As of this very minute, I am officially 40 years old, happy birthday, me.

I have to remember to never buy Memorex brand CD-Rs ever, ever again.

I keep checking e-mail for comments on that post and they just aren't coming.

I have to stop watching American Idol because it's depressing knowing that I can outsing all of these daggone kids; if there'd been an idol two decades ago, I'd probably be a frickin' superstar now, not some shlub in a sweater posting statements.

Headcheese is not an acceptable hostess gift.

Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim - and dont forget the blame.

I am trying a new (to me) tea, Lapsang Souchong, and I swear to you, it tastes like hot, honeyed cigarette ash.

Two weeks is not sufficient.

No, Don Imus, you're not a "good person" because good people don't think like you do, sleazeball.

I'm not going to be a happy camper if I ever meet the extreme and powerfully obtuse idiot who decided that "Soundtrack" and "Alternative & Punk" were genres of music.