Confused people and a facet of the GBF

Nov 22, 2013 22:36

 I’m having a drunken musing about some of my GBF problems, including some of the people in my life who try to treat me as a mascot, or a toy or feel a desperate need to get close to me to be their bestest friend so they can be one of the cool crowd.

It’s annoying. And many of them are annoying for the usual reasons of fetishism/privilege/ ( Read more... )

state of me, booze

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Comments 10

myrrhmade November 22 2013, 23:18:05 UTC
Personally, I've always found that people who introduce me as their ____ friend, don't know me at all. Why the need to qualify my title? My gay friend, my disabled friend, my black friend, etc., and I know it's hard to believe, but people actually do this. A lot. Like it automatically gives them a cool/ally card. It's like they have slots to fill with us to impress their real friends. Or something.

(side note: I know you lot don't really do a turkey day, do you celebrate harvest or something instead? Are you planning to cook? WhatUMaking?)

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sparkindarkness November 22 2013, 23:49:41 UTC
People who do that do that because that is literally ALL they know about you AND all the care about you. You are their X friend, because the coolness/liberalness/shiniess factor that comes from having an X friend is all that matters to them - so why would they care about anything else. Linked to that is the assumption that ( ... )

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myrrhmade November 23 2013, 22:35:53 UTC
Ugh, exactly. And these folks wonder why marginalized people want nothing to do with them. How can I be friends with someone who doesn't see me as a person, a human being?

Argh Baking! My Kryptonite! That sounds so good.

Ah ha, ok, end of Summer mostly. So there's no real equivalent for our Turkey day then?

As for Yule, that sounds amazing. On this side of the pond, we do basically the same Thanksgiving meal for Xmas/Yule/Etc., some people will do a goose (never had goose, myself) or a prime rib along with turkey. My husband's family does the 7 fishes Italian thing, but honestly, it all sounds sort of boring compared to your treats and trads.

I really want to get into pickling.

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sparkindarkness November 22 2013, 23:55:06 UTC
I do generally have a bit of a push the boat out early November/late October - and that's the long roast usually - BIG stews, big bread, big potatoes roasted slowly in butter, BIIIIIIGGER stews, heavy. hearty rich and warming and big chunks of cheese melted on everything and big dumplings and gravy you can eat with a fork

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masterde November 23 2013, 00:07:52 UTC
I really did sit here for, like, 15 minutes and try to come up with something tactful. I have failed. People who think that knowing one thing about you that they think is some sort of taboo secret are... perplexing. Hey! I did come up with something tactful after all... who know ( ... )

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hsb November 23 2013, 12:34:58 UTC
I skip over the sex scenes in most romances. It all seems to be a bit insert tab a into slot b, with synonyms for moist and throbbing. I suspect that's why I like Regency stuff so much. I'm more an emotions and signs of trust girl, myself.

GBF makes no sense as a friendship descriptor, because it only describes one of you. Most of the descriptors I use for friends indicate how I met them, or what we share. If I'm still using that descriptor to introduce them, they are a less-close friend. For example, a uni friend probably has a deeply outdated knowledge of me, while a friend I met at Uni is probably someone I've been friends with through a lot of changes to both our lives.

H

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fadethecat November 23 2013, 00:08:19 UTC
Over on Captain Awkward there was a post that talked about how we need a sort of break-up pattern/symbol for breaking up friendships, because no one seems to know quite how to express it. And they settled on an African Violet. "Here's an African Violet, let's not be friends anymore!" But I'm not sure what would be the appropriate symbol for "Actually, we were never actually close friends, back off!" Maybe a greeting card with a picture of an African Violet would suffice.

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teleens_journal November 23 2013, 05:32:50 UTC
It's funny. Maybe I have low self-esteem (or a better sense of boundaries), but I generally don't believe that people in general are close friends unless they've indicated we are.

I could say more, but it all basically comes down to, "Wut?"

*hugs*

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hsb November 23 2013, 12:40:35 UTC
Yes, but sometimes that throws me too. I've been friends with one guy for years. I get on well with him, we got through the period when he had a crush on me, we got through the year I was on maternity leave and had nothing interesting to say, and it's all good, but still basically a friendship based on one shared interest.

I was absolutely flummoxed to hear him introduce me to others as his best friend. It was only later that I realised *all* his friendships are based on that one interest. Ah, geeks.

H

H

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brownkitty November 24 2013, 15:02:28 UTC
You're one of my "only know them on media, I like their sense of humor" friends. Is that also one-dimensional enough to annoy you?

Not a best friend, that takes years and meatspace interaction. But within some parameters, a good friend.

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