Fic: Monsters, All of Us 3/4

[squidwhisk]

Title: Monsters, All of Us
Part: 3/4 A Dead Watch
Warnings:The Drama Llama is running rampant through this fic.  Levity might appear here and there. Graphic description of senseless violence without any empathy. Comments and Criticism are not just appreciated, they are loved and treasured.

Prompt Link: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/

Comments

feedback

[disassembly_rsn]

I was pleased to see that you'd put up the next section of the story - there don't seem to be many stories that serve both as character studies and as actual cases, so this one stands out. I have enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

...wait, it's not curry anymore, is it?
I always enjoy seeing stories that give Sherlock a new and original experiment. This one was absolutely disgusting, and a perfect reason for John to opt for the pub instead of trying to eat at home, so it fit nicely into the plot. Sherlock's response to John's actions was *very* well handled.

*Very* nice that John figured out who the murderer was before Sherlock, and gave Sherlock a taste of what Sherlock's typical behaviour feels like.

If John dared enjoy this, Sherlock would have Molly bring the entire contents of the morgue and store it in John's bed at his earliest convenience.He would, too

Re: feedback

[squidwhisk]

I might have to worship you forever

Re: feedback

[disassembly_rsn]

Well, if you're willing to try having a non-RL beta, so to speak, I could give it a try.

I'm a native English speaker, but not British.

The book with the grammatical nuances - it was actually a short story that was part of one of the 'ten minute mysteries' collections that used to be in print when I was growing up. If you've ever read the Encyclopedia Brown mysteries for children, they were the same sort of thing.

In practice, a lot of people would use 'scanned' the way Sherlock did in your story, but since Sherlock makes a point of speaking correctly, I thought I'd mention it.

Re: feedback

[squidwhisk]

If you are willing to be my beta then I am the happiest author in existence. Purely by nature of being a native English speaker you are ahead of me. I keep having to think through sentences with "no wait, that is not a word here" in mind. Above native knowledge of the language, you also seem incredibly well read with a fantastic eye for grammar, wording and voice. If only I could send you baked goods/beer in compensation.

As for the book, I have heard of the Encyclopedia Brown mysteries, but never read them as a child due to the language barrier at that age; That and I had strict "dragon on cover" requirements for all my reading.

Also, I appreciate you pointing out "scanned." Sherlock is a grammar nerd and your recommendations give him a more genuine voice.

[unrestricted88]

An update! Awesome. Still a great read, you know. I love the dynamics between John and Harry. Loving and hurtful at the same time. I also like how you've portrayed John's and Sherlock's friendship. Very nice. Will be waiting excitedly for the last part.

[unrestricted88]

Oh, and just a tiny addition to the fantastic and thorough corrections by disassembly_rsn: I think you misused the word "non-plussed". I.e., "John continued to stare at Sherlock non-plussed." <- I think you meant that John felt unimpressed or unruffled by Sherlock's profane outburst. The word "nonplussed" actually means bewildered, confused, or dumbfounded; all of which are nearly the opposite of what you meant, I think.

[squidwhisk]

Thank you so very very much for your feedback. I am incredibly glad to hear that you are enjoying the dynamic between the two siblings and between John and Sherlock. I have been wanting to write Harry for a while, so this prompt was a great opportunity! Also, very very good call on the "nonplussed." The English language and I appear to have a tenuous relationship at best.

[hecateb1]

Great work. The tension between John and Harry is terrible, it feels so real. And it was nice that John came up with the solution instead of Sherlock, he needs a little portion of humble pie.

[squidwhisk]

Thank you! I like the idea of Sherlock being served some humble pie once in a while, rarely, but certainly from time to time. :) As for the relationship with John and Harry, I had really enjoyed writing it, there is just so much potential for angst!

[skogsraa_v]

Hi
I really like this fic. Is part four supposed to be locked?

[squidwhisk]

Hi Skogsraa_v,
I am so glad you are enjoying it! Part 4 is locked until it comes out of beta review. :)

:)

[skogsraa_v]

Hi!
I just stopped by to say: "thank you"!
This story is great, so touching!
I'm glad the 4th part is almost done :)

Re: :)

[squidwhisk]

Aww, I am so glad that you enjoyed it! The 4th part is being beta read and should be out soon :)

[thunderess]

I love this. Harry is wonderful. Seeing everything more or less as Sherlock presents an interesting view of the Watson sibling relationship xD

[squidwhisk]

Thank you so much! I rather enjoy writing Harry, because (until we meet her) she is whoever the author deems her to be and I love writing character foils for John. On another note, I love your userpic :)