yet another Wacky Crossover Production
So last week I finally saw Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. And promptly decided that, in Insane Theories Land, Dr. Horrible and Sam from Villains By Necessity were separated at birth. This is the less-cracky version of the crossover, through the lens of milliways_bar.
Horribly Familiar
Cata actually has to look twice at the man in the coat; she doubts Sam would be that quick to attempt to blend into his surroundings, that he'd already have garb of a sort she's never seen in Bistort before. But one can never be quite sure, with Sam - particularly since she seems to have found a compelling reason to wash out his hair.
Unfortunately, her observation isn't as subtle as it once was; the man catches her just as she's growing satisfied he isn't Sam after all. "What?"
"Sorry. You look uncannily like a friend of mine, is all."
"Long as it's not 'horribly familiar,' I think we're fine."
"No, I wouldn't say horribly so. There's a real possibility Sam would enjoy the coat, though I'm not sure about the eyepiece." She pauses for a moment, then adds, "I suppose it's a matter of an alias you'd rather not be widespread?"
"More that I was hoping it wouldn't be spread to one person in particular, since I was out of uniform at the time." He smiles a bit, then offers a white-gloved hand. "Dr. Horrible, currently aiming to join the Evil League of Evil."
"Call me Cata. Is this league of yours anything like a guild?"
"Well, it's not mine - if anything, it's Bad Horse's. And not exactly, no. There's no training, you just have to prove you're dastardly enough to merit consideration."
"Seems to me - though I may be biased, given my own circumstances - that they might find it easier to recruit people if they offered training."
Dr. Horrible snorts. "I'm beginning to think Bad Horse has too much fun sending out his singing telegram posse to actually train anyone. What are your circumstances, if you don't mind me asking?"
"I'm an assassin." And oh, does she enjoy not having to qualify that statement anymore.
He eyes her for a moment, a bit apprehensively if she doesn't miss her guess. "Really. You look a little... heavyset, for the part."
Cata shrugs, "My specialty is poisons, not combat. Besides, there was a bit of a thing where a wizard decided he was going to magick everyone into agreeing with him, so I spent seven years out of practice and happily raising children."
"...Ew. That's even worse than Captain Hammer getting all the good press - your guy could make his own. Don't suppose you could use a freeze ray? Hold him down while everyone punches him?"
"Oh, he's dead - otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you in my right mind. He wouldn't have let go of those spells willingly, and there's no other way to break them. Who's Captain Hammer?" Her curiosity's piqued; she chalks it up to the cloud that passed over his face at the name.
"Captain Hammer, Corporate Tool?" Dr. Horrible scowls, and Cata could swear she's looking at Sam in high dudgeon. "He likes to think he's a hero, but he does a lot more harm than good and gets all the good press despite that. He's dislocated my shoulder twice, thrown a car at my head, and swept the girl of my dreams off her feet before I had a chance to tell her she's the girl of my dreams."
Cata only has the faintest idea of what he means by a car, but doesn't ask; she suspects the last offense is what he finds truly unforgivable. "And what are you planning to do about him?"
"Kill him," he says without hesitation, then promptly ruins the effect by adding, "Well, if I can... actually bring myself to follow through. It's not exactly an idea I relish, nemesis or not."
"If you don't trust your own nerve, I'm not under contract at the moment."
"...You don't have - I mean, it's Captain Hammer, I think he's bulletproof or something. Besides, I think Bad Horse is really expecting me to take this one into my own hands."
Cata smiles. "If you hire the assassin, you're still doing an evil deed, and you can always take credit for setting up the kill. Besides, why would I want to use a weapon I barely know when I have an array of deadly poisons at my disposal?"
"Okay, you have a point there." Dr. Horrible sighs. "I need to think about it, maybe check the Evil League of Evil bylaws about that while I'm working on the stun ray conversion. But, well, thanks for offering, in any case."
"Oh, it's no trouble. Fellow misunderstood professionals ought to stick together, where they feel they're able."
***
A week goes by in Bistort before Cata can return to Milliways; she avoids taking any assignments, just in case, even though a couple come in that suit her style. Fortunately, Sam is the only person who asks about it. She tells him as much as she feels able, and hopes he finds his own way to the bar sometime soon. Look-alikes aside, it's the sort of place that defies easy explanation.
When she does return, she steps out back for a spot of dagger-throwing; after a few minutes, the sensation of being watched pricks at the back of her neck.
"Oh, hello, Doctor," she says, after pausing long enough to check. "How have you been?"
Dr. Horrible moves to a more natural point in her line of sight, then shrugs. "Busy. And... considering your offer a little more strongly, if it's still open."
"It is. So it's acceptable within this league's parameters?"
"May not amuse Bad Horse quite as much as doing it myself, but it's evil enough to qualify, long as I can prove I was involved in the setup."
Cata smiles, and starts collecting her daggers from the target and the ground around it. "With them, you can take as much credit as you have to. And for my payment?"
"Well, I've got some gold bars. Sort of. They... kinda liquefied under my trans-matter ray, but they're definitely still gold, on a molecular level. I'm not sure what all you could take home, like that, but..."
"I really don't know that I could take liquid gold home at all, though it may be of some use here. I presume you have enough to reflect the difficulty of the task at hand?"
"Haven't really counted," he says, "but if it's not I could... I dunno, get you dinner or something."
"Fair enough. Do you have any sort of plan?"
"The mayor wants him to dedicate something for a homeless shelter. Or dedicate something to him, I don't know which. I thought that might be high-profile enough to get my point across. Beyond that, I... don't have much of a plan, yet."
Cata considers that for a few moments, then nods. "All right. Keep me posted as to when this is happening."
***
Dr. Horrible offers Cata the use of his death ray, but she balks at the idea; given that it was originally only a stun ray, she's not at all sure it would be up to the task at hand. He still insists she try it first to make sure, going so far as to bring it to Milliways for that purpose. She likes it even less after that - the thing's got a worse kick than any crossbow she's ever used, or the small sample of guns she's encountered in the bar.
"I'll stick to a throwing knife, thanks," she says, handing the death ray back. "If I can find an old hollow-point somewhere, it'll hold some poison quite nicely."
"Well, if you're sure. I'll probably bring out my freeze ray for the occasion anyway. It'll give the audience some time to get out, and the bastard owes me a good monologue anyway."
***
Los Angeles is quite unlike anything Cata's seen before. Fortunately, Dr. Horrible has enough presence of mind to take her there with time to spare before the event; she allows herself a bit of gawking, in light of that, before entering the building to make ready for the ceremony.
Captain Hammer utterly fails to make any sort of good impression. It's almost astounding, how the audience hangs on his every word in spite of that. The growing discomfort of one young woman in particular - hard to miss because she's on the stage, at least at first - interests Cata; she wonders if that's the girl her current employer is sweet on.
And then Dr. Horrible's freeze ray lights up.
She allows him about a minute's triumphant monologue, the better to get all eyes on him and his death ray. After most of the audience scatters, she takes her aim and throws the hollow-point knife she found in Bistort, striking Captain Hammer squarely in the chest.
Just in time, it turns out, as the freeze ray gives out a few seconds later.
***
Cata immerses herself in some reading, the next time she makes it to Milliways. She's come a long way in recovering her knowledge, but there's a lot to be done yet, especially if she does end up doing some teaching as the Guild takes on new students. As such, she's not paying attention to the door as well as she usually does, and she misses Dr. Horrible's entrance entirely until he sets five bags of liquefied gold on the table in front of her.
Once she does look up, though, she chalks up part of missing him to the fact that he's not wearing white anymore. "Moving up in the world, I see."
"Well, the last singing telegram I got boiled down to 'you're in, but you need a slight wardrobe change.' I guess Bad Horse didn't think the white was cutting it."
"The red does suit you. Congratulations."
He smiles a bit. "Thank you. Whatever poison you added to that knife did the trick wonderfully - the police can't figure it out. Really, that's probably half of what got me in."
"Rosamurton's lovely stuff like that. In small doses, it's a blood thinner, but with as much as I used, it'd be a wonder if he had any blood left at all." She eyes the bags for a moment, then adds, "Any progress with the girl?"
Dr. Horrible sighs. "She... was there. I should have expected that, the homeless shelter was one of her pet projects."
"So she saw the whole thing?"
"She did. And... I think she was worn out on Captain Hammer's 'charms' that she's glad to see the back of him, but she's not sure what to think of how I got to that point. We're still talking, at least, so maybe there's hope."
Cata raises an eyebrow. "How'd you meet her in the first place, anyway?"
"Laundromat. She takes her clothes in the same days I do. Took me months to actually get around to saying anything, and then she... kinda ended up doing it first."
"I see. In light of that, perhaps you can find some common ground. But if she doesn't care for what you're trying to do with your life, you may have a very important choice to make."
He sighs again. "I know, I know. And I... I don't know which it'd be. I guess it'll depend on what happens from here, but at least she hasn't written me off out of hand."
"There is that, yes. I suspect you're going to have to be very careful in how you explain your position."
"Yeah. But at least Captain Hammer's not screwing everything up anymore."
Cata smiles. "Very true. In my experience, Heroes do less good than they like to think they do."
"...On the other hand, I should probably find a new nemesis." Dr. Horrible smiles himself. "Got to keep life interesting, after all. And, well, it can't be that hard to find people who don't think the world needs to change as much as I do."
Horribly Familiar
Cata actually has to look twice at the man in the coat; she doubts Sam would be that quick to attempt to blend into his surroundings, that he'd already have garb of a sort she's never seen in Bistort before. But one can never be quite sure, with Sam - particularly since she seems to have found a compelling reason to wash out his hair.
Unfortunately, her observation isn't as subtle as it once was; the man catches her just as she's growing satisfied he isn't Sam after all. "What?"
"Sorry. You look uncannily like a friend of mine, is all."
"Long as it's not 'horribly familiar,' I think we're fine."
"No, I wouldn't say horribly so. There's a real possibility Sam would enjoy the coat, though I'm not sure about the eyepiece." She pauses for a moment, then adds, "I suppose it's a matter of an alias you'd rather not be widespread?"
"More that I was hoping it wouldn't be spread to one person in particular, since I was out of uniform at the time." He smiles a bit, then offers a white-gloved hand. "Dr. Horrible, currently aiming to join the Evil League of Evil."
"Call me Cata. Is this league of yours anything like a guild?"
"Well, it's not mine - if anything, it's Bad Horse's. And not exactly, no. There's no training, you just have to prove you're dastardly enough to merit consideration."
"Seems to me - though I may be biased, given my own circumstances - that they might find it easier to recruit people if they offered training."
Dr. Horrible snorts. "I'm beginning to think Bad Horse has too much fun sending out his singing telegram posse to actually train anyone. What are your circumstances, if you don't mind me asking?"
"I'm an assassin." And oh, does she enjoy not having to qualify that statement anymore.
He eyes her for a moment, a bit apprehensively if she doesn't miss her guess. "Really. You look a little... heavyset, for the part."
Cata shrugs, "My specialty is poisons, not combat. Besides, there was a bit of a thing where a wizard decided he was going to magick everyone into agreeing with him, so I spent seven years out of practice and happily raising children."
"...Ew. That's even worse than Captain Hammer getting all the good press - your guy could make his own. Don't suppose you could use a freeze ray? Hold him down while everyone punches him?"
"Oh, he's dead - otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you in my right mind. He wouldn't have let go of those spells willingly, and there's no other way to break them. Who's Captain Hammer?" Her curiosity's piqued; she chalks it up to the cloud that passed over his face at the name.
"Captain Hammer, Corporate Tool?" Dr. Horrible scowls, and Cata could swear she's looking at Sam in high dudgeon. "He likes to think he's a hero, but he does a lot more harm than good and gets all the good press despite that. He's dislocated my shoulder twice, thrown a car at my head, and swept the girl of my dreams off her feet before I had a chance to tell her she's the girl of my dreams."
Cata only has the faintest idea of what he means by a car, but doesn't ask; she suspects the last offense is what he finds truly unforgivable. "And what are you planning to do about him?"
"Kill him," he says without hesitation, then promptly ruins the effect by adding, "Well, if I can... actually bring myself to follow through. It's not exactly an idea I relish, nemesis or not."
"If you don't trust your own nerve, I'm not under contract at the moment."
"...You don't have - I mean, it's Captain Hammer, I think he's bulletproof or something. Besides, I think Bad Horse is really expecting me to take this one into my own hands."
Cata smiles. "If you hire the assassin, you're still doing an evil deed, and you can always take credit for setting up the kill. Besides, why would I want to use a weapon I barely know when I have an array of deadly poisons at my disposal?"
"Okay, you have a point there." Dr. Horrible sighs. "I need to think about it, maybe check the Evil League of Evil bylaws about that while I'm working on the stun ray conversion. But, well, thanks for offering, in any case."
"Oh, it's no trouble. Fellow misunderstood professionals ought to stick together, where they feel they're able."
***
A week goes by in Bistort before Cata can return to Milliways; she avoids taking any assignments, just in case, even though a couple come in that suit her style. Fortunately, Sam is the only person who asks about it. She tells him as much as she feels able, and hopes he finds his own way to the bar sometime soon. Look-alikes aside, it's the sort of place that defies easy explanation.
When she does return, she steps out back for a spot of dagger-throwing; after a few minutes, the sensation of being watched pricks at the back of her neck.
"Oh, hello, Doctor," she says, after pausing long enough to check. "How have you been?"
Dr. Horrible moves to a more natural point in her line of sight, then shrugs. "Busy. And... considering your offer a little more strongly, if it's still open."
"It is. So it's acceptable within this league's parameters?"
"May not amuse Bad Horse quite as much as doing it myself, but it's evil enough to qualify, long as I can prove I was involved in the setup."
Cata smiles, and starts collecting her daggers from the target and the ground around it. "With them, you can take as much credit as you have to. And for my payment?"
"Well, I've got some gold bars. Sort of. They... kinda liquefied under my trans-matter ray, but they're definitely still gold, on a molecular level. I'm not sure what all you could take home, like that, but..."
"I really don't know that I could take liquid gold home at all, though it may be of some use here. I presume you have enough to reflect the difficulty of the task at hand?"
"Haven't really counted," he says, "but if it's not I could... I dunno, get you dinner or something."
"Fair enough. Do you have any sort of plan?"
"The mayor wants him to dedicate something for a homeless shelter. Or dedicate something to him, I don't know which. I thought that might be high-profile enough to get my point across. Beyond that, I... don't have much of a plan, yet."
Cata considers that for a few moments, then nods. "All right. Keep me posted as to when this is happening."
***
Dr. Horrible offers Cata the use of his death ray, but she balks at the idea; given that it was originally only a stun ray, she's not at all sure it would be up to the task at hand. He still insists she try it first to make sure, going so far as to bring it to Milliways for that purpose. She likes it even less after that - the thing's got a worse kick than any crossbow she's ever used, or the small sample of guns she's encountered in the bar.
"I'll stick to a throwing knife, thanks," she says, handing the death ray back. "If I can find an old hollow-point somewhere, it'll hold some poison quite nicely."
"Well, if you're sure. I'll probably bring out my freeze ray for the occasion anyway. It'll give the audience some time to get out, and the bastard owes me a good monologue anyway."
***
Los Angeles is quite unlike anything Cata's seen before. Fortunately, Dr. Horrible has enough presence of mind to take her there with time to spare before the event; she allows herself a bit of gawking, in light of that, before entering the building to make ready for the ceremony.
Captain Hammer utterly fails to make any sort of good impression. It's almost astounding, how the audience hangs on his every word in spite of that. The growing discomfort of one young woman in particular - hard to miss because she's on the stage, at least at first - interests Cata; she wonders if that's the girl her current employer is sweet on.
And then Dr. Horrible's freeze ray lights up.
She allows him about a minute's triumphant monologue, the better to get all eyes on him and his death ray. After most of the audience scatters, she takes her aim and throws the hollow-point knife she found in Bistort, striking Captain Hammer squarely in the chest.
Just in time, it turns out, as the freeze ray gives out a few seconds later.
***
Cata immerses herself in some reading, the next time she makes it to Milliways. She's come a long way in recovering her knowledge, but there's a lot to be done yet, especially if she does end up doing some teaching as the Guild takes on new students. As such, she's not paying attention to the door as well as she usually does, and she misses Dr. Horrible's entrance entirely until he sets five bags of liquefied gold on the table in front of her.
Once she does look up, though, she chalks up part of missing him to the fact that he's not wearing white anymore. "Moving up in the world, I see."
"Well, the last singing telegram I got boiled down to 'you're in, but you need a slight wardrobe change.' I guess Bad Horse didn't think the white was cutting it."
"The red does suit you. Congratulations."
He smiles a bit. "Thank you. Whatever poison you added to that knife did the trick wonderfully - the police can't figure it out. Really, that's probably half of what got me in."
"Rosamurton's lovely stuff like that. In small doses, it's a blood thinner, but with as much as I used, it'd be a wonder if he had any blood left at all." She eyes the bags for a moment, then adds, "Any progress with the girl?"
Dr. Horrible sighs. "She... was there. I should have expected that, the homeless shelter was one of her pet projects."
"So she saw the whole thing?"
"She did. And... I think she was worn out on Captain Hammer's 'charms' that she's glad to see the back of him, but she's not sure what to think of how I got to that point. We're still talking, at least, so maybe there's hope."
Cata raises an eyebrow. "How'd you meet her in the first place, anyway?"
"Laundromat. She takes her clothes in the same days I do. Took me months to actually get around to saying anything, and then she... kinda ended up doing it first."
"I see. In light of that, perhaps you can find some common ground. But if she doesn't care for what you're trying to do with your life, you may have a very important choice to make."
He sighs again. "I know, I know. And I... I don't know which it'd be. I guess it'll depend on what happens from here, but at least she hasn't written me off out of hand."
"There is that, yes. I suspect you're going to have to be very careful in how you explain your position."
"Yeah. But at least Captain Hammer's not screwing everything up anymore."
Cata smiles. "Very true. In my experience, Heroes do less good than they like to think they do."
"...On the other hand, I should probably find a new nemesis." Dr. Horrible smiles himself. "Got to keep life interesting, after all. And, well, it can't be that hard to find people who don't think the world needs to change as much as I do."