Oh, wow! I didn't expect that to happen. And, finally- Mango! I remember that from back over the summer last year? No- The year before!
I like the way you've written the grittiness into this chapter. "And yet, it was familiar. Sweet and sunny with a metallic edge of disappointment." I found it interesting that Ennis's expectation about the trip did not materialize like he thought they would. That really threw me off of anything expectation I had of reading something predictable and kept me intrigued.
I had that mango in mind for this scene from the very first. :)
It's funny that you call it "grittiness" when so much of the scene is about smoothness...
Interesting about your expectations of what would happen. When you plan for a long time how everything is going to go, sometimes you forget that readers might be thinking along the same lines as the character and not actually reading your mind.
And Jay, well, she's probably having a great time on the campaign trail and feeling guilty that she doesn't actually miss Ennis or feel like calling him. I hope so, anyway. :)
I bought a mango today at my local market... and I'll experiment with one of Kaj's techniques tonight :) I think I'll need a very sharp knife and a steady hand... I hope I won't get too distracted picturing what these two have been up to all night... ;) P x
It went ok, but I think I need to practise more... The mango wasn't ripe enough, I guess, but I was too impatient to wait another day to taste it :) And yes, definitely a "metallic" undertaste is the best way to describe it... :) I'll email you later...I've been busy these past few days.
Oh my goodness. This was stunning. A long wait for some sex but so worth it. You did a terrific job with this. Did you have the mango in mind all along? The sex was incredibly hot, yet so romantic and reflective of the tender feelings they have for each other. A turning point for Ennis for sure. How could he ever go back to Jay after this.
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I like the way you've written the grittiness into this chapter. "And yet, it was familiar. Sweet and sunny with a metallic edge of disappointment." I found it interesting that Ennis's expectation about the trip did not materialize like he thought they would. That really threw me off of anything expectation I had of reading something predictable and kept me intrigued.
Great job, as always.
I wonder what's going on with Jay?
XO
Donna
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It's funny that you call it "grittiness" when so much of the scene is about smoothness...
Interesting about your expectations of what would happen. When you plan for a long time how everything is going to go, sometimes you forget that readers might be thinking along the same lines as the character and not actually reading your mind.
And Jay, well, she's probably having a great time on the campaign trail and feeling guilty that she doesn't actually miss Ennis or feel like calling him. I hope so, anyway. :)
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P x
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I'll email you later...I've been busy these past few days.
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From this chapter, what I see is that Ennis has two lovers simultaneously - Jack and Kaj at the same time?
Wow I never think Ennis would sleep around casually like this. Is this a threesome story?
Hua
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http://community.livejournal.com/brokebackslash/2908786.html
Here is a recap of chapters 1-26:
http://soulan.livejournal.com/45647.html
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