I cannot pinpoint the moment in time the tide began rising. Has it been a year? More? I’ve felt like this off and on for all of my life, wading ankle deep in the emotional mires. I don’t acknowledge it until it is rushing around my shoulders. I don’t pay attention to currents. I don’t take note or keep log. I make no attempt to check things ( Read more... )

I wanted to write again, it crept into my subconscious and stuck-- That ridiculous, creative desire. Oh, how I love it and how I hate it ( Read more... )

and this is, all of this, is complicated enough without debating half-truths.My instinctual response is the most visceral; it is to say, “I thank you, kindly, not to offer me medication every time I share my emotions.” I let these bitter words wash away from my mind and replace them part by parcel. My second reaction is conversationally ( Read more... )

While we are speaking out loud, there is a running commentary in my head. I almost can't concentrate for listening to it ( Read more... )

I had a zombie dream last night. It wasn’t so much a horror story, as one might expect, but more of a drama/mystery story. There were all these soap-operaesque subplots, with interpersonal stories tangling into one another before being one by one cut loose as the people involved become zombies ( Read more... )

Most of the time life just sort of happens to me, or at least it feels like it does. Do you ever get that? I mean to say, here you are, you’ve shown up to life carrying the personality traits that previous events have bestowed on you, with the knowledge congruent to your back story, with the people you have collected along the way beside you… and ( Read more... )

Do you ever get the feeling that ever since you were old enough to make decisions you have been totally fucking it up and making the wrong ones? That if there was some sort of contest to see who could make the worst life choices you would go home with the big prize? Or maybe you are like me, and you don't make choices at all. Maybe, like Sylvia ( Read more... )

I had a dream last night that my siblings and I were fighting Voldemort. That is, in the dream logic sense of the world, what I dreamed. We were us but we weren’t us and Larissa was very small, like six, and Voldemort had kidnapped her and we were tracking him down to this fortress he was holed up in. Mom drove. It was Voldemort we were ( Read more... )

I started going through the boxes for the rummage sale, reminiscing about the old computer games, books and stuffed animals. I was making stacks of what I would salvage and what I would send off to someone else’s pile of acquired useless junk and all the while Odessa is waxing closer and closer to unconsciousness. By the time she had fallen ( Read more... )

I want to make a box out of old hopes ( Read more... )