The Time Traveler's Dad(s)- Part 2
Part 1
PART 2
"Remind me again why I should care what you think?" Tiber didn't wait for an answer. "Right, aside from the fact that some incarnation of you fucked my mother."
Jim sighed, the child hadn't given him a chance to speak since the beginning of the mandatory "father son bonding" hour Bones had arranged. "I--"
"You're probably going to say that I have you to thank for my existence, but then consider the fact that nobody asked you to fuck my mother, and I certainly didn't ask for my existence--"
"Hey, listen---"
"In fact, the whole point of my coming here was to prevent you from fucking---"
"Would you stop using that--"
"No, as a matter of fact, I'll say it again, I don't even want to exist. I didn't ask for this. I'm not grateful to you for contributing to this---"
It might have gone on for a lot longer if it hadn't been for Spock. What would Jim do without Spock? Spock, who came to Jim's rescue by interrupting Tiber's tirade with a sensible "it is inappropriate to use such language", "please refrain from using profanities while speaking to the captain" or something equally passive aggressive and librarian-ish which Jim couldn't even attempt to replicate.
It was only after the hour was up an Jim left feeling fifty years older and tireder that McCoy showed himself. "Well, that went well." Jim sighed.
"The kid needs a psych evaluation." Bones agreed. "And a time out."
"And no wonder." Jim sighed again, less theatrically now. "He's been stuck with me for a father."
"Well, I wouldn't say he's been stuck with you. According to the kid he was raised by his mother."
Jim snorted. "Thanks, I feel so much better." They were back in the sick bay now, and McCoy was pouring a drink. "What shit father ditches his kid like that?"
"You died, Jim. There's a difference."
"But, is there really? After what happened to my dad don't you think I should have known better than to end up...--"
"Dead?" Bones offered.
"Dead, exactly. What kind of shit father dies and leaves his kid alone like that?" Jim took a swig of the drink and grimaced to McCoy's amusement. "What kind of shit... husband... goes off and gets himself killed like that?"
"What kind of shit physician would let him die?" Bones said, the humor gone from his voice.
Their eyes met for one intense moment, and then Jim looked away and laughed nervously to himself. "I think we'd better get some sleep."
"I'll drink to that." McCoy agreed.
Neither one of them slept a wink that night.
****
"Since when was Jesus Christ a curse word?" Tiber demanded, practically running to keep up with Spock's long stride.
"When used in certain context some people find the term offensive."
"This isn't the 21st century, Spock!"
"I did not imply---"
"The people who are offended by that are offended by gay people, does that mean I can't talk about gay people?"
"Tiberius Kirk!" McCoy intervened, earning a grateful nod from Spock. "Will you stop pestering the crew or do you want to spend the night in the brig?"
Now, Tiber turned on the doctor. "For what? You don't have the authority to lock me up anyway."
"Don't try me."
"Why do you even care if I pester Spock? You aren't even friends."
"You make a lot of assumptions, Kid." McCoy said. Now everyone in the hall was tuned into their conversation. "Would you keep your voice down?"
"You're the one yelling at me!" Tiber shouted.
McCoy looked unamused. "Shh, use your inside voice. Hasn't your mama ever taught you to use a goddamn inside voice?"
"Haven't you got anything better to do than follow me around? Aren't you a doctor or something?"
"I can't do my job when you're disrupting the entire crew."
"The sickbay is nowhere near me. Go do your job, Doctor." Tiber's voice dripped with sarcasm.
McCoy's face was purple with rage. "Why don't you use a little respect when you are talking to an adult?"
"You're not my mother!"
"AS A MATTER OF FACT I AM!" Epileptic with fury, Bones dropped the bomb.
"What?"
****
"So, let me get this straight, you are genetically my mother?"
"The test came back positive."
"So, not only have you replaced my mother as far as your background goes, but if you are genetically her... and you're male?"
"Last time I checked."
"No sex change?"
"No!" McCoy covered his eyes in frustration. He'd been having this ridiculous conversation with Tiber for an hour, and no progress had been made.
"This is so weird..."
An explosion sounded through the sick bay, followed by a cloud of purple smoke. Father (mother?) and son stood gaping as a small girl emerged, her eyes fixed on Tiber.
"You idiot!" She said, poking an accusatory finger into Tiber's chest.
"...Well, hello to you too, Ali." Tiber said sheepishly.
"No, don't you 'Ali' me! You've been gone for a week!"
"But, I--"
"No, no, no, you let me finish!" She huffed. "I waited seven days for you. Seven days, and no word. You had me worried out of my mind, how was I supposed to know that you weren't blown up or trapped in the black without any life support? You told me you'd be back in an hour, but you've been gone 168 hours! I told your mother I'd have you home by seven... do you know what I had to tell your mother?! Exactly, how was I supposed to know either?! Sasha is in hysterics, and Gavin thinks you're dead!" She paused to take a breath. "And, now that I've found you you're sooooo dead."
Tiber seemed to have zoned out so the slap took him by surprise. "Ouch, what was that for?"
"Forget it!" She pulled him into a hug. "I was so worried you freaking idiot. I thought you were dead."
"I...missed...you too, Aliya...now...could you...leggo...so I can...breathe?"
"Oops, sorry. Vulcan strength. Sometimes I forget how weak and fragile you are, Tiber."
Tiber brushed himself off crossly. "Yeah, well. Remember next time. You coulda broken a rib there."
McCoy chose this moment to make his presence known by clearing his throat. "I'm sure you kids have got a lot to talk about, but would either of you mind filling me in on what the hell just happened?"
Aliya spun gracefully to face the doctor. "Hi, my name is Aliya Uhura. I'm a friend of Tiber's here...and what you just saw was the after effect of--"
"--Freaking vulcan magic. That's what." Tiber finished, earning himself a kick in the shin by a superior vulcan foot.
"I'm sorry, Tiberius doesn't understand the difference between science and magic. It's just too complex to explain, really."
"MY LEG!" Tiber yelped. "YOU FREAGING VULCAN--GAHH!" He was silence by a hypo to the neck.
"There, better now?" McCoy said in a kindergarten teacher impersonation, before turning to Aliya. "So, you're Aliya...I'm sorry, what was your last name?"
"Uhura." Aliya said, cheerily lifting a swooning Tiber onto a biobed before he could crack his skull open. "Nice to meet you. I'll explain this all later... first..." There was another explosion and from this emerged another child's form. "That'll be him now!"
"Freggen 'ell!" The boy was grinning like a fool and brushing ash out of his bright red hair. "I cannae believe it worked! They can kiss my scottish arse, it actually works!"
"Gaaaavvvv....Aliiiiiyyyyaaa...." Tiber groaned from the biobed.
"What happened to 'im?" Gavin said, eyes wide.
"Goddamn doctor...hypoed me."
"Serves you right, Tiber." Aliya snorted.
"Why what'd I do?"
"You're just... you." She said, earning a comical pout from her friend. "And, nice of you to drop in, by the way, Gavin. For a minute there I thought you were a no-show."
"Sorry about that, Aliya. I just got this great idea--"
"It's okay. You're not that late." Aliya glared at Tiber. "Actually, speaking of late, where's Sasha?"
"On her way, I expect."
"Great...just what we need." Tiber whined. "Another overemotional girl to--Ouch! Now what the hell was that for, Aliya?"
"You... just keep your mouth shut and let me handle things."
The next child appeared in the same manner as the first two, but she was a good three inches shorter than the other children. "Tiiiibbbeeerrr!" She shrieked, throwing her arms around the boy's neck. "I thought you were... d-dead!" She sobbed squeezing him like a garbage compressor. "Y-you should have told us y-you were g-going to be gone f-for s-s-so long! And you!" She rounded on Gavin. "You told me we'd g-go t-together!"
"Alright, calm down, Sasha. Don't hurt yourself." Aliya sighed, saving Gavin from a death by suffocation. "We've got to collect ourselves if we expect to figure things out."
Tiber seemed confused by this. "Figure what out? You have your teleportables don't you?"
"Yeah...about that... Gavin, would you care to explain?"
Gavin explained in many words, and Tiber understood only one out of ten things he said.
"Wait? So, you mean... we can't get back?" Tiber said, slowly.
"If I could just see a few dilithium crystals and...some other stuff I'm pretty sure I could rig something together--"
"Gavin, can we or can we not get back home...today?"
"Eh...no."
Tiber sighed. "Brilliant. Just...brilliant."
PART 2
"Remind me again why I should care what you think?" Tiber didn't wait for an answer. "Right, aside from the fact that some incarnation of you fucked my mother."
Jim sighed, the child hadn't given him a chance to speak since the beginning of the mandatory "father son bonding" hour Bones had arranged. "I--"
"You're probably going to say that I have you to thank for my existence, but then consider the fact that nobody asked you to fuck my mother, and I certainly didn't ask for my existence--"
"Hey, listen---"
"In fact, the whole point of my coming here was to prevent you from fucking---"
"Would you stop using that--"
"No, as a matter of fact, I'll say it again, I don't even want to exist. I didn't ask for this. I'm not grateful to you for contributing to this---"
It might have gone on for a lot longer if it hadn't been for Spock. What would Jim do without Spock? Spock, who came to Jim's rescue by interrupting Tiber's tirade with a sensible "it is inappropriate to use such language", "please refrain from using profanities while speaking to the captain" or something equally passive aggressive and librarian-ish which Jim couldn't even attempt to replicate.
It was only after the hour was up an Jim left feeling fifty years older and tireder that McCoy showed himself. "Well, that went well." Jim sighed.
"The kid needs a psych evaluation." Bones agreed. "And a time out."
"And no wonder." Jim sighed again, less theatrically now. "He's been stuck with me for a father."
"Well, I wouldn't say he's been stuck with you. According to the kid he was raised by his mother."
Jim snorted. "Thanks, I feel so much better." They were back in the sick bay now, and McCoy was pouring a drink. "What shit father ditches his kid like that?"
"You died, Jim. There's a difference."
"But, is there really? After what happened to my dad don't you think I should have known better than to end up...--"
"Dead?" Bones offered.
"Dead, exactly. What kind of shit father dies and leaves his kid alone like that?" Jim took a swig of the drink and grimaced to McCoy's amusement. "What kind of shit... husband... goes off and gets himself killed like that?"
"What kind of shit physician would let him die?" Bones said, the humor gone from his voice.
Their eyes met for one intense moment, and then Jim looked away and laughed nervously to himself. "I think we'd better get some sleep."
"I'll drink to that." McCoy agreed.
Neither one of them slept a wink that night.
****
"Since when was Jesus Christ a curse word?" Tiber demanded, practically running to keep up with Spock's long stride.
"When used in certain context some people find the term offensive."
"This isn't the 21st century, Spock!"
"I did not imply---"
"The people who are offended by that are offended by gay people, does that mean I can't talk about gay people?"
"Tiberius Kirk!" McCoy intervened, earning a grateful nod from Spock. "Will you stop pestering the crew or do you want to spend the night in the brig?"
Now, Tiber turned on the doctor. "For what? You don't have the authority to lock me up anyway."
"Don't try me."
"Why do you even care if I pester Spock? You aren't even friends."
"You make a lot of assumptions, Kid." McCoy said. Now everyone in the hall was tuned into their conversation. "Would you keep your voice down?"
"You're the one yelling at me!" Tiber shouted.
McCoy looked unamused. "Shh, use your inside voice. Hasn't your mama ever taught you to use a goddamn inside voice?"
"Haven't you got anything better to do than follow me around? Aren't you a doctor or something?"
"I can't do my job when you're disrupting the entire crew."
"The sickbay is nowhere near me. Go do your job, Doctor." Tiber's voice dripped with sarcasm.
McCoy's face was purple with rage. "Why don't you use a little respect when you are talking to an adult?"
"You're not my mother!"
"AS A MATTER OF FACT I AM!" Epileptic with fury, Bones dropped the bomb.
"What?"
****
"So, let me get this straight, you are genetically my mother?"
"The test came back positive."
"So, not only have you replaced my mother as far as your background goes, but if you are genetically her... and you're male?"
"Last time I checked."
"No sex change?"
"No!" McCoy covered his eyes in frustration. He'd been having this ridiculous conversation with Tiber for an hour, and no progress had been made.
"This is so weird..."
An explosion sounded through the sick bay, followed by a cloud of purple smoke. Father (mother?) and son stood gaping as a small girl emerged, her eyes fixed on Tiber.
"You idiot!" She said, poking an accusatory finger into Tiber's chest.
"...Well, hello to you too, Ali." Tiber said sheepishly.
"No, don't you 'Ali' me! You've been gone for a week!"
"But, I--"
"No, no, no, you let me finish!" She huffed. "I waited seven days for you. Seven days, and no word. You had me worried out of my mind, how was I supposed to know that you weren't blown up or trapped in the black without any life support? You told me you'd be back in an hour, but you've been gone 168 hours! I told your mother I'd have you home by seven... do you know what I had to tell your mother?! Exactly, how was I supposed to know either?! Sasha is in hysterics, and Gavin thinks you're dead!" She paused to take a breath. "And, now that I've found you you're sooooo dead."
Tiber seemed to have zoned out so the slap took him by surprise. "Ouch, what was that for?"
"Forget it!" She pulled him into a hug. "I was so worried you freaking idiot. I thought you were dead."
"I...missed...you too, Aliya...now...could you...leggo...so I can...breathe?"
"Oops, sorry. Vulcan strength. Sometimes I forget how weak and fragile you are, Tiber."
Tiber brushed himself off crossly. "Yeah, well. Remember next time. You coulda broken a rib there."
McCoy chose this moment to make his presence known by clearing his throat. "I'm sure you kids have got a lot to talk about, but would either of you mind filling me in on what the hell just happened?"
Aliya spun gracefully to face the doctor. "Hi, my name is Aliya Uhura. I'm a friend of Tiber's here...and what you just saw was the after effect of--"
"--Freaking vulcan magic. That's what." Tiber finished, earning himself a kick in the shin by a superior vulcan foot.
"I'm sorry, Tiberius doesn't understand the difference between science and magic. It's just too complex to explain, really."
"MY LEG!" Tiber yelped. "YOU FREAGING VULCAN--GAHH!" He was silence by a hypo to the neck.
"There, better now?" McCoy said in a kindergarten teacher impersonation, before turning to Aliya. "So, you're Aliya...I'm sorry, what was your last name?"
"Uhura." Aliya said, cheerily lifting a swooning Tiber onto a biobed before he could crack his skull open. "Nice to meet you. I'll explain this all later... first..." There was another explosion and from this emerged another child's form. "That'll be him now!"
"Freggen 'ell!" The boy was grinning like a fool and brushing ash out of his bright red hair. "I cannae believe it worked! They can kiss my scottish arse, it actually works!"
"Gaaaavvvv....Aliiiiiyyyyaaa...." Tiber groaned from the biobed.
"What happened to 'im?" Gavin said, eyes wide.
"Goddamn doctor...hypoed me."
"Serves you right, Tiber." Aliya snorted.
"Why what'd I do?"
"You're just... you." She said, earning a comical pout from her friend. "And, nice of you to drop in, by the way, Gavin. For a minute there I thought you were a no-show."
"Sorry about that, Aliya. I just got this great idea--"
"It's okay. You're not that late." Aliya glared at Tiber. "Actually, speaking of late, where's Sasha?"
"On her way, I expect."
"Great...just what we need." Tiber whined. "Another overemotional girl to--Ouch! Now what the hell was that for, Aliya?"
"You... just keep your mouth shut and let me handle things."
The next child appeared in the same manner as the first two, but she was a good three inches shorter than the other children. "Tiiiibbbeeerrr!" She shrieked, throwing her arms around the boy's neck. "I thought you were... d-dead!" She sobbed squeezing him like a garbage compressor. "Y-you should have told us y-you were g-going to be gone f-for s-s-so long! And you!" She rounded on Gavin. "You told me we'd g-go t-together!"
"Alright, calm down, Sasha. Don't hurt yourself." Aliya sighed, saving Gavin from a death by suffocation. "We've got to collect ourselves if we expect to figure things out."
Tiber seemed confused by this. "Figure what out? You have your teleportables don't you?"
"Yeah...about that... Gavin, would you care to explain?"
Gavin explained in many words, and Tiber understood only one out of ten things he said.
"Wait? So, you mean... we can't get back?" Tiber said, slowly.
"If I could just see a few dilithium crystals and...some other stuff I'm pretty sure I could rig something together--"
"Gavin, can we or can we not get back home...today?"
"Eh...no."
Tiber sighed. "Brilliant. Just...brilliant."