A Truth Self-Evident

[spectralbovine]

When last I updated on my family angst, my mom had implicitly agreed to let me find a wife on my own and my grandmother had determined that God would punish me. Since then, I reluctantly agreed to still look into potential future wives sent on by my parents, even though the whole reason we had that conversation was because I didn't want to do that

Comments

got your back

[anonymous]

You stated things clearly.

They stated things clearly

You might not be able to talk again for a bit.

Keep things to email - beth b

[amberlynne]

It took a lot of guts to write that email so that's another check for your awesome column. And as you have seen, I totally understand the crazy emails from parental units. *hugs*

[amy37]

I can hear your head hitting the wall there. I'm so sorry.

I agree with the others who said it might be time to just cut ties, at least for a while. I also think therapy/counseling is a really good idea, just to help you sort of retrain your brain in how to think about this. It's really emotional, I know, but what you need to hold onto is everything you said in YOUR email. That's what matters.

[miniglik]

to help you sort of retrain your brain in how to think about this

This. They've had years and years to practice manipulation techniques on you, and you can't break free of that easily. You'll probably need a little help relearning how to think about your interactions with them.

Even more, you'll need to learn how to interact with them when you're no longer pissed off. Right now you're angry and that gives you strength. What happens when you run out of that anger? Will you be worn back down and fall back into the old relationship?

[raelee]

I'm sorry, P-C. I wish it were easier. Or that your mom had suddenly "seen the light" after your email. It makes me angry that she doesn't at least acknowledge your feelings on the matter. It'd be one thing to be disappointed but also able to see how it's hard on you too. It definitely seems like she may never see your point of view. Maybe keeping yourself separate from them for awhile will at least force her to accept that, if she wants you in her life, she has to stop trying to force this on you?

*hugs*

[etherealclarity]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. No one should. :(

You are a wonderful, successful human being, and the fact that your family cannot be happy with that is their failing, not yours.

Unfortunately, as an adult child, the only leverage you have over your family is your presence in their lives (or lack thereof). Obviously that's a choice you have to make yourself, but if you do make it, I recommend writing another letter explaining why (though probably wait until you can write it calmly and rationally) and explaining on what terms you will speak to them again. And then stick to those terms! For your own sake, create some boundaries.

*hugs* You've got so many people rooting for you, Sunil. Hang in there.