Story
Whoops. I could have sworn that I'd already posted this somewhere besides BuffyXander.
Not Okay
by Sroni2000
Disclaimer: Do I really have to do this? I don't own these people
(Although I wish I did). Please don't sue me. All you'll get is pocket lint.
I get paid 17.86 a week. On a good week.
Spoilers through "Grave", Season Six, with a little bit of "Lessons", Season Seven. I choose to believe that this did happen, in another reality.
Erin, Buffy’s predecessor, had been like a gust of wind; sometimes here, sometimes there, but always moving, or so her Watcher had said. Kendra, Buffy’s successor, had been like a sword;tempered steel, finely honed, but always being put to use. Faith, Kendra’s successor, had been like a fire; sometimes flaring, sometimes dimming, but always burning. But Buffy, my Slayer, had been the best of all three. She trained her body to react when her mind couldn’t. She kept hold of her emotions during a fight, but if they could help, she let them loose. She moved faster than the eye could follow. But that didn’t save her.
Erin, for all her speed, lost to a psychotic terrorist. Kendra, for all her training, lost to a crazy vampire. Faith, for all her fire, lost to a sweet talking politician. And Buffy, because of who she is, lost to herself. She wouldn’t sacrifice her sister to save the world. She wouldn’t let anybody else make the jump. So she did it herself.
And then she was back. You’d think I wouldn’t be surprised, after it being more than a year, and the little bitty fact that I had participated in the spell that returned her. I've often wondered about that. I may not know a lot about magic, but even with the limited knowledge I do have, I know that uncompleted spells on that level either don’t work, or go wrong. Willow’s a skilled witch, so she has to know even better than I do how these things work… and yet, it came out right, anyhow. I guess that something (someone?) was on our side that night.
But there are still repercussions, consequences. We might've tried and suceeded to pretend that there wasn't, isn't, but we still knew.
Even after she came back, she still wasn’t mine; not in the way that I had always wanted, pushed for, until it started to get in the way of the friendship. She was... major brain-scrubbing here, Spike’s, until he screwed over the both of us. It wasn’t intentionally, he and Anya had been drinking, so they shouldn't have been blamed for their actions; but for some reason, that just makes it hurt worse. And, yeah, so she had dumped Spike, and I had left Anya at the altar. But it still hurt. Call me Mr. Hypocrite.
She wasn’t mine until after the Willow-page. It started heading into that direction the night that we saved the world yet again. Not completely, but enough that looking back on it, you could see where it could have started. (Not like looking back at Willow’s past, where it wasn’t any one thing, it was multi-I forgot the word, I'll look it up in a minute. Multi-factorial? Whatever.) But it basically started that night, when all we could do to calm Willow down was to hold her, and try to reassure her though the tears and the apologies, stroking hair that was bright again; tell her that it would be okay, that it would all be okay. But it wouldn’t be okay, and the three of us knew it, so we pretended for each other’s sakes, and we pretended a little bit for our own.
When Willow finally went to sleep in Buffy’s room, the two of us went to the living room to talk, seated into places where we couldn’t be surprised, and where we could tell if someone, mainly Willow, were listening. When we got there, we discovered that we didn't need words, it was enough to feel. Feel her leg next to mine on the couch. Feel that the other was close by, and if one of us wanted to talk, the other would listen; if one of us needed to cry, the other would comfort.
We sat there in silence, without saying one word until the sun was about to come up, then went outside to watch it rise. It’s funny, how after the possible end of the world, watching the sun rise and fall, or watching for hours the birds at the feeder can seem so great. While we were looking at the moon going down, and the sun coming up, I felt something almost magical... no, not magical. Nothing tried to control my mind, or even mess with it, I didn’t even feel anything beyond that little twinge of weirdness except I was a little happier. But, nothing’s wrong with happy, right? As long as it’s not the original Deadboy, anyway.
And then, almost as fast as it had come, it was gone. But I remember how happy happy is. I don’t think I’ve ever truly been happy before or since. But I think that I can live with that.
Days of summer went by, and Willow left for England with Giles. We spent as much time as we could with Dawn, until it got to the point where she said that if she saw either one of us again for a week, she would scream, so Buffy sent her to a summer camp. When she got back, she told us that she hated it, but at least she hadn’t been reminded of Tara. We’d left the bedroom basically the way it had been when the police finished investigating, after washing away the outline, of course. And we told ourselves that it would be okay, but we both knew that it wouldn’t.
We were still friends, and on our way to becoming more; we were actually going out on dates, but we were trying to fool ourselves by telling each other that we were just going to that movie as friends, and just going to that dinner since Dawn wasn’t there, and we both could admit that neither one of us could cook. And then... we kissed. It was a sweet, gentle kiss and totally and completely on accident, I leaned in to kiss her cheek, and she tried to kiss mine, and both of us just... missed.
It’s been a couple of months; we acknowledged the fact that we both had feelings for the other, and we’ve gone on an honest-to-goodness date each week, plus driving Dawn to school. We told Dawn about it, and she said that she’s okay with it; Buffy’s not quite sure about that, but we figure that there’s not really anything we could do about that since a) it’s only a theory and b) she hasn’t even acted like it bothers her.
We haven’t gone horizontal, and we decided that this time, we would wait, what with all of her boyfriends that she did have sex with left her, and all mine being, let's see, how to put this delicately, supernatural beings who became a demonic torturor (and that's only one of them), we’re not in much of a hurry to do that kind of dance. But we’re okay with that.
We tried to kid ourselves into thinking that the world would be okay, when we knew that it wouldn’t be. It’s not okay. But we’ll deal. We have to. Who else will?
End
So. Love it, hate it, let me know.
Not Okay
by Sroni2000
Disclaimer: Do I really have to do this? I don't own these people
(Although I wish I did). Please don't sue me. All you'll get is pocket lint.
I get paid 17.86 a week. On a good week.
Spoilers through "Grave", Season Six, with a little bit of "Lessons", Season Seven. I choose to believe that this did happen, in another reality.
Erin, Buffy’s predecessor, had been like a gust of wind; sometimes here, sometimes there, but always moving, or so her Watcher had said. Kendra, Buffy’s successor, had been like a sword;tempered steel, finely honed, but always being put to use. Faith, Kendra’s successor, had been like a fire; sometimes flaring, sometimes dimming, but always burning. But Buffy, my Slayer, had been the best of all three. She trained her body to react when her mind couldn’t. She kept hold of her emotions during a fight, but if they could help, she let them loose. She moved faster than the eye could follow. But that didn’t save her.
Erin, for all her speed, lost to a psychotic terrorist. Kendra, for all her training, lost to a crazy vampire. Faith, for all her fire, lost to a sweet talking politician. And Buffy, because of who she is, lost to herself. She wouldn’t sacrifice her sister to save the world. She wouldn’t let anybody else make the jump. So she did it herself.
And then she was back. You’d think I wouldn’t be surprised, after it being more than a year, and the little bitty fact that I had participated in the spell that returned her. I've often wondered about that. I may not know a lot about magic, but even with the limited knowledge I do have, I know that uncompleted spells on that level either don’t work, or go wrong. Willow’s a skilled witch, so she has to know even better than I do how these things work… and yet, it came out right, anyhow. I guess that something (someone?) was on our side that night.
But there are still repercussions, consequences. We might've tried and suceeded to pretend that there wasn't, isn't, but we still knew.
Even after she came back, she still wasn’t mine; not in the way that I had always wanted, pushed for, until it started to get in the way of the friendship. She was... major brain-scrubbing here, Spike’s, until he screwed over the both of us. It wasn’t intentionally, he and Anya had been drinking, so they shouldn't have been blamed for their actions; but for some reason, that just makes it hurt worse. And, yeah, so she had dumped Spike, and I had left Anya at the altar. But it still hurt. Call me Mr. Hypocrite.
She wasn’t mine until after the Willow-page. It started heading into that direction the night that we saved the world yet again. Not completely, but enough that looking back on it, you could see where it could have started. (Not like looking back at Willow’s past, where it wasn’t any one thing, it was multi-I forgot the word, I'll look it up in a minute. Multi-factorial? Whatever.) But it basically started that night, when all we could do to calm Willow down was to hold her, and try to reassure her though the tears and the apologies, stroking hair that was bright again; tell her that it would be okay, that it would all be okay. But it wouldn’t be okay, and the three of us knew it, so we pretended for each other’s sakes, and we pretended a little bit for our own.
When Willow finally went to sleep in Buffy’s room, the two of us went to the living room to talk, seated into places where we couldn’t be surprised, and where we could tell if someone, mainly Willow, were listening. When we got there, we discovered that we didn't need words, it was enough to feel. Feel her leg next to mine on the couch. Feel that the other was close by, and if one of us wanted to talk, the other would listen; if one of us needed to cry, the other would comfort.
We sat there in silence, without saying one word until the sun was about to come up, then went outside to watch it rise. It’s funny, how after the possible end of the world, watching the sun rise and fall, or watching for hours the birds at the feeder can seem so great. While we were looking at the moon going down, and the sun coming up, I felt something almost magical... no, not magical. Nothing tried to control my mind, or even mess with it, I didn’t even feel anything beyond that little twinge of weirdness except I was a little happier. But, nothing’s wrong with happy, right? As long as it’s not the original Deadboy, anyway.
And then, almost as fast as it had come, it was gone. But I remember how happy happy is. I don’t think I’ve ever truly been happy before or since. But I think that I can live with that.
Days of summer went by, and Willow left for England with Giles. We spent as much time as we could with Dawn, until it got to the point where she said that if she saw either one of us again for a week, she would scream, so Buffy sent her to a summer camp. When she got back, she told us that she hated it, but at least she hadn’t been reminded of Tara. We’d left the bedroom basically the way it had been when the police finished investigating, after washing away the outline, of course. And we told ourselves that it would be okay, but we both knew that it wouldn’t.
We were still friends, and on our way to becoming more; we were actually going out on dates, but we were trying to fool ourselves by telling each other that we were just going to that movie as friends, and just going to that dinner since Dawn wasn’t there, and we both could admit that neither one of us could cook. And then... we kissed. It was a sweet, gentle kiss and totally and completely on accident, I leaned in to kiss her cheek, and she tried to kiss mine, and both of us just... missed.
It’s been a couple of months; we acknowledged the fact that we both had feelings for the other, and we’ve gone on an honest-to-goodness date each week, plus driving Dawn to school. We told Dawn about it, and she said that she’s okay with it; Buffy’s not quite sure about that, but we figure that there’s not really anything we could do about that since a) it’s only a theory and b) she hasn’t even acted like it bothers her.
We haven’t gone horizontal, and we decided that this time, we would wait, what with all of her boyfriends that she did have sex with left her, and all mine being, let's see, how to put this delicately, supernatural beings who became a demonic torturor (and that's only one of them), we’re not in much of a hurry to do that kind of dance. But we’re okay with that.
We tried to kid ourselves into thinking that the world would be okay, when we knew that it wouldn’t be. It’s not okay. But we’ll deal. We have to. Who else will?
End
So. Love it, hate it, let me know.