settled with her head in Cara’s shoulder again.
“That’s better.” Cara leaned down and kissed the corner of Kahlan’s smile. “Isn’t this better?” She leaned in for a proper kiss and Kahlan kissed her back quickly before pulling away again with a shake of her head.
“Do you want my sister to find us like this?” She grinned and poked a finger at Cara playfully, “She might confess you for ruining her sister’s honour.”
Cara scoffed, “I’d like to see her try.” Then she flashed Kahlan a grin and climbed to her feet in one fluid motion, pulling the Confessor with her. She held Kahlan in her arms for a moment then let her go to straighten and fasten her shirt. Kahlan pulled her dress down and dislodged the leaves from it before pulling it over her head and lacing it up. Cara watched as Kahlan became a Confessor again. It wasn’t just the clothes; as Cara watched, Kahlan’s face lost its playful smile and became more sombre and Cara realised the transformation would have been scary if she didn’t know the Confessor. This was the woman little children child were warned to stay away from and young men were told horror stories of.
This was the woman you were never supposed to fall in love with.
Cara thought Kahlan had never looked more beautiful.
Kahlan realised Cara was staring at her as she finished fastening her laces and looked down at her dress self consciously. “What?”
“Nothing.” Cara stooped down to retrieve her jacket and sword and she kept her eyes on the ground as she spoke, “You look beautiful in that dress.”
Kahlan blushed, suddenly bashful despite everything they’d done the night before, “Thank you.”
Cara stood again and buckled her sword to her belt, and Kahlan thought she saw a faint blush on her cheek. “Come on, Confessor.” They fell into step comfortably and after a moment Cara took Kahlan’s hand in her own and laced their fingers together. The simple act made Kahlan feel like a love struck teenager; never in her wildest dreams had she ever thought someone would hold her hand without being under confession.
She held onto Cara’s hand tightly, and hoped she’d never have to let go.
***
The first thing Kahlan saw when they entered the camp were the women in white. It took a minute for her brain to catch up with her eyes and when it did she dropped Cara’s hand and stepped away from the other woman self-consciously.
Cara flashed her a quizzical glance and then followed her eyes to the group of Confessors standing together on the other side of the camp. They’d already seen them. Dennee was staring daggers into Kahlan, and Kahlan crossed the camp to them as though she was in a dream. When she reached them she bowed her head respectfully, “Mother Confessor.”
“Kahlan Amnell.” The woman Kahlan had addressed was older than the others and obviously in charge. The other Confessors flanked her protectively, Cara noticed, and it was clear from their behaviour that she spoke for them all.
Cara walked over to where Richard was tending the fire, “What’s going on?”
Richard dragged a stick through the ashes a little harder than was strictly necessary, “The last Confessors are running away to Valeria to hide. They think they’ll be safe there. They want Kahlan and Dennee to go with them.” He clearly didn’t care much for their plan.
Cara swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat and wondered why Richard was looking at her with such understanding in his brown eyes, “The last Confessors? Rahl has killed the rest?”
Richard nodded then lowered his voice, “One of them is pregnant and I think they’re just trying to protect her.”
“But why do Kahlan and Dennee have to go?” She twisted her hand round the hilt of her sword angrily and noticed Richard doing the same. They both realised and dropped their hands at the same time. Cara crossed her hands over her chest instead.
“They’re closing ranks and trying to keep each other safe, as though I’d let anything happen to Dennee.” He glanced sideways at Cara, “As though you’d let anything happen to Kahlan.”
Cara opened her mouth to reply and couldn’t find the words. Richard knew. She swallowed and tried again, “Kahlan would always be safe with me. I swear.” She thought of another girl she’d been unable to protect and the promise she’d made to never let anyone she cared about be hurt like that again because of her.
Richard met her eyes and smiled grimly, “And Dennee with me.”
***
Kahlan hadn’t heard a word the Mother Confessor had said after ‘Valeria.’ She felt like she was viewing everything through a fog, and the words sounded dull and far away to her ears. She looked towards Cara helplessly and saw her deep in conversation with Richard. They both had serious expressions on their faces and every now and then they would look towards the Confessors before looking away. Kahlan wished Cara was with her now; she wished she had Cara’s strength to draw on. She forced herself to listen to what the other Confessors were telling her.
“We’re going there to protect ourselves. We’re the last Confessors; it’s not safe for us in the Midlands anymore.”
Dennee was standing rigidly at her side, looking just as unhappy as she felt and sneaking glances towards the Seeker. Kahlan found her voice and spoke slowly, “What about the Seeker? He needs a Confessor by his side.”
The Mother Confessor thought it over and then nodded her head once, “I suppose you’re right. Dennee you can stay with the Seeker.”
Dennee shot her sister a grateful look and seemed to relax all at once. “Thank you, Mother Confessor.”
That hadn’t been what Kahlan had meant and she opened her mouth to reply when the other Confessors suddenly sprang to life, gathering supplies and making ready to be off. Kahlan got the distinct impression that a decision had been reached but she had no idea what it was. Dennee was still standing next to her looking slightly dazed, as though she couldn’t believe what was happening. Kahlan opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Kahlan stood and watched as the Confessors bustled around her. She felt numb, as though all this was happening to someone else. She wished she had done as Cara asked and stayed inside their Confessor-dress tent for a little while longer.
“What’s happening?” Richard’s voice was harsher than Kahlan had ever heard it as it interrupted her thoughts. Cara flanked him, her body tense like a coiled spring. She shifted her weight to the side and crossed her arms over her chest. Her eyes never left Kahlan’s face.
“The Mother Confessor is taking Kahlan to Valeria,” Dennee’s eyes flicked between Cara and Kahlan, sensing that something was going on though not sure what it was. No one spoke. Richard glanced at Cara out of the corner of his eye and then looked away, as though he couldn’t bear to look at the blond woman. Dennee spoke again to fill the silence, “Kahlan? You’re going to Valeria. Don’t you need to get your pack?”
It was as if her words suddenly spurred everyone into action. Kahlan took a step towards Cara at the same time as Cara took half a step back and dropped her head so that her hair covered her face. Her hand twisted round the hilt of her sword, “Have a good journey, Confessor.” She turned and fled without another word. Kahlan stared after her, suddenly feeling as though her legs were injured again and couldn’t support her weight. She swayed once before she found her balance again and it brought back memories of her time spent learning to walk again with Cara, and the feel of Cara’s arms around her, keeping her safe.
“What’s wrong with her?” Dennee wondered. Richard shot her an exasperated look before he took off after Cara, calling for her to stop. They disappeared into the trees. Dennee turned back to Kahlan and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why is she so upset?”
Kahlan still stood as if rooted to the spot and ignored Dennee’s question. It didn’t seem important. All she knew was that Cara was walking away from her and she wasn’t going to Valeria. Suddenly, she didn’t care what her sister thought of her, or that she was about to disobey the Mother Confessor, she’d spent her whole life doing exactly as she was told and she couldn’t do it anymore. “I’m not going,” she wasn’t aware she’d spoken the words out loud until the Confessors around her came to a stop and stared at her. “I’m not going.” She said it again more loudly, before her courage deserted her.
“Kahlan,” Dennee hissed her name, “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t go to Valeria.” She spoke to her sister but all the Confessors were listening now, and she saw the Mother Confessor out of the corner of her eye. “I want to stay here.” She focussed on Dennee’s face, “I want to stay with Cara and help the Resistance.”
“The Resistance can’t stand forever; sooner or later Darken Rahl will come looking for you.” The Mother Confessor’s voice was hard, and Kahlan forced herself to meet her eyes. “If you stay here, you will die.”
“I’ll die fighting for freedom.” Kahlan lifted her chin defiantly, “I won’t go to Valeria to hide.”
“We’re not hiding,” the Mother Confessor protested fiercely, “We’re protecting ourselves.” She gestured towards a Confessor heavy with child and Kahlan thought she recognised her in a vague sort of way, probably from Aydindril. It took her a moment to realise that they’d been through some of their training together. “We’re protecting the line of Confessors.”
The sudden realisation hit Kahlan like a hammer blow, and she realised exactly what weight the words ‘last Confessors’ carried. It was something she’d forgotten during the last few months with Cara. The Mother Confessor was staring at her, still expecting an answer. Kahlan couldn’t think of a thing to say; everything had shifted from a selfish desire to stay with someone who made her happy to a failure to do her duty. She clenched her hands at her sides and wished Cara was there, sure she’d know what to do. She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.
Not for the first time she wished she had never been born a Confessor.
She’s been raised to believe that duty was the most important thing in the world, but whenever she tried to think that now she just saw Cara’s face in her mind and knew she’d been taught wrong. There was something about Cara that cut through years of training and spoke to the woman inside the Confessor, and she didn’t plan to give that up now. She couldn’t go to Valeria. It was selfish, she knew, but she wouldn’t leave Cara. Not again.
The silence stretched as the thoughts chased themselves round in her head. “Please,” she said finally, “Just let me stay.”
***
“Cara!” Cara ignored Richard’s shouts and walked deeper into the forest. She wasn’t aware of where she was going until her feet took her to the tree she and Kahlan had woken up under that morning. She kicked a rock away from the trunk viciously, and then deflated, laying her forehead against the rough bark and closing her eyes.
She felt Richard’s hand on her back and shrugged it off. “I knew who she was. I knew and I still let this happen.” She sighed and turned to face him, “A Confessor and a Resistance fighter.” She laughed darkly, “I should have known better.”
She started to pace backwards and forwards and Richard stood and watched her with his arms folded, content to let Cara do the talking.
“They’re the last Confessors,” Cara stopped suddenly and turned to face him, “You know what that means?” She resumed her pacing when he nodded. “It means this should never have happened.”
“What should never have happened?” Zedd had been returning from town when he heard Cara’s voice and followed it until he found them. He stopped dead at the sight of Cara in her trousers and shirt with a sword at her side, though he supposed she’d never been one for wearing a dress when he’d known her - some things never changed. “Cara?”
Cara whipped round at the sound of her name and appraised the old man in front of her, “Do I know you?”
Zedd drew himself up to his full height, “I’m First Wizard Zeddicus Z’ul Zorander,” he declared proudly. Cara looked unimpressed. He fought hard to keep the smile from his face - some things never changed - and turned to Richard, “Where are Kahlan and Dennee?”
“Back at camp. A group of Confessors arrived this morning; they want Kahlan to go with them to Valeria.” Richard glanced at Cara as he spoke but she didn’t say anything else.
Zedd visibly paled. He’d expected the Confessors, of course, but not like this. “Kahlan can’t go to Valeria! Not now she’s finally come back,” he added the last as if to himself. “Come on, let’s go and find out what’s happening.” He turned to leave, expecting the two of them to follow him. Cara stayed rooted to the spot.
“Cara?” She shook her head at Richard and hugged herself.
“I can’t,” she whispered. She shook her head and looked away angrily. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
He nodded sadly, understanding as always, “Take care, Cara.” He held out his hand and she clasped it tightly, “Until we meet again.”
“Good luck, Seeker,” Cara watched him walk away and sunk down on her haunches by the tree - their tree - and leaned her back against the trunk. She stared up through the leaves and imagined a white dress blocking out the rest of the world.
***
Cara lost track of the time. She cursed herself again for being so stupid as to fall in love with a Confessor. People didn’t fall in love with Confessors. She had known from the moment she’d found Kahlan in the woods what she was, it wasn’t as though her identity was a secret. She balled her hands into fists and tried to stop thinking about Kahlan. She was sure she ought to be moving by now but she felt like she never wanted to move again. She had to go home eventually and she dreaded the thought of having to go back to the empty cottage. She knew she’d expect to see Kahlan taking shaky steps around the room or lying on the bed and it would be more than she could bear.
She was giving serious thought to knocking the little cottage down and starting again when she heard the footsteps. Her eyes swept the forest, expecting to see Richard coming back to try to talk some sense into her but instead she saw Kahlan. At first she thought she was imagining things but she quickly realised she wasn’t; Kahlan was dressed in a travelling cloak and had her pack on her back, and she wondered if she’d come to say goodbye. Cara regarded her silently as she stepped closer, unwilling to say anything in case she broke the spell and Kahlan disappeared, an illusion after all.
“Cara?” Kahlan stopped half a dozen paces in front of her. She wore her Confessor’s face, betraying nothing, and Cara really couldn’t imagine what she’d come to say. Cara kept her eyes low, avoiding Kahlan’s gaze and it was only then that she noticed Kahlan was carrying her pack as well; Cara had been perfectly willing to leave it back at the camp if it meant she didn’t have to visit any place that she’d been with Kahlan.
“Cara, can I...” she trailed off and tried again, “I want to...”
Cara finally looked up and met her eyes, daring for one minute to be hopeful. “You want to what?” she asked hoarsely. She stood slowly, feeling her muscles uncoil as she did so. She’d been crouching by the tree for a long time and she shifted her weight from side to side in an attempt to stretch her cramped muscles.
Kahlan took a step closer slowly and sucked in a steadying breath. Her eyes radiated sincerity when they found Cara’s, “I want to go home.”
Cara’s heart leapt but outwardly she remained expressionless, fearing she might have misunderstood the Confessor’s words, “Home?” She echoed. She wrapped her hand around the hilt of her sword again, grateful for the cool touch under her palm.
Kahlan nodded and stepped a little closer, “Can we... Can we just go home?”
Cara swallowed, and asked guardedly, “What about Valeria?”
“I’m not going.” Kahlan moved closer; if Cara had wanted to she could reach out and touch the Confessor, and Spirits, she wanted to. She gripped her sword hilt harder instead, so hard that her knuckles turned white. Kahlan took another step.
“The Mother Confessor is letting you stay?”
“She didn’t have a lot of choice when Richard and the Wizard spoke up for me. First Zedd said I needed to stay with them. He said he’d read in the clouds that I would travel with the Seeker and help him on his quest.” She slowly reached out to take Cara’s hand from the hilt of her sword, “Then Richard said he already had a Confessor, and he had no need of another one.” She met Cara’s eyes, “He said you and the Resistance needed me and that I should be free to do what I wanted. Zedd protested at first but I said I wanted to be with you, and he finally stopped arguing.” She blushed slightly and said the next words in a rush, as though eager to get them out, “Then he said there were magical means by which we could have children if that was the Mother Confessor’s main objection to our union. He was only joking though, I think...”
“You want to be with me?” It was the only bit of Kahlan’s explanation that Cara had heard. She suddenly gripped Kahlan’s hand fiercely and pulled her closer. “You want to be with me?”
Kahlan stared at her, suddenly confused, “Of course I do. Cara, did you think - “ the rest of her words were cut off by Cara’s lips and Kahlan felt herself melt into the kiss. Kahlan brushed her tongue against Cara’s and Cara responded at once, deepening the kiss hungrily and pulling the Confessor closer until their bodies pressed against each other. Cara kissed her like a woman long deprived, and Kahlan wrapped her arms round Cara’s shoulders and kissed her back just as fiercely.
Finally, they pulled back and stood leaning against one another, breathing heavily. Cara untangled herself from the other woman, “And your sister? What does she think of all this?”
“We’re the last Confessors.” Kahlan smiled sadly, “But that’s not all we are. We shouldn’t have to live our lives as slaves to our duty.”
Cara cocked her head to the side, “Dennee said that?”
Kahlan nodded, “I was surprised too.” Her smile turned impish, “Personally, I think she likes Richard and she’s hoping that in comparison to you and I their relationship would seem perfectly normal and be accepted by the other Confessors.”
Cara laughed, “I think she might be on to something.” She wrapped her arms around Kahlan again, more shyly this time, “And you’re sure about this? Coming with me, I mean.”
Kahlan’s nodded and pressed her forehead against Cara’s, “Yes,” she said simply. “Let’s go home.”
And when Cara leaned in to kiss her, her mouth was warm and sweet with promises, and Kahlan felt like she was already there.
Author: stopstartstall
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~6100
Summary: When Zedd casts the Spell of Undoing it throws them back to the day Cara should have been taken by the Mord’Sith. AU from that point on.
Previous: Part One, Part Two.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get this up, I was having major writer's block.
Kahlan’s trail was easy enough to follow. She’d headed east along the main road to Galea; they’d received word that the Seeker had been seen in the woods there a few days before. Cara laid a hand on her sword hilt and marched on through the night.
***
Kahlan was met by a wall of noise when she entered the tavern. It was crowded, and no one noticed a lone traveller seeking shelter from the cold. She kept her hood up and tried to remain unnoticed as her eyes swept the bar until they settled on the skinny old man in Wizard’s robes. It had to be him. She swallowed her excitement and tapped him on the shoulder, “Excuse me?”
He spun round at once. His mouth fell open in shock, “Kahlan?”
Kahlan faltered for a moment. How does he know my name? He quickly spoke again, “Er - you must be Dennee’s sister. She’s told me a lot about you.”
Kahlan nodded and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face at the mention of her sister’s name, “You’re Wizard Zorander?”
“Oh please my dear, call me Zedd,” his eyes bored into her as though she was an old friend he hadn’t seen in a long time and he was trying to catalogue every change. Kahlan found it disconcerting and had to look away.
She couldn’t help thinking the Wizard seemed a little odd. She pushed the thought away guiltily, “Zedd, then. Can you take me to my sister?”
***
“Kahlan?” Dennee’s voice was as shocked as Kahlan had ever heard it. She launched herself across the clearing and enveloped her sister in a warm hug, “I thought you were dead!” Dennee examined her closely then laughed and hugged her again.
“The Resistance found me and nursed me back to health.” Kahlan grinned and pulled back, still holding Dennee’s hands, “You found the Seeker!”
Dennee gestured towards the young man sitting by the fire, “This is Richard Cypher. Richard, this is my sister, Kahlan.”
Richard smiled politely, “Nice to meet you.” Zedd positively beamed at them from the other side of the fire. Kahlan found the Wizard’s odd behaviour easier to ignore now she was back with her sister. There was something about the way the Wizard looked at her that Kahlan found unsettling, and now he was looking at her and Richard in the same way. She took a step away from the Seeker self-consciously.
Dennee took Kahlan’s pack and dropped it with their things before settling on the floor near Richard. Kahlan sat down next to her, taking care to avoid sitting opposite Zedd. Dennee was the first to speak, “You say the Resistance found you?”
Kahlan nodded, “A woman named Cara Mason.” She was interrupted by a choking sound Zedd’s side of the fire. The Wizard had gone deathly pale.
They all turned to look at him but when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to say anything Richard chuckled, “Remember to chew your food, Zedd.” He rolled his eyes conspiratorially at the sisters and Kahlan saw Dennee hide a smile behind her hand. She and Richard were obviously close, but she supposed travelling with someone for months in such close quarters would do that.
Zedd muttered something unintelligible and Richard and Dennee shared another grin before Dennee turned back to Kahlan, “So this Cara found you?”
Kahlan picked up the thread of her story again, “I was nearly dead but she took me to a healer. I stayed with her while I recovered.”
“I’ll have to thank her,” Dennee smiled again, “For keeping my sister safe.”
***
“You said a woman found you?” Dennee and Richard had gone into town to fetch supplies and left Kahlan alone with the Wizard. He’d bustled around the camp trying to find things to do but Kahlan knew he was building up to asking her something. A Confessor could always tell.
“Her name is Cara,” Kahlan felt the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth when she mentioned her name.
“Cara Mason?” Zedd spoke slowly and carefully, as though he was trying to get to the bottom of a particularly difficult puzzle. “She’s part of the Resistance?”
Kahlan nodded, “She found me and took me to her village healer, and then let me stay with her while I got better.”
Zedd smiled and spoke to himself quietly, “Well, well, well. Cara Mason is a Resistance fighter.” He saw Kahlan’s confused expression and raised his voice, “I-I ...knew Cara once, years ago. Tell me, what’s she like now?”
Kahlan thought Zedd wasn’t quite telling the truth, though it was hard to tell with a Wizard. She watched him carefully but his face was the picture of innocence, and he obviously cared about Cara so she let the suspicion drift away and went on, “She’s... Cara. She’s strong and fearless, the leader of the Resistance in her village.” Her eyes went far away, and a smile danced on her lips when she continued, “She doesn’t talk all that much if she can help it but her eyes say everything she can’t. Her eyes are beautiful.” She paused and blushed, coming back to herself suddenly, “And she helps people. I wouldn’t be standing here now if it wasn’t for her.”
Zedd was looking at her oddly, and she blushed a little more. “Kahlan, what exactly -“
They were interrupted by Dennee and Richard returning and Zedd turned away from her quickly, apparently eager to drop the subject. Kahlan stared after him for a moment and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She watched as Richard said something that made Dennee laugh and poke him in the ribs with her elbow. Richard pretended to look hurt and headed for Zedd, leaving the two sisters alone. When Richard reached him Zedd said something to him and then glanced over in Kahlan’s direction, and looked away quickly so they wouldn’t see her watching them. She wondered if the Wizard was telling Richard what she’d said and felt her uneasy feeling grow.
Dennee handed Kahlan some of the supplies she carried bundled in her arms, pulling her attention back from the Richard and Zedd. “I bought you a travelling dress and some little things you were missing. You’ll need them now you’re travelling with us.”
Kahlan stared at the things her sister had given her and swallowed hard. She didn’t know how to tell Dennee she wasn’t staying. She felt like a coward as she whispered, “Thank you.”
***
Kahlan stared into the depths of the fire, unable to sleep. She was thinking of Dennee and wondering how to explain that she had to leave again so soon. How could she explain Cara? She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly, still thinking. She didn’t know what she was going to do. She had to go back. She had promised, and more than that, she wanted to. She had to tell Dennee.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Richard sitting down next to her. She glanced at him and then looked away quickly, unsure what to say. He spoke instead, “Couldn’t sleep?”
She shook her head. “Too many thoughts.”
Richard smiled sympathetically as he stoked the fire, “Want to talk about it?”
She did, despite the fact that she hardly knew him. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Kahlan was grateful he didn’t ask again or hurry her into telling him what was wrong. It was that that made up her mind for her. “I’m not staying and I don’t know how to tell Dennee.”
Richard let this sink in. Finally he spoke, “She’ll understand.” He met her eyes and smiled, “Eventually. She might be angry at first but it won’t last.”
Kahlan lowered her head onto her knees and stared into the fire again, “It would if she knew why I was going.”
Richard looked at her quizzically, “You’re going back to help the Resistance aren’t you? Why wouldn’t she understand that?”
“Because it’s not just the Resistance I’m going back for. There’s someone waiting for me.”
Richard grinned again, “But that’s wonderful! Why wouldn’t she be happy for you?”
Kahlan wondered how much Dennee had told this boy from Westland about Confessors. Not enough evidently. “Confessors don’t have people waiting for them,” she looked away, feeling tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “You don’t understand.”
Richard stood, sensing she didn’t want to talk anymore. He turned away and then stopped, his back to her, “Talk to your sister. She loves you. I can’t think of any reason why she wouldn’t want you to be happy.”
***
Cara stepped carefully over the forest floor so as not to make a sound. She’d received directions to the area where the Seeker had made camp from a man in the local tavern and then she’d rolled her eyes and made a note to tell the Seeker to be more careful in the future. Their lives depended on it after all.
She saw the dying embers of a fire through the trees and moved closer to get a better view. Her eyes settled on Kahlan asleep by the fire and she grinned fiercely, trying to ignore the way her heart leapt at the sight of the Confessor.
Cara felt the blade at her back before the other woman spoke. She turned around slowly and raised her hands to show she was unarmed.
“Who are you?” It could have only been Kahlan’s sister. She was fair where Kahlan was dark but there was enough of a resemblance between them for Cara to make the connection.
“I’m not here to hurt anyone,” Cara spread her hands wider. “I’m a friend of Kahlan’s.”
Dennee looked sceptical in the shadows. She gestured with her dagger for Cara to move closer to the fire. Cara did so, taking in the old man still asleep and the younger man - the Seeker - coming awake and reaching for his sword. She tried to smile in what she hoped was a disarming manner. “My name is -“
“Cara?” Kahlan climbed to her feet and made a beeline for her across the clearing. Dennee, sensing the danger had been averted, sheathed her dagger and stepped away though she still watched Cara closely, as though she might attack them at any minute.
Kahlan took a step forward and then halted, apparently unsure how to greet Cara with her sister watching. She settled for taking Cara’s hands in her own, “What are you doing here?”
Cara glanced sideways at the still listening Seeker and Confessor and turned away from them slightly, pulling Kahlan with her. “I got tired of waiting. Now I don’t have to.”
Kahlan’s eyes softened and a smile spread over her face. She turned back to her sister, “This is the woman who found me and helped me get better. Cara, this is my sister, Dennee, and the Seeker, Richard Cypher.”
Cara nodded politely at Dennee and grasped the Seeker’s forearm when he offered it, “Any member of the Resistance is a friend of mine.” He yawned and swung his arms to stretch them. “I think it’s my watch.”
Dennee nodded, “Close enough.” She yawned and headed for her bedroll, losing interest now it turned out Cara wasn’t a threat. “We’ll talk in the morning. I owe you my thanks, Cara, for looking after my sister so well.” Cara looked away as though she was embarrassed and Kahlan found herself fervently hoping her sister never found out exactly how well Cara had looked after her. Dennee offered them one last smile before she lay down for the night; she was asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.
Kahlan looked at the ground, suddenly bashful now she was alone with Cara. She swallowed and raised her eyes to stare at the blond woman. Cara held her gaze then made a show of looking around to make sure no one was watching them - Dennee was laying with her back to them and Richard was pacing the perimeter of the camp - then grabbed Kahlan’s hand and pulled her into the trees.
At the far side of camp, Richard turned and watched them go with a smile on his face, listening to Kahlan’s giggle disappear into the night.
***
Cara tugged at Kahlan’s hand until she judged they were far enough away and then she spun around suddenly and captured Kahlan’s lips in a kiss. Kahlan responded immediately; she pressed herself against the other woman and tangled her hands into Cara’s hair. Cara’s hands slid around her waist tightly as she deepened the kiss and walked Kahlan backwards until her back hit a tree. Cara pressed against Kahlan, one hand still around her waist and the other high against the tree keeping her balance. She nipped at Kahlan’s lip and pulled back with a smirk. “Miss me, Confessor?”
Kahlan licked her lips and met Cara’s eyes. “Yes,” she whispered breathlessly. Cara’s expression turned serious and she leaned in to kiss the Confessor again. The kiss was slower this time but no less heated and Kahlan felt desire bloom low in her belly. Her breath hitched in her throat as Cara planted kisses along her jaw line and down her neck before kissing a trail back up to her lips.
Cara leaned into Kahlan again and pressed her knee between the Confessor’s legs. Kahlan gasped at the feel of it, almost-but-not-quite what she wanted, and moaned into Cara’s mouth. She tried to buck her hips to increase the pressure but Cara pulled away and smirked. Kahlan made a disappointed sound low in her throat and tried to kiss Cara again but Cara held her against the tree. Her eyes shined in the darkness as she took Kahlan’s wrists in each hand and raised them above their heads. She pulled them together and gripped them with one hand as the other trailed back down Kahlan’s body. Kahlan bit her lip and strained against the tree, looking at Cara with hooded eyes.
Cara drank in the sight before her free hand reached down to hike up Kahlan’s Confessor dress and find the slick warmth there. Kahlan gasped as Cara’s finger brushed against her teasingly then increased its pressure and began to move in earnest. Cara held herself apart from Kahlan for a moment, thinking how thoroughly dishevelled the Confessor looked before her, how unashamedly wanton, before she pressed herself against the other woman and kissed her fiercely.
Kahlan moaned into Cara’s mouth and deepened the kiss, sucking Cara’s tongue into her mouth greedily. Cara slid two fingers inside Kahlan slowly and used the heel of her palm to press against Kahlan’s clit in time with her thrusts. Kahaln trembled against her, aching with need, and it was only Cara’s body pressing against her that kept them upright.
Kahlan’s arms struggled against Cara’s hand as Kahlan’s moans became more frantic, and Cara let go quickly, hoping Kahlan would remember to keep her hands away from her. She did; Kahlan came with a shout, clutching the tree trunk above her head, muscles clenching hard around Cara’s still-moving fingers. Cara felt her skin prickle as Kahlan’s Confessor magic crackled around them and she watched Kahlan’s eyes carefully so she’d know when the magic had faded.
When Kahlan’s eyes were blue again, Cara slowly withdrew her fingers and used her other hand to reach up to tug Kahlan’s hands down and wrap them around herself. She pressed her forehead against Kahlan’s and smiled. “I missed you too.”
***
Cara woke with Kahlan half on top of her and half tucked into her side and, as always, she wondered what it was she’d done to deserve such a gift. She tightened her arms around Kahlan protectively, trying not to disturb the Confessor. She’d lost her overshirt in the night, and it was screwed up under her head as a makeshift pillow. Kahlan had her shift on but her dress was thrown over a tree branch above their heads and it cascaded down, creating a little white world all their own. Cara yawned and snuggled into Kahlan. Her shirt was half open and Kahlan had one hand pressed inside it close to her heart. Cara felt each heartbeat against Kahlan’s fingers and hummed happily at the sensation.
Kahlan came awake with a happy sigh, “’Morning.”
Cara kissed the top of her head in response, “Do we really have to go back?” She pulled the other woman closer, “Can’t we just stay here?”
Kahlan batted her away, “They’re probably already wondering where we are.” She kissed Cara’s cheek and then sat up, rubbing her fingers through her hair to straighten it. Cara had done her best to mess it up during the night.
Cara groaned and threw a hand over her eyes to block out the light. “It’s not even light yet,” she lied, “Stay a little longer.” She pulled Kahlan back down to her and the Confessor laughed and settled with her head in Cara’s shoulder again.
“That’s better.” Cara leaned down and kissed the corner of Kahlan’s smile. “Isn’t this better?” She leaned in for a proper kiss and Kahlan kissed her back quickly before pulling away again with a shake of her head.
“Do you want my sister to find us like this?” She grinned and poked a finger at Cara playfully, “She might confess you for ruining her sister’s honour.”
Cara scoffed, “I’d like to see her try.” Then she flashed Kahlan a grin and climbed to her feet in one fluid motion, pulling the Confessor with her. She held Kahlan in her arms for a moment then let her go to straighten and fasten her shirt. Kahlan pulled her dress down and dislodged the leaves from it before pulling it over her head and lacing it up. Cara watched as Kahlan became a Confessor again. It wasn’t just the clothes; as Cara watched, Kahlan’s face lost its playful smile and became more sombre and Cara realised the transformation would have been scary if she didn’t know the Confessor. This was the woman little children child were warned to stay away from and young men were told horror stories of.
This was the woman you were never supposed to fall in love with.
Cara thought Kahlan had never looked more beautiful.
Kahlan realised Cara was staring at her as she finished fastening her laces and looked down at her dress self consciously. “What?”
“Nothing.” Cara stooped down to retrieve her jacket and sword and she kept her eyes on the ground as she spoke, “You look beautiful in that dress.”
Kahlan blushed, suddenly bashful despite everything they’d done the night before, “Thank you.”
Cara stood again and buckled her sword to her belt, and Kahlan thought she saw a faint blush on her cheek. “Come on, Confessor.” They fell into step comfortably and after a moment Cara took Kahlan’s hand in her own and laced their fingers together. The simple act made Kahlan feel like a love struck teenager; never in her wildest dreams had she ever thought someone would hold her hand without being under confession.
She held onto Cara’s hand tightly, and hoped she’d never have to let go.
***
The first thing Kahlan saw when they entered the camp were the women in white. It took a minute for her brain to catch up with her eyes and when it did she dropped Cara’s hand and stepped away from the other woman self-consciously.
Cara flashed her a quizzical glance and then followed her eyes to the group of Confessors standing together on the other side of the camp. They’d already seen them. Dennee was staring daggers into Kahlan, and Kahlan crossed the camp to them as though she was in a dream. When she reached them she bowed her head respectfully, “Mother Confessor.”
“Kahlan Amnell.” The woman Kahlan had addressed was older than the others and obviously in charge. The other Confessors flanked her protectively, Cara noticed, and it was clear from their behaviour that she spoke for them all.
Cara walked over to where Richard was tending the fire, “What’s going on?”
Richard dragged a stick through the ashes a little harder than was strictly necessary, “The last Confessors are running away to Valeria to hide. They think they’ll be safe there. They want Kahlan and Dennee to go with them.” He clearly didn’t care much for their plan.
Cara swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat and wondered why Richard was looking at her with such understanding in his brown eyes, “The last Confessors? Rahl has killed the rest?”
Richard nodded then lowered his voice, “One of them is pregnant and I think they’re just trying to protect her.”
“But why do Kahlan and Dennee have to go?” She twisted her hand round the hilt of her sword angrily and noticed Richard doing the same. They both realised and dropped their hands at the same time. Cara crossed her hands over her chest instead.
“They’re closing ranks and trying to keep each other safe, as though I’d let anything happen to Dennee.” He glanced sideways at Cara, “As though you’d let anything happen to Kahlan.”
Cara opened her mouth to reply and couldn’t find the words. Richard knew. She swallowed and tried again, “Kahlan would always be safe with me. I swear.” She thought of another girl she’d been unable to protect and the promise she’d made to never let anyone she cared about be hurt like that again because of her.
Richard met her eyes and smiled grimly, “And Dennee with me.”
***
Kahlan hadn’t heard a word the Mother Confessor had said after ‘Valeria.’ She felt like she was viewing everything through a fog, and the words sounded dull and far away to her ears. She looked towards Cara helplessly and saw her deep in conversation with Richard. They both had serious expressions on their faces and every now and then they would look towards the Confessors before looking away. Kahlan wished Cara was with her now; she wished she had Cara’s strength to draw on. She forced herself to listen to what the other Confessors were telling her.
“We’re going there to protect ourselves. We’re the last Confessors; it’s not safe for us in the Midlands anymore.”
Dennee was standing rigidly at her side, looking just as unhappy as she felt and sneaking glances towards the Seeker. Kahlan found her voice and spoke slowly, “What about the Seeker? He needs a Confessor by his side.”
The Mother Confessor thought it over and then nodded her head once, “I suppose you’re right. Dennee you can stay with the Seeker.”
Dennee shot her sister a grateful look and seemed to relax all at once. “Thank you, Mother Confessor.”
That hadn’t been what Kahlan had meant and she opened her mouth to reply when the other Confessors suddenly sprang to life, gathering supplies and making ready to be off. Kahlan got the distinct impression that a decision had been reached but she had no idea what it was. Dennee was still standing next to her looking slightly dazed, as though she couldn’t believe what was happening. Kahlan opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Kahlan stood and watched as the Confessors bustled around her. She felt numb, as though all this was happening to someone else. She wished she had done as Cara asked and stayed inside their Confessor-dress tent for a little while longer.
“What’s happening?” Richard’s voice was harsher than Kahlan had ever heard it as it interrupted her thoughts. Cara flanked him, her body tense like a coiled spring. She shifted her weight to the side and crossed her arms over her chest. Her eyes never left Kahlan’s face.
“The Mother Confessor is taking Kahlan to Valeria,” Dennee’s eyes flicked between Cara and Kahlan, sensing that something was going on though not sure what it was. No one spoke. Richard glanced at Cara out of the corner of his eye and then looked away, as though he couldn’t bear to look at the blond woman. Dennee spoke again to fill the silence, “Kahlan? You’re going to Valeria. Don’t you need to get your pack?”
It was as if her words suddenly spurred everyone into action. Kahlan took a step towards Cara at the same time as Cara took half a step back and dropped her head so that her hair covered her face. Her hand twisted round the hilt of her sword, “Have a good journey, Confessor.” She turned and fled without another word. Kahlan stared after her, suddenly feeling as though her legs were injured again and couldn’t support her weight. She swayed once before she found her balance again and it brought back memories of her time spent learning to walk again with Cara, and the feel of Cara’s arms around her, keeping her safe.
“What’s wrong with her?” Dennee wondered. Richard shot her an exasperated look before he took off after Cara, calling for her to stop. They disappeared into the trees. Dennee turned back to Kahlan and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why is she so upset?”
Kahlan still stood as if rooted to the spot and ignored Dennee’s question. It didn’t seem important. All she knew was that Cara was walking away from her and she wasn’t going to Valeria. Suddenly, she didn’t care what her sister thought of her, or that she was about to disobey the Mother Confessor, she’d spent her whole life doing exactly as she was told and she couldn’t do it anymore. “I’m not going,” she wasn’t aware she’d spoken the words out loud until the Confessors around her came to a stop and stared at her. “I’m not going.” She said it again more loudly, before her courage deserted her.
“Kahlan,” Dennee hissed her name, “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t go to Valeria.” She spoke to her sister but all the Confessors were listening now, and she saw the Mother Confessor out of the corner of her eye. “I want to stay here.” She focussed on Dennee’s face, “I want to stay with Cara and help the Resistance.”
“The Resistance can’t stand forever; sooner or later Darken Rahl will come looking for you.” The Mother Confessor’s voice was hard, and Kahlan forced herself to meet her eyes. “If you stay here, you will die.”
“I’ll die fighting for freedom.” Kahlan lifted her chin defiantly, “I won’t go to Valeria to hide.”
“We’re not hiding,” the Mother Confessor protested fiercely, “We’re protecting ourselves.” She gestured towards a Confessor heavy with child and Kahlan thought she recognised her in a vague sort of way, probably from Aydindril. It took her a moment to realise that they’d been through some of their training together. “We’re protecting the line of Confessors.”
The sudden realisation hit Kahlan like a hammer blow, and she realised exactly what weight the words ‘last Confessors’ carried. It was something she’d forgotten during the last few months with Cara. The Mother Confessor was staring at her, still expecting an answer. Kahlan couldn’t think of a thing to say; everything had shifted from a selfish desire to stay with someone who made her happy to a failure to do her duty. She clenched her hands at her sides and wished Cara was there, sure she’d know what to do. She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.
Not for the first time she wished she had never been born a Confessor.
She’s been raised to believe that duty was the most important thing in the world, but whenever she tried to think that now she just saw Cara’s face in her mind and knew she’d been taught wrong. There was something about Cara that cut through years of training and spoke to the woman inside the Confessor, and she didn’t plan to give that up now. She couldn’t go to Valeria. It was selfish, she knew, but she wouldn’t leave Cara. Not again.
The silence stretched as the thoughts chased themselves round in her head. “Please,” she said finally, “Just let me stay.”
***
“Cara!” Cara ignored Richard’s shouts and walked deeper into the forest. She wasn’t aware of where she was going until her feet took her to the tree she and Kahlan had woken up under that morning. She kicked a rock away from the trunk viciously, and then deflated, laying her forehead against the rough bark and closing her eyes.
She felt Richard’s hand on her back and shrugged it off. “I knew who she was. I knew and I still let this happen.” She sighed and turned to face him, “A Confessor and a Resistance fighter.” She laughed darkly, “I should have known better.”
She started to pace backwards and forwards and Richard stood and watched her with his arms folded, content to let Cara do the talking.
“They’re the last Confessors,” Cara stopped suddenly and turned to face him, “You know what that means?” She resumed her pacing when he nodded. “It means this should never have happened.”
“What should never have happened?” Zedd had been returning from town when he heard Cara’s voice and followed it until he found them. He stopped dead at the sight of Cara in her trousers and shirt with a sword at her side, though he supposed she’d never been one for wearing a dress when he’d known her - some things never changed. “Cara?”
Cara whipped round at the sound of her name and appraised the old man in front of her, “Do I know you?”
Zedd drew himself up to his full height, “I’m First Wizard Zeddicus Z’ul Zorander,” he declared proudly. Cara looked unimpressed. He fought hard to keep the smile from his face - some things never changed - and turned to Richard, “Where are Kahlan and Dennee?”
“Back at camp. A group of Confessors arrived this morning; they want Kahlan to go with them to Valeria.” Richard glanced at Cara as he spoke but she didn’t say anything else.
Zedd visibly paled. He’d expected the Confessors, of course, but not like this. “Kahlan can’t go to Valeria! Not now she’s finally come back,” he added the last as if to himself. “Come on, let’s go and find out what’s happening.” He turned to leave, expecting the two of them to follow him. Cara stayed rooted to the spot.
“Cara?” She shook her head at Richard and hugged herself.
“I can’t,” she whispered. She shook her head and looked away angrily. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
He nodded sadly, understanding as always, “Take care, Cara.” He held out his hand and she clasped it tightly, “Until we meet again.”
“Good luck, Seeker,” Cara watched him walk away and sunk down on her haunches by the tree - their tree - and leaned her back against the trunk. She stared up through the leaves and imagined a white dress blocking out the rest of the world.
***
Cara lost track of the time. She cursed herself again for being so stupid as to fall in love with a Confessor. People didn’t fall in love with Confessors. She had known from the moment she’d found Kahlan in the woods what she was, it wasn’t as though her identity was a secret. She balled her hands into fists and tried to stop thinking about Kahlan. She was sure she ought to be moving by now but she felt like she never wanted to move again. She had to go home eventually and she dreaded the thought of having to go back to the empty cottage. She knew she’d expect to see Kahlan taking shaky steps around the room or lying on the bed and it would be more than she could bear.
She was giving serious thought to knocking the little cottage down and starting again when she heard the footsteps. Her eyes swept the forest, expecting to see Richard coming back to try to talk some sense into her but instead she saw Kahlan. At first she thought she was imagining things but she quickly realised she wasn’t; Kahlan was dressed in a travelling cloak and had her pack on her back, and she wondered if she’d come to say goodbye. Cara regarded her silently as she stepped closer, unwilling to say anything in case she broke the spell and Kahlan disappeared, an illusion after all.
“Cara?” Kahlan stopped half a dozen paces in front of her. She wore her Confessor’s face, betraying nothing, and Cara really couldn’t imagine what she’d come to say. Cara kept her eyes low, avoiding Kahlan’s gaze and it was only then that she noticed Kahlan was carrying her pack as well; Cara had been perfectly willing to leave it back at the camp if it meant she didn’t have to visit any place that she’d been with Kahlan.
“Cara, can I...” she trailed off and tried again, “I want to...”
Cara finally looked up and met her eyes, daring for one minute to be hopeful. “You want to what?” she asked hoarsely. She stood slowly, feeling her muscles uncoil as she did so. She’d been crouching by the tree for a long time and she shifted her weight from side to side in an attempt to stretch her cramped muscles.
Kahlan took a step closer slowly and sucked in a steadying breath. Her eyes radiated sincerity when they found Cara’s, “I want to go home.”
Cara’s heart leapt but outwardly she remained expressionless, fearing she might have misunderstood the Confessor’s words, “Home?” She echoed. She wrapped her hand around the hilt of her sword again, grateful for the cool touch under her palm.
Kahlan nodded and stepped a little closer, “Can we... Can we just go home?”
Cara swallowed, and asked guardedly, “What about Valeria?”
“I’m not going.” Kahlan moved closer; if Cara had wanted to she could reach out and touch the Confessor, and Spirits, she wanted to. She gripped her sword hilt harder instead, so hard that her knuckles turned white. Kahlan took another step.
“The Mother Confessor is letting you stay?”
“She didn’t have a lot of choice when Richard and the Wizard spoke up for me. First Zedd said I needed to stay with them. He said he’d read in the clouds that I would travel with the Seeker and help him on his quest.” She slowly reached out to take Cara’s hand from the hilt of her sword, “Then Richard said he already had a Confessor, and he had no need of another one.” She met Cara’s eyes, “He said you and the Resistance needed me and that I should be free to do what I wanted. Zedd protested at first but I said I wanted to be with you, and he finally stopped arguing.” She blushed slightly and said the next words in a rush, as though eager to get them out, “Then he said there were magical means by which we could have children if that was the Mother Confessor’s main objection to our union. He was only joking though, I think...”
“You want to be with me?” It was the only bit of Kahlan’s explanation that Cara had heard. She suddenly gripped Kahlan’s hand fiercely and pulled her closer. “You want to be with me?”
Kahlan stared at her, suddenly confused, “Of course I do. Cara, did you think - “ the rest of her words were cut off by Cara’s lips and Kahlan felt herself melt into the kiss. Kahlan brushed her tongue against Cara’s and Cara responded at once, deepening the kiss hungrily and pulling the Confessor closer until their bodies pressed against each other. Cara kissed her like a woman long deprived, and Kahlan wrapped her arms round Cara’s shoulders and kissed her back just as fiercely.
Finally, they pulled back and stood leaning against one another, breathing heavily. Cara untangled herself from the other woman, “And your sister? What does she think of all this?”
“We’re the last Confessors.” Kahlan smiled sadly, “But that’s not all we are. We shouldn’t have to live our lives as slaves to our duty.”
Cara cocked her head to the side, “Dennee said that?”
Kahlan nodded, “I was surprised too.” Her smile turned impish, “Personally, I think she likes Richard and she’s hoping that in comparison to you and I their relationship would seem perfectly normal and be accepted by the other Confessors.”
Cara laughed, “I think she might be on to something.” She wrapped her arms around Kahlan again, more shyly this time, “And you’re sure about this? Coming with me, I mean.”
Kahlan’s nodded and pressed her forehead against Cara’s, “Yes,” she said simply. “Let’s go home.”
And when Cara leaned in to kiss her, her mouth was warm and sweet with promises, and Kahlan felt like she was already there.