My broken branch of the family tree

[sparkindarkness]

This piece originally appeared at Womanist Musings where Renee has very generously allowed my random musings to appear on her excellent blogGenealogy is something of a familial obsession with my kin. The never ending quest to push the records as far as they can and fine every slight tiny detail about the lives of people you never met who died years

Comments

[stress_kitten]

Oh Sparky, I'm sorry. :-( How insulting.

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you

Much of a muchness with them now I feel

[suryaofvulcan]

Ugh. Erasing your marriage is just as much homophobia as using slurs or gay-bashing. It all comes from the same root - devaluing your relationships and you as a person.

I wonder, do they include step-kids? I remember when my Dad was doing his side of our tree, he spent a long time swithering over whether to include his uncle's live-in partner and her son - the issue being that the boy had taken our family name, but the uncle clearly wasn't his father, and to our knowledge had never adopted him. In the end we included him, because he clearly regarded himself as part of our family, regardless of blood, adoptive or matrimonial ties. And really there shouldn't have been an issue about that. I think we get so hung up on 'genealogy' we forget it isn't exactly synonymous with 'family history'.

[sparkindarkness]

Pretty much, it's very diminishing

Step-kids are definitely included :)

[masterde]

I'm not in the least surprised. They've never wanted you to be gay so ignoring it and never mentioning it in any record is just they're way of sanitizing their small minds and hearts. This is why my definition of family says nothing about "blood" or "marriage." They're the people who want what's best for me, for me to be happy, and are there for me when I need them.

[teleens_journal]

his is why my definition of family says nothing about "blood" or "marriage." They're the people who want what's best for me, for me to be happy, and are there for me when I need them.

That's a beautiful definition of family and mine as well. Those who actively hurt us are not family, no matter what the paperwork says, :(.

[sparkindarkness]

It's easier to edit reality than face it.

I've reached a point where I just don't expect better from them any more.

[twicet]

I am sorry your family seems to give no thought to you, a person they proclaim to love, yet continue to hurt, in such a cruel and intentional way. Do they seriously think, they can keep ignoring the fact you are gay, and have a husband!

The day may come, when you refuse to be with your family, I am amazed you haven’t already done so, yet I sense they are important to you. But if they do not accept you...Sparky...all of you, and Beloved, including him as a member of this family, which he is, the hurt will only continue. They will carry on in the belief, that it is just fine to rewrite, in their twisted minds, who they have decided you are. Yes you are...Sparky...son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, uncle. You are also, Sparky, who happens to be a gay man with a husband, whom he loves, every bit as much as they do, their significant others.

*hugs* because I think you could use them just now.

[sparkindarkness]

They regard my being gay as something unpleasant and ufnortunate they'd be much happier about if they could ignore it and make it go asway.

At the moment I'm left with keeping my family at arm's length - not just physically but emotionally as well. My contact with them is duty based, my iunterractions feel more like business than relationship and increasingly there's a gulf being built between us. I've sensed it for a while and kept trying to bridge it, but increasingly I'm not sure it's worth the effort or if I want the gulf to be bridged

[teleens_journal]

*hugs*

[sparkindarkness]

Thankee