XY says ( Read more... )

I haphazardly went to the Shambhalah Meditation Centre the other evening after an invitation from Sue, Steven's friend. It was an engaging experience and I am so thankful to have gone. Those of us that were new or fairly new to the practice of mindfulness-awareness meditation were separated and placed in small room with red cushions sprawled on the ( Read more... )

It's been there from the beginning. This pestering and petulant little voice telling me that something is wrong. I've been ignoring it. Making light of it. A lot of the time I am able to completely mute it. But, more and more, as time proceeds, the voice gets louder, stronger, more desperate...resonating from the pit of my stomach ( Read more... )

I am feeling incredibly, incredibly sad right now and as such, finding it a bit harder to breathe.

Well the difficulty breathing bit could be the smog and humidity....

Sometimes I catch myself (or someone else catches me) smiling broadly, with my teeth showing, and my eyes wide and shining brightly, just because ( Read more... )

"Well it's no use your talking about waking him." said Tweedledum," when you're the only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real."
"I am real!" said Alice, and began to cry ( Read more... )

I am so exhausted and my body is seemingly falling apart. My throat is sore. I have sharp lower back pains. My hands are shaking. My face is ashen. And I seem to have some sort of bodily infection. I have these various periods during the day in which I pass out/fall asleep and I can't do anything to stop it. Be it on the bus, at home, in class, or ( Read more... )

Ever so often, I feel this incredible sadness and I'm not sure where it stems from. If it stems from that constant feeling of not belonging anywhere and worse of not belonging in my body. With these feelings comes a deep desire to escape...but to where? These urges to cut myself up in order to escape are feeble and futile, as I can't really run ( Read more... )

I wonder if these feelings of isolation and not belonging will ever leave me. I can socialize, joke around, engage in conversation and interact, but often enough when I am doing so, I feel I am outside my body watching a caricacture of myself, a vessel or robot, just going along with every day expectations and so-called normal interactions.

I have ( Read more... )

Smelling the cover of my leather bound journal a wave of nostalgia hits me and I am brought back to a year ago. I took off into the night, blinded and on the verge, wanting to get away as far as possible from the people I knew.

In a foreign land and without a predisposition as to where I was going, I went hurriedly. My feet had their own will and ( Read more... )