funny how things work out the way they do.. one night i attempted suicide.. the next night, i decided to be sober... (not really by choice though) Somehow, by the grace of God, i've managed to maintain sobriety for 18 days. Im so scared of leaving my damn house, because im afraid of who or what i might find, or who or what might find me. I've been ( Read more... )

well, i lost my job before i even got it, because i slept through all my mother fucking alarms.. because i didnt get to sleep till 7 am. so thats really cool. i refuse to leave my room today, because im going to pretend like the day doesn't exist ( Read more... )

ive never felt so alone in my entire life. i need help, and want a hug so bad. a sincere hug. the kind where you are squeezed so tight u dont think u can take another breath. the kind where u feel so close just for a moment.. and it feels right. The kind of hug where you are completely vulnerable and it feels so safe. i want a friend. i want a ( Read more... )

it was a long and uneventful weekend. I got way too fucked up and feel like i just back tracked. Jason got a new phone and called and texted me. I miss him so much, but im too afraid to. I duno what to do.. i duno if i should still talk to him or just cut him out of my life completely. I "forgot" to call sara again this weekend. i need to stop ( Read more... )

OK, im tired, so quick update ( Read more... )

WOW its been almost a year exactly since i last updated! weird! Alot has happend, and even more has changed... i'm 19.. ive lived more of a life than most people my age, and i've been through crazy experiences... i know no one reads this, but i kind of like having a place to vent my thoughts and write my memories... I want to remember what i was ( Read more... )

sunday night was so fun.. i took steph to the barn at like 830, and was just hangin out.. then me, jameson, kat, jordan, and 2 other kids decided to play hide and seek... i was runnin around barefoot running through the muddy fields haha and into the horse stalls.. it was probably the most fun i've had in a long time ( Read more... )

this weekend was fun and rather eventful!

Friday: camila was off school for spring break, so i went and picked her up in the early afternoon & we came home, did some shit for mom.. then left.. went to millenia and saw cerena, then went to Jesse's house.. and took a drive on I-Drive cuz he wanted to show us his "system".. ( full story here! )

today was cool.. went to school, bombed my micro exam - which kinda sucks not only cuz of my grade, but also dad won't pay for my ticket if i don't get a B or higher ='( ... paul and i went to his place to watch smallville.. and i, of course, took a small nap, like i usually do when i go over there =P. Then after school i went home, got panera with ( Read more... )

yesterday after school, i went and picked up camila and we went to ryans, saw mike, and the fab.. it was good to see them all.. =D and of course i got like 349574 hugs from ryan! then after that, we went over to chris' house and hung out there for a while.. we drank some pineapple wine? it was delish.. but im pretty sure i got a little more drunk ( Read more... )