Comments | squeakchan: some ficcage

squeakchan

some ficcage

Apr 05, 2010 20:07

Before I post this to my writing journal I wanted to toss it out for some quick impromptu beta-ing. I'm ridiculously unsure about this; I was trying for their conflicting feelings and the difficulty of finding a role, buuut I think I failed. Any imput would be awesomesauce you guys ( Read more... )

ficcage, writing, skip beat

Comments 10

vampydirector April 5 2010, 22:08:08 UTC

Mmmm, I liked seeing the different points of view for this scene. I think you did accomplish showing their conflicted feelings and such, especially Ren. I, uh, was a bad fan and didn't quiiiite notice the underlining thing about Kyouko's task in this new arc until I read her part in this ^^; (Yes, yes, face meet palm.) The task for both of them is cruel on many levels and almost makes me want to punch the president in the face--but it's a tough love approach to getting them both over their huge issues, so...I'm curious to see where it'll all go.

squeakchan April 5 2010, 22:10:45 UTC

If you're a bad fan, so am I, because I realised it when I wrote that sentence. >.>

Any glaring problems other than the fact I forgot she wore a jacket? I'ma gonna have to mess with that bit.

vampydirector April 5 2010, 22:34:19 UTC

Ohhhhh, but at least you realised when you did? ^^;

And actually, I kinda forgot about the jacket too >.>; I just rolled with it until you mentioned it and I was like, "....ohhhh yeah." I don't see any other problems, really... I just can't wait to see how right you'll be when the next chapter comes out! And considering how complicated things are for them both, I think you're definitely hitting things in the right spot.

phoenix_melody April 6 2010, 03:58:10 UTC

Eeeee, this made me very happy. Mmmm, Ren is so tormented, I ♥ him.

squeakchan April 6 2010, 07:51:21 UTC

Were the kisses satisfactory? I know you said in public and to keep their dignity intact, but you never said where the kiss would be. >.>

phoenix_melody April 7 2010, 04:42:41 UTC

Totally satisfactory. ♥ ♥ ♥

squeakchan April 7 2010, 08:12:03 UTC

Heee.

Dark!Ren is fun to write...but very hard. ;_; I want to get better.

hungrytiger11 April 8 2010, 04:48:00 UTC

Whoa, I really like how this gives levels to both Setsuka and Cain. You really nailed how Kyoko seems to go about her roles, stumbling at first and falling back for a moment on other characters before something clicks and she just roles with it. Ren's slightly different process is also beleiviable, and I'll be very interested how much of that incest-vibe really does play out. I didn't notice till reading this fic, but man, for both kyoko and Ren this assignment cold be potentially really cruel. Tough love though, I guess.

squeakchan April 8 2010, 10:59:58 UTC

I was really worried about how I did Kyoko, so I'm glad you think it worked out correctly. And I kinda didn't realise just how bad an assignment it was for her until I wrote this >.> It just kinda clicked.

Incest-vibes? Whatever are you talking about. >.>

I reeeeally wanna know what's really gonna happen in the next chapter. I've seen quite a few fics what have him dump her on the bed and kiss her but that just breaks everything that's been built up. And as much as I desperately want them to kiss, uh, it can't be like that.

rurounigochan April 10 2010, 18:48:46 UTC

Yay~! I really liked these, squeak! Agreeing with people on how being able to see both sides of the proverbial coin is a nice touch. ...Plus I just love stuff like that anyway.

Other than the thing about the jacket, I don't know if I saw any glaring errors or anything that stood out as not feeling right. This was a great piece, and really insightful to the possibilities that lie ahead. Good job!