A Truth Self-Evident

[spectralbovine]

When last I updated on my family angst, my mom had implicitly agreed to let me find a wife on my own and my grandmother had determined that God would punish me. Since then, I reluctantly agreed to still look into potential future wives sent on by my parents, even though the whole reason we had that conversation was because I didn't want to do that

Comments

[miniglik]

Maybe it's time to cut ties? Like, totally cut ties and not allow this kind of thing back in your life anymore. Maybe you could see a therapist or join a support group to help you through the process.

I hope your situation gets better.

[spectralbovine]

I honestly feel like cutting ties right now. I am appalled. I certainly don't feel like talking to them for a while. I mean, I'm not busy getting married, so it's not like we have anything to talk about.

[miniglik]

Your relationship with your parents isn't going to be perfect, but it also shouldn't be this destructive to your emotional health. At the very least I'd see if your company offers counseling services to its employees, and see if you can see a professional to help you with this stuff. You've cried too many tears over your parents' expectations for you.

[spectralbovine]

They do have an Employee Assistance Program that offers counseling. I've been thinking about it for years but haven't taken advantage of it. I think it's only, like, two free sessions.

[equustel]

Oh dear Lord. Face, meet palm, repeatedly.

The contrast between your email and hers kind of says it all. You guys live in completely different worlds, yours consisting of rationality and sound grammar, hers consisting of CAPS AND BLATANT ABUSE OF LOGIC (as well as the written word).

I'm sorry. :[ I am on Team Sunil?

[spectralbovine]

I am on Team Allison [Moves to the Bay Area]!

[plazmah]

WE HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOU] AND THIS THE THANKS WE GET.

DDDDDDDDD:

Dude. I am... fairly angry on your behalf. I don't know what else to say. Er, I have a link that I want to share though. I know it's about feminism and there are random tangents about Jesus (*eyetwitch*) but it touches on the issues of race and sacrifice and I'm just kinda flailing about now because I don't know how to end this comment?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I completely support any desire you have to punch things and rebel like crazy. I'M IN YOUR CORNER, YES.

[serasempre]

Thanks for that link. I found it very useful.

[spectralbovine]

Yeah, that does describe my situation fairly well. It's hard to think my personal happiness is important, sometimes.

[netpositive]

This. I've never met you, Sunil, but from your circle of friends and all your writing you seem like you are a pleasant and interesting person -- and if you do meet someone who appreciates that, wonderful.

But for your mom to portray you as nothing but an investment and I guess basically an insurance policy against their old age that isn't paying back in grandchildren...? Grr.

[spectralbovine]

Oh man. That's harsh, when you put it that way. And yet...that seems to be an apt description, sadly.

[sainfoin_fields]

I think you've done what you can do. And I know it's hard as fuck but I think you should be proud of yourself for not just all the accomplishments you mentioned but for laying down in no uncertain terms what you're gonna do.

I remember having a conversation with my therapist years ago, in tears, because of my family's regarding me as a failure and a disappointment and a horrible person. I asked her how I could be sure they weren't right, since as my family, don't they know me the best? Wouldn't they know?

No, said my therapist. Your family might never understand you or know you at all. They might never approve of your choices or love you the way you need to be loved. And as harsh a thought as that is, I found it somewhat freeing. I don't know.

Hit up those smoothies, though, totally. Peach Perfection! Better than parents!!

[spectralbovine]

The $1 smoothies are only the superfruit, including a new one called...Yumberry. I'm not sure what that is.

Your family might never understand you or know you at all. They might never approve of your choices or love you the way you need to be loved.
I've been trying to accept this, but it still kills me that it's true. What the fuck is family for, otherwise? Besides money, obvs.

[sainfoin_fields]

Oh, well then, fuck that. Unless there's acai involved. Love it.

What the fuck is family for, otherwise?

I think some people just don't get it. I know my dad doesn't get it because his parents hated him and each other and everyone else. He wants it, but he doesn't know how to have it.

We are the lucky ones because we do know the point of a family and we have found people of our own choosing to be there for us. We make our own.

it still kills me that it's true

[dotificus]

Yes. Our family gets right inside, they're knit inside us as we grow up, so separating from them, or setting life-saving boundaries as you've been doing, is such lonely work.

I agree with those saying that counseling could be hugely helpful to you at this time.