One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 3 Part 2

[sos_sporkers]

Here's the second part, and unfortunately, also the part where the stupidity and boringness truly sets in.
Again, I apologise for the subpar Sporking.
Constructive Criticism is welcome~

Back in East Blue...

Caroline: STOP FUCKING JUMPING AROUND! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS FOR YOU TO GET IT? THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY OF SHIFTING SCENES! WE WANT SMOOTH TRANSITIONS! IT’S HONESTLY NOT THAT HARD!

"I'm hungry..." David complained holding his stomach as his two swords dragged against the ground.

James: Did we see this scene before? In the last chapter?

Nanai: Hey, it’s not like the Stus actually have distinct personalities! So how many ways are there to start a scene involving them?

Caroline: And how the hell are his swords dragging against the ground? If they were long enough to drag like that, you’d think he would’ve worn them on his back! So the sheath doesn’t get damaged! Or is he walking on his knees?

Nanai: Ooh~ I like that image! A Stu crawling on his knees…

"Well that's too bad, because we have to find this so called Shark King." Chase commented.

Caroline: Because his underlings had the balls to annoy you. Yes.

James: …Do they have any idea where this Shark Kings is based? Are they just wandering around, looking for someone whose name they  don’t know and whose face they have never seen? And they’re determined to fast until they accomplish this goal? Well, it won’t be too long before they starve to death then…

Caroline: Well, asking for information from the villagers oppressed by the Shark King for god knows how many years is clearly far too complex a concept to occur to these twats, so I guess that can’t be helped…

"Why can't we eat first?" David begged.

James: Indeed, why not? You realise finding one person in the whole world is going to take some time, right?

"Because he's making everyone pay taxes! We have to find some information on him!" Chase barked.

Caroline: How interesting you never objected to this before. Your entire reason for picking a fight with his first mate was that they were ANNOYING you! You didn’t lift a finger to help the villagers before the fishmen started targeting you! You’re the most selfish little ass I’ve ever seen, and don’t you dare pretend that’s not the truth!

Nanai: And isn’t the best place for information bars? Bars which serve food?

James: I’m not complaining. They are welcome to starve to their deaths.

"No need to yell..." David pouted.

Nanai: Don’t steal my favourite expression!

As the two continued to argue a trio was hidden in the shadows observing dressed in big brown cloaks.

James: …subtle.

Caroline: Fantastic. You just gave away what little plot twist there is. Is there honestly no way to reveal the fact that they are being followed more smoothly? This is just shouting ‘NOTICE ME!’!

Nanai: It’s not like the characters are being very inconspicuous in story. I mean, they’re lurking around in shadows in big brown cloaks! And it’s the middle of the day! I don’t care how dark the shadows are, you don’t get away with that!

Caroline: Do we know this is the middle of the day though? We haven’t been given any indications towards time at all…

Nanai: Well, it’s not like time has meaning in these fics…

"So they look like an interesting bunch..." One of them informed.

James: OBSERVED! THAT’S AN OBSERVATION! TO INFORM IS TO RELATE INFORMATION THAT THE CHARACTER ALREADY KNEW! HE’S CLEARLY SEEING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME HERE! GAH!

Caroline: And what is with this Stuthor and withholding the names of character? It’s not a good way to build suspense, and it makes the prose horribly stilted!

"Agreed, one of them took down the Shark King's first mate." The second advised.

James: JUST HAVE THEM ‘SAY’ SOMETHING! THAT IS NOT AN ADVISE! IF ANYTHING, HE’S THE ONE INFORMAING HERE! HE’S TELLING HIS PARTNER SOMETHING HE ALREADY KNEW! STOP SCREWING AROUND IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING! THE WORD ‘SAID’ IS NOT BAD!

Nanai: Wait, when did the conference take place? How did the Shichibukai prepare everything so fast that they already have men tailing the first mate of the Shark King? Do they have convenient access to transporter beams now?

Caroline: I thought you said time had no meaning in these fics.

Nanai: That doesn’t make it any better…*Sulks*

"So you guys want me to do the usual?" The smallest one asked.

James: …The usual being? These guys know each other! They have ample reason to believe that they are not being overheard! Why are they speaking in code? Why?

Caroline: So the Stuthor can keep pretending to be mysterious. Even though the readers know more about how the plot will turn out than he does.

"Yep..." The two both agreed.

James: AS IMPLIED BY THE FACT THAT THEY SAID ‘YEP’! DON’T REPEAT IN THE NARRATION WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY SAID IN THE DIALOGUE! WE GET IT THE FIRST TIME! NOT EVERYONE IS AS STUPID AS YOU!

Caroline: That would be quite an accomplishment.

With that the smallest vanished.

Nanai: Wow…someone does have teleportation powers. *Facepalm* If that turns out to be bad writing, I’m going to blow up…
Caroline: Author, putting in a scene break really isn’t that much better than randomly announcing the location of the next scene! It’s just as jarring! And what was that scene even for? Why did we need to see it? It’s much more suspenseful and mysterious to have a bunch of guys show up with no warning and attack the protagonists! Showing us that scene just answered what questions we may have had! We know now that the guys aren’t working for the Shark King, and yet is interested in him! You realise you’re just spoiling your own story by trying to appear mysterious, right?

Nanai: As if there was anything to spoil in the first place. This thing is crammed with more clichés than the entire TV Tropes Wiki.

"So did you see them too?" Chase asked.
"See who?"

James: …no. They are NOT.

Caroline: If they are, I get to rant, okay?

"Wow..." Chase sweatdropped.

Nanai: I’m beginning to hate that word. It’s really not as funny as you think it is, Stuthor, especially in prose format!

"What? You mean the people that were spying on us?" David whispered.
"Yes.." Chase replied.

Caroline: *Deep breath* WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? THAT SCENE HAD EVEN LESS PRUPOSE NOW! CAN’T YOU JUST SHOW THE PROTAGONISTS NOTICING PEOPLE TAILING THEM? NOW THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO POINT IN SHOWING US THE VILLAIN’S PERSPECTIVE! IT REALLY DULLS HOW OBSERVANT YOUR PROTAGONISTS ARE IF YOU SET UP THE READRS TO NOTICE THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE THEM! AND THESE GUYS ARE PIRATES! WHY ARE THEY SO OKAY WITH BEING FOLLOWED? THEY WOULD’VE GOTTEN INTO TROUBLE WITH THE MARINES BEFORE! THEY WOULD’VE BEEN CHASED OUT OF TOWNS WITH PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES! THEY WOULDN’T BE THAT BLASÉ ABOUT IT! PIRATES LIVE A ROUGH LIFE, AND IF YOU START FOLLOWING SOMEONE, THEY’RE GOING TO RETALIATE! WHY AREN’T THEY DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT? WHY DO PEOPLE INSTINCTIVELY HOLD PERFECTLY CIVIL CONVERSATIONS WHENEVER A POTENTIAL DANGER SHOWS UP? THIS IS STUPID, STUTHOR, THIS IS PROFANE! IT’S AN AFFRONT TO ANYONE WITH AN IQ IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS! YOU DISGUST ME! GAH!

"What about them? Maybe their friendly!"

Caroline: *Points at screen and splutters*

Nanai: Oh yes, because a bunch of people lurking in the shadows wearing dark cloaks are definitely the friendly type. Why are these guys even alive?

James: Through authorial intervention, I believe. This is One Piece! Even if it was real life, these guys would still be screwed!

"Yeah right, if they were they would've confronted us."

James: If they were friendly, they wouldn’t have confronted you. They would have introduced themselves in a friendly manner. Just because someone confronts you openly, doesn’t mean they’re a friend! Argh!

At that moment a little girl was found lying in the middle of the road,

Nanai: How did they not see her? I thought the Stu saw a small boat enter the harbour from the centre of the town a chapter ago…

Caroline: I don’t like where this is going…

"Huh?"

Caroline: That had better be shock. If that was their whole reaction to finding an injured girl, I’m going to kill someone.

James: Wait, why didn’t the townspeople notice the girl? Why is no one helping her? What, they instinctively knew that she was important to the plot, and thus had to be rescued by the Stus?

Nanai: It seems that the sociopathy in this world isn’t just limited to the Stus…*Sighs* These people are giving sociopaths a bad name…

The little girl seemd around fourteen.

Caroline: She was, in actuality, forty. Stuthor, you can’t be all precise when it comes to height, and yet try to be vague about the age! Either your narrator is all knowing or not! He can’t magically measure people’s heights down to the fourth decimal place, and yet have no idea about the ages of characters!

She had long black hair that was tied up in a bow, with big brown eyes that had hints of silver,

Nanai: Oh fantastic. Now we have a Sue as well…*Rubs head* This isn’t all that funny anymore…

she wore a black shirt with a feather print on the front, a pair of shorts, some sneakers, grey fingerless gloves, and a tear shapped necklace. By her side was a black hat, so they could only guess it was hers.

Caroline: Right. They find a grievously injured little girl who’s too weak to sit or stand, and they immediately rhapsodize about her appearance? In fact, they’re not looking for injuries at all, they’re just cataloguing the exact pattern of her shirt? …Frankly, I’m not all that surprised.

James: Author, stories have a flow. When the main characters are being followed by sinister forces and come upon an injured girl, this is where the flow should keep up! I should, logically, be on the edge of my seat now! And that bloated description sucks all tension from the text! We can’t sit here and read about what her necklace looks like and still worry about the villains and her injuries! It doesn’t work like that! You have to sacrifice SOMETHING to keep the flow up, and that description is as useless as any other! CUT IT!

"Hey little girl!" David ran over and checked on the girl, "Are you okay? What's your name?"

Nanai: Wow. I can’t believe this! He’s actually asking if she’s alright!

Caroline: It’s just unfortunate that he sounds like he’s hitting on her.

"My...my name is Riru Sparks.."
"What happened to you?"

James: Nothing happened to her! She just randomly decided to lie down in the middle of the road! God, these people are idiots!

"I was running from some bad people and suddenly I collapsed."

Nanai: …Uh…that’s nice? How does that happen, anyways? Seriously, how does that work?

Caroline: The author smote her with paralysis so she can be the damsel in distress for the Stus.

"Probably from exhaustion." Chase squatted down by the girl with David.

Nanai: *Stares* How long was she running for? If she was seriously running from bad people, then why does she stay utterly still once she’s collapsed? You’d think she’d keep trying to crawl along! And what, did the bad people just leave her be as soon as they see her fall down? And how big is this island, that she can wear herself out just by running through town? God, these villains are the worst liars in the world!

Caroline: *Rubs forehead* Look, I’m not questioning this mess, so you should probably just let it go also. And it's not like the Stus are intelligent enough to notice any of this...

James: And why aren’t they trying to help her? If she’s just exhausted, then shouldn’t they be carrying her off to the side of the road, so she’s not blocking the way? Why are they just letting her lie there whilst casually chatting with her?

Caroline: Seriously, just move along. There’s no point in questioning this anyways! The Stuthor’s clearly not putting any effort into it, so I don’t see why we should…

"Where are they now?" David asked.
"We are right here!"

James: Oh god, the Stuthor actually pulled the ‘right behind you!’ trick…Wow…Cliché doesn’t even cover the…the dead-horse-ness of this fic.

From the sky two people dressed in brown cloaks fell in front of David and Chase.

Nanai: They…fell from the sky? What, are they a gift from God?

Caroline: Wait, if they were squatting down on either side of the girl, and facing each other…the cloaked people need to land on top of the girl in order to be in front of both of them. Wow. Poor girl.

Nanai: Have you seen the description of her eyes? She’s clearly a Sue, so I’m cheering. *Cheers*

Caroline: *Shakes head* Still…there’s two of them too…

Both of them threw their cloaks off revealing themselves.

James: So why did they wear the cloaks in the first place? Cloaks are worn to hide one’s identity or to keep out the cold! The Stus are wandering around in open-front shirts, so it’s definitely not the latter. And given how willing they are to shed it, it’s not the former either! What, do they just have retarded fashion sense?

Nanai: Ahem, did you read what the main characters were wearing? It’s in the first chapter.

James: *Flips through briefing notes* Wow…this is bad…

Nanai: Exactly.

One was a large man with short brown hair and was dressed in a purple gi with a red belt tied around his waist. The other was a woman with long black hair and green eyes, she wore black karate slippers, with black tights, and a yellow sleevless blouse.

James: WE DON’T FUCKING CARE! ARGH!

Caroline: We’re getting to the climax of this chapter! Why the fuck are you bogging everything down with the horrible description? They don’t tell us anything about the character! They don’t tell us anything about the plot! CUT THEM!

Nanai: *Facepalm* Yes, people dressed eccentrically in One Piece, but this is going a bit too far…

"Who are you?" David asked.

James: Does it matter? They were trying to hunt down a fourteen year old girl! Shouldn’t you fight them just on principle?

Caroline: We’ve been saying that since the last chapter. Face it, unless these guys start chanting annoyingly, the ‘heroes’ will just let them go free.

"We are the Gold Dragons!" The man announced.

Nanai: *Snickers* Oh yes, because that is the name that shall strike fear into the hearts of your enemies.

"I am Ruby!" The female introduced.
"I'm Jack." The man introduced.

Nanai: Team Rocket?

Caroline: Don’t you dare sully a great children’s show! You’ve already dragged Buffy into this! You’re not going to contaminate Pokemon too!

"Gold...Dragons..." David repeated, "Awesome! Can you guys turn into dragons! Do you have anything gold?"

James: I give up. The main characters are clearly slugs in human guises.

Nanai: Hey! I once taught a slug to crawl to the same corner everyday for food! They’re much more intelligent than these bints!

Caroline: Amoeba have more brain cells than these things…

"David...I don't think that's what they meant." Chase sweatdropped.

Nanai: Okay, it’s official. That is my least favourite word now.

Caroline: Do you think this banter is amusing? Do you actually think this is funny? It’s not! It’s goddamned infuriating, and it makes me want to punch your face in!

"Well then that's no fun..." David pouted.

Nanai: Trust me, we’re not having any more fun than you! *Sighs* Can we bring the sentient lab coat back? I miss it…

"Are they two that were chasing this girl?" Chase pointed to Riru.

James: THEY JUST ADMITTED THAT, GODDAMN IT! THAT’S HOW THEY INTRODUCED THEMSELVES! I sincerely apologise to all slugs out there. I didn’t mean to insult you.

"What girl?" Jack asked.

James: THE GIRL YOU ADMITTED TO CHASING! ARGH!

Nanai: You know what? Watching people blow up is still fun~ *Eats apple happily* I wish I had some popcorn…

"This girl!" Chase turned to find no Riru.

James: What?

Caroline: There had better be a good explanation, or I’m going to get pissed.

Nanai: Well, that’s just a tad impossible when it comes to this Stuthor…not to mention, you’re already pissed.

Caroline: Even more pissed I mean. And this is the only time you are allowed to swear. Because I can’t fathom anyone sitting through this mess without indulging in a few vices.

"What the? She's gone!" Chase yelled.

James: AS IMPLIED BY THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE!

"Aww...maybe she got scared of them." David sighed.

James: SHE WAS PARALYSED WITH EXHAUSTION A FEW PARAGRAPHS AGO! SHE WAS TOO WEAK TO SIT, MUCH LESS STAND! AS SOON AS THESE GUYS SHOW UP, SHE INSTANTLY DISAPPEARS! AND YOU’RE STILL NOT SUSPICIOUS? GOD, WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?

Caroline: I suppose it’s too much to hope for these guys to be utterly pwned due to their own limited perception, right?

Nanai: It’s still a nice notion, though…

"Hmph, wow you two can't even keep track of a little girl. How embarrising."

Nanai: Indeed. And you guys can’t figure out wearing dark cloaks and slinking around in shadows is suspicious…though, to your credit, no one noticed you.

Caroline: *Snorts* The author is determined to rape every law of reality to fulfil his fantasies. Let’s just stop expecting logic, okay? It’s only going to hurt more that way.

"Why don't you just shut up!" Chase barked.

James: They’re villains! It’s their job to taunt you!

Nanai: What did I say? The ‘heroes’ only get violent when the villains start targeting them personally. They were perfectly civil when the villains were stomping on the body of an exhausted fourteen year old, but this is what crossed the line.

"Calm down boy." Ruby informed with a chuckle.

James: …kinky…

Caroline: *Appalled* STOP THAT! You’re a disgusting human being!

James: Hey! You just said that no one could sit through this without indulging in a few vices!

Caroline: I DRAW THE LINE AT CORRUPTING MY SISTER!

Nanai: Guys, guys! Focus on the fic! That’s the real culprit here!

"Look I don't know what you two want,

James: THEY’RE TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT WITH YOU! GODDAMN IT, ARE THERE NO BOUNDS TO YOUR STUPIDITY!

Nanai: Now, now, we mustn’t challenge the Stuthor like that! He might take it seriously!

James: Oh, god save me…

The Voice: No. Fuck you.

James: What was that?

Nanai: *Looks from megaphone to James* I believe our captor just propositioned you for sex.

Caroline: I’m pretty sure that’s not-

James: *Hurriedly* Let’s just move on!

but we aren't letting you get to that girl!" Chase yelled.

James: SHE’S ALREADY GONE!

Nanai: Yes, you keep pretending you’re such a great Knight in Shining Armour. We all know you’re fighting because those guys dared to insult you.

"Right, let's do this."

Caroline: I see it’s the heroes who attack first…hmm. Interesting.

David reached for his two newly bought swords, but nothing, "What the? My swords are gone!"

James: *Facepalm* That’s it. He deserves any and all ass-kicking that should logically follow.

Nanai: I foresee many Capslocked rants in our future…*Stares dreamily off into the distance*

"Check my bag.."
"Right..." David looked for the duffelbag Chase carried,

James: Those swords were long enough to drag on the ground! How the hell are you going to fit them into a duffel bag?

Caroline: And do you store your only weapons there frequently enough for it to be the first place you look? God, the stupidity!

Nanai: The villains are right there! Do you really think your weapons are gone because you misplaced them? They’re right there! Gah!

James: Everyone’s breaking down, huh?

Caroline: Shut up! We have every right to be!

James: I’m not complaining! It’s just…let’s move on…

but it was gone too, "Your bag is gone."

James: *Facepalm*

Caroline: There are no words. None.

Nanai: Yeah, let’s move on.

"Are you serious? That had our money in it!"

James: THERE ARE ENEMIES IN FRONT OF YOU! THEY ARE CLEARLY HOSTILE AND ARE ABOUT TO ATTACK YOU! YOU DISCOVER THAT YOUR ONLY WEAPONS ARE GONE, AND THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IS YOUR MONEY? YOUR LIFE IS ON THE LINE HERE!

Nanai: To be fair, it’s not like the Stuthors are going to kill off his main characters…or even let them be harmed.

Caroline: It’s not like he’ll let them be poor, either…

"Hmph, looks like you two are in trouble now. No weapons, no money, and your about to lose to us."

James: Is it just me, or are these the most bored and boring villains ever? They’re not even trying!

Caroline: I assure you that, for once, you’re not the one in the wrong.

"We'll see about that." Chase replied getting ready to fight.

Nanai: What do you do to get ready for a fight? *Imagines exaggerated warm-up routines* *Giggles*

"Man...those were new swords.." David whinned.
"Shut up and get ready to fight!" Chase yelled.
"Right."

James: I…I kind of want to rant, but I’m way too tired. I seriously can’t be bothered right now. Anyone else interested?

Caroline: No. Let’s just get this over and done with.

Nanai: God, I’m not looking forward to the next Chapter…

Next Time: After returning back to Dawn Island David and Chase now know about the Shark King

James: The fuck? They knew about the Shark King since the last Chapter! They fought against his right hand man!

Nanai: Or are they talking about a different kind of ‘knowing’?

Caroline: Nanai! Where did you learn that?

Nanai: Caroline! *Whines* You’re not going to restrict access to religious texts, are you?

Caroline: *Facepalm* And to think I was being so careful…

David and Chase set off to find him and take care of him personally.

Caroline: Because his first mate pissed them off. What a great motive to brutally kill someone.

James: The casual manner they talk about ‘taking care of’ someone freaks me out…that definitely doesn’t sound like someone new to murder…

Nanai: And the whole ‘personal’ thing doesn’t imply a quick murder too…I foresee much torturing…*Lowers head in silence for the Shark King*

That is, until the Golden Dragons stop them,

Nanai: Hooray! Go Golden Dragons! Even though you randomly change names between chapters, and even though you were a bunch of idiots, I still applaud your efforts!

will the Golden Dragons take the duo by surprise?

Caroline: Yes. Because they did exactly that a few lines ago in this very chapter! Remember your own canon, Stuthor! That happened already!

Or will they just be stepping stones in the duo's way?

Nanai: Aw~ Poor Golden Dragons…They tried so hard too…

James: O_O Stepping stones? The Stus are literally going to use their murder as a stepping stone? Climbing to top using the corpses of their fallen foes? Wow…this is a One Piece fanfiction too…wow…

Nanai: I haven’t seen murder being treated so casually since Higurashi too, and there, they acknowledge the cast is screwed up…

Review!

James: No! You still haven’t earned anything!

Caroline: Except maybe a flame.

Nanai: But flames are called flames because they’re undeserved!

Caroline opened her mouth to protest, but the megaphone cut her off. ‘That’s it Sporkers! You may now take a longer break. I shall drop you back in your house. You will be summoned back when you are next needed. Thank you.’

The three were again surrounded by a blinding white light.

When it faded, they found themselves in the familiar surroundings of Caroline’s living room.

They stood there for a moment, slightly dazed. Caroline was the first to snap out of it.

She rounded on Nanai fiercely and all but growled, ‘You are not picking up any strange letters again, okay?’

Nanai smiled brightly, ‘Of course not. That thing started making me angry as well!’

Caroline huffed.

Hesitantly, James asked, ‘So…what do we do now?’

‘Well, I’m going up stairs to throw away my magazines.’ Somehow managing to not blush, Caroline stomped up the stairs more forcefully than necessary.

With a small smirk, Nanai followed in her wake, already protesting with exaggerated whininess.

James shook his head. Finally, everything was back to normal…

Go Forward to: Chapter 4, Part 1

Go back to: Chapter 3, Part 1