Kakashi/Iruka Fic 9-part 2/9 (Final)
This is the second part of the last chapter.
I hope this is as satisfying for you, dear readers, as it is for me. This story has been a challenge--in a good way of course. A lot of this is gleaned from personal experience, so some of these scenes were as emotional for me as they were for the characters. If you have any questions about anything regarding the scenes in this fic, other scenes you have read or watched, or just BDSM in general, I put myself at your service. Ask me whatever you like.
Enjoy.
Extra Note: I don't own Naruto, obviously.
Title: What Doesn't Kill You
Paring: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: Big fat NC-17
Warnings: Angst, manpain, language, BDSM, slight non-con warning.
Summary: Kakashi and Iruka are sent on a dangerous and enlightening mission. Unfortunately, this mission could have serious emotional as well as physical ramifications.
<< Part Nine, Part 1
Part Nine: Everything, Part 2
Sunlight filtered in through the curtains, warming Kakashi’s skin and causing him to squint as he opened his eyes. Strange, his apartment faced the North, how was there sunlight in his bedroom? And why did he smell coffee?
He rolled to his back, and his shoulder brushed against a knee. He looked up, and found Iruka sitting against the headboard, hair loose, with a stack of papers in his lap. The sensei’s eyes lifted to meet his, and his lips turned up into a small smile.
“Morning,” he said softly.
Kakashi swallowed. Everything from last night came crashing back to him in one shocking memory, the fight, his breakdown, the bath, the sex… Apparently, it hadn’t been a dream after all, unless he was still asleep.
“Morning,” he said, surprised that he actually felt a little shy.
“Would you like some coffee?”
“Yes please.”
The sensei reached over to the night stand and grabbed a mug with the words World’s Best Teacher printed in rainbow colors across the side, and handed it to him. Kakashi sat up, took the cup, and took a small sip. It was still hot, but not enough to burn his tongue, so he took another long swallow. It tasted faintly like vanilla and sugar.
“I’m sorry, it’s probably too sweet,” Iruka said. “I don’t know how you take it.”
“It’s perfect,” Kakashi said, and moved to rest on his elbow. “What are you doing?”
“Grading papers. I called in today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t catch up.”
“You called in?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka nodded. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.” His face reddened as he spoke, and he lifted a hand to rub at his scar absently.
Kakashi hid a smile behind the rim of the mug as his heart swelled. “What time is it?”
“Um, after nine?” the sensei twisted to look at the clock. “Yeah, nine thirty-six.”
“Damn, I slept a long time.”
Iruka’s eyes stayed on his paperwork, his face getting redder by the second. “You seemed like you needed it.”
Taking one last swallow, Kakashi rolled and placed the mug on the shelf on his side of the bed, then he rolled back and propped himself up against the headboard directly next to Iruka so the length of their bodies touched. He reached over slowly, and took the red pen from the sensei’s fingers, even though Iruka had not written anything since Kakashi had opened his eyes. As he did, he noticed two small, silver bars through soft, pink flesh.
“I see you kept them.”
Iruka nodded, looking down at the nipple rings. “They reminded me of you.”
He seemed tense, not in a bad way, but it was obvious there was something on the sensei’s mind.
“Are you all right?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka nodded. “I’m great, really great, actually. Just embarrassed… again.”
Feeling a fluttering in his chest, Kakashi nudged the sensei’s shoulder playfully. “It’s quite adorable how you can fuck me senseless in your bathtub and then the next morning you get all nervous and blushy.”
Iruka actually laughed into his hands, genuine and musical, a sound that lifted Kakashi’s spirits even higher and started to rekindle the feelings of arousal from the previous night.
“Thank you,” Kakashi said suddenly, the words spilling from his lips unplanned.
Smiling at him over laced fingers, Iruka tilted his head to lean it against the headboard. He brushed his hair from his face and looked at Kakashi for several long moments, seemingly content. A quiet peace filled the room as the two men studied each other and shared each other’s warmth underneath a tangle of sheets.
“Kakashi-san,” Iruka whispered, breaking the silence, “I want to negotiate with you.”
The sweet arousal that had been building inside Kakashi ignited and a pleasant shiver raced up and down his body at those words.
“Oh really?” Kakashi was proud that his voice was still steady. “How to you know about negotiations?”
“I’ve been studying. I’ve done a lot of research in the last month.”
“Are you sure?” Kakashi asked.
“Yes.”
There was no going back now. Kakashi knew he wanted this, he had wanted it since the sensei had first writhed under his touch. Now here they were, and Iruka was offering it to him freely.
“I can be cruel.”
Iruka nodded, “I’ll know when to stop you.”
Kakashi’s heart thudded against his ribcage, it beat so hard he could feel it in his throat, in his gut, all the way to the tips of his toes. He couldn’t believe this was happening, this was too perfect. He had left the lifestyle because he didn’t trust anyone enough to be with them. He had become disenchanted with everything, thinking the scene had nothing left to offer him. But now, here was a man who was everything he could ever have hoped for. Someone strong, smart, and confident enough in himself to handle whatever Kakashi gave him; who could give it back with the same force. Here was someone Kakashi could trust and love and give himself over to completely.
“I will do this with you, under one condition.”
Iruka watched him carefully and nodded his head. “What is it?”
Kakashi took a moment to breathe, to collect his thoughts and his courage. What he was about to ask the sensei, was something he had never, ever intended to ask anyone.
“I want…” he stopped and cleared his throat. “I am going to need you to switch.”
Iruka’s eyes widened and Kakashi felt his breath catch.
“S-switch?”
Kakashi nodded. “I want to give you the things I know that I can give you. You respond well to how I work. I mean, it seems like you like it, at least.”
“I do,” Iruka whispered.
“But I think,” Kakashi’s voice trembled as he spoke, “I think I need to be the one taking sometimes. Like after a rough mission, or when I just…” He stopped and studied Iruka’s face for a long moment before he figured out what he was trying to say.
“Sometimes I fall apart, and I want you to be the one that’s there for me.”
Iruka’s smile was dazzling as the sensei reached for his hand and held it tight. He laced his fingers together with Kakashi’s and then lifted it to his lips.
“I know exactly what you mean,” Iruka said against Kakashi’s skin. “Oh my God, I know exactly how you feel. Yes. Yes, I will do that for you.”
Relief flooded Kakashi so intensely that his head spun. He pulled Iruka’s hand to him and kissed the sensei’s knuckles. He felt fingers against his cheek and leaned into Iruka’s gentle touches.
“How does this work though?” Iruka asked, “How do we do this?”
Kakashi shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to live the lifestyle twenty-four-seven, so we would maybe have to have some kind of code or phrase that initiates a scene.”
“One of us can ask the other a question, and the other can give consent or not with the answer.”
Kakashi nodded. “I like that. What would we ask though?”
Iruka looked away, his brow furrowing in thought. His eyes stared at the bedsheets while Kakashi continued kissing his knuckles.
“What if we ask each other ‘do you think it will rain tomorrow’?”
Kakashi felt his body tremble and his eyes lidded. “And then we can respond with an easy ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Iruka, that’s genius.”
“Thank you,” the sensei smiled. “Um, but how do we know if we’re initiating as the Dominant or submissive?”
“Pet names,” Kakashi’s voice had become unsteady again. “When I want to initiate something as the Dominant, I’ll call you ‘my love’.”
Iruka looked at him then and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. There was no doubt that he was thinking and remembering the same things Kakashi was. The jounin’s body reacted to that smile a little more intensely that he had been expecting and he had to bite back a groan that pushed up from deep in his throat.
“What do I call you when I initiate as the Dominant, Kakashi-san?”
Kakashi swallowed. “Boy…”
Iruka swallowed, the hair at the base of his skull had started to cling to the back of his neck, just slightly damp with perspiration. He nodded his approval of the pet name, and Kakashi took that chance to lift his hand and run his thumb over the sensei’s bottom lip.
“I only ask for one thing, Kakashi-san.”
“What is it?” The skin at Iruka’s collar was hot, it felt amazing underneath Kakashi’s fingers.
“I work with children, and I have friends that won’t understand what we have. Please, Kakashi-san, promise me that if you initiate something in public, you will be discrete.”
“I promise,” Kakashi leaned in close and breathed across Iruka’s jaw, “If you will also promise me something.”
“Anything,” Iruka murmured.
“Call me Kakashi when we’re alone.”
He felt Iruka tremble against him. The sensei’s breath had quickened, and his grip on Kakashi’s arms had become just shy of painful.
“Kakashi…” he breathed, trying it out. Kakashi loved the sound of it, it slid across Iruka’s tongue like it was meant to be there.
“What’s our safe word?” He whispered into a tanned neck.
Iruka tipped his head, leveling Kakashi with a gaze that halted The Copy Nin into stillness.
“Can we continue using lilac?”
There was a lot of weight behind that request, a lot of fear and unease in Iruka’s eyes as he spoke. Using the safe word from the mission would solidify their resolve to learn and grow from the experience instead of trying to push past it-or to forget it. Kakashi was very happy with the idea, and he was so pleased and proud that Iruka had suggested it. The Copy Nin knew that every time they used that safe word, or tested it, or reaffirmed it, that it would remind him that Iruka had forgiven him. Or at least, had tried to convince him that there was nothing to forgive.
To Kakashi, there was no difference between the two.
“Lilac it is.”
Iruka smiled and Kakashi felt his hands slide up his shoulders, to his neck, and then to his jaw. The sensei kissed his lips so gently it was almost like the summer wind, a warm caress without form. Too perfect to actually have happened.
“Thank you,” Iruka whispered.
Time slowed, and Kakashi was able to see every detail of the sensei’s skin. Every fiber, every pore, every wrinkle and line and imperfection coming together to make up the most perfect face to ever fall under The Copy Nin’s gaze. A bead of sweat had formed at the sensei’s temple, and as it made its way down tanned skin, Kakashi reached out with his fingers and caught it, swept it away.
Every part of Iruka’s body was his, just as every part of him was Iruka’s. The idea was unfathomable, incomprehensible, and yet, so easy to understand and believe that Kakashi felt he had never been more at ease than he was at this moment.
“Iruka,” Kakashi murmured, “My love…”
Iruka stilled at those words and his eyes widened. “Yes, Kakashi…”
“Do you think it will rain tomorrow?”
There was no hesitation. Iruka responded almost instantly.
“Yes.”
He was so sure, so confident. Kakashi might have been stronger physically, but Iruka’s strength of mind, and spirit was unparalleled. The Copy Nin brushed a lock of dark hair behind an ear and hoped that someday he could stand on even ground with this amazing person.
“Of all the things I’ve done to you already, what did you like the most?”
Those dark eyes lidded as the sensei’s gaze unfocused. He glanced away for a handful of seconds before he looked back and he whispered softly, “I liked it when you spanked me, with your hand.”
Dizzy with arousal, Kakashi leaned in and spoke against Iruka’s throat.
“Would you like it if I did that again?”
Iruka’s body trembled under the jounin’s lips. “If doing it would please you.”
“It would please me.”
“Then yes,” Iruka’s voice had grown even quieter, breathless. “Yes, please.”
“Do you want me to do it here? On the bed?”
Iruka nodded.
“Good,” Kakashi said and carefully sat up, no sudden movements. He reached across the sensei’s lap and gathered the paperwork along with the red pen, and set it all carefully on the night stand. Then he pulled the sheets away and dropped them over the side of the bed. Iruka was as naked as he was, flushed despite his dark skin.
Taking hold of Iruka’s ankles, in one easy move, Kakashi pulled the sensei down so he was resting on his back, his head on the pillow. Iruka’s sharp intake of breath was more pleasure than surprise, but then he held up a hand to Kakashi’s chest.
“Wait, Kakashi. May I show you something first?”
Intrigued, Kakashi nodded and sat back on his heels.
Rolling his upper body, Iruka reached over the side of the bed towards the corner. When he returned to his back, he had a long piece of red silk in his hands. It was about a foot wide and extremely soft to the touch.
“This is connected to a ring,” he said softly, “and the ring is locked around the post of the bed frame.”
Kakashi had forgotten how to breathe again, but he managed to get a few words past his lips despite.
“Is there one on the other side?”
Iruka nodded again. “There’s one on all four posts.”
Kakashi took the silk from Iruka’s hands and ran it slowly through his fingers. It was expensive, that much was obvious.
“You really did do your research.”
“I just thought…” Iruka stopped and his eyes fell.
“Don’t look away,” Kakashi said, and the sensei’s eyes returned to his face.
“Tell me what you thought, my love.”
A shaking breath; a tongue flicked out over chapped lips.
“I thought that since I remembered, I had the advantage. I could get you comfortable with me and then ask if you wanted to tie me up.” The sensei’s face flushed an even darker red and, to Kakashi’s surprise, his eyes filled with tears.
“I’m sorry, I know that sounds really stupid now, but I was desperate, Kakashi. I just wanted to be with you again.”
His hands went to Iruka’s face and Kakashi kissed away the tears before they could touch the sensei’s cheeks. “It’s not stupid,” he murmured softly, “It’s not stupid at all. In fact, it’s incredibly sexy.”
Iruka made a sweet noise in the back of his throat. “Really? It’s okay?”
“Yes it is,” Kakashi said. “Now, roll to your stomach and lie flat.”
Iruka obeyed and Kakashi removed the pillows. When the sensei was settled, he took the silk bond and wrapped it around Iruka’s left wrist. He checked to make sure he could slide a finger in between the fabric and Iruka’s skin before he knotted it, and moved to the other side. When the sensei was tied down, with arms stretched to both sides, Kakashi scooted back to admire the view.
Iruka was watching him, his eyes a little afraid, but still loving, still passionate.
“Iruka, my love, how does it feel?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka pulled at the bonds, twisted his arms to test the give. “It’s frightening,” he said softly, “but it’s also intense… exciting.”
“Good,” Kakashi said.
He reached to gently spread Iruka’s legs apart, and then moved to kneel between them. He ran his palms over the sensei’s ass and rubbed circles into the muscles at his lower back. Iruka moaned into his shoulder, arching under his touch, and Kakashi swallowed as his mouth started to water.
“I’m going to spank you four times,” Kakashi said, “alternating from side to side. Then we will rest, and go another four. Do you understand?”
Iruka nodded. “Yes, Kakashi.”
Straitening, he slid his hands up Iruka’s thighs, slowly, just long enough to get the sensei to relax, and then…
Slap.
Iruka cried out, his body tensed. Kakashi rubbed his palm over the skin where it was already starting to redden.
“Is that okay?” Kakashi asked, “Or do you want it harder?”
“Harder,” Iruka’s voice was throaty, deep.
Slap. It was harder that time, hard enough that Kakashi’s hand stung.
“Yes…” Iruka moaned.
Slap.
The headboard creaked as Iruka pulled at his bonds. “Oh God…” he murmured breathlessly into the sheet. “Oh my God…”
Slap.
Kakashi admired the welts that had begun to form across tanned skin and he rose up, trailing kisses along Iruka’s spine. When he reached the sensei’s neck, he put a hand down on the mattress for support and slid the length of his cock along the other man’s clef.
“You did very good,” he whispered into dark hair, “we’ll rest for a short while and then do it again.”
“Yes, Kakashi.”
Breathing in the scent of clean hair and coffee, Kakashi rolled his hips again, dragging hot flesh against flesh.
“Iruka, my love, why spanking?”
Iruka’s eyes were closed, but he opened them to look at Kakashi through thick eyelashes. “I like your hands on me.”
“I can lay my hands on you without spanking.”
Iruka nodded, “I know, but I like the sting. It lingers, like you’re still touching even after you’re not. Besides,” he closed his eyes again, turning his face once again into the sheets, “doing it with your hand makes it so you can feel it too.”
Kakashi couldn’t help but shiver. He was done for, Iruka knew how to play, and he knew how to tantalize just the way Kakashi liked.
“That’s very naughty,” he chuckled.
“I know,” Iruka said softly, “I’m very bad.”
“It’s all right,” Kakashi said and straightened back up, “you just need training.”
Slap.
“Ah!” Iruka’s cry was back to being surprised. The first four slaps had been easy, a warmup. Now, Kakashi would show him what he really could do.
Slap.
“Ah… yes…”
Slap.
“Do you still like it?”
Iruka pulled at the bonds, twisting his body. The sensei was arching, writhing under the pressure and the strain. He was so beautiful, so unreal.
“Yes, I love it. I love it Kakashi.”
“Good.”
Slap
Kakashi came in close again, sliding his hands over Iruka’s back, massaging, kneading into tense muscles with his strong fingers. The sensei was shuddering beneath him, partly sobbing, but it was punctuated by laughter, contented, joyous, laughter.
“Tell me what you’re thinking about right now,” Kakashi said.
“Ah…” Iruka’s voice had risen in pitch, and the edges had become rough, scratchy, “how can I explain? Mmm… I’m just happy. Before, when it was a mission, I had to pretend… that I was pretending… to like it? Am I making sense?”
Of course he did, Kakashi understood exactly what he felt. Kakashi, as a shinobi, had been playing the part of a performer, but at the same time, in a way he had been playing the part of a shinobi as well. So many of his real thoughts and his real feelings had been a burden to him, they had tormented him.
Now, he knew that it had been the same for Iruka.
“I understand,” Kakashi murmured, “I understand you perfectly, my love.”
“Now I can just… feel,” Iruka panted, “I can just love it without all the layers and the guilt… I can just tell you that it feels good and mean it… in every way.”
Kakashi’s cock throbbed at Iruka’s words, his heart ached at the sensei’s pure and loving words. He wanted to take Iruka now, to bury himself inside that body and rut until he lost his mind.
“Iruka,” he growled, “One more set. Can you do it?”
“Yes, Kakashi,” his voice was so sweet, “if it will please you.”
“Oh, Iruka,” The Copy Nin murmured as he straightened back up, “you have no idea.”
The sensei shuddered a half sob, half laugh and closed his eyes.
“I think I do…”
Kakashi laid into him. He struck as hard as his muscles would allow. Slap! The sensei cried out, biting into the sheets. His form tensed and the sweat that had beaded across his shoulders and back started to run down his sides.
Slap! Kakashi’s hand stung, but what Iruka had said had been right, it was amazing to share the feeling. As Iruka cried out again, shook, pulled against the bindings, Kakashi grunted a noise that was partially from the pain, but mostly approval.
Slap!
“Ah! Fuck!” Iruka’s sobs had become continuous. Every breath he took was a litany of praises and cries of pain all jumbled together in a kind of beautiful music. Kakashi was panting, growing tired, his own sweat trickled down his chest and back to drip onto the bed.
Slap!
“Iruka, my love, you are amazing. I want to give you two more. Can you do it?”
“Y-yes…” Iruka cried. “Two more please, Kakashi.”
Kakashi readied himself, hands stinging with pain, shoulders aching. He laid both blows out one right after the other, Slap! Slap! and then leaned forward immediately to untie the bonds from around Iruka’s wrists.
“Iruka…” he whispered softly, “Iruka, my love, you’re perfect. You’re so perfect…”
He helped the sensei turn over onto his back. Iruka was gasping, crying softly, tears trickling down his cheeks, but when he met Kakashi’s eyes, he smiled. He reached up and touched Kakashi’s cheek, his fingers shook.
“Not yet,” Kakashi said.
Now that Iruka was turned over, Kakashi took the silk bonds and tied them around Iruka’s wrists again. He still checked for tightness, but this time he made sure the bonds pulled the sensei wide. His arms lay straight out to the side, stretching his chest. In this position he did not have to worry about Iruka being able smothered, and he wanted the sensei to have less range of motion than he had before.
“Test them, love.”
Iruka pulled, tears trailing down his cheeks as he found he could barely move.
“It’s good,” he whispered, lips trembling.
Kakashi came close again, breathed against Iruka’s lips. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Anything.”
Iruka’s mouth parted, and Kakashi watched beads of sweat slip over his upper lip and inside, onto his tongue. He wanted to follow, but he would wait.
“I want…” Iruka panted, “I want you to fuck me. H-hard, as hard as you can.”
“What else?”
“Fuck me until I come, and then keep going. Don’t stop until you come inside me.”
Kakashi’s arms felt like they would buckle. Iruka’s voice was too deep and too sexy to be asking for things like that so sweetly.
“I’m going to need lotion, or lube, something. We can’t do this dry, I’ll tear you apart.”
“In the drawer,” Iruka motioned with his head.
The bottle was small and almost empty, but Kakashi poured some over his fingers and settled back in between Iruka’s spread knees. He pumped himself slick, sliding his hand underneath one long, muscled leg.
“Remember, Iruka, I can be very cruel.”
The sensei eyed him, flushed, sweating, panting like he had just run a hundred miles.
“And you must remember, Kakashi, I will stop you if I can’t handle it.”
Kakashi shook his head in disbelief. How did he get here? How was this possible? Any moment he was going to wake up and find that this was all a dream, wasn’t he?
“I love you,” he said, the awe in his voice could not be hidden.
Iruka smiled through his tears. “And I love you.”
Kakashi pushed Iruka’s leg up, and watched as he slid himself inside the other man in one, smooth motion. The sensei cried out, and for a moment, the heat and the pulse of Iruka’s body, the heady air, and the intensity of their sex was almost too much. But a few deep breaths calmed Kakashi, grounded him, and he leaned forward, gripping the headboard with both hands. He started to move.
He fucked Iruka like his life depended on it.
Time had stopped once again, the world around them had fallen away. There was nothing else in Kakashi’s universe anymore but Iruka. His body and his voice, his fucking beautiful voice, the sweat on his skin, the flush across his scar.
His eyes.
Iruka’s legs held him, squeezed the breath from his lungs. The sensei cursed, and groaned, and keened so beautifully Kakashi, in a haze of intoxication, started to wonder if maybe he was an angel. When the words started to tumble from Iruka’s lips, “…wanted this for so long… God, you’re so handsome… yes! there, don’t stop…” Kakashi didn’t have to wonder anymore.
Whe he felt Iruka tightening around him, Kakashi reached down between them and took Iruka’s length in his hand. He stroked the sensei with the same force as he was using to pound him into the bed.
“Kakashi… oh, Kakashi… I love you… I love youfuck… ah… fuck!
When he came, it was like a force of nature. Muscles rippled and flexed underneath his slick skin, he growled from deep in his throat, twisting and pulling on his bonds. His cock pulsed in Kakashi’s hand, splashing warmth over Kakashi’s fingers and across his stomach and chest. He was fucking gorgeous, fucking perfect.
Kakashi bore down, returning his hands to the headboard, his only focus now was his own release. Pleasure had rendered him completely uncomprehensive of anything but the friction of Iruka’s warm body around him. Everything was tensing, coiling, building in his loins, the pressure was peaking, and coherency was gone, far away and forgotten.
He released the headboard and placed his hands beside Iruka’s head, pressing his face into the sensei’s neck as he broke apart. His orgasm overwhelmed his senses, whited out his vision. A pleasure he had never known filled him completely, shooting from his core to his fingertips, to his toes, to his cock. He shuddered violently, murmuring words with no meaning into tanned skin as he emptied everything into Iruka’s body.
As he came down, he became aware of a trembling mouth kissing him softly at his temple, whispering sweet words of love and affection. He lifted his head and met those lips in a gentle kiss.
Tired and sated, he got up on his knees and released Iruka’s wrists. Immediately, the sensei’s arms were around him, pulling Kakashi back down against his chest. The Copy Nin had no other place he would rather be, so he tucked himself around Iruka and gently ran fingers through his damp hair.
“Are you all right?”
Iruka nodded against his neck. “I’m more than all right, Kakashi. I’m… amazing.”
Kissing the younger man’s forehead, Kakashi hummed softly, “I don’t deserve this… I don’t deserve you.”
“It’s not about who deserves what,” Iruka murmured, “It should never be about that. We love each other, we need each other. That’s all the matters to me.”
Kakashi said nothing, what could he say?
They lay there for some time, dozing, holding each other as the sun climbed high into the sky. Kakashi swam in and out of sleep, alternately watching Iruka, and then clouds through the window. When the sensei finally did stir, he nuzzled into Kakashi’s arms and sighed contentedly.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
Kakashi smiled, “Are you offering to cook for me?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, this just gets better and better.”
Iruka was smiling when he pulled away, still when he kissed Kakashi’s lips. Kakashi really did try to smile back but he was stunned stupid by Iruka’s tussled hair and sleepy eyes. Kakashi thought he had already seen the sensei at his best, but no, he was wrong, Iruka looked best when he was just waking up.
“Would you like pancakes or waffles?”
“Uh…” Kakashi said lamely, “I don’t think I can make those kind of decisions right now.”
Iruka nodded and ran fingers through his hair. “Pancakes it is.”
Kakashi watched the sensei slide from the bed and stride naked across the room to slip on a pair of pants. He grinned at Kakashi and motioned for the jounin to follow him. After getting dressed, or at least decent enough if someone saw him through a window, Kakashi followed down the hall and into the kitchen.
They made breakfast together, a common domestic thing that Kakashi had never had the chance to experience before-had never imagined he would experience it at all, especially with someone he cared for so deeply. It made The Copy Nin think of all the things he wanted to experience with Iruka. There were so many firsts, so many wonderful, simple things that he had to look forward to. Because of Iruka, he now had a reason to do more than just go through the motions of living, now Kakashi had a reason to actually live his life.
He would not take this for granted. He would not take anything for granted ever again. He would do the best that he could, and be the best version of himself he could be for Iruka.
Happy, and utterly content, he kissed the sensei over the stove. Covered in flower and eggs, blueberries coloring the tips of his fingers, Kakashi pushed the thought that he might not deserve this out of his mind. Iruka had told him it wasn’t about that, it was about how they loved each other, and how they could be what each other needed. To Iruka, that was all that mattered.
And so, Kakashi decided that was all that mattered to him too.
END
All previous chapters here.
:]
I hope this is as satisfying for you, dear readers, as it is for me. This story has been a challenge--in a good way of course. A lot of this is gleaned from personal experience, so some of these scenes were as emotional for me as they were for the characters. If you have any questions about anything regarding the scenes in this fic, other scenes you have read or watched, or just BDSM in general, I put myself at your service. Ask me whatever you like.
Enjoy.
Extra Note: I don't own Naruto, obviously.
Title: What Doesn't Kill You
Paring: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: Big fat NC-17
Warnings: Angst, manpain, language, BDSM, slight non-con warning.
Summary: Kakashi and Iruka are sent on a dangerous and enlightening mission. Unfortunately, this mission could have serious emotional as well as physical ramifications.
<< Part Nine, Part 1
Part Nine: Everything, Part 2
Sunlight filtered in through the curtains, warming Kakashi’s skin and causing him to squint as he opened his eyes. Strange, his apartment faced the North, how was there sunlight in his bedroom? And why did he smell coffee?
He rolled to his back, and his shoulder brushed against a knee. He looked up, and found Iruka sitting against the headboard, hair loose, with a stack of papers in his lap. The sensei’s eyes lifted to meet his, and his lips turned up into a small smile.
“Morning,” he said softly.
Kakashi swallowed. Everything from last night came crashing back to him in one shocking memory, the fight, his breakdown, the bath, the sex… Apparently, it hadn’t been a dream after all, unless he was still asleep.
“Morning,” he said, surprised that he actually felt a little shy.
“Would you like some coffee?”
“Yes please.”
The sensei reached over to the night stand and grabbed a mug with the words World’s Best Teacher printed in rainbow colors across the side, and handed it to him. Kakashi sat up, took the cup, and took a small sip. It was still hot, but not enough to burn his tongue, so he took another long swallow. It tasted faintly like vanilla and sugar.
“I’m sorry, it’s probably too sweet,” Iruka said. “I don’t know how you take it.”
“It’s perfect,” Kakashi said, and moved to rest on his elbow. “What are you doing?”
“Grading papers. I called in today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t catch up.”
“You called in?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka nodded. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.” His face reddened as he spoke, and he lifted a hand to rub at his scar absently.
Kakashi hid a smile behind the rim of the mug as his heart swelled. “What time is it?”
“Um, after nine?” the sensei twisted to look at the clock. “Yeah, nine thirty-six.”
“Damn, I slept a long time.”
Iruka’s eyes stayed on his paperwork, his face getting redder by the second. “You seemed like you needed it.”
Taking one last swallow, Kakashi rolled and placed the mug on the shelf on his side of the bed, then he rolled back and propped himself up against the headboard directly next to Iruka so the length of their bodies touched. He reached over slowly, and took the red pen from the sensei’s fingers, even though Iruka had not written anything since Kakashi had opened his eyes. As he did, he noticed two small, silver bars through soft, pink flesh.
“I see you kept them.”
Iruka nodded, looking down at the nipple rings. “They reminded me of you.”
He seemed tense, not in a bad way, but it was obvious there was something on the sensei’s mind.
“Are you all right?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka nodded. “I’m great, really great, actually. Just embarrassed… again.”
Feeling a fluttering in his chest, Kakashi nudged the sensei’s shoulder playfully. “It’s quite adorable how you can fuck me senseless in your bathtub and then the next morning you get all nervous and blushy.”
Iruka actually laughed into his hands, genuine and musical, a sound that lifted Kakashi’s spirits even higher and started to rekindle the feelings of arousal from the previous night.
“Thank you,” Kakashi said suddenly, the words spilling from his lips unplanned.
Smiling at him over laced fingers, Iruka tilted his head to lean it against the headboard. He brushed his hair from his face and looked at Kakashi for several long moments, seemingly content. A quiet peace filled the room as the two men studied each other and shared each other’s warmth underneath a tangle of sheets.
“Kakashi-san,” Iruka whispered, breaking the silence, “I want to negotiate with you.”
The sweet arousal that had been building inside Kakashi ignited and a pleasant shiver raced up and down his body at those words.
“Oh really?” Kakashi was proud that his voice was still steady. “How to you know about negotiations?”
“I’ve been studying. I’ve done a lot of research in the last month.”
“Are you sure?” Kakashi asked.
“Yes.”
There was no going back now. Kakashi knew he wanted this, he had wanted it since the sensei had first writhed under his touch. Now here they were, and Iruka was offering it to him freely.
“I can be cruel.”
Iruka nodded, “I’ll know when to stop you.”
Kakashi’s heart thudded against his ribcage, it beat so hard he could feel it in his throat, in his gut, all the way to the tips of his toes. He couldn’t believe this was happening, this was too perfect. He had left the lifestyle because he didn’t trust anyone enough to be with them. He had become disenchanted with everything, thinking the scene had nothing left to offer him. But now, here was a man who was everything he could ever have hoped for. Someone strong, smart, and confident enough in himself to handle whatever Kakashi gave him; who could give it back with the same force. Here was someone Kakashi could trust and love and give himself over to completely.
“I will do this with you, under one condition.”
Iruka watched him carefully and nodded his head. “What is it?”
Kakashi took a moment to breathe, to collect his thoughts and his courage. What he was about to ask the sensei, was something he had never, ever intended to ask anyone.
“I want…” he stopped and cleared his throat. “I am going to need you to switch.”
Iruka’s eyes widened and Kakashi felt his breath catch.
“S-switch?”
Kakashi nodded. “I want to give you the things I know that I can give you. You respond well to how I work. I mean, it seems like you like it, at least.”
“I do,” Iruka whispered.
“But I think,” Kakashi’s voice trembled as he spoke, “I think I need to be the one taking sometimes. Like after a rough mission, or when I just…” He stopped and studied Iruka’s face for a long moment before he figured out what he was trying to say.
“Sometimes I fall apart, and I want you to be the one that’s there for me.”
Iruka’s smile was dazzling as the sensei reached for his hand and held it tight. He laced his fingers together with Kakashi’s and then lifted it to his lips.
“I know exactly what you mean,” Iruka said against Kakashi’s skin. “Oh my God, I know exactly how you feel. Yes. Yes, I will do that for you.”
Relief flooded Kakashi so intensely that his head spun. He pulled Iruka’s hand to him and kissed the sensei’s knuckles. He felt fingers against his cheek and leaned into Iruka’s gentle touches.
“How does this work though?” Iruka asked, “How do we do this?”
Kakashi shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to live the lifestyle twenty-four-seven, so we would maybe have to have some kind of code or phrase that initiates a scene.”
“One of us can ask the other a question, and the other can give consent or not with the answer.”
Kakashi nodded. “I like that. What would we ask though?”
Iruka looked away, his brow furrowing in thought. His eyes stared at the bedsheets while Kakashi continued kissing his knuckles.
“What if we ask each other ‘do you think it will rain tomorrow’?”
Kakashi felt his body tremble and his eyes lidded. “And then we can respond with an easy ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Iruka, that’s genius.”
“Thank you,” the sensei smiled. “Um, but how do we know if we’re initiating as the Dominant or submissive?”
“Pet names,” Kakashi’s voice had become unsteady again. “When I want to initiate something as the Dominant, I’ll call you ‘my love’.”
Iruka looked at him then and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. There was no doubt that he was thinking and remembering the same things Kakashi was. The jounin’s body reacted to that smile a little more intensely that he had been expecting and he had to bite back a groan that pushed up from deep in his throat.
“What do I call you when I initiate as the Dominant, Kakashi-san?”
Kakashi swallowed. “Boy…”
Iruka swallowed, the hair at the base of his skull had started to cling to the back of his neck, just slightly damp with perspiration. He nodded his approval of the pet name, and Kakashi took that chance to lift his hand and run his thumb over the sensei’s bottom lip.
“I only ask for one thing, Kakashi-san.”
“What is it?” The skin at Iruka’s collar was hot, it felt amazing underneath Kakashi’s fingers.
“I work with children, and I have friends that won’t understand what we have. Please, Kakashi-san, promise me that if you initiate something in public, you will be discrete.”
“I promise,” Kakashi leaned in close and breathed across Iruka’s jaw, “If you will also promise me something.”
“Anything,” Iruka murmured.
“Call me Kakashi when we’re alone.”
He felt Iruka tremble against him. The sensei’s breath had quickened, and his grip on Kakashi’s arms had become just shy of painful.
“Kakashi…” he breathed, trying it out. Kakashi loved the sound of it, it slid across Iruka’s tongue like it was meant to be there.
“What’s our safe word?” He whispered into a tanned neck.
Iruka tipped his head, leveling Kakashi with a gaze that halted The Copy Nin into stillness.
“Can we continue using lilac?”
There was a lot of weight behind that request, a lot of fear and unease in Iruka’s eyes as he spoke. Using the safe word from the mission would solidify their resolve to learn and grow from the experience instead of trying to push past it-or to forget it. Kakashi was very happy with the idea, and he was so pleased and proud that Iruka had suggested it. The Copy Nin knew that every time they used that safe word, or tested it, or reaffirmed it, that it would remind him that Iruka had forgiven him. Or at least, had tried to convince him that there was nothing to forgive.
To Kakashi, there was no difference between the two.
“Lilac it is.”
Iruka smiled and Kakashi felt his hands slide up his shoulders, to his neck, and then to his jaw. The sensei kissed his lips so gently it was almost like the summer wind, a warm caress without form. Too perfect to actually have happened.
“Thank you,” Iruka whispered.
Time slowed, and Kakashi was able to see every detail of the sensei’s skin. Every fiber, every pore, every wrinkle and line and imperfection coming together to make up the most perfect face to ever fall under The Copy Nin’s gaze. A bead of sweat had formed at the sensei’s temple, and as it made its way down tanned skin, Kakashi reached out with his fingers and caught it, swept it away.
Every part of Iruka’s body was his, just as every part of him was Iruka’s. The idea was unfathomable, incomprehensible, and yet, so easy to understand and believe that Kakashi felt he had never been more at ease than he was at this moment.
“Iruka,” Kakashi murmured, “My love…”
Iruka stilled at those words and his eyes widened. “Yes, Kakashi…”
“Do you think it will rain tomorrow?”
There was no hesitation. Iruka responded almost instantly.
“Yes.”
He was so sure, so confident. Kakashi might have been stronger physically, but Iruka’s strength of mind, and spirit was unparalleled. The Copy Nin brushed a lock of dark hair behind an ear and hoped that someday he could stand on even ground with this amazing person.
“Of all the things I’ve done to you already, what did you like the most?”
Those dark eyes lidded as the sensei’s gaze unfocused. He glanced away for a handful of seconds before he looked back and he whispered softly, “I liked it when you spanked me, with your hand.”
Dizzy with arousal, Kakashi leaned in and spoke against Iruka’s throat.
“Would you like it if I did that again?”
Iruka’s body trembled under the jounin’s lips. “If doing it would please you.”
“It would please me.”
“Then yes,” Iruka’s voice had grown even quieter, breathless. “Yes, please.”
“Do you want me to do it here? On the bed?”
Iruka nodded.
“Good,” Kakashi said and carefully sat up, no sudden movements. He reached across the sensei’s lap and gathered the paperwork along with the red pen, and set it all carefully on the night stand. Then he pulled the sheets away and dropped them over the side of the bed. Iruka was as naked as he was, flushed despite his dark skin.
Taking hold of Iruka’s ankles, in one easy move, Kakashi pulled the sensei down so he was resting on his back, his head on the pillow. Iruka’s sharp intake of breath was more pleasure than surprise, but then he held up a hand to Kakashi’s chest.
“Wait, Kakashi. May I show you something first?”
Intrigued, Kakashi nodded and sat back on his heels.
Rolling his upper body, Iruka reached over the side of the bed towards the corner. When he returned to his back, he had a long piece of red silk in his hands. It was about a foot wide and extremely soft to the touch.
“This is connected to a ring,” he said softly, “and the ring is locked around the post of the bed frame.”
Kakashi had forgotten how to breathe again, but he managed to get a few words past his lips despite.
“Is there one on the other side?”
Iruka nodded again. “There’s one on all four posts.”
Kakashi took the silk from Iruka’s hands and ran it slowly through his fingers. It was expensive, that much was obvious.
“You really did do your research.”
“I just thought…” Iruka stopped and his eyes fell.
“Don’t look away,” Kakashi said, and the sensei’s eyes returned to his face.
“Tell me what you thought, my love.”
A shaking breath; a tongue flicked out over chapped lips.
“I thought that since I remembered, I had the advantage. I could get you comfortable with me and then ask if you wanted to tie me up.” The sensei’s face flushed an even darker red and, to Kakashi’s surprise, his eyes filled with tears.
“I’m sorry, I know that sounds really stupid now, but I was desperate, Kakashi. I just wanted to be with you again.”
His hands went to Iruka’s face and Kakashi kissed away the tears before they could touch the sensei’s cheeks. “It’s not stupid,” he murmured softly, “It’s not stupid at all. In fact, it’s incredibly sexy.”
Iruka made a sweet noise in the back of his throat. “Really? It’s okay?”
“Yes it is,” Kakashi said. “Now, roll to your stomach and lie flat.”
Iruka obeyed and Kakashi removed the pillows. When the sensei was settled, he took the silk bond and wrapped it around Iruka’s left wrist. He checked to make sure he could slide a finger in between the fabric and Iruka’s skin before he knotted it, and moved to the other side. When the sensei was tied down, with arms stretched to both sides, Kakashi scooted back to admire the view.
Iruka was watching him, his eyes a little afraid, but still loving, still passionate.
“Iruka, my love, how does it feel?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka pulled at the bonds, twisted his arms to test the give. “It’s frightening,” he said softly, “but it’s also intense… exciting.”
“Good,” Kakashi said.
He reached to gently spread Iruka’s legs apart, and then moved to kneel between them. He ran his palms over the sensei’s ass and rubbed circles into the muscles at his lower back. Iruka moaned into his shoulder, arching under his touch, and Kakashi swallowed as his mouth started to water.
“I’m going to spank you four times,” Kakashi said, “alternating from side to side. Then we will rest, and go another four. Do you understand?”
Iruka nodded. “Yes, Kakashi.”
Straitening, he slid his hands up Iruka’s thighs, slowly, just long enough to get the sensei to relax, and then…
Slap.
Iruka cried out, his body tensed. Kakashi rubbed his palm over the skin where it was already starting to redden.
“Is that okay?” Kakashi asked, “Or do you want it harder?”
“Harder,” Iruka’s voice was throaty, deep.
Slap. It was harder that time, hard enough that Kakashi’s hand stung.
“Yes…” Iruka moaned.
Slap.
The headboard creaked as Iruka pulled at his bonds. “Oh God…” he murmured breathlessly into the sheet. “Oh my God…”
Slap.
Kakashi admired the welts that had begun to form across tanned skin and he rose up, trailing kisses along Iruka’s spine. When he reached the sensei’s neck, he put a hand down on the mattress for support and slid the length of his cock along the other man’s clef.
“You did very good,” he whispered into dark hair, “we’ll rest for a short while and then do it again.”
“Yes, Kakashi.”
Breathing in the scent of clean hair and coffee, Kakashi rolled his hips again, dragging hot flesh against flesh.
“Iruka, my love, why spanking?”
Iruka’s eyes were closed, but he opened them to look at Kakashi through thick eyelashes. “I like your hands on me.”
“I can lay my hands on you without spanking.”
Iruka nodded, “I know, but I like the sting. It lingers, like you’re still touching even after you’re not. Besides,” he closed his eyes again, turning his face once again into the sheets, “doing it with your hand makes it so you can feel it too.”
Kakashi couldn’t help but shiver. He was done for, Iruka knew how to play, and he knew how to tantalize just the way Kakashi liked.
“That’s very naughty,” he chuckled.
“I know,” Iruka said softly, “I’m very bad.”
“It’s all right,” Kakashi said and straightened back up, “you just need training.”
Slap.
“Ah!” Iruka’s cry was back to being surprised. The first four slaps had been easy, a warmup. Now, Kakashi would show him what he really could do.
Slap.
“Ah… yes…”
Slap.
“Do you still like it?”
Iruka pulled at the bonds, twisting his body. The sensei was arching, writhing under the pressure and the strain. He was so beautiful, so unreal.
“Yes, I love it. I love it Kakashi.”
“Good.”
Slap
Kakashi came in close again, sliding his hands over Iruka’s back, massaging, kneading into tense muscles with his strong fingers. The sensei was shuddering beneath him, partly sobbing, but it was punctuated by laughter, contented, joyous, laughter.
“Tell me what you’re thinking about right now,” Kakashi said.
“Ah…” Iruka’s voice had risen in pitch, and the edges had become rough, scratchy, “how can I explain? Mmm… I’m just happy. Before, when it was a mission, I had to pretend… that I was pretending… to like it? Am I making sense?”
Of course he did, Kakashi understood exactly what he felt. Kakashi, as a shinobi, had been playing the part of a performer, but at the same time, in a way he had been playing the part of a shinobi as well. So many of his real thoughts and his real feelings had been a burden to him, they had tormented him.
Now, he knew that it had been the same for Iruka.
“I understand,” Kakashi murmured, “I understand you perfectly, my love.”
“Now I can just… feel,” Iruka panted, “I can just love it without all the layers and the guilt… I can just tell you that it feels good and mean it… in every way.”
Kakashi’s cock throbbed at Iruka’s words, his heart ached at the sensei’s pure and loving words. He wanted to take Iruka now, to bury himself inside that body and rut until he lost his mind.
“Iruka,” he growled, “One more set. Can you do it?”
“Yes, Kakashi,” his voice was so sweet, “if it will please you.”
“Oh, Iruka,” The Copy Nin murmured as he straightened back up, “you have no idea.”
The sensei shuddered a half sob, half laugh and closed his eyes.
“I think I do…”
Kakashi laid into him. He struck as hard as his muscles would allow. Slap! The sensei cried out, biting into the sheets. His form tensed and the sweat that had beaded across his shoulders and back started to run down his sides.
Slap! Kakashi’s hand stung, but what Iruka had said had been right, it was amazing to share the feeling. As Iruka cried out again, shook, pulled against the bindings, Kakashi grunted a noise that was partially from the pain, but mostly approval.
Slap!
“Ah! Fuck!” Iruka’s sobs had become continuous. Every breath he took was a litany of praises and cries of pain all jumbled together in a kind of beautiful music. Kakashi was panting, growing tired, his own sweat trickled down his chest and back to drip onto the bed.
Slap!
“Iruka, my love, you are amazing. I want to give you two more. Can you do it?”
“Y-yes…” Iruka cried. “Two more please, Kakashi.”
Kakashi readied himself, hands stinging with pain, shoulders aching. He laid both blows out one right after the other, Slap! Slap! and then leaned forward immediately to untie the bonds from around Iruka’s wrists.
“Iruka…” he whispered softly, “Iruka, my love, you’re perfect. You’re so perfect…”
He helped the sensei turn over onto his back. Iruka was gasping, crying softly, tears trickling down his cheeks, but when he met Kakashi’s eyes, he smiled. He reached up and touched Kakashi’s cheek, his fingers shook.
“Not yet,” Kakashi said.
Now that Iruka was turned over, Kakashi took the silk bonds and tied them around Iruka’s wrists again. He still checked for tightness, but this time he made sure the bonds pulled the sensei wide. His arms lay straight out to the side, stretching his chest. In this position he did not have to worry about Iruka being able smothered, and he wanted the sensei to have less range of motion than he had before.
“Test them, love.”
Iruka pulled, tears trailing down his cheeks as he found he could barely move.
“It’s good,” he whispered, lips trembling.
Kakashi came close again, breathed against Iruka’s lips. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Anything.”
Iruka’s mouth parted, and Kakashi watched beads of sweat slip over his upper lip and inside, onto his tongue. He wanted to follow, but he would wait.
“I want…” Iruka panted, “I want you to fuck me. H-hard, as hard as you can.”
“What else?”
“Fuck me until I come, and then keep going. Don’t stop until you come inside me.”
Kakashi’s arms felt like they would buckle. Iruka’s voice was too deep and too sexy to be asking for things like that so sweetly.
“I’m going to need lotion, or lube, something. We can’t do this dry, I’ll tear you apart.”
“In the drawer,” Iruka motioned with his head.
The bottle was small and almost empty, but Kakashi poured some over his fingers and settled back in between Iruka’s spread knees. He pumped himself slick, sliding his hand underneath one long, muscled leg.
“Remember, Iruka, I can be very cruel.”
The sensei eyed him, flushed, sweating, panting like he had just run a hundred miles.
“And you must remember, Kakashi, I will stop you if I can’t handle it.”
Kakashi shook his head in disbelief. How did he get here? How was this possible? Any moment he was going to wake up and find that this was all a dream, wasn’t he?
“I love you,” he said, the awe in his voice could not be hidden.
Iruka smiled through his tears. “And I love you.”
Kakashi pushed Iruka’s leg up, and watched as he slid himself inside the other man in one, smooth motion. The sensei cried out, and for a moment, the heat and the pulse of Iruka’s body, the heady air, and the intensity of their sex was almost too much. But a few deep breaths calmed Kakashi, grounded him, and he leaned forward, gripping the headboard with both hands. He started to move.
He fucked Iruka like his life depended on it.
Time had stopped once again, the world around them had fallen away. There was nothing else in Kakashi’s universe anymore but Iruka. His body and his voice, his fucking beautiful voice, the sweat on his skin, the flush across his scar.
His eyes.
Iruka’s legs held him, squeezed the breath from his lungs. The sensei cursed, and groaned, and keened so beautifully Kakashi, in a haze of intoxication, started to wonder if maybe he was an angel. When the words started to tumble from Iruka’s lips, “…wanted this for so long… God, you’re so handsome… yes! there, don’t stop…” Kakashi didn’t have to wonder anymore.
Whe he felt Iruka tightening around him, Kakashi reached down between them and took Iruka’s length in his hand. He stroked the sensei with the same force as he was using to pound him into the bed.
“Kakashi… oh, Kakashi… I love you… I love youfuck… ah… fuck!
When he came, it was like a force of nature. Muscles rippled and flexed underneath his slick skin, he growled from deep in his throat, twisting and pulling on his bonds. His cock pulsed in Kakashi’s hand, splashing warmth over Kakashi’s fingers and across his stomach and chest. He was fucking gorgeous, fucking perfect.
Kakashi bore down, returning his hands to the headboard, his only focus now was his own release. Pleasure had rendered him completely uncomprehensive of anything but the friction of Iruka’s warm body around him. Everything was tensing, coiling, building in his loins, the pressure was peaking, and coherency was gone, far away and forgotten.
He released the headboard and placed his hands beside Iruka’s head, pressing his face into the sensei’s neck as he broke apart. His orgasm overwhelmed his senses, whited out his vision. A pleasure he had never known filled him completely, shooting from his core to his fingertips, to his toes, to his cock. He shuddered violently, murmuring words with no meaning into tanned skin as he emptied everything into Iruka’s body.
As he came down, he became aware of a trembling mouth kissing him softly at his temple, whispering sweet words of love and affection. He lifted his head and met those lips in a gentle kiss.
Tired and sated, he got up on his knees and released Iruka’s wrists. Immediately, the sensei’s arms were around him, pulling Kakashi back down against his chest. The Copy Nin had no other place he would rather be, so he tucked himself around Iruka and gently ran fingers through his damp hair.
“Are you all right?”
Iruka nodded against his neck. “I’m more than all right, Kakashi. I’m… amazing.”
Kissing the younger man’s forehead, Kakashi hummed softly, “I don’t deserve this… I don’t deserve you.”
“It’s not about who deserves what,” Iruka murmured, “It should never be about that. We love each other, we need each other. That’s all the matters to me.”
Kakashi said nothing, what could he say?
They lay there for some time, dozing, holding each other as the sun climbed high into the sky. Kakashi swam in and out of sleep, alternately watching Iruka, and then clouds through the window. When the sensei finally did stir, he nuzzled into Kakashi’s arms and sighed contentedly.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
Kakashi smiled, “Are you offering to cook for me?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, this just gets better and better.”
Iruka was smiling when he pulled away, still when he kissed Kakashi’s lips. Kakashi really did try to smile back but he was stunned stupid by Iruka’s tussled hair and sleepy eyes. Kakashi thought he had already seen the sensei at his best, but no, he was wrong, Iruka looked best when he was just waking up.
“Would you like pancakes or waffles?”
“Uh…” Kakashi said lamely, “I don’t think I can make those kind of decisions right now.”
Iruka nodded and ran fingers through his hair. “Pancakes it is.”
Kakashi watched the sensei slide from the bed and stride naked across the room to slip on a pair of pants. He grinned at Kakashi and motioned for the jounin to follow him. After getting dressed, or at least decent enough if someone saw him through a window, Kakashi followed down the hall and into the kitchen.
They made breakfast together, a common domestic thing that Kakashi had never had the chance to experience before-had never imagined he would experience it at all, especially with someone he cared for so deeply. It made The Copy Nin think of all the things he wanted to experience with Iruka. There were so many firsts, so many wonderful, simple things that he had to look forward to. Because of Iruka, he now had a reason to do more than just go through the motions of living, now Kakashi had a reason to actually live his life.
He would not take this for granted. He would not take anything for granted ever again. He would do the best that he could, and be the best version of himself he could be for Iruka.
Happy, and utterly content, he kissed the sensei over the stove. Covered in flower and eggs, blueberries coloring the tips of his fingers, Kakashi pushed the thought that he might not deserve this out of his mind. Iruka had told him it wasn’t about that, it was about how they loved each other, and how they could be what each other needed. To Iruka, that was all that mattered.
And so, Kakashi decided that was all that mattered to him too.
END
All previous chapters here.
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