A Way With Words - Chapter 38
Friday, September 2nd, 1988
He gripped the straps of his duffel bag and ignored the signs for Baggage Claim; he was traveling light, stepping quickly, flying to the exit, slowing when he caught up with an elderly Indian couple walking carefully, her arm through his, her cream and blue sari wrinkled in the back from hours of sitting. He eased past them and toward the open doors, scanning the waiting crowd.
There he was, right in front, smiling, wearing the blue shirt. His mustache was a little thicker, his hair a bit longer, but his eyes were the same mesmerizing green-gray. He viewed Kaj against a backdrop of bright, swirling colors as he walked toward him, his heart pounding so hard he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Had to touch him, now. Kaj held out his hand to him and he grabbed it, moving in for the embrace he'd been rehearsing in his mind all the way from Boston.
The grip was strong but the arm was stiff, keeping Ennis at bay. A cold doorknob. Scarlet and gold and emerald and turquoise swirled around and past them, as though they were a pair of rocks in a psychedelic river. The eight women in colorful saris surrounded the old couple, who had come level with Ennis, chattering and laughing their greetings, their gold bangles clinking on their wrists.
"It is very good to see you again," Kaj said loudly over the excited voices. "Did you have a good flight?" He shook Ennis' hand formally, eyes fixed on his face.
Not for a minute had he imagined their reunion like this. He understood why it had to be this way, but… was this the way Kaj really wanted it? Nothing more?
"It was fine."
"Now we take a coach to the city, then a tram." Kaj dropped his hand and they turned away from the happy Indians. A coach, a tram… another world with different words right next door.
They exited terminal; it was a hot day and Ennis regretted having worn a long-sleeved shirt, even if it was the special one from Filene's Basement. The bus they were to take was waiting at the curb. Kaj paid for them both.
"How long does it take to get to your apartment?" Ennis asked.
"I take you to your hotel, on King Street. My place is not far away from there, maybe ten minutes on the tram."
"I'm staying in a hotel?" He'd thought he'd be in Kaj's apartment, sharing his room, or sleeping on the couch.
"We are three in there, just one bedroom. A hotel is better for you. Don't worry, I pay for it."
The hotel was a small, nondescript four-story, narrow brick building on a broad street that did not appear kingly. At the reception desk was a middle-aged Indian man wearing a white turban. Ennis stared at it, trying to remember what he'd read about them: were they the ones who never combed their hair, or cut it, or both? Or was he thinking of the Rastafarians?
Kaj walked confidently up to the counter.
"This is my American friend I tell you about, who helped me in Boston," he said importantly. "You must give him a good room and make sure everything is tip-top."
"Of course." The clerk gave Ennis a wry smile as he handed him the key. "Enjoy your visit to Toronto, sir."
The room was at the top, at any rate. Ennis stood in the doorway and under the harsh overhead light took in the plain white box of a room: blank walls, twin beds with their dark wood headboards against the opposite wall, covered with quilted white bedspreads, and beige plastic domed lamps on the two bedside tables. To the right of the beds a door, presumably to the bathroom. The air outside was cooling as evening set in, but the room was stuffy and there was no air conditioner. The window was open a few inches, and looked out on the parking lot in the rear, which was empty but for one car.
"Bloody hot in here," Kaj muttered as he shoved the window up as far as it would go.
As Ennis watched his friend he felt leak out of him the last of the nervous excitement and yearning that had been such a beautiful torment since… since he'd been on his own at home. Kaj looked the same and sounded the same, but he couldn't help sensing a distance now.
"Gonna take a shower," he muttered, and strode straight across the room into the bathroom, his bag still in his hand. Everything was functional white in there, too. He stared at himself in the mirror above the sink. He would get through this weekend, enjoy the city, go back to Boston and… what then? He wondered if he should risk unburdening himself to Jack Twist when he got back, before he saw Jay again.
The sound of a light switch being flipped in the room brought him back to the here and now. He used the toilet, shaved, then stripped and turned on the shower. He spent a long time under the spray, lathering up twice with the sandalwood soap he'd brought as a gift for Kaj. He'd imagined him unwrapping it in the bathroom and then using it in the shower - with Ennis. The fragrance coming from a fresh bar was intense, stirring up memories. He was surprised to feel a little revival of hope. He rinsed off quickly.
After he'd rubbed himself dry with the thin towel, he reached into the duffel bag and pulled out a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. That's when he spotted the gold and green underneath them. He'd forgotten about the lungi, hadn't looked inside the bag when he packed for the weekend. And there was the front page of the Globe, with the picture of the two of them, Ennis' hand on Kaj's shoulder. He replayed the next moments: his hand on his neck, then his arm around him, whispering in his ear. Surely he could do at least that here?
He pulled the lungi out, and when he unfolded it he was surprised to see that it was like a tube, the ends stitched together, rather than a long length of cloth. He stepped into it and pulled it up. It was very wide - how did you fasten it? He grasped two sides and drew them together, then tied them over his belly, like closing up a garbage bag. The hem reached just below his knees. In the hot, steamy bathroom he could imagine being in the tropics, wearing this, feeling the air swirl between his legs. He turned to look at his reflection in the full length mirror hanging on the door, a cheap one that distorted his image, making him look even taller and thinner than he already was. The front of the lungi didn't look right; he was sure there was a proper way to tie it. He heard one of the beds creak once. Kaj would know how, would step up to him, slip his fingers under the edge of the fabric and undo the knot…
He stood for a moment with his hand on the doorknob, staring at his reflection. The next time he came in here, what kind of man would he see in the glass?
He switched off the bathroom light before turning the knob and eased the door open a few inches. Darkness had fallen outside. The ceiling light was off but a soft glow was coming from the floor between the two beds; he could see the top of one lamp dome that Kaj had apparently set there. When he pushed the door further open, he was startled to see Kaj sitting cross-legged near the foot of the nearest bed, facing him. He was wearing a blue, tan and white lungi that was hiked just over his knees, and a sky blue tank top that set off his brown shoulders. On his lap was spread a white and red striped tea towel, and his hands were folded on top of it. Lit from below and the side, one half of Kaj’s face was in shadow and his eyes appeared dark brown for once.
Kaj's pose was one of patient waiting. When he saw Ennis, Kaj's gaze as it slid down his bare chest felt as solid as fingertips. Kaj's expression softened when he spotted the clumsy knot at his friend's waist. At that moment Ennis was thankful that the cloth was bunched so messily over his groin. Desire was rippling through him; he gripped the doorknob hard to steady himself. He would've easily and naturally dived onto his body if Kaj had been stretched out on the mattress. But he couldn't divine what this position signified, or the purpose of the towel.
Kaj reached forward and patted the mattress in front of him. "Sit. I have something to show you."
Ennis slid unsteadily onto the bed facing Kaj, his legs also crossed, their knees a few inches apart. Kaj flared his nostrils, a small smile brightening his face as he inhaled the sandalwood wafting from Ennis' skin, perfuming the warm air.
"Close your eyes," Kaj said softly.
Ennis did so and felt Kaj take his hand and pull it towards himself, heard a rustle of cloth. Then his fingers and palm were closing around something smooth and round.
"Open. You know what this is?"
He saw then that he held in his hand some sort of large, oblong fruit with smooth skin that was mainly red and yellow but with a patch of green. He examined it for a few seconds, puzzled, but when he looked into Kaj's eyes, suddenly he knew.
"A mango." All at once Ennis was conscious of the air on his bare skin, a warm current drifting through the screenless window, carrying distant traffic sounds. There was that smile that he'd missed so much.
Kaj picked up a pocket knife lying beside him and took the fruit from Ennis, letting their fingers brush together. He made a cut all around the equator, then longitudinal lines from the north pole to the middle, peeling away the skin and dropping each triangle into the tea towel until the top half of the mango was glistening yellow-orange. He pared off a two-inch wide piece of flesh that was thin at one end, thick at the other.
"Open your mouth."
Shivering despite the heat, Ennis parted his lips and Kaj slipped it between them. The slippery fruit was firm but soft, and the flavor… it was like nothing he'd ever tasted. And yet, it was familiar. Sweet and sunny with a metallic edge of disappointment. He squeezed his eyes shut and focused his attention on it; sucked it and slid it around in his mouth, let his teeth sink gently into it once, twice, three times.
"It tastes…" He swallowed and sighed, the dream kiss from the night in the Siesta motel flowing through him. "… like a tongue."
A soft sound came from Kaj's throat. The knife clattered to the floor and sticky hands suddenly cradled Ennis' face. Then: tender lips brushed his, a bristly mustache tickled, a warm, soft tongue caressed his own… He groaned as he tipped backwards awkwardly, legs still crossed, as Kaj rocked up onto his knees and fell on him heavily like a starving man onto bread, chest to chest, his fingers twined in Ennis' damp hair. For long seconds Ennis lay stunned underneath him as Kaj kissed him frantically, sucking and stabbing with his tongue. This wasn’t what he’d expected, either. The “no big deal” handjob on Revere Beach hadn’t prepared Ennis for this explosion of passion. I’m not his first. The swell of anger he felt rising inside was countered by a wave of regret for the night in Indiana that he had never spoken of to Joe. He should have let the memory live, should’ve dragged it to the surface and forced both of them to see what happened that night for what it was. It wasn’t too late to confront him, but was it worth it? Because right at this moment, he didn’t care.
Ennis wrapped his arms around Kaj and began to kiss him back. The frenzy ebbed; Kaj molded himself onto Ennis’ body, thrusting and rubbing. When Kaj moaned Ennis could feel the vibrations coming through his back has he held him in his arms, then beneath his palms as he stroked down his spine. Every part of Ennis' body except one seemed to coil and contract, desire hardening into lust for this man rocking against him, tongues twining together, their cocks like iron rods between them… God I waited too fucking long for this! An orgasm jerked out of him, a sudden release of pressure. He clutched Kaj harder as he spasmed, groaning with dismay, feeling the cotton between the two of them turn wet.
Kaj pulled his mouth away. "Look at me," he whispered.
Ennis hesitated a moment before relaxing his aching eyelids and opening them to see Kaj's face inches from his own. Kaj pressed his erection against Ennis’ not yet flaccid cock, reviving it with friction as he rocked rhythmically against him. He bent his neck and kissed Ennis ardently on the lips, then pressed his left cheek to his. "On bay," Kaj murmured, undulating his body and stroking his other cheek with his fingers. A a soft babel of Tamil puffed into Ennis’ ear.
Ennis lifted the edge of Kaj's undershirt and slid his hands underneath it, gliding them down the smooth skin… until suddenly it wasn't smooth but rough and bumpy, just above his hips. Kaj instantly went still so Ennis didn't linger there, but moved his hands over his buttocks, cupping them, massaging-
"No." Kaj slid off Ennis’ body. He rolled onto his back, tugging at Ennis who followed until he was stretched out on top of him. They were right at the edge of the single mattress and had to shunt their bodies to the side so as not to fall off the bed. Both lungis were untied and Ennis could feel that his was twisted around his thighs. Kaj's lungi was bunched at his waist and his stiff cock was pressed between it and Ennis' belly. He was quickly growing harder himself as he looked into Kaj's hooded eyes and tasted his parted lips.
"Please…" Kaj whispered into his mouth.
Ennis was unsure what to do next. He understood what Kaj didn't want, and he wasn't ready for that either. He wasn't certain he ever would be, not after... Don’t think about him. Once again he kissed Kaj, who lifted his head from the pillow to push his tongue against Ennis'. He groaned and squeezed Ennis tight while thrusting against his stomach.
For a fleeting instant his own ignorance amused Ennis. Revere Beach rub or ice cream cone? He decided to be adventurous.
With his mouth still fastened on Kaj's, Ennis lifted his body up and felt his lover's cock follow, the leaking tip maintaining pressure against his belly. He kissed his way down Kaj's neck, then pushed the blue shirt up to expose his chest, the hair there thicker and darker than his own. Shuffling backwards, he lipped and licked until his chin bumped against the dark, swollen head of Kaj's cock. When he heard Kaj gasp, he didn't hesitate, didn't put a hand on him, just began with a lick and proceeded immediately to engulf and suck. It felt perfect, exactly where he needed to be.
"Gugghhh! Ennissss!" Kaj's hands yanked at his hair and his hips seemed to launch straight up as if spring-loaded, his cock jamming against the back of Ennis' throat, making him gag. Caught by surprise, Ennis pulled back and grasped the spurting penis as if it were a wayward garden hose, watching in awe as the glistening, viscous semen shot at the wall above the bed, Kaj's hips jerking spasmodically. He'd been sucked off by women before, but he'd never come like that. He felt a twinge of envy.
He crawled up next to his panting man and took him in his arms. After a moment, when his chest had stopped heaving and he was breathing almost normally, Kaj opened his eyes and gave Ennis a hazy smile. “I think maybe this first time you taste,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Well, the wall got most of it,” Ennis replied equally seriously, pointing up and back. “But the rest tasted like... well, like a salt lassi, I guess.”
Kaj flung his head back onto the pillow and barked out a laugh. Then he rolled back to Ennis and hugged him, chuckling. Ennis didn’t laugh. Desire was churning in him again; he pressed his hardness against Kaj, who looked into his eyes knowingly.
"I do for you now," Kaj murmured. But he didn't do as Ennis had done unto him. He sat up and glanced around on the bed, looking for something. A triangle of mango skin was stuck to Kaj's back; Ennis reached up and peeled it off him. Kaj bent forward and retrieved the half-peeled mango from the foot of the mattress.
He took a bite, then lay back down, propped on one elbow, and brought the yellow fruit to Ennis' lips. Ennis bit into it; when juice trickled down his chin, Kaj licked it off. Then Kaj rubbed the mango flesh along Ennis’ jaw and his tongue followed. Cool, then warmth. Ennis lay spread-eagled as Kaj continued his ministrations, sliding the mango along Ennis' neck, his shoulder, each bicep, then licking and sucking his sweetened skin. As Kaj rubbed the fruit along Ennis' body, he murmured to him, mostly in English, the words in jumbled order. Never I think I do again this. Make you a good feeling. At last he reached Ennis' belly. Kaj was kneeling between Ennis' spread legs as he skirted the mango around his jutting cock to glide it along his inner thighs. Then he lay aside the fruit and and cupped his balls with his juicy fingers. Ennis was writhing in anticipation by this time, clutching at the bedspread, and at the first touch of Kaj's hands, he cried out, reaching down to grab at him. Then it happened so fast: both of Kaj's hands wrapped around his shaft, sliding up and down once to slick him up with juice. Then his lips closing around him, his tongue swirling… Ennis groaned and raked his fingers through thick hair. As his orgasm ripped through him he was aware of only one thing: Kaj's mouth surrounding him, his throat flexing as he swallowed.
"What happened to you here?" Ennis brushed his hand over the band of rough skin across Kaj's lower back.
They had awoken in each other's arms in the middle of the night, the lamplight still shining up from the floor. Before collapsing into sleep, they had shoved the slippery bedspread down to lie on the white cotton sheet. Now the air had cooled enough that they could fall asleep again without first knocking themselves out with sex. But they stayed awake.
"I get burned," Kaj answered quietly, after a long moment.
"How?"
"A fight with army. I… fall against some burning metal."
Yeah, right. Ennis thought about Jack's remark that day at Fenway, about Kaj having a serious, life-altering injury. Was this it?
"Does it hurt?"
"Not now."
Seconds later Ennis' stomach growled.
"I bring two mangoes," Kaj said. "We can eat the other one."
"You didn't have them when we came in here. Where did they come from? And the lungi?"
"I book the room this afternoon and I come here then, leave these things in a paper bag."
Okay, he got it. Kaj hadn't wanted the desk clerk to see them with two overnight bags.
"Those guys with the turbans, are they a Hindu sect?"
"They are Sikhs. It’s different."
"I remember something about them now… A few years ago…"
"Indira Gandhi is killed by her Sikh bodyguards. That is what you remember."
What he remembered most of all was the discussion of the event at Jay's parents' house the first time he went there. Shying away from the memory, and of any thoughts of regular life, he hugged Kaj and whispered, "So where's that mango?"
The other mango was riper, softer. Kaj showed him a more impressive way to get at the flesh. The big pit in the middle was flat; he sliced the mango in half lengthwise, skimming past it. Then he cut a grid into the flesh. When he pushed the skin side up, turning the mango half inside out, orange cubes popped up. He did this with the other half, and they spent a few minutes devouring the fruit, sitting side by side with the tea towel across their laps to catch the juice.
When they’d finished, Kaj set the peels and the towel on the bedside table. He leaned against Ennis' shoulder and sighed. "This going to fuck up our life," he murmured.
"Maybe," Ennis said, wishing they could just stick to talking about mangoes. "But not just now." He reached for Kaj's hand and pressed it to his own crusty, sticky chest. "We need to get cleaned up."
The shower stall was big enough for the two of them, but barely. This hotel didn’t provide little bottles of shampoo, only one tiny, wrapped rectangle of soap. But the spray was strong and they had the new bar of sandalwood soap. The water was soft, or was artificially softened, so the lather was abundant as they soaped each other all over, Kaj turning Ennis around and kneeling to thoroughly clean his back and thighs, though he resisted when Ennis tried to turn him to return the favor. He let Ennis put his arms around him and rub the bar up and down his back, their cheeks pressed together.
Ennis just rinsed his head but Kaj rubbed the soap in his own hair. Kaj’s light brown skin reminded Ennis of coffee; he had a sudden powerful craving to taste him again, feel him under his lips. He bent his head and kissed Kaj on the side of his neck, ending with a lick.
“You are still hungry?” Kaj said teasingly.
“Thirsty,” Ennis replied, watching him work up a great white cloud of lather on his head. “And you remind me of a cappuccino.”
Kaj looked back at him with a puzzled expression.
“It’s coffee with foamy milk on top,” he explained.
Ducking under the spray, Kaj let the soap suds dissolve and run down his neck and shoulders as he glanced up and down Ennis’ pale body for a long moment, looking thoughtful.
“And you...” he said finally, “...are like a nice big piece of cheese.”
A moment later Kaj was bent over him, his hand on his shoulder as Ennis knelt in the bottom of the stall, folded over and choking with silent laughter. Cheese!
“Ennis? You okay?” Kaj said in a worried voice, squatting down beside him. Ennis threw his head back so his lover could see it wasn’t pain that was making him gasp. Kaj laughed in relief and then his mirth was infectious: they spluttered as water ran into their mouths and eyes while they sprawled against one another, holding their bellies and laughing, laughing with joy until the shower ran cold and they were so weak they couldn’t get up and they stayed in a heap, tangled together, kissing again and again.
Chapter 38b >>
He gripped the straps of his duffel bag and ignored the signs for Baggage Claim; he was traveling light, stepping quickly, flying to the exit, slowing when he caught up with an elderly Indian couple walking carefully, her arm through his, her cream and blue sari wrinkled in the back from hours of sitting. He eased past them and toward the open doors, scanning the waiting crowd.
There he was, right in front, smiling, wearing the blue shirt. His mustache was a little thicker, his hair a bit longer, but his eyes were the same mesmerizing green-gray. He viewed Kaj against a backdrop of bright, swirling colors as he walked toward him, his heart pounding so hard he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Had to touch him, now. Kaj held out his hand to him and he grabbed it, moving in for the embrace he'd been rehearsing in his mind all the way from Boston.
The grip was strong but the arm was stiff, keeping Ennis at bay. A cold doorknob. Scarlet and gold and emerald and turquoise swirled around and past them, as though they were a pair of rocks in a psychedelic river. The eight women in colorful saris surrounded the old couple, who had come level with Ennis, chattering and laughing their greetings, their gold bangles clinking on their wrists.
"It is very good to see you again," Kaj said loudly over the excited voices. "Did you have a good flight?" He shook Ennis' hand formally, eyes fixed on his face.
Not for a minute had he imagined their reunion like this. He understood why it had to be this way, but… was this the way Kaj really wanted it? Nothing more?
"It was fine."
"Now we take a coach to the city, then a tram." Kaj dropped his hand and they turned away from the happy Indians. A coach, a tram… another world with different words right next door.
They exited terminal; it was a hot day and Ennis regretted having worn a long-sleeved shirt, even if it was the special one from Filene's Basement. The bus they were to take was waiting at the curb. Kaj paid for them both.
"How long does it take to get to your apartment?" Ennis asked.
"I take you to your hotel, on King Street. My place is not far away from there, maybe ten minutes on the tram."
"I'm staying in a hotel?" He'd thought he'd be in Kaj's apartment, sharing his room, or sleeping on the couch.
"We are three in there, just one bedroom. A hotel is better for you. Don't worry, I pay for it."
The hotel was a small, nondescript four-story, narrow brick building on a broad street that did not appear kingly. At the reception desk was a middle-aged Indian man wearing a white turban. Ennis stared at it, trying to remember what he'd read about them: were they the ones who never combed their hair, or cut it, or both? Or was he thinking of the Rastafarians?
Kaj walked confidently up to the counter.
"This is my American friend I tell you about, who helped me in Boston," he said importantly. "You must give him a good room and make sure everything is tip-top."
"Of course." The clerk gave Ennis a wry smile as he handed him the key. "Enjoy your visit to Toronto, sir."
The room was at the top, at any rate. Ennis stood in the doorway and under the harsh overhead light took in the plain white box of a room: blank walls, twin beds with their dark wood headboards against the opposite wall, covered with quilted white bedspreads, and beige plastic domed lamps on the two bedside tables. To the right of the beds a door, presumably to the bathroom. The air outside was cooling as evening set in, but the room was stuffy and there was no air conditioner. The window was open a few inches, and looked out on the parking lot in the rear, which was empty but for one car.
"Bloody hot in here," Kaj muttered as he shoved the window up as far as it would go.
As Ennis watched his friend he felt leak out of him the last of the nervous excitement and yearning that had been such a beautiful torment since… since he'd been on his own at home. Kaj looked the same and sounded the same, but he couldn't help sensing a distance now.
"Gonna take a shower," he muttered, and strode straight across the room into the bathroom, his bag still in his hand. Everything was functional white in there, too. He stared at himself in the mirror above the sink. He would get through this weekend, enjoy the city, go back to Boston and… what then? He wondered if he should risk unburdening himself to Jack Twist when he got back, before he saw Jay again.
The sound of a light switch being flipped in the room brought him back to the here and now. He used the toilet, shaved, then stripped and turned on the shower. He spent a long time under the spray, lathering up twice with the sandalwood soap he'd brought as a gift for Kaj. He'd imagined him unwrapping it in the bathroom and then using it in the shower - with Ennis. The fragrance coming from a fresh bar was intense, stirring up memories. He was surprised to feel a little revival of hope. He rinsed off quickly.
After he'd rubbed himself dry with the thin towel, he reached into the duffel bag and pulled out a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. That's when he spotted the gold and green underneath them. He'd forgotten about the lungi, hadn't looked inside the bag when he packed for the weekend. And there was the front page of the Globe, with the picture of the two of them, Ennis' hand on Kaj's shoulder. He replayed the next moments: his hand on his neck, then his arm around him, whispering in his ear. Surely he could do at least that here?
He pulled the lungi out, and when he unfolded it he was surprised to see that it was like a tube, the ends stitched together, rather than a long length of cloth. He stepped into it and pulled it up. It was very wide - how did you fasten it? He grasped two sides and drew them together, then tied them over his belly, like closing up a garbage bag. The hem reached just below his knees. In the hot, steamy bathroom he could imagine being in the tropics, wearing this, feeling the air swirl between his legs. He turned to look at his reflection in the full length mirror hanging on the door, a cheap one that distorted his image, making him look even taller and thinner than he already was. The front of the lungi didn't look right; he was sure there was a proper way to tie it. He heard one of the beds creak once. Kaj would know how, would step up to him, slip his fingers under the edge of the fabric and undo the knot…
He stood for a moment with his hand on the doorknob, staring at his reflection. The next time he came in here, what kind of man would he see in the glass?
He switched off the bathroom light before turning the knob and eased the door open a few inches. Darkness had fallen outside. The ceiling light was off but a soft glow was coming from the floor between the two beds; he could see the top of one lamp dome that Kaj had apparently set there. When he pushed the door further open, he was startled to see Kaj sitting cross-legged near the foot of the nearest bed, facing him. He was wearing a blue, tan and white lungi that was hiked just over his knees, and a sky blue tank top that set off his brown shoulders. On his lap was spread a white and red striped tea towel, and his hands were folded on top of it. Lit from below and the side, one half of Kaj’s face was in shadow and his eyes appeared dark brown for once.
Kaj's pose was one of patient waiting. When he saw Ennis, Kaj's gaze as it slid down his bare chest felt as solid as fingertips. Kaj's expression softened when he spotted the clumsy knot at his friend's waist. At that moment Ennis was thankful that the cloth was bunched so messily over his groin. Desire was rippling through him; he gripped the doorknob hard to steady himself. He would've easily and naturally dived onto his body if Kaj had been stretched out on the mattress. But he couldn't divine what this position signified, or the purpose of the towel.
Kaj reached forward and patted the mattress in front of him. "Sit. I have something to show you."
Ennis slid unsteadily onto the bed facing Kaj, his legs also crossed, their knees a few inches apart. Kaj flared his nostrils, a small smile brightening his face as he inhaled the sandalwood wafting from Ennis' skin, perfuming the warm air.
"Close your eyes," Kaj said softly.
Ennis did so and felt Kaj take his hand and pull it towards himself, heard a rustle of cloth. Then his fingers and palm were closing around something smooth and round.
"Open. You know what this is?"
He saw then that he held in his hand some sort of large, oblong fruit with smooth skin that was mainly red and yellow but with a patch of green. He examined it for a few seconds, puzzled, but when he looked into Kaj's eyes, suddenly he knew.
"A mango." All at once Ennis was conscious of the air on his bare skin, a warm current drifting through the screenless window, carrying distant traffic sounds. There was that smile that he'd missed so much.
Kaj picked up a pocket knife lying beside him and took the fruit from Ennis, letting their fingers brush together. He made a cut all around the equator, then longitudinal lines from the north pole to the middle, peeling away the skin and dropping each triangle into the tea towel until the top half of the mango was glistening yellow-orange. He pared off a two-inch wide piece of flesh that was thin at one end, thick at the other.
"Open your mouth."
Shivering despite the heat, Ennis parted his lips and Kaj slipped it between them. The slippery fruit was firm but soft, and the flavor… it was like nothing he'd ever tasted. And yet, it was familiar. Sweet and sunny with a metallic edge of disappointment. He squeezed his eyes shut and focused his attention on it; sucked it and slid it around in his mouth, let his teeth sink gently into it once, twice, three times.
"It tastes…" He swallowed and sighed, the dream kiss from the night in the Siesta motel flowing through him. "… like a tongue."
A soft sound came from Kaj's throat. The knife clattered to the floor and sticky hands suddenly cradled Ennis' face. Then: tender lips brushed his, a bristly mustache tickled, a warm, soft tongue caressed his own… He groaned as he tipped backwards awkwardly, legs still crossed, as Kaj rocked up onto his knees and fell on him heavily like a starving man onto bread, chest to chest, his fingers twined in Ennis' damp hair. For long seconds Ennis lay stunned underneath him as Kaj kissed him frantically, sucking and stabbing with his tongue. This wasn’t what he’d expected, either. The “no big deal” handjob on Revere Beach hadn’t prepared Ennis for this explosion of passion. I’m not his first. The swell of anger he felt rising inside was countered by a wave of regret for the night in Indiana that he had never spoken of to Joe. He should have let the memory live, should’ve dragged it to the surface and forced both of them to see what happened that night for what it was. It wasn’t too late to confront him, but was it worth it? Because right at this moment, he didn’t care.
Ennis wrapped his arms around Kaj and began to kiss him back. The frenzy ebbed; Kaj molded himself onto Ennis’ body, thrusting and rubbing. When Kaj moaned Ennis could feel the vibrations coming through his back has he held him in his arms, then beneath his palms as he stroked down his spine. Every part of Ennis' body except one seemed to coil and contract, desire hardening into lust for this man rocking against him, tongues twining together, their cocks like iron rods between them… God I waited too fucking long for this! An orgasm jerked out of him, a sudden release of pressure. He clutched Kaj harder as he spasmed, groaning with dismay, feeling the cotton between the two of them turn wet.
Kaj pulled his mouth away. "Look at me," he whispered.
Ennis hesitated a moment before relaxing his aching eyelids and opening them to see Kaj's face inches from his own. Kaj pressed his erection against Ennis’ not yet flaccid cock, reviving it with friction as he rocked rhythmically against him. He bent his neck and kissed Ennis ardently on the lips, then pressed his left cheek to his. "On bay," Kaj murmured, undulating his body and stroking his other cheek with his fingers. A a soft babel of Tamil puffed into Ennis’ ear.
Ennis lifted the edge of Kaj's undershirt and slid his hands underneath it, gliding them down the smooth skin… until suddenly it wasn't smooth but rough and bumpy, just above his hips. Kaj instantly went still so Ennis didn't linger there, but moved his hands over his buttocks, cupping them, massaging-
"No." Kaj slid off Ennis’ body. He rolled onto his back, tugging at Ennis who followed until he was stretched out on top of him. They were right at the edge of the single mattress and had to shunt their bodies to the side so as not to fall off the bed. Both lungis were untied and Ennis could feel that his was twisted around his thighs. Kaj's lungi was bunched at his waist and his stiff cock was pressed between it and Ennis' belly. He was quickly growing harder himself as he looked into Kaj's hooded eyes and tasted his parted lips.
"Please…" Kaj whispered into his mouth.
Ennis was unsure what to do next. He understood what Kaj didn't want, and he wasn't ready for that either. He wasn't certain he ever would be, not after... Don’t think about him. Once again he kissed Kaj, who lifted his head from the pillow to push his tongue against Ennis'. He groaned and squeezed Ennis tight while thrusting against his stomach.
For a fleeting instant his own ignorance amused Ennis. Revere Beach rub or ice cream cone? He decided to be adventurous.
With his mouth still fastened on Kaj's, Ennis lifted his body up and felt his lover's cock follow, the leaking tip maintaining pressure against his belly. He kissed his way down Kaj's neck, then pushed the blue shirt up to expose his chest, the hair there thicker and darker than his own. Shuffling backwards, he lipped and licked until his chin bumped against the dark, swollen head of Kaj's cock. When he heard Kaj gasp, he didn't hesitate, didn't put a hand on him, just began with a lick and proceeded immediately to engulf and suck. It felt perfect, exactly where he needed to be.
"Gugghhh! Ennissss!" Kaj's hands yanked at his hair and his hips seemed to launch straight up as if spring-loaded, his cock jamming against the back of Ennis' throat, making him gag. Caught by surprise, Ennis pulled back and grasped the spurting penis as if it were a wayward garden hose, watching in awe as the glistening, viscous semen shot at the wall above the bed, Kaj's hips jerking spasmodically. He'd been sucked off by women before, but he'd never come like that. He felt a twinge of envy.
He crawled up next to his panting man and took him in his arms. After a moment, when his chest had stopped heaving and he was breathing almost normally, Kaj opened his eyes and gave Ennis a hazy smile. “I think maybe this first time you taste,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Well, the wall got most of it,” Ennis replied equally seriously, pointing up and back. “But the rest tasted like... well, like a salt lassi, I guess.”
Kaj flung his head back onto the pillow and barked out a laugh. Then he rolled back to Ennis and hugged him, chuckling. Ennis didn’t laugh. Desire was churning in him again; he pressed his hardness against Kaj, who looked into his eyes knowingly.
"I do for you now," Kaj murmured. But he didn't do as Ennis had done unto him. He sat up and glanced around on the bed, looking for something. A triangle of mango skin was stuck to Kaj's back; Ennis reached up and peeled it off him. Kaj bent forward and retrieved the half-peeled mango from the foot of the mattress.
He took a bite, then lay back down, propped on one elbow, and brought the yellow fruit to Ennis' lips. Ennis bit into it; when juice trickled down his chin, Kaj licked it off. Then Kaj rubbed the mango flesh along Ennis’ jaw and his tongue followed. Cool, then warmth. Ennis lay spread-eagled as Kaj continued his ministrations, sliding the mango along Ennis' neck, his shoulder, each bicep, then licking and sucking his sweetened skin. As Kaj rubbed the fruit along Ennis' body, he murmured to him, mostly in English, the words in jumbled order. Never I think I do again this. Make you a good feeling. At last he reached Ennis' belly. Kaj was kneeling between Ennis' spread legs as he skirted the mango around his jutting cock to glide it along his inner thighs. Then he lay aside the fruit and and cupped his balls with his juicy fingers. Ennis was writhing in anticipation by this time, clutching at the bedspread, and at the first touch of Kaj's hands, he cried out, reaching down to grab at him. Then it happened so fast: both of Kaj's hands wrapped around his shaft, sliding up and down once to slick him up with juice. Then his lips closing around him, his tongue swirling… Ennis groaned and raked his fingers through thick hair. As his orgasm ripped through him he was aware of only one thing: Kaj's mouth surrounding him, his throat flexing as he swallowed.
"What happened to you here?" Ennis brushed his hand over the band of rough skin across Kaj's lower back.
They had awoken in each other's arms in the middle of the night, the lamplight still shining up from the floor. Before collapsing into sleep, they had shoved the slippery bedspread down to lie on the white cotton sheet. Now the air had cooled enough that they could fall asleep again without first knocking themselves out with sex. But they stayed awake.
"I get burned," Kaj answered quietly, after a long moment.
"How?"
"A fight with army. I… fall against some burning metal."
Yeah, right. Ennis thought about Jack's remark that day at Fenway, about Kaj having a serious, life-altering injury. Was this it?
"Does it hurt?"
"Not now."
Seconds later Ennis' stomach growled.
"I bring two mangoes," Kaj said. "We can eat the other one."
"You didn't have them when we came in here. Where did they come from? And the lungi?"
"I book the room this afternoon and I come here then, leave these things in a paper bag."
Okay, he got it. Kaj hadn't wanted the desk clerk to see them with two overnight bags.
"Those guys with the turbans, are they a Hindu sect?"
"They are Sikhs. It’s different."
"I remember something about them now… A few years ago…"
"Indira Gandhi is killed by her Sikh bodyguards. That is what you remember."
What he remembered most of all was the discussion of the event at Jay's parents' house the first time he went there. Shying away from the memory, and of any thoughts of regular life, he hugged Kaj and whispered, "So where's that mango?"
The other mango was riper, softer. Kaj showed him a more impressive way to get at the flesh. The big pit in the middle was flat; he sliced the mango in half lengthwise, skimming past it. Then he cut a grid into the flesh. When he pushed the skin side up, turning the mango half inside out, orange cubes popped up. He did this with the other half, and they spent a few minutes devouring the fruit, sitting side by side with the tea towel across their laps to catch the juice.
When they’d finished, Kaj set the peels and the towel on the bedside table. He leaned against Ennis' shoulder and sighed. "This going to fuck up our life," he murmured.
"Maybe," Ennis said, wishing they could just stick to talking about mangoes. "But not just now." He reached for Kaj's hand and pressed it to his own crusty, sticky chest. "We need to get cleaned up."
The shower stall was big enough for the two of them, but barely. This hotel didn’t provide little bottles of shampoo, only one tiny, wrapped rectangle of soap. But the spray was strong and they had the new bar of sandalwood soap. The water was soft, or was artificially softened, so the lather was abundant as they soaped each other all over, Kaj turning Ennis around and kneeling to thoroughly clean his back and thighs, though he resisted when Ennis tried to turn him to return the favor. He let Ennis put his arms around him and rub the bar up and down his back, their cheeks pressed together.
Ennis just rinsed his head but Kaj rubbed the soap in his own hair. Kaj’s light brown skin reminded Ennis of coffee; he had a sudden powerful craving to taste him again, feel him under his lips. He bent his head and kissed Kaj on the side of his neck, ending with a lick.
“You are still hungry?” Kaj said teasingly.
“Thirsty,” Ennis replied, watching him work up a great white cloud of lather on his head. “And you remind me of a cappuccino.”
Kaj looked back at him with a puzzled expression.
“It’s coffee with foamy milk on top,” he explained.
Ducking under the spray, Kaj let the soap suds dissolve and run down his neck and shoulders as he glanced up and down Ennis’ pale body for a long moment, looking thoughtful.
“And you...” he said finally, “...are like a nice big piece of cheese.”
A moment later Kaj was bent over him, his hand on his shoulder as Ennis knelt in the bottom of the stall, folded over and choking with silent laughter. Cheese!
“Ennis? You okay?” Kaj said in a worried voice, squatting down beside him. Ennis threw his head back so his lover could see it wasn’t pain that was making him gasp. Kaj laughed in relief and then his mirth was infectious: they spluttered as water ran into their mouths and eyes while they sprawled against one another, holding their bellies and laughing, laughing with joy until the shower ran cold and they were so weak they couldn’t get up and they stayed in a heap, tangled together, kissing again and again.
Chapter 38b >>