Fic: Personnel Issues - Part 10
Title: Personnel Issues
Authors: sparking_off and pinkfairy727
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, Tosh, Owen,
Warnings: Canon character death, swearing
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 36,300
Beta: etmuse
Summary: The Torchwood Three email newsletter: an excuse to gossip, bitch, plan dates, fight, and discuss squirrel rats.
Spoilers: For all of series 2.
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Newsletter no. 48
News
Rather a slow week. Several weevil sightings but the warm weather has made them all stick to the sewers on the most part.
Gwen brought several missing persons cases to Jack’s attention but it’s been decided that Torchwood can’t do anything about them.
Myfanwy is entirely recovered and has unfortunately started brooding. Any items of clothing and/or furniture that go missing are claimable on expenses, provided I can see the item in her nest.
Also two of the squirrel rats have been mating. The female has now produced twins. Owen is in Deep Trouble for missing this.
Personnel issues
Jack would like to remind the entire staff that unless they’ve been called in at night, between the hours of 9pm and 7am the Hub is his home and everyone should be sensitive to that. He suggests we ask ourselves how we’d feel if he barged into our homes with no good reason.
Inmates
Two weevils (Janet and Marlene).
Fish tank.
Squirrel rats (12. Owen, HOW DID YOU MISS THIS?).
Four humans (Jack, Ianto, Gwen & Tosh).
One King of the Weevils, or the walking dead (Owen).
Pteranodon (Myfanwy).
Miscellaneous
Jack would like the squirrel rats segregated immediately, or neutered. Given they’re pack animals, neutering would probably be preferable.
Also whoever keeps leaving sex toys on my desk, please stop. I really don’t need them.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...Would you all believe me if I told you I knew she was pregnant and that I was going to surprise the girls by presenting them with a baby squirrel rat each?
Doctor Owen Harper
A Very, VERY Apologetic Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
No.
I assume you’ve segregated them and are in the process of neutering them all?
Also, why does there appear to be lots of wood in your autopsy bay? And don’t think I didn’t notice that hammer on your desk.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...It’s a surprise?
Okay, FINE, I’m building the squirrel rats an obstacle course. I thought if they got more exercise they might stop shagging each other every ten minutes. I’m also debating buying them all numbered jumpers and opening a betting ring.
And before Gwen starts getting all indignant, no it won’t harm them, it’ll do them some good, and it might make you, Jack and Ianto stop looking like I’ve just announced that I’m going to put the pterodactyl down and then sell her to the local slaughter house.
Segregation is complete and I’m about to start neutering them now. I’ll put them all back in with Baby Squirrel Rat when I’m done.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Is that why you wanted nails out of the toolbox? I did wonder. You will be making sure it’s structurally sound, I presume?
If you do start bets, my money’s on that little wiry one.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
…sex toys on your desk? Do I want to know?
Also, Owen, do you want to add any electronic components to your obstacle course? Buttons they have to press to get through a door, that sort of thing? Let me know. I used to build mazes for my pet hamsters as a child. It’s simple electronics, really, but I don’t get to do enough of that now. It’s all much more high tech!
Tosh
Tech wizard, surrounded by sex-crazed creatures.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
So that's Ianto for the little wiry one and I'm, obviously, backing Baby Squirrel Rat. Girls, Jack, care to pick a squirrel rat before I go out and buy jackets?
Tosh, you are a bloody genius and I could kiss you. I am coming over there now with my current blue-print. And don't tell me you're working, I can see your Minesweeper game from my desk.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Finish neutering them first, Owen. And I want full plans on my desk to be approved before you start building anything.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...Did you get out of the wrong side of your cot this morning, Jack, or is Ianto withholding sex again? Whatever’s wrong with you, do us a favour, yeah, and bloody cheer up. You’re even making the weevils depressed.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Owen, leave it alone.
I’ll do the lunch run today. What’s everyone after?
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Just a salad for me, Gwen, thanks. Jack, don’t worry, the plans will be sound.
Tosh
Tech wizard, surrounded by sex-crazed creatures.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I blame Owen, Tosh. I know for definite that it isn’t Jack, none of the toys are interesting enough for it to be him. And I doubt it’s Gwen.
Salad for me too, Gwen, since I can see Jack glaring at me and he still thinks I don’t eat enough vegetables. But a sandwich too, chicken if they have it, ham and mustard if not.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Gwen Cooper, medical bay, NOW. I want your head scanned.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Owen, she’s fine, just leave it alone.
Pasta salad please, Gwen, if you can. Not bothered what type, if you can’t get me one just get me whatever you get Ianto.
Fine, Tosh, I’ll leave you two to get on with it.
I’m going out after lunch to sort some stuff out downtown. I’m not expected to be finished before nine and my phone will be off, but Ianto knows how to contact me in an End of the World Emergency.
...Ianto, if you haven’t got a last-minute family thing, any chance you can hang-around late? I’d appreciate it.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
That’s fine, Jack, I have work to do anyway.
Gwen, could you perhaps give me a hand in the archives after lunch? I have some things to move around and the trolley really needs two people to manoeuvre around the shelving.
Everyone, expenses are due at the end of the week if you want them signed off by the end of the quarter.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Sure, Ianto, that’s fine.
I’ll go for lunch now. Call if anyone wants anything extra.
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
We’re going to need more wood, Owen. And nails. And I’m thinking we need some plastic to mould for the top, we need to take measurements and order something.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’ll head out and get some more stuff, Tosh, while you lot eat your lunch. Any chance I can sign this off on expenses, Ianto?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’m going to head out now. I’m not hungry so would somebody get Gwen to put my lunch in the fridge for me? I’ve left the SUV in case you guys need it.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Okay, this is obviously more than Jack just feeling a bit grumpy. I’ve never seen him so...subdued. Seriously, Ianto, as his doctor, is there anything I should be worried about?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’m taking care of it, Owen. There’s nothing medically wrong.
Take the company credit card with you when you go to buy supplies - as it’s for inmate aliens, it’s all classed as a company expense.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Honestly though, Ianto, is there anything we can do? I’m not asking what’s happened, but I don’t like seeing him like this.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Thanks, Tosh, but I don’t think so.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
So my list so far includes:
- Wood
- Nails
- Plastic sheets
- Jelly babies
- 5 squirrel rat sized jumpers (though I’m assuming that, since this isn’t a ‘necessity’, that it comes out of my own money, Ianto?)
I’ll order the plastic moulds online, Tosh, once we’ve got all the measurements sorted.
My non-squirrel rat list includes:
- large Dairy Milk for Tosh
- Crunchie for Gwen
- Sudoku monthly for me.
Now Gwen’s back I’ll head out. Ring if you want anything else brought in and if you decide you do want some chocolate, Ianto.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Yes, the jumpers aren’t necessities. But why only five? And why jelly babies?
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Same reason I bought a toblerone I guess - for Jack.
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Actually, Owen, wait until I’ve finished my lunch and I’ll come with you. We’re going to need some wiring and electrical components that I don’t keep on hand, and…no offence…it’s going to be easier and quicker for me to just come, rather than trying to explain what we need!
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Actually, the jelly babies are for the squirrel rats; I’ve found some sugar free ones that they’ll eat and I use them as rewards when I’m training them. However, if you can think of something sweet that will stop Jack looking as if he’s about to be thrown off a cliff then I’ll pick it up.
I was going to buy 5 jumpers, one for each squirrel rat we pick, but I can pick up one for each rat, especially as Gwen, Tosh and Jack are yet to pick a squirrel rat.
Tosh, I’m ready when you are.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Looks like it’s just you and me this afternoon, then, Gwen. I’ll be ready to head down to the archives in ten minutes - I’ll just make coffee for us to take down.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Alright. Completed blueprints are on your desk, Jack, and all materials (apart from the moulded plastic to go on top) have been bought or ordered.
As it’s now half past five, and everything’s quiet, I’m taking the evening off. Owen, fancy going to the cinema? There’s a new film out I’d like to see, but it’s never as nice going alone. Also I think I’ll end up crying.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Why not, Tosh, it’s not as if I’ve got anything better to do...it’s not something completely soppy, though, is it?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
‘The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas’. The book was brilliant but tragic. I want to see the film, but…
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Whatever you end up doing, please don’t forget Jack’s request that the Hub is considered his home at night, and don’t come to work off your misery.
And yes. It’ll be misery.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Despite Ianto’s attempts to put me off, Tosh, I’ll go with you. Sounds like you’re going to need somebody to hold your hand through it.
Don’t worry, Ianto, we’ll find some other way of working off our misery, though we both know Tosh will probably end up doing work at home.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Ianto, just to let you know I’m running a little late, but I should be done by 10. Can we meet up at your place instead? I need a night away from Torchwood, Rift allowing.
Unless something has blown up you are all free to go home, but make sure somebody has the Rift alerts diverted to their phone.
I’m turning my phone back off now, I’ll turn it back on once I’m on my way back.
Captain Jack Harkness.
Sent from my BlackBerry from Virgin Mobile.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Good morning, everyone. I still need expenses forms from Gwen, Owen and Jack. I’ll repeat: if they’re not in by the end of the week they will NOT be approved for this quarter.
Also - why is there a small mountain of sweets and chocolates on Jack’s desk?
Ianto
Coffee god, bemused.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
We’re trying to make him feel better. At least, that’s why I bought my share…
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Ianto, my expenses form is complete, though I assume you want to check it first?
Thank you for the sweets, I appreciate it and I’ll try and make more of an effort to not act like a “grumpy bastard”, or whatever other phrases Owen has been using.
Tosh, I’ve looked over the obstacle course plans and they look sound. Assuming you and Owen have nothing more urgent to be doing, feel free to start on the building work.
(A slightly more upbeat) Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Grumpy bastard is as accurate a phrase as any, Jack.
Tosh, I’ve got those measurements for the moulded plastic. I’ll order them now and then how about we make a start?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Give me fifteen minutes, Owen, I’ve just got to finish checking the night’s readings.
I have to admit I’m really excited about this. It’s been far too long since I did some basic electronics and engineering!
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’ve nearly finished mine Ianto, just waiting for a final price on repairing my phone. Shop said I’d get it back either today or tomorrow, so if it’s okay to wait another day I’ll give you the form tomorrow afternoon? If they don’t get back to me I’ll just estimate it.
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
That sounds like an excellent idea, Jack. I’ll bring some coffee up, shall I?
Ianto
Coffee god, bemused.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Ianto Jones, you read my mind. ;)
(An even more upbeat) Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Oh dear. Well having recently walked in on them I advise everyone to mind the closed door!!!
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Owen is keeping working downstairs, but I’m breaking for lunch. Gwen, want to come on the lunch run with me? It looks as though Jack and Ianto are still…occupied.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Sure Tosh, sounds good. Give me a couple of minutes to finish this report. I guess since they’re busy, they don’t get a say in lunch?
Gwen
Relaxing, slowly.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
They can have what we get them without complaining. I’d put a smiley face there but I know you don’t like them!!
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
As long as you don’t get pizza, Ianto and I will eat whatever you provide us with. Also, if you feel the temptation to have a long-lunch, I’ll not complain ;)
(A much happier) Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...Somebody let me know when it’s safe to come back up there.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Right, it’s half five, I’m off home. Rhys is cooking and if I’m late I’ll have hell to pay!
Gwen
Relaxing, slowly.
Part 11
Authors: sparking_off and pinkfairy727
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, Tosh, Owen,
Warnings: Canon character death, swearing
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 36,300
Beta: etmuse
Summary: The Torchwood Three email newsletter: an excuse to gossip, bitch, plan dates, fight, and discuss squirrel rats.
Spoilers: For all of series 2.
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Newsletter no. 48
News
Rather a slow week. Several weevil sightings but the warm weather has made them all stick to the sewers on the most part.
Gwen brought several missing persons cases to Jack’s attention but it’s been decided that Torchwood can’t do anything about them.
Myfanwy is entirely recovered and has unfortunately started brooding. Any items of clothing and/or furniture that go missing are claimable on expenses, provided I can see the item in her nest.
Also two of the squirrel rats have been mating. The female has now produced twins. Owen is in Deep Trouble for missing this.
Personnel issues
Jack would like to remind the entire staff that unless they’ve been called in at night, between the hours of 9pm and 7am the Hub is his home and everyone should be sensitive to that. He suggests we ask ourselves how we’d feel if he barged into our homes with no good reason.
Inmates
Two weevils (Janet and Marlene).
Fish tank.
Squirrel rats (12. Owen, HOW DID YOU MISS THIS?).
Four humans (Jack, Ianto, Gwen & Tosh).
One King of the Weevils, or the walking dead (Owen).
Pteranodon (Myfanwy).
Miscellaneous
Jack would like the squirrel rats segregated immediately, or neutered. Given they’re pack animals, neutering would probably be preferable.
Also whoever keeps leaving sex toys on my desk, please stop. I really don’t need them.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...Would you all believe me if I told you I knew she was pregnant and that I was going to surprise the girls by presenting them with a baby squirrel rat each?
Doctor Owen Harper
A Very, VERY Apologetic Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
No.
I assume you’ve segregated them and are in the process of neutering them all?
Also, why does there appear to be lots of wood in your autopsy bay? And don’t think I didn’t notice that hammer on your desk.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...It’s a surprise?
Okay, FINE, I’m building the squirrel rats an obstacle course. I thought if they got more exercise they might stop shagging each other every ten minutes. I’m also debating buying them all numbered jumpers and opening a betting ring.
And before Gwen starts getting all indignant, no it won’t harm them, it’ll do them some good, and it might make you, Jack and Ianto stop looking like I’ve just announced that I’m going to put the pterodactyl down and then sell her to the local slaughter house.
Segregation is complete and I’m about to start neutering them now. I’ll put them all back in with Baby Squirrel Rat when I’m done.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Is that why you wanted nails out of the toolbox? I did wonder. You will be making sure it’s structurally sound, I presume?
If you do start bets, my money’s on that little wiry one.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
…sex toys on your desk? Do I want to know?
Also, Owen, do you want to add any electronic components to your obstacle course? Buttons they have to press to get through a door, that sort of thing? Let me know. I used to build mazes for my pet hamsters as a child. It’s simple electronics, really, but I don’t get to do enough of that now. It’s all much more high tech!
Tosh
Tech wizard, surrounded by sex-crazed creatures.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
So that's Ianto for the little wiry one and I'm, obviously, backing Baby Squirrel Rat. Girls, Jack, care to pick a squirrel rat before I go out and buy jackets?
Tosh, you are a bloody genius and I could kiss you. I am coming over there now with my current blue-print. And don't tell me you're working, I can see your Minesweeper game from my desk.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Finish neutering them first, Owen. And I want full plans on my desk to be approved before you start building anything.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...Did you get out of the wrong side of your cot this morning, Jack, or is Ianto withholding sex again? Whatever’s wrong with you, do us a favour, yeah, and bloody cheer up. You’re even making the weevils depressed.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Owen, leave it alone.
I’ll do the lunch run today. What’s everyone after?
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Just a salad for me, Gwen, thanks. Jack, don’t worry, the plans will be sound.
Tosh
Tech wizard, surrounded by sex-crazed creatures.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I blame Owen, Tosh. I know for definite that it isn’t Jack, none of the toys are interesting enough for it to be him. And I doubt it’s Gwen.
Salad for me too, Gwen, since I can see Jack glaring at me and he still thinks I don’t eat enough vegetables. But a sandwich too, chicken if they have it, ham and mustard if not.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Gwen Cooper, medical bay, NOW. I want your head scanned.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Owen, she’s fine, just leave it alone.
Pasta salad please, Gwen, if you can. Not bothered what type, if you can’t get me one just get me whatever you get Ianto.
Fine, Tosh, I’ll leave you two to get on with it.
I’m going out after lunch to sort some stuff out downtown. I’m not expected to be finished before nine and my phone will be off, but Ianto knows how to contact me in an End of the World Emergency.
...Ianto, if you haven’t got a last-minute family thing, any chance you can hang-around late? I’d appreciate it.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
That’s fine, Jack, I have work to do anyway.
Gwen, could you perhaps give me a hand in the archives after lunch? I have some things to move around and the trolley really needs two people to manoeuvre around the shelving.
Everyone, expenses are due at the end of the week if you want them signed off by the end of the quarter.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Sure, Ianto, that’s fine.
I’ll go for lunch now. Call if anyone wants anything extra.
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
We’re going to need more wood, Owen. And nails. And I’m thinking we need some plastic to mould for the top, we need to take measurements and order something.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’ll head out and get some more stuff, Tosh, while you lot eat your lunch. Any chance I can sign this off on expenses, Ianto?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’m going to head out now. I’m not hungry so would somebody get Gwen to put my lunch in the fridge for me? I’ve left the SUV in case you guys need it.
Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Okay, this is obviously more than Jack just feeling a bit grumpy. I’ve never seen him so...subdued. Seriously, Ianto, as his doctor, is there anything I should be worried about?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’m taking care of it, Owen. There’s nothing medically wrong.
Take the company credit card with you when you go to buy supplies - as it’s for inmate aliens, it’s all classed as a company expense.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Honestly though, Ianto, is there anything we can do? I’m not asking what’s happened, but I don’t like seeing him like this.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Thanks, Tosh, but I don’t think so.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
So my list so far includes:
- Wood
- Nails
- Plastic sheets
- Jelly babies
- 5 squirrel rat sized jumpers (though I’m assuming that, since this isn’t a ‘necessity’, that it comes out of my own money, Ianto?)
I’ll order the plastic moulds online, Tosh, once we’ve got all the measurements sorted.
My non-squirrel rat list includes:
- large Dairy Milk for Tosh
- Crunchie for Gwen
- Sudoku monthly for me.
Now Gwen’s back I’ll head out. Ring if you want anything else brought in and if you decide you do want some chocolate, Ianto.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Yes, the jumpers aren’t necessities. But why only five? And why jelly babies?
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Same reason I bought a toblerone I guess - for Jack.
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Actually, Owen, wait until I’ve finished my lunch and I’ll come with you. We’re going to need some wiring and electrical components that I don’t keep on hand, and…no offence…it’s going to be easier and quicker for me to just come, rather than trying to explain what we need!
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Actually, the jelly babies are for the squirrel rats; I’ve found some sugar free ones that they’ll eat and I use them as rewards when I’m training them. However, if you can think of something sweet that will stop Jack looking as if he’s about to be thrown off a cliff then I’ll pick it up.
I was going to buy 5 jumpers, one for each squirrel rat we pick, but I can pick up one for each rat, especially as Gwen, Tosh and Jack are yet to pick a squirrel rat.
Tosh, I’m ready when you are.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Looks like it’s just you and me this afternoon, then, Gwen. I’ll be ready to head down to the archives in ten minutes - I’ll just make coffee for us to take down.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Alright. Completed blueprints are on your desk, Jack, and all materials (apart from the moulded plastic to go on top) have been bought or ordered.
As it’s now half past five, and everything’s quiet, I’m taking the evening off. Owen, fancy going to the cinema? There’s a new film out I’d like to see, but it’s never as nice going alone. Also I think I’ll end up crying.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Why not, Tosh, it’s not as if I’ve got anything better to do...it’s not something completely soppy, though, is it?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
‘The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas’. The book was brilliant but tragic. I want to see the film, but…
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Whatever you end up doing, please don’t forget Jack’s request that the Hub is considered his home at night, and don’t come to work off your misery.
And yes. It’ll be misery.
Ianto
Coffee god. Depressed.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Despite Ianto’s attempts to put me off, Tosh, I’ll go with you. Sounds like you’re going to need somebody to hold your hand through it.
Don’t worry, Ianto, we’ll find some other way of working off our misery, though we both know Tosh will probably end up doing work at home.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Ianto, just to let you know I’m running a little late, but I should be done by 10. Can we meet up at your place instead? I need a night away from Torchwood, Rift allowing.
Unless something has blown up you are all free to go home, but make sure somebody has the Rift alerts diverted to their phone.
I’m turning my phone back off now, I’ll turn it back on once I’m on my way back.
Captain Jack Harkness.
Sent from my BlackBerry from Virgin Mobile.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Good morning, everyone. I still need expenses forms from Gwen, Owen and Jack. I’ll repeat: if they’re not in by the end of the week they will NOT be approved for this quarter.
Also - why is there a small mountain of sweets and chocolates on Jack’s desk?
Ianto
Coffee god, bemused.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
We’re trying to make him feel better. At least, that’s why I bought my share…
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Ianto, my expenses form is complete, though I assume you want to check it first?
Thank you for the sweets, I appreciate it and I’ll try and make more of an effort to not act like a “grumpy bastard”, or whatever other phrases Owen has been using.
Tosh, I’ve looked over the obstacle course plans and they look sound. Assuming you and Owen have nothing more urgent to be doing, feel free to start on the building work.
(A slightly more upbeat) Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Grumpy bastard is as accurate a phrase as any, Jack.
Tosh, I’ve got those measurements for the moulded plastic. I’ll order them now and then how about we make a start?
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Give me fifteen minutes, Owen, I’ve just got to finish checking the night’s readings.
I have to admit I’m really excited about this. It’s been far too long since I did some basic electronics and engineering!
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
I’ve nearly finished mine Ianto, just waiting for a final price on repairing my phone. Shop said I’d get it back either today or tomorrow, so if it’s okay to wait another day I’ll give you the form tomorrow afternoon? If they don’t get back to me I’ll just estimate it.
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Gwen
From: Ianto
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
That sounds like an excellent idea, Jack. I’ll bring some coffee up, shall I?
Ianto
Coffee god, bemused.
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Ianto Jones, you read my mind. ;)
(An even more upbeat) Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Oh dear. Well having recently walked in on them I advise everyone to mind the closed door!!!
Gwen
Learning to keep her mouth shut.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Owen is keeping working downstairs, but I’m breaking for lunch. Gwen, want to come on the lunch run with me? It looks as though Jack and Ianto are still…occupied.
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Sure Tosh, sounds good. Give me a couple of minutes to finish this report. I guess since they’re busy, they don’t get a say in lunch?
Gwen
Relaxing, slowly.
* * *
To: Ianto , Gwen , Owen
From: Tosh
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
They can have what we get them without complaining. I’d put a smiley face there but I know you don’t like them!!
Tosh
Tech wizard - project!!!
* * *
To: Tosh , Gwen , Ianto , Owen
From: Captain Jack
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
As long as you don’t get pizza, Ianto and I will eat whatever you provide us with. Also, if you feel the temptation to have a long-lunch, I’ll not complain ;)
(A much happier) Captain Jack Harkness.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Gwen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Owen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
...Somebody let me know when it’s safe to come back up there.
Doctor Owen Harper
Saviour of the Universe.
* * *
To: Captain Jack , Owen , Tosh , Ianto
From: Gwen
Subject: Re: Newsletter no. 48
Right, it’s half five, I’m off home. Rhys is cooking and if I’m late I’ll have hell to pay!
Gwen
Relaxing, slowly.
Part 11