Fic: Unfair Tactical Advantage
A little something I'd forgotten about, rescued from the abandoned pages of my notebook and finally typed up.
Title: Unfair Tactical Advantage
Author: KaylieMalinza
Rating: PG-13 for Jack's helpless lecherous observations
Word Count: 791
Setting: The Black Pearl, after the Pirates III That Should Have Been-Jack is back on the Pearl, James is with him, and the Turners have exited the scene. AU, obviously. No spoilers.
Summary: In negotiations with the captain, James has an unfair tactical advantage.
Teaser: "Captain," said James. Jack like being called Captain very much, particularly by swarthy former Commodores, but the accompanying glare of death and stark malevolence contained therein was a tad fearsome.
Unfair Tactical Advantage
The former Commodore was leaning against the cabin door, hips all jutted out and arms unfairly crossed. It was unfair because when he crossed his arms like that, it pressed his coat closed and Jack couldn't see anything but the gleaming hollow of James' throat. That was plenty nice on its own, of course, but why settle for a coin when you could pilfer an entire treasure chest? And a treasure belly, too.
"James," said Jack.
"Captain," said James. Jack like being called Captain very much, particularly by swarthy former Commodores, but the accompanying glare of death and stark malevolence contained therein was a tad fearsome.
Jack offered him a friendly smile.
The Glare did not melt, not even the least little bit.
Jack shrunk back. "You don't smack, do you?" he asked.
James tilted down his head to glare more sharply and his hair slid from behind his ears, covering up not only that tempting throat hollow, but most of his face as well! Jack tripped forward with his hands outstretched to fix it, then remembered his predicament and stopped abruptly, just out of Angry-James' range. He pressed his hands together as if to pray.
"James," said Jack.
"Captain," said James, in an even more growly and exciting voice than before, but Jack wasn't going to be distracted, not a bit.
"Quarrels of this sort," Jack said placatingly. "They're never as bad as they seem, once both parties have cooled their tempers, perhaps by expelling such malevolent humors through raw, unfettered physicality." He leered.
James seemed to think about that a bit. "Have I permission then, Captain, to beat you with an oar?"
"No, no!" said Jack. "Permission not granted!"
"In that case," said James, "I do not expect there will be any cooling of tempers."
Jack pouted. "What did I do that was so wrong?" he asked.
James rolled his eyes, which worked out nicely for Jack, as he rolled his head too and those pesky face-concealing strands of hair fell back. "You threw Elizabeth overboard," he said.
"We were within sight of an island," Jack pointed out. "It's a mite kinder than what she did to me."
"She was wearing my sword," James said, and put his hands on his hips and his coat swung open. The underlying shirt had long ceased to be any impediment to proper ogling.
"Ah, now we get to the root of the problem," Jack grinned.
"It was a Turner sword," James growled, moving forwards. "My commission sword, which your frippery and misdealings caused me to lose, and which I debased myself to loathesome extremes in order to regain."
Jack rather liked the idea of loathesome degrees of debasement, especially now that James had backed him into a table and his eyes were all squinty and glittery.
"And now," gritted James, his voice dipping into a delicious fury that made Jack's belly thrum, "you have caused me to lose it again."
"I'll get you another one!" Jack said with a winning smile. He ventured a hand to pat the lapels of James' coat. His fingers may have slipped a bit sideways to fondle James' chest.
James batted them away. "I highly doubt Will Turner is going to do us any favors," he spat.
Jack put his hands up again, but at James' glare decided better of it. He settled himself with fiddling the hem of James' coat. "What if we offer him lots of gold?" he offered. "Where is he? We'll do it right now."
"You're neglecting the fact that he jumped off the boat in order to save Elizabeth," James pointed out with a very snotty tone of voice that, completely against Jack's will, made the base of his spine go tingly.
Steadfastly ignoring the various tingles and flushes and shivers, Jack tilted his head to the side and asked, "Why'd he do a thing like that?"
The former Commodore was stonefaced.
Jack sighed. "Alright, then. Nothing for it but to go back, I suppose."
"An excellent idea," James said, and strode towards the door with his boots all clompy and his thighs all... stridy. "I shall inform the crew at once."
"Just one moment, former Commodore!" Jack called. He leaned back invitingly and crossed his legs. "Shouldn't you thank your captain for going so far out of his way to satisfy your whimsy?"
James turned back, just a restrained twist of the hips and shallow lean of the torso. "Once I have my sword in hand," he murmured (and damn if Jack didn't shiver, just a tiny bit) "I shall thank you. Thoroughly and repeatedly." He smirked and left the cabin.
Jack slid against the table, gasping. "That man's a born negotiator," he mumbled, and stuck his hand inside his pants.
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Comments? Feedback? Pretty please?
Title: Unfair Tactical Advantage
Author: KaylieMalinza
Rating: PG-13 for Jack's helpless lecherous observations
Word Count: 791
Setting: The Black Pearl, after the Pirates III That Should Have Been-Jack is back on the Pearl, James is with him, and the Turners have exited the scene. AU, obviously. No spoilers.
Summary: In negotiations with the captain, James has an unfair tactical advantage.
Teaser: "Captain," said James. Jack like being called Captain very much, particularly by swarthy former Commodores, but the accompanying glare of death and stark malevolence contained therein was a tad fearsome.
Unfair Tactical Advantage
The former Commodore was leaning against the cabin door, hips all jutted out and arms unfairly crossed. It was unfair because when he crossed his arms like that, it pressed his coat closed and Jack couldn't see anything but the gleaming hollow of James' throat. That was plenty nice on its own, of course, but why settle for a coin when you could pilfer an entire treasure chest? And a treasure belly, too.
"James," said Jack.
"Captain," said James. Jack like being called Captain very much, particularly by swarthy former Commodores, but the accompanying glare of death and stark malevolence contained therein was a tad fearsome.
Jack offered him a friendly smile.
The Glare did not melt, not even the least little bit.
Jack shrunk back. "You don't smack, do you?" he asked.
James tilted down his head to glare more sharply and his hair slid from behind his ears, covering up not only that tempting throat hollow, but most of his face as well! Jack tripped forward with his hands outstretched to fix it, then remembered his predicament and stopped abruptly, just out of Angry-James' range. He pressed his hands together as if to pray.
"James," said Jack.
"Captain," said James, in an even more growly and exciting voice than before, but Jack wasn't going to be distracted, not a bit.
"Quarrels of this sort," Jack said placatingly. "They're never as bad as they seem, once both parties have cooled their tempers, perhaps by expelling such malevolent humors through raw, unfettered physicality." He leered.
James seemed to think about that a bit. "Have I permission then, Captain, to beat you with an oar?"
"No, no!" said Jack. "Permission not granted!"
"In that case," said James, "I do not expect there will be any cooling of tempers."
Jack pouted. "What did I do that was so wrong?" he asked.
James rolled his eyes, which worked out nicely for Jack, as he rolled his head too and those pesky face-concealing strands of hair fell back. "You threw Elizabeth overboard," he said.
"We were within sight of an island," Jack pointed out. "It's a mite kinder than what she did to me."
"She was wearing my sword," James said, and put his hands on his hips and his coat swung open. The underlying shirt had long ceased to be any impediment to proper ogling.
"Ah, now we get to the root of the problem," Jack grinned.
"It was a Turner sword," James growled, moving forwards. "My commission sword, which your frippery and misdealings caused me to lose, and which I debased myself to loathesome extremes in order to regain."
Jack rather liked the idea of loathesome degrees of debasement, especially now that James had backed him into a table and his eyes were all squinty and glittery.
"And now," gritted James, his voice dipping into a delicious fury that made Jack's belly thrum, "you have caused me to lose it again."
"I'll get you another one!" Jack said with a winning smile. He ventured a hand to pat the lapels of James' coat. His fingers may have slipped a bit sideways to fondle James' chest.
James batted them away. "I highly doubt Will Turner is going to do us any favors," he spat.
Jack put his hands up again, but at James' glare decided better of it. He settled himself with fiddling the hem of James' coat. "What if we offer him lots of gold?" he offered. "Where is he? We'll do it right now."
"You're neglecting the fact that he jumped off the boat in order to save Elizabeth," James pointed out with a very snotty tone of voice that, completely against Jack's will, made the base of his spine go tingly.
Steadfastly ignoring the various tingles and flushes and shivers, Jack tilted his head to the side and asked, "Why'd he do a thing like that?"
The former Commodore was stonefaced.
Jack sighed. "Alright, then. Nothing for it but to go back, I suppose."
"An excellent idea," James said, and strode towards the door with his boots all clompy and his thighs all... stridy. "I shall inform the crew at once."
"Just one moment, former Commodore!" Jack called. He leaned back invitingly and crossed his legs. "Shouldn't you thank your captain for going so far out of his way to satisfy your whimsy?"
James turned back, just a restrained twist of the hips and shallow lean of the torso. "Once I have my sword in hand," he murmured (and damn if Jack didn't shiver, just a tiny bit) "I shall thank you. Thoroughly and repeatedly." He smirked and left the cabin.
Jack slid against the table, gasping. "That man's a born negotiator," he mumbled, and stuck his hand inside his pants.
________________
Comments? Feedback? Pretty please?