Bound For Glory: Chapter 13, Part 1
Chapter 13: Walking a Fine Line?
William: …Wuh?
Brian: I…I thought we were sporking Chapter 11?
The Voice: Uh…about that…I realised that chapter was nothing but a repeat of the ones before, so I got you guys to do this one instead.
William: *Pissed* What, all the chapters before that WEREN’T repetitive as hell?
The Voice: That should tell you something about JUST how repetitive the last two chapters were. Be grateful.
William: *Hateful spit*
1 Week later...
Brian: Wow. Such a smooth transition.
Sitting down in the Recovery Room
William: WHAT Recovery Room? I never heard about it!
Brian: I think they just mean the infirmary on the ship.
William: Then just call it a goddamned infirmary!
Brian: And yes, Broly, your plan is just going SWIMMINGLY, isn’t it? I mean, who would DARE to continue living after you told them to go and die?
William: It almost makes me look forward to him having his ass kicked. By a bunch of hypocritical, idiotic, murdering psychopaths, sure, but stupidity like that can’t go unpunished.
Karma looked over at a sleeping David
William: He’s just sleeping! Why the hell does he need someone to look over him?
Brian: Nah, she’s got the hots for him and is going by the Edward Cullen School of Pursuing Love Interests.
as his body was beaten and battered.
William BY ME!
Brian: Great! Now, snap his neck and end this shitfest.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 1 (HE WAS DISEMBOWELLED. You forgot that?)
Riru was able to struggle through to help everyone else recover
William: Yeah, she who has no idea of basic first aid, treating someone who’s been disembowelled…Yeah, I buy that.
Brian: Granted, the One Piece universe has its own magic when it comes to injuries…it still doesn’t negate the fact that Chopper is said to be one of the best doctors! He’s actually been freaking training for all his life!
before she healder herself.
William: What the hell does she even need healing for, the pansy? She just got knocked around a bit! You can’t tell me she has anything worse than a couple of bruises!
Brian: But she’s GIRL, you see! So of COURSE the least injuries will completely incapacitate her!
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 1
David and Chase seemd to have taken the most damage,
William: Because they’re Manly Men and the Head Stus! That means they get the most spotlight no matter what’s happening! Anything you can do, they can do better! They can even get injured better than you!
Brian: There’s no ‘SEEMED’. We SAW what happened last chapter. We can TELL that they were the most injured, because you have no idea how the human body freaking WORKS.
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 1
but David had gotten punched through the back and through his stomach.
Brian: But? Does being punched through somehow negate the fact that he’d taken the most damage?
William: AND AN UNTRAINED DOCTOR CAN HEAL THAT WITHOUT ANY MEDICAL SUPPLIES, I SEE.
Brian: In any realistic universe, even if he hadn’t died, he’d have become paralysed, what with his spine having been shattered.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 2
Karma sat there rocking back and forth in her seat
Brian: (Karma) Oh god. Oh god, how do I get out of this insanity? These people are like cockroaches! They just won’t freaking DIE? How the hell can I get out of their clutches?
a little worried for David.
Brian: So…she’s not really worried at all, even though HIS SPINE WAS FUCKING SHATTERED AND GOD KNOWS HOW MANY ORGANS WERE PULVERISED? Well, I guess that’s better than having her swooning over the mere idea that he might get hurt, because he’s just been SO nice to her.
As she sat there Kit walked up.
"Davey will be fine."
William: STOP WITH THE FUCKING NICKNAME OR I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING JUGULAR OUT.
Brian: Particularly when it’s the name of a character far, FAR more awesome than anyone in this fic.
Kit reassured as she rested her hand on Karma's shoulder.
Brian: You have any basis for that reassurance?
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 2 (There’s that Eragon style of writing again.)
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 3
"I know, it's just.
William: Just…what? That’s not anywhere NEAR a complete sentence!
Brian: Do YOU have any basis for that assurance?
William: Does knowing the Stuthor is a pussy count?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 4
That guy was way too strong for us." Karma replied.
Brian: Um…fucking DUH? He was a fucking Shichibukai! What the hell do you think that word MEANS?
William: I’m surprised the Stuthor let his Head Stu lose against someone…but I suppose that allows him to plagiarise the canon Alabaster-arc AND lets him wank about how David is, like, TOTALLY exactly like Luffy, because he protected his crew!
Brian: If he were really concerned about his crew’s life, he wouldn’t have stupidly challenged the Shichibukai to a fight to begin with!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 1
"Yeah, he was a Shicibukai though." Kit pointed out.
Brian: YES. THANK YOU.
William: What do you mean “though”? His being a Shichibukai doesn’t counter him being too strong for you in any way. If anything, it PROVES it!
"That became obvious.
Brian: BECAME obvious? BECAME fucking obvious? HE TOLD YOU HE WAS A SHICHIBUKAI! Did you think he was bullshitting you for shits and giggles?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 2
He took all of us down like we were mere bugs at his feet."
William: Yes, kind of like how Avery and Kit slaughtered thousands on Warship Island, like they were mere bugs at their feet.
Brian: While YOU might not know that, as a new member of the crew, the Stuthor certainly does. So don’t you expect me to sympathise with these psychotic murderers. They’re no better than your worst villains.
SOCIOPATHY: 1
Karma sighed dissapointedly.
William: Disappointment is not the word I would use to describe NEARLY BEING FUCKING KILLED.
Brian: Doesn’t that sound like she wasn’t lamenting what happened because people were hurt by the fighting, but because she didn’t like being powerless? That she would have been COMPLETELY fine with it if THEY had the upper hand and was slaughtering Broly’s crew? She was never bothered by the dehumanisation, as long as it was HER side doing the dehumanisation?
SOCIOPATHY: 2
"Hmph, we weren't that easy."
William: *Laughs* Like hell you aren’t. All of you bent right over for David within a single chapter, and no matter what he does, you still let him ride your ass.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 1
"Chase?" Kit turned around and helped him stand as he leaned against a wall.
William: My god, what a fucking wuss. He was taken out by nothing but a standard, basic attack, and a whole week later, he still needs help to stand-help from someone who was hit by a nuclear explosion big enough to see from the other side of the world, no less.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 5
His whole upper torso was bandaged and he was badly beaten.
Brian: Because injuries make no fucking sense in this universe. Seriously, how come Kit and Karma and Riru are all okay, and yet Chase isn’t?
William: That’s just the Stuthor trying to cover his ass, because we all know Chase is a fucking wimp. He’s trying to make it out like he was oh so grievously injured, when we saw he was taken out by a light slap on the wrist, by this universe’s standards. That, or it’s that “Anything you can do, he can do better” thing again.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 7
Brian: And yeah, if all he needs is a few bandages, then he’s not that badly hurt. A lot of bandages doesn’t mean really bad injuries. It just means a lot of superficial injuries. And those are a lot easier to take care of than any internal damage.
"You shouldn't be out of bed!" Riru yelled
William: If he’s only got a few bandages, then FUCK YEAH, he should be out of bed. There are people who’s through a lot worse than him, and I notice she’s not on a bed!
Brian: But she’s a GIRL! Of course, she’s not gonna get medical attention! The guys always get prioritised, because THEY’re more important, after all!
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 2
as she ran over and picked Chase up
William: What, the little teenage girl with stick for arms? Picking up Chase, who’s been described as quite muscular? Your ass is showing again, Stuthor.
Brian: That, or he’s just THAT dependent on cliched slapstick gags for humour.
then threw him back in his bed.
William: And did many unspeakable things to him all night long.
"Ouch!" Chase cried out.
William: Yes, that’s one way of putting it.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 2
Brian: This girl has to be the fucking WORST doctor in the world. If he’s well enough that you can throw him around with no thought to the consequences, then he doesn’t need to lie down. If he’s still too injured to move around, THEN BY THROWING HIM AROUND, YOU’VE PROBABLY RIPPED A COUPLE OF HIS WOUNDS OPEN. Just lying horizontal doesn’t MAGICALLY make you heal!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 3
"Sorry!" Riru cried
Brian: And you SHOULD be! With the way she flings her patients around, just how the hell did she manage to save David? You’d think she’d have shaken his guts out all over the floor!
William: But if we assume that for some reason, Chase really does need to lie down? Then that means she, who the Stuthor clearly intends for the readers to regard as a trained, professional doctor, just apologised to Chase for doing what’s the best for him, because there’s no way women can stay strong in the face of the ire of men! Oh, she can stand up for herself for a bit for the sake of humour, but as soon as Chase starts getting put out? She immediately backs down and apologises like the spineless bitch she is-the spineless bitch the Stuthor likes her as.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 3
as she ran back to her room.
William: Oh, that’s even better! Now she’s going to go back to her room and slam the door and throw a babyfit because boo hoo, no one loves her!
Brian: And I just noticed, despite her being the freaking doctor, she’s not the one to watch over the injured. Nope, Karma does that. Any reason why?
William: Because the Stuthor is beating us over the head with the David/Karma ship, I imagine. Because who could resist a man who thinks you’re scum because you have a mental disorder?
"Hmph, our crew." Avery grinned
William: Yes, they fill me with such disgust that I find myself at a loss for words too.
Brian: It boggles the mind how ANYONE could fail humour this much.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 3
as he joined the girls in the recovery room,
William: Just how big is that freaking room that they could all fit in? Have you SEEN rooms on ships, Stuthor? Especially PIRATE SHIPS? They. Are. TINY.
"How's he holding up?"
"Well..." Riru started.
Brian: Didn’t she just run back to her room? Where the hell does she SLEEP?
William: Oh, don’t dither around. Just say it like it is, ‘He’s such a fucking wimp that he has to lie around uselessly for a couple of more days while the rest of us pull our weights and his.’
"Ah!" Everyone yelled out in surprise
Brian: *Blinks* Well, the fic suddenly got a whole lot more interesting.
William: Truly, these are great and awesome pirates. If it’s that easy to ambush them, I can kill the whole fucking crew in 2 minutes without them even knowing I’m there.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 4
at how she appeared from nowhere
Brian: Lampshading, Stuthor, doesn’t excuse bad writing, so STOP DOING IT.
wearing a doctor outfit and held a clipboard.
William: Is it wrong that I’m more bothered about the tense change than the gratuitous anime gags?
Brian: Some things Just Don’t Work in prose, Stuthor! And this would hardly be funny even in a visual medium! It takes more than cheap, tired gags to invoke humour!
"His only serious wound now is that gaping hole in his stomach."
William: FUCKING DUH. HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK WE ARE?
Brian: That gaping hole that you’re healing with nothing but bandages?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 8
She informed flipping through the papers on her clipboard.
William: You need papers to tell you that a fucking GAPING HOLE in someone’s stomach is a serious wound?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 4
"Whoa where'd you get that outfit?
William: The Stuthor’s ass.
It makes you look so cute!"
Brian: Hey, look on the bright side. The Stuthor just accidentally showed his ass again, by having the crew be more focused on their lesbian lust than the wellbeing of their Captain. Even he admits that no one freaking cares about the Stu.
William: Yeah, tension doesn’t work this way. You’ve all but told us that nothing is going to freaking happen, because no one in the story is the least bit worried that the Stu might not survive. So why the hell should I be concerned?
SOCIOPATHY: 3 (Doesn’t get you out of a point though, not knowing how basic loyalty to your friends work.)
Kit smiled as she began to hug Riru.
Brian: *Grits teeth* Will you cut that OUT already? It’s not FUNNY. It’s not NECESSARY. It’s. Just. Infuriating.
William: I say he’s just vengeful because Kit here showed up all his stupid Stus.
"Can't...breath."
William: Here, let me help. *SNAPS HER FUCKING NECK*
Brian: *SEETHES*
"Sorry." Kit sweatdropped and dropped Riru.
Brian: Hopefully on her head.
William: She DROPPED her? Just how freaking tall is Kit?
SWEATDROP: 1
"Thank...you. Now nurse assist me!" Riru yelled as she quickly changed Avery into a nurse outfit.
Brian: If this turns into a porno, I’m leaving.
William: …What the hell have you been watching on the computer?
Brian: Uh…nothing?
William: *Stony glare*
"What the? You can't do that!" Avery barked.
William: If someone stripped me down in front of the entire League and dressed me up as a nurse, my reaction would be just a TAD stronger.
The Voice: Ooooh, that’s a neat idea.
William: BY WHICH I MEAN I WILL MURDER EVERYONE.
Brian: If you’re so against it, why not FIGHT BACK? After all, the Stuthor has outright said that you’re faster than her!
William: Clearly, the gay little tart wanted it.
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 1 (Well, maybe not KILL her, but you’re still dithering around doing nothing when the solution to the problem is easily available.)
"Yes I can, I'm the doctor."
Brian: No. You’re not. You have some experience with first aid because you’re a pirate. You are not a fucking DOCTOR. There is a difference.
William: And even if you were, that doesn’t give you the right to strip ANYONE naked and force them into nurse outfits. So fuck you.
SOCIOPATHY: 4 (I don’t care if that was played for humour-it was still freaking sexual assault.)
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 5
Riru then walked over and slipped on
William: -some ice and broke her neck. The end.
Brian: It’s amazing how this Stuthor can make any previously vaguely sympathetic character utterly unlikeable in so few words.
surgical gloves
William: -that she also got out of the Stuthor’s ass. We certainly never saw them stock up on anything before blundering into Grand Line.
and unwrapped the bandages around David's stomach.
Brian: Well, what’d ya know? I was right. She WAS trying to treat having a fucking hole ripped through your torso with just bandages. And she has the BALLS to call herself a doctor.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 6
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 9 (HE SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD, DAMMIT!)
"Wow..." Avery said in awe
William: It’s a fucking gaping hole in his stomach-probably infected and filled with maggots, since I didn’t hear anything about it being cleaned or disinfected. Pirate or not, his reaction is going to be closer to ‘ewwwww’.
Brian: And according to this fic’s logic, it’s not even that bad a wound! So why is he awed? David’s been stabbed multiple times, dropped from a building, had nukes set off right beside him…a puncture wound in the stomach is really just business as usual.
as all he saw was the flesh and bone of David's stomach contents.
William: Bone? Which organ has freaking bone in it?
Brian: I imagine that’d be shards of his spine.
William: And he’s alive HOW?
Brian: And yeah, you were right. Riru didn’t even try to stitch him back up. Apparently, she just figured wrapping him in bandages would be all that’s needed.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 10
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
"Well...I better get started." Riru said
Brian: And you’re a WEEK TOO LATE! Seriously, what the hell have you been doing all this time?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 8
William: She’s probably been hoping that if she ignored him, he’ll DIE. But after a week, she’s resigned herself to the lengths the Stuthor will go to rape reality to make sure his precious self-insert survives.
Brian: In that case, just go over and snap his neck! It’s not that hard!
as she then began to pull out random medical supplies,
Brian: RANDOM. Oh yeah, I can see how she’s qualified to call herself a doctor.
William: Here’s hoping one of those medical supplies was a castration knife.
"Despite the fact that he does have a hole in his stomach, his heartbeat is still going,
Brian: WHY? You have an explanation for that?
William: The canon protagonists sustained a lot of wounds, oh yeah, but they were almost always treated immediately afterwards, not left to rot for a week! And they were treated by an ACTUAL doctor!
Brian: And none of them ever had their SPINE shattered!
William: This Stuthor’d insist on keeping his self-insert alive even if he was shot in the head.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 11
it is faint though."
Brian: HOW?????
William: I don’t even care anymore…
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 12
Riru advised everyone as she checked his hear rate,
Brian: I don’t see what the hell his hearing has to do with this.
William: Well, how about you stop spouting exposition and actually GET DOWN AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? They don’t need fucking explanations! It’s blindingly obvious that YES, he has a fucking hole in the stomach, and YES, he’s still fucking alive for no reason.
Brian: And she’s not exactly handing out any ADVICE. She’s just stating the problem.
THESAURUS RAPE: 1
"This hole is not going to be easy to heal."
Brian: FUCKING DUH.
William: You shouldn’t be able to heal it at all, because SHATTERED SPINES aren’t put together that easily.
Brian: And neither are pulverised organs!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 13
"It's a hole!
Brian: *Sighs* Stuthor, the puncture wound in the stomach itself isn’t that big a problem. Modern medicine can deal with that, and we’ve seen plenty of One Piece characters survive worse. The problem is the SHATTERED FUCKING SPINE. You said the punch went right through him, there was bone shards mixed up with his stomach contents. HIS SPINE WAS FUCKING BROKEN. That’s not something you can just repair.
William: Not only should it be impossible to heal given the One Piece world’s technology (and the fact that it’s hard to fit heavier medical equipment onto a pirate ship), even if the doctor WAS skilled enough to save his life, he would still be AT LEAST paralysed below the waist for the rest of his life.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 14
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 9
How is it ever going to heal!" Karma yelled.
William: It’s not if you keep distracting Riru and stopping her from doing her job! How is standing around being hysterical going to help him heal?
Brian: Because all females go into shrill, screaming hysteria at the slightest sign of trouble. Never mind that she was the one watching over David at the start and was perfectly okay, nope, she’s nothing but a weepy, fainting maiden who’s having the vapours.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 4
"I'm doing my best!" Riru snapped back,
Brian: WHICH IS NOTHING! What have you DONE in the past fucking WEEK besides wrap some bandages around him?
William: Besides standing around and explaining the painfully obvious to everyone?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 2 (Again, characters dithering around doing nothing when they should be doing SOMETHING.)
both of them tear filled.
Brian: Because they’re women, ya know. That’s just what they do-get all weepy and shit.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 5
William: I’m going to imagine those are tears of joy, because FINALLY, there’s a chance that the Stu might die and put himself out of our miseries.
"You two need to stop!" Kit got in the middle tear filled as well.
Brian: STOP THAT. Don’t try to make her look bad; you just end up making yourself look PATHETIC. We all know she showed up all of your Stus in the last chapter. And here she is again, getting everyone under control and back to doing their jobs while Avery hangs around with his thumb up his ass. WE DON’T BUY IT.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 6
Avery looked at the three girls, then walked up.
"All you need to go to your rooms and rest." Avery sighed.
William: *RAEG*
Brian: *BREAKS TABLE*
The Voice: FUCK. YOU. WHORE.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 11 (TELL ME HE DIDN’T DESERVE THAT, I FUCKING DARE YOU.)
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 13 (OH YEAH, JUST IGNORE THE GUY WITH A FUCKING HOLE IN HIS STOMACH. IT’S NOT LIKE HE’D NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION OR SOMETHING!)
"What about David?" Riru asked.
The Voice: MY GOD, EVEN RIRU IS SMARTER THAN YOU.
William: He can go fuck himself.
Brian: Apparently, Avery at least agrees with you.
William: *Growls* Don’t put me in the same category as that little worm. At least I have the sense to never suggest to Joanna that she needs to go swoon on a fainting couch because she’s got the vapours.
"Look, you can test him in the morning.
Brian: Well, at least we get an answer as to why Riru hadn’t done SOMETHING to heal David before. Because every time she tries, Avery just pops up and shoos her to her room, because women don’t need to worry their pretty little heads about things like this.
William: Uh, yeah, and the crew won’t be worried and afraid for him in the morning? Karma’s gonna throw a fit no matter what time you do this, because the Stuthor is trying to beat our heads in with the David/Karma ship, and the longer you leave it, the worse it’s gonna be.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 14
He'll still be here.
William: But he might not be ALIVE. Hell, he shouldn’t be alive now!
Brian: *Shakes head dumbly* Just…how can ANYONE be this stupid? It…I can’t wrap my head around the sheer amount of- of IDIOCY here.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 16
We all just need some rest."
William: Including the guy lying there with a gaping hole in his stomach and no spinal cord? Oh yeah, I can tell. He just needs some REST.
Brian: And you mind SHOWING us how tired or stressed the crew is? Because we don’t fucking BUY it. Not when you have Riru dressing up Avery and abusing anime gags like a red-headed stepchild in the same fucking scene!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 18
Avery sighed again and scratched the back of his head
William: -where I shot him. The End.
as he walked out and stood in the doorway,
Brian: You tell them to go back to their rooms, and now you stand around and block their way? Just how useless can you GET?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 19
"Now." He simply stated.
William: DON’T YOU FUCKING ORDER THEM AROUND. YOU WEREN’T AROUND TO WATCH OVER DAVID OR CHANGE HIS BANDAGES, YOU FUCKTARD. HELL, YOU WEREN’T EVEN AROUND TO FIGHT BROLY, LIKE KIT DID. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT. NONE. FUCK OFF.
Brian: I will kill him. I swear to fucking god, I don’t even care, I will fucking kill him.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 13
With that the girls left the room,
Brian: -like the meek, submissive, obedient little wimmins they are.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 14
and Avery closed the door behind them.
Brian: Oh, I see, you were standing there to fucking escort them out of the room, like they were troublesome school students being sent to the principal’s office.
William: And they just left David there alone, with absolutely no one watching over him? I swear to god, this has to be the single most STUPID person I have EVER seen.
The Voice: Hell, this is the single most STUPID person I have ever seen, and I’ve seen interviews with MEYER.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 20
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 15
All hoping for the best.
William: How about instead of HOPING, you got down and actually DID something?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 3
Later that night...
Brian: PLEASE, just go back to using section breaks? Your transitions suck harder than black holes.
"Huh...David my boy." A man sighed
William: Who? What? Where? How? What the fuck is going on here? WTF????
Brian: Of course, he needs a wise, old stealth mentor to pull solutions out of his ass for him. And he has the balls to claims he’s BETTER than Luffy, who worked out his problems on his own, dammit. He had influential friends, sure, but they most CERTAINLY didn’t stick around and BABY him. Everything he got, he fucking EARNED.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 5
as he stood over the sleeping David,
William: He’s UNCONSCIOUS! Trust me, there’s no fucking way he can fall asleep with an untreated, infected hole through his stomach and half his spine missing!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 21
Brian: *Twitch* Oh hey, David has his very own Edward Cullen!
William: They should get along splendidly, then. They’re both misogynistic, prejudiced, mass-murdering psychopaths given a god-mode by authors that can’t write to save their lives.
"You sure do get into alot of trouble huh?"
Brian: Oh yeah, like that time he SET HIS CREW LOOSE TO SLAUGHTER THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. Yeah, that was real troublesome, wasn’t it?
William: And the correct thing to do here is to LET HIM SUFFER, so he knows not to do the same thing again. If every time he messes up, you just sweep in and hand him an easy solution on a silver platter, how is he ever going to LEARN?
The man chuckled a little before taking off a purple glove.
Brian: *Blinks* Is it just me or is David’s wise old stealth mentor kind of faaaaaabulous?
William: Somehow, I suspect the Stuthor is ripping off Dumbledore.
The man was cloaked and hooded hidden within the shadows.
Brian: Thank you for the info? Why did we need to know that?
William: If he launches into a three paragraph description of exactly what the guy’s wearing, I’m going to murder someone. I don’t even care who.
He reached his peach skin
Brian: PEACH skin? You should probably have that checked out. I’m pretty sure it’s not normal.
William: I vote we eat him.
over David's stomach and a small buble formed
Brian: What the hell is a buble?
William: It’s an asspull, is what it is.
The Voice: No, it’s a rip off of Kuma’s ability. And as always, it fucking FAILS. Kuma was very powerful in canon, but he worked because you had no idea what his goal was, who he was working for, or…anything at all! We have no idea whether he’s helping or harming the protagonists, and in most cases, they end up having to fight him! And his strength upped the ante and forced the protagonists to come up with clever ways to get out of the situation! Here, it’s just another way to make the Stu even more god-moded!
Sure, you can try to make it all ~*~oooh mysterious~*~, but it’s pretty unambiguous that this guy is. Helping. The Stu. He’s clearly fond of the Stu and he. Is. Helping. Him. So fuck you.
over the hole within David's stomach.
Brian: Is it WITHIN or THROUGH his stomach? Because those words mean different things.
THESAURUS RAPE: 2
The ball was then pushed into the hole.
Brian: *Blinks* That has to be the weirdest porn I’ve read.
William: I don’t want to hear about the porn you’ve read.
"That should do it." The man sighed,
Brian: Oh yeah, all of his injuries, just POOF.
The Voice: See what I mean? He wrote this JUST to milk it for cheap, horribly-written angst (even for Stuthors). He clearly never intended for it to have ANY lasting effects, and all of that build-up earlier was leading to NOWHERE.
William: Well, we can’t ask for a Stu to WORK for anything! That’d just be blasphemous!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 15 (For hand-waving the injury in a few lines.)
"I would help your crew too, but they aren't dying." The man smirked.
William: Good to see that the Stu’s mentor is just as asshole-ish as he.
Brian: And has just as good a grasp of how friendship works, too. If someone started helping Luffy out but deliberately ignored his crew when they’re having trouble, do you think he’d be happy?
William: Well, David most certainly will. His crew exists to cater to his whims and act as entertainment.
SOCIOPATHY: 6 (One more point just for that fucking smirk.)
The Voice: And how nice is it that the Stuthor actually ACKNOWLEDGES that David is in critical condition, and yet he still has the crew meandering around, doing NOTHING, because SURELY, David is absolutely a-okay. GOD, the stupidity.
"Good bye..." With that a gust of wind struck David's room and the man was gone.
Brian: What, so the mysterious man was Avery? You can’t have two people with the same power!
William: And don’t you even TRY to say that was just a coincidence.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 25 (Four points for that entire scene and how much it freaking failed.)
The Next Morning...
Brian: *Growls* I know transitions are hard, but can’t you at least TRY?
"Huh...breakfast is ready."
William: Oh yes, let’s all sit around and make scrambled eggs. I mean, it’s not like there’s someone with a shattered spine waiting for medical attention or something. Nope, we have all the time in the world to have breakfast.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 26
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 6
Kit sighed as she placed the food on the table.
William: Not only do you insist on using onomatopoeias, you don’t even know what they mean! When you use ‘huh’ like that, it indicates SURPRISE, not…whatever the hell emotion you’re trying to portray now.
THESAURUS RAPE: 3
"Riru have you checked on David yet?" Chase asked as he found his way to the table.
Brian: CHECKED on him? She needs to do a hell lot more than fucking check on him! Checking on someone doesn’t repair shattered fucking spines!
William: Maybe she’s such a poor doctor, they’re not expecting her to do much more than give him a once-over.
"No...not yet.
Brian: *Throws up hands*
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 27
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 16 (For how they continue to expect him to survive with no problems.)
Avery said to let him rest for a little bit."
William: I wonder what would happen if hospitals actually did that. A car crash victim was just wheeled in with broken ribs, punctured lungs, and a serious concussion? Eh, just let him rest for a bit. Someone’s having a heart attack? Eh, he’ll be find after a rest. Someone had a fucking HOLE punched through their stomach? We’d better just let him rest, man.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 28
Brian: You know, in this ONE fucking scene, Avery has become the single most stupid character in this fic. Full stop. And David couldn’t differentiate the tails of a cow and a fox or walk and think at the same time!
"Yeah that's probably best." Chase grunted
William: No, it’s not just him. EVERYONE is fucking stupid in this fic, which doesn’t say many good things about the intelligence of the Stuthor.
Brian: Nah, the men are stupid, whereas the women are just spineless.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 29
as he sat down holding his ribs.
Brian: Fucking wimp.
William: If Kit is up and about and having absolutely no problems, the NO ONE has the right to complain about their injuries.
Brian: The Stuthor’s downplaying her injuries, though, because he has to make it out like the men were fighting harder than the women. Because, you know, they don’t have ovaries that get in the way of everything.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 16
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 17
"You alright Chase?" Karma asked.
"Haha.." Chase chuckled, "No,
Brian: What is up with this Stuthor and wusses? Why does he glorify them?
William: Probably because he is one.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 18
but I'll live."
William: -unlike David.
"Yeah we all will." Avery walked up and sat down at the table.
Brian: FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU UP THE ASS WITH UNLUBIRCATED ELEPHANT DICK.
William: I second the motion.
TO DUMB TO LIVE: 30
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 20
"That Broly guy...he was too strong for any of us." Riru sighed.
Brian: I thought we’d established that already?
William: Oh, bullshit. He wasn’t fucking strong. 90% of his attacks hardly hurt you. He won because you were being IDIOTS.
Brian: And sitting around whining about it isn’t going to help anything. STOP WANGSTING.
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 2
"Can we just eat,
Brian: What, are you too scared to even TALK about Broly? He has got to be the biggest fucking coward I’ve ever seen, and I’m including Edward Cullen in that statement.
William: At least we know they’re not going to improve in combat skills or intelligence. When they see a weakness, they just sit around and EAT and pretend it doesn’t exist, because they’re WIMPS.
I'd rather not talk about our great loss." Chase suggested.
Brian: WHAT great loss? Your entire fucking crew is FINE except David, and everyone is acting like there isn’t much wrong with him either! What are you talking about?
William: I guess it put a dent in his ego, and that thing is bigger than their ship.
Brian: And it doesn’t MATTER whether you want to do it or not. You know you’re going to be meeting people stronger than you frequently from now on, because it’s Grand Fucking Line. You need to get together and work out a strategy, or you’ll be DEAD.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 31
William: Don’t kid me. No, they won’t. The Stuthor doesn’t have the balls to do it.
"Yeah." Everyone agreed and started eating.
Brian: Oh, that’s your excuse? Chase wasn’t being an utter COWARD because everyone agreed with him? BULLSHIT. That just tells me that EVERYONE in this fucking crew is stupid or WIMPY.
William: I’m leaning towards STUPID. This was so fucking stupid, I can feel my IQ plummeting.
Go Forward to: Chapter 13, Part 2
Go Back to: Chapter 12, Part 2