Ignorance is Bliss: Chapter 6:
Chapter 6
Hey guys! I'm reposting Chapter 6. Apparently I uploaded something made or used by another user.
Mantra: In other words, you plagiarised and got found out. Don't sugar-coat things, dear. We all know how shameless you are.
I'm sorry. I won't be putting any more pictures in the story, so you'll have to use your imagination.
Mantra: And I, for one, am glad for that. God knows this fic is bad enough without horrible art.
SOS: Well, if not for the fact that she breaks her promise exactly ONE chapter later.
Please make banners!
Mantra: Until you put effort into your own story, no one is going to put effort into making a banner to commemorate it.
NG55: Never underestimate the insanity of Suethor fans…Well, I must admit I did the same. But all I did was say if anyone wanted to, they had my permission and didn't need to ask. I never begged for it.
Thank you so much! If you have any complaints, please take it up directly with me. I promise I will fix whatever is bothering you.
Mantra: How about the entire story? I honestly don't think anyone can make the premise of 'a rich beautiful model wows the school and hooks up with Emmett' work.
NG55: If you were willing to do that, fine, then let's talk. But why do I feel that it won't be that easy?
“Well, that was fun.” Said Naomi when she got out of her car.
Mantra: (Sue) I mowed down a whole SEVEN people! I rule so hard!
NG55: What was fun? Your first day of school? Then again, why do I even try to care?
“I didn’t know humans liked to drive so fast.” Said Alice.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 1 (Yep, she’s just SO SPESHUL.)
Mantra: (Alice) Apparently, for all my 70 years of life, I've never watched a single NASCAR race.
NG55: Thank you, Alice, for pointing out your ignorance to a very serious problem on the road!
“When your only reference was me, I think you would’ve never learned.” Commented Bella dryly.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 1
Mantra: Well, there's your problem. For all your condescension towards humans, it wasn't them who didn't drive fast. It was you who were too blind to see. I hope you enjoy that thought.
NG55: Then ALL of the Cullens drive fast? Well, that's rich AND safe.
Edward laughed and pulled her closer.
“Now that I think about it, you live pretty close to us.” Said Emmett suddenly from behind Nami.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 1
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 2
Mantra: And they didn't NOTICE the construction of a two story house near theirs despite having sensitive hearing and HUNTING near the area because...how again?
NG55: Because...............magic?
She didn’t flinch, which had been his goal.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 2
Mantra: Lady, if you want someone who delights in other people's fear and distress, you can just fuck Jasper, you know. I'm pretty sure he'd approve of your vehicular manslaughter sprees a lot more than Emmett.
“Really? I didn’t know I had neighbors.” She said thoughtfully and led the way to the house.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 4
Mantra: I have no idea the procedure to commissioning a house to be built...but don't you usually scout out the surrounding area first? If it was really so close, wouldn't you have noticed? I mean, the Cullens live in a pristine white house in the middle of the forest. I don't think it's that hard to overlook.
NG55: You've been living there for two weeks. How could you not know?!
“So what do you think?”
“Nice.” Said Alice admiring the building. The Victorian-style house had cream walls and a dark grey roof. It looked grand. The modern look brought out some of the antique characteristics.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 5 (Yes, I’m making a count for every sentence praising the house as well, not just because it indicates that the Sue MUST have the best because she deserves it, but also because of something else revealed later in the chapter.)
Mantra: Okay, most modern style housing emphasise light and stark, geometric shapes, so they're mostly made out of glass. And most Victorian building emphasise thick, immovable stone walls and intricate patterns. How the HELL do you integrate those two without ending up with an absolute disaster? Wouldn't this be like wearing a baseball hat and sneakers with a Victorian ball gown?
NG55: *Snickers* Now that's just a hilarious image!! Anyway, that's true too. How were you able to combine both architectural mediums like this? Explain!
It was breathtaking. Bella’s intake of air was proof enough.
“It’s beautiful.” She said.
“Wait till you see the inside.” Nami told her, pleased with the reactions.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 2
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 9
Mantra: Well, aren't you a modest soul?
NG55: It's official. She's making sure to get attention and impress them.
“What about your parents?” Jasper asked. Nami paused.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 3
Mantra: *Sighs in resignation and pushes that WANGST ALERT button*
NG55: That's it, I'm out of here. I'm getting someone who actually DOES have a tragic back story! *Steps out*
*The door slams open*
Naruto: Dude! I have nothing to do with this series!!! *Sits on chair* Oh, fine! Hey! I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the future Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves!
Mantra: O_O *Stares incredulously* Okay...this is just pure mind-screw now. ...DUDE...
Naruto: ...Why? O.O Do I have something on my face?
Mantra: ...As a matter of fact, YES.
“Unless they decide to fly in from England, which I very highly doubt, we won’t be seeing them anytime soon.” She gave him a small smile.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 5
Mantra: (Sue) Oh PLEASE, ask about me! I want to tell you ALL ABOUT my TWAGIC past! Blah, blah, blah, I don't care. *Goes back to staring at Naruto in incredulity*
Naruto: Hang on a sec, girly! What the hell?! Oh yeah, that's real sad! Try never having met your parents in real life! Sounds to me like they love you! Why don't you call them up? Ask them to come see you? What is stopping you?! Or them!? *Looks at Mantra* Hey, what's up? What'd I do?
Mantra: ...*Gapes a bit, then bursts out in hysterical laughter* Oh GOD, this sporking will be so FUN.
The others looked at her.
“Are they on vacation?” Asked Alice confusedly. Nami laughed without humor.
NICKNAMIE MISUSE: 4
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 6
Mantra: Good, because this isn't funny. None of this is the least bit amusing. At least, not compared to having the host to my alternate-universe-self sitting right next to me.
Naruto: Huh? *Blinks* What do you mean? I don't even know who you are! I just...uh....well, one of the writers, you know, the short one with the curly hair, just gave me twenty bucks to spork this. ...Well, hey! This'll be awesome!! *Looks at sporking* Okay lady, what is your problem?!
Mantra: *Grins* Oh, don't worry your silly head about it. I assure you there won't be permanent psychological damage.
“Four years is a damn long time for a vacation.” She said dryly. “They live there. I haven’t seen them since I moved to the U.S. when I was twelve.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 7
SOS: Damn, I’m SO torn. I so want to put in an ANGSTMUFFIN counter. God knows it’ll come in handy in Chapter 8…
Mantra: Seriously, why does her mom even want her to be famous FOR? Stage moms do so in order to get fame themselves. What would she gain by isolating her ticket to fame, her daughter, like this? What, did she insist that Naomi become a model because she was clairvoyant and can see that one day, she'll use that face to seduce a vampire?
Naruto: (Sue) *Singing* Oh somewhere deep inside this empty brain...an emptiness began to grow...there's something out there far from my home...
She took out her keys and stepped forward to unlock the cherry wood door. The others were quiet. She turned around to face them. “I just want to ask you not to give me any pity charades. Over the years it gets extremely tiring.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY:
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 10 (Oh yeah, she’s SO very ‘strong’.)
Mantra: (Sue) Which is why I'm wording this in an incredibly transparent attempt to fish for sympathy, making myself entirely free from blame and emphasising my young age and all.
Naruto: Well that's nice, there could be people who genuinely feel bad for you, but would still be your friend and not use the pity factor!
Mantra: Oh, but she WANTS the sympathy! She wants the love! She wants the attention! And she doesn't care WHAT she has to do in order to get it. Don't you just love her? *Flutters lashes*
Naruto: *Coils back* Heck no! She's annoying me even more than from the notes I read about this story!
Mantra: Good. I see my alternate-universe-self has SOME taste in choosing a host.
Nami grinned, back in a good mood, which also made the others smile.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 5
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 11 (And of course, the moods of the canon characters depend upon her every action.)
Mantra: Hello, mood-swing. How are you this fine evening?
Naruto: Dude, why even bother milking an event for angst if you clearly don’t give a damn about it?
She swung open the door. “Welcome!” She chirped and the others entered hesitantly.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 9
Mantra: Why? It's not like she lives in a bloody haunted house! And it's not like the Cullens know the word 'courtesy'! What are they hesitant about?
Naruto: Wouldn't a haunted house be up their alley, or considered lame by them? Actually, I know! They're going into the home of a Sue! It's the belly of the beast!
Mantra: It's not like they're not Sues themselves!
The whole first floor had been made into a single room.
Mantra: Sue, you described this as a VICTORIAN building - which would have been crafted out of heavy stone, with thick walls. How the fuck can it stay up if there's no supporting structure whatsoever inside? It'd collapse on you like a house of cards!
Naruto: She doesn't know how buildings are made! Well, great! More stupidity!
SOS: Well, either that or she just stole the Cullen family designs, because apparently, like them, she thinks tacky equals taste.
There were three sections to it, a kitchen, a dining room, and a living room. The light colors and elaborate designs came together perfectly.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 10
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 12
Mantra: ...How? Are you ever going to describe or explain? Seeing as you pretty much LOVE elaborate descriptions, the careful avoidance of ever describing HOW these designs work just seems downright suspicious.
NG55: *Snaps in* An open concept VICTORIAN home?! That's just unheard of! This reads out like a bachelor pad that somehow has a second floor! If this house had the downstairs completely open concept, it would not be Victorian, given its structure and oftentimes, the LAYOUT! You can't have both, not like this! *Snaps out*
Naruto: Uh...what you guys said?
The kitchen was light cherry wood. The floor was covered in marble tiles. All the appliances were stainless steel and up to date. The area was cut off by two granite counters on both sides. Underneath, in the glass encased cabinet were numerous expensive looking wine bottles. The other cabinet was filled with crystal wine glasses placed in neat rows.
Then followed the dining area. It was the most inconspicuous part of the whole room. The table was glass with very light grey, almost white frame. The chairs were the same color with white leather cushions. In the center there was a glass vase with a bouquet of calla lilies. Their strong fragrance lingered in the wide space.
Last was the living room. The floor was hardwood. The furniture was a set of a white leather sofa, love seat, and recliner. They were modern looking, with black rimmed edges. In the center was an ‘S’ shaped glass coffee table laying on a fluffy light grey carpet. A sophisticated looking sound system stood against one of the walls. There was surround sound around the whole room. Next to the modern piece of technology stood a wall of glass bookshelves, but instead of books they were stacked with rows and rows of CD’s. It continued along the wall until it met the window. Even by taking such a large space, it still looked crammed, cases taking every available space.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 16
Mantra: And as a result, it looks completely ridiculous. Again, baseball cap and sneakers with a Victorian ball gown...a tacky Victorian ball gown at that, mind you.
SOS: *Pops in* Okay, I just want to know ONE thing. How could she have gotten all of this purchased and delivered and sorted out in A SINGLE MONTH? And that's not even counting how she had a HOUSE built for herself in just ONE month. *Pops out*
Naruto: She was here for two weeks...the house built in a MONTH which is impossible...and this? Wow.
The entire back wall of the house was made of glass, overlooking a beautiful yard covered in flowers.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 17
Mantra: *BUZZ* Well, looks like she DID steal from the Cullens’ house design. Fail, Sue. FAIL.
SOS: *Going catatonic* A wall made entirely of glass...IN A VICTORIAN HOUSE. Glass walls, in a VICTORIAN HOUSE. *Dies*
NG55: *Snaps in* And it sucks that it's visually appealing to me....*Whimpers*
Naruto: Okay, how the heck do you guys know how to teleport?!
SOS: A good, solid Victorian mansion...and on one side, it's randomly made out of glass. I'm sorry, but I can't imagine that without dying of scandalisation.
Mantra: *Pats Naruto* Keyboard of Power. You'll get intimately acquainted with it soon, I'm sure.
In the center of it all was a medium sized pool with an overhead roof.
SOS: They dug up a FOREST, a lovely, green forest, to make a POOL? With a tacky overhead roof? *Dies dramatically*
NG55: *Whimpers* And I like pools....stop ruining all this natural beauty, Sue...
Naruto: Jeez, what does she need all of this for?!
Mantra: To show off, obviously. Why else have a huge house when you're living alone?
In the corner, where the window and the wall met, as if glowing, stood a white grand piano. It was definitely an antique. Its delicate designs covered the sides and the legs curved elegantly at the bottom.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 11
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 21
SOS: *Jaw drops* A piano. A FUCKING PIANO. SHE HAS A MOTHERFUCKING PIANO. RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
Mantra: Okay, she knows three languages, learned how to drive a car, regularly fixes cars, is an expert piano player...when does she find the time to do modelling? And if she has all these hobbies, then how the hell can she claim that she wants a fucking break! It sounds like she's constantly doing whatever she fucking wants!
Naruto: That's impossible! I have a few hobbies myself, but I'm a ninja and I wouldn't have time for a lot of things unless I was given time off! Even then, I'm training my butt off to get stronger! I don't know much about modelling, but I know you have to travel to a lot of places, modelling shoots can take hours - sometimes all day, runway modelling I bet takes all day, including preparation, and she's been doing this since she was young? ...So...yeah, where'd she find time for all of her hobbies?! Including driving?!
Even though it was such a big area every surface gleamed. Everything was so clean, not even dust lingered.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 22
Mantra: Because the Sue magically repels dust? Dude, how DOES she keep the house clean? She lives ALONE! And I refuse to believe she's cleaning up the house on her own.
Naruto: Jeez, I have a small one-bedroom apartment the size of this chamber, and I can barely keep it clean for a day! If she can somehow keep her MUCH BIGGER place SO clean that it doesn't gather dust, all while being a model and going to school....sign me up for that!
Another thing was the temperature. It was freezing. Maybe 67°F. But Naomi didn’t seem to mind.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 23
Mantra: Ah, I see she has a coldness fetish. Gee, I do wonder how that will come into play.
Naruto: Oh come on! What next, you're going to have all kinds of different sparkling diamonds and other geological matter splayed about your house?
SOS: That's about 19 degrees Celsius, which...no. I don't buy that. The human body has a temperature of 36 degrees that has to be MAINTAINED, and surrounding yourself with air almost two times colder is BOUND to suck heat from your body. She's just masochistic...or have a fetish, like Mantra said.
NG55: Even as a girl from Canada, who is used cold weather, would know that keeping the house THAT cold, especially in a place like Forks, is STUPID! No, Sue, you could not do well in both temperatures like this.
She beamed at her guests.
“So, you like?” She eagerly asked.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 12
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 24
Mantra: (Sue) Yes, YES, shower praise upon me! Lick my boots, slaves!
Naruto: (Edward) Lady, we're CULLENS. We're always snobbishly unimpressed.
“Did you design this?” Alice questioned incredulously. Nami nodded.
“To the smallest detail.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 13
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 25
Mantra: ...She also DESIGNED the house down to the SMALLEST detail in less than ONE FUCKING MONTH? In fact, that sounds like she had to have furniture custom-made. How the fuck did she accomplish this again? Because I don't fucking buy it!
NG55: Now we can add home-staging and designing (which you TOTALLY don't need a degree for!) to your resume! *Checks off a clipboard*
Naruto: Come on! One month?! An ENTIRE home?!
“Wow, so amazing.” Alice praised her eyes sparkling. It was obvious she couldn’t wait to see the rest of the house.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 28
Mantra: Well, I suppose it's JUST like Alice to love something so tacky and ridiculous, created for the sole purpose of flaunting, huh?
Naruto: Home is where the heart is...and I feel there's just no heart in this! It's all to show off!
‘Does she play?’ Nami heard Edward think. He was studying the piano in the corner.
“I do.” She told him.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 6
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 29
SOS: ...*Dies*
Mantra: *Irritated* Okay, just how many times have you died by now? It's getting annoying.
NG55: She's died and come back more than Phelous on a good day!
Naruto: So...this means we're going to have some kind of piano-playing bonding romantic cliche scene?
NG55: *Shudders* Oh God, don't remind me of the last time we sporked that...
“1930s?” he asked moving closer running his fingers over the design.
Mantra: *Smug* Oh hey, she even designed a piano from the time-period Emmett was changed in! I'm afraid a bonding scene is inevitable now.
NG55: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Naruto: Really? Did she really have to think of every method in the book to make the characters connect?! But that's just dumb!
Mantra: Sues are dumb, kid. You haven't been sporking for long, have you?
“Yeah, how did you know? Do you play?”
SOS: You know, you don't need to know how to play piano in order to identify designs. Just like you don't need to be a chef to see that a certain cake is strawberry-flavoured.
Naruto: I don't know Sue, why don't you consult your ever-awesome mind reading powers?
Edward nodded.
“Once in a while, in my spare time.” He commented with a chuckle.
‘Are you any good?’ Naomi thought sarcastically. Edward smirked.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 14
Mantra: Edward, stop trying to out-smug the Sue. You'll never compete with her. ...Wait, did I really just say that line? Wow...
Naruto: I...think you did.
Mantra: What have I DONE with my life?
“Where did you find it? It’s such a rare antique. English, correct?” He murmured admiring the design. She nodded.
“It was my grandmother’s. She left it to me after she passed away. It’s been in her family for generations.”
Mantra: Now, who was it that said they designed the house down to the SMALLEST detail? Because a piano is a pretty freaking big detail!
Naruto: You HAD to tack that on, too? And in the entire month it took to get your house built and furnished, you managed to get this priceless piano shipped over from the U.K. all the way to Washington State in that intervening time?!
Mantra: It's amazing what can be done with some...or a lot of Author Favouritism.
Before Edward could reply, he was interrupted.
“What the hell do you have these for?” Emmett’s booming voice echoed from the kitchen. He was crouching down examining the bottles of wine in the cabinet.
“What do you mean? That’s my collection.” She said, offended.
Mantra: She collects WINE? But that's a KILLER DRINK THAT'S DEADLY TO HUMANS!!!
SOS: Also, illegal for her to buy. But hey, mostly, IT'S A KILLER DRINK!
Naruto: Huh? But I thought wine was just-
NG55: It's a reference. And um, Sue? You are UNDERAGE!! How the hell were you able to obtain bottles of wine?! And what, now you're a wine conoisseur?! You can't even DRINK it!
He laughed.
“How did you even get your hands on them? Didn’t you just turn 16?” His question was skeptical, his eyebrow raised.
Mantra: God, even when he's being reduced to the Sue's fucktoy, Emmett still remains the only sensible person in this story.
Naruto: Emmett's the coolest! Keep at it, Emmett! I knew you didn't lose all of your Awesome!
Nami grinned. She took her wallet out of the back pocket of her jeans. It was a plain black Coach, but it suited her. She opened it and shoved it in Emmett’s face.
“Emmett, I want you to meet my baby.” On the inside was displayed Naomi’s ID, but it said she was 21.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 7
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 30
SOS: ...fake IDs. Fake fucking IDs. Suethor, do you think your Sue is being cool and risqué? Do you think she's being mature? Do you think this is GLAMOUROUS? Do you have any fucking idea how many lives have been destroyed because of alcoholism? Do you understand that we have the laws we do because of a REASON? I... *Leaves in disgust*
NG55: Great! I'm back in high school all over again!! I'm out of here! *Snaps out*
Naruto: Guess she's still bitter about that missed field trip....
“I actually have three - one real and two adopted.” The next flap was an ID stating she was 18. She flipped it again. The last one was with her proper age on it.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 15
Mantra: And by getting these IDs, she probably brought in business for a crime lord or some sort of underground organisation, who will probably put the money into funding human trafficking. Good job, Naomi. Good job.
Naruto: Oh COME ON! I know one thing about having a fake ID, sometimes you have to fool other people and your enemies as a ninja...but what point does it serve HERE?! Unless you're trying to lie low sometimes, you're just trying to purchase alcoholic beverages!
Mantra: ....Dude, you wear orange. Don't tell me you're the master at covert operation, because I don't buy that.
Naruto: Hey, I don't care if an enemy spots me! I can take them on!
Mantra: ...Then why bother with a fake ID?
Naruto: It's a ninja thing! *Pouts*
Mantra: ...Of course.
“Fake IDs, why am I not surprised?” Emmett took a closer look. “These actually look authentic, I can’t tell the difference at all.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 16
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 31
Mantra: With super-enhanced eyesight, to the point that he can see dust motes floating in a DARK room? Bullshit!
Naruto: Jeez, for the experts in fake ID's, of COURSE their remarks mean the most.
Their little talk had attracted everyone’s attention. Even Rosalie and Jasper who had been standing by the door had moved closer.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 32
Mantra: Why are VAMPIRES, who live off of fake IDs, so intrigued by the concept of fake IDs again?
Naruto: *Facepalm* You'd think it would be second nature to them!
“They were done by a professional. It’s all about the connections.” She winked playfully.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 17
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 33
Mantra: Ah, so she whored herself out for them. I'm not surprised.
Naruto: ....I'm just gonna chalk it up as a cheap cop out that makes no sense and is too excessive, even for that kind of thing.
Mantra: You're learning.
“Edward, did you see this?” Bella asked incredulously. She was ogling the wall of CDs.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 18
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 34
SOS: *Pops in* A wall of fucking CDs in a Victorian mansion. The Victorian-era fashion lover in me is dying. *Promply dies*
Mantra: *Takes out a marker and starts doodling on SOS's corpse*
Naruto: Hey, leave some for me! *Draws whiskers on her face*
Turning to Nami she asked,. “How do you have them organized?”
“By year and then personal preference.” Nami said simply shrugging.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 9
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 19
Mantra: And how would that work? Year and personal preference are two very different things. What if you favourite and second favourite songs happened to be 40 years apart? What if two songs were released one after another and you loved one but hated the other?
Naruto: I'm already confused! Just arrange them alphabetically! That'll solve everything!
Bella’s large brown eyes widened even more. Naomi noticed everyone looking at her. They were quiet. “What?!” She asked a little annoyed. Was it a crime to collect things nowadays? First the wine and now this.
Mantra: Well, I don't know about the CDs, but it's DEFINITELY illegal for you to be collecting wine. ...Because it's a KILLER DRINK!
Naruto: I thought Bella was wowed by Edward's collection...oh, whatever! Hey, what's with the killer drink stuff??? I don't get it! Wine doesn't kill you!
Mantra: No, unfortunately.
She listened to Jasper, Alice’s and Edward’s thoughts.
Mantra: Of course, her first instinct is to rifle through other people's minds. And she dared to blame JASPER for daring to have the audacity to THINK in her presence?
Naruto: Wait, they blamed Jasper? What did he do wrong??
Mantra: Well, plenty of things, but in this case, he's surprisingly innocent. He's just made a scapegoat because GOD forbid the Sue admit she did something wrong!
Naruto: *Groans* Sounds a lot like Sasuke....*A chorus of Boos is heard from the Sasuke fangirls* Oh, come on! Take off your rose-coloured glasses already!
Mantra: That guy needs to get laid. A lot.
‘The mind reading, the piano, the CDs, she’s like a girl Edward.’ Thought Jasper.
‘She could be Edward’s younger sister, way younger.’ Alice commented in her head. Edward was listening to their thoughts too. His lips were pursed to keep from smiling.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 37 (Unfortunately, this is a universe where being compared to Edward is a GOOD thing.)
Mantra: I completely agree! And now, I must exterminate her with extreme prejudice.
Naruto: Kidnap the Mary Sue, tie her up real tight! Throw her in the dungeon and turn off all the lights!
Mantra: Or just kill her. Your choice.
Nami couldn’t tell what he was thinking since his head was filled with the other’s thoughts.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 10
Mantra: Or because he has no thought. It wouldn't surprise me.
Naruto: How would THAT work?
Mantra: Pretend you only have half a brain cell and there you go.
“This is the largest collection I’ve seen besides Edward’s.” Bella continued thoughtfully. She was unaware of the exchange of information in their heads.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 20
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 38
Mantra: Yes, and rain is wet.
“So I heard.” Nami arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms. Bella gave her a questioning look. She tapped her temple and smile.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 11
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 39 (STOP! FLAUNTING! YOUR! POWERS!)
Mantra: Oh, BULLSHIT. You're lying and you know it. We SAW what you heard. The Suethor wrote it down for us. And there was nothing about how big Edward's collection was.
Naruto: (Sue) I have a tumour!
Emmett grunted from behind them.
“Great, before at least we could hear half of the conversation when Edward was involved. I guess now we’ll just have to guess blindly.” He pretended to be annoyed, but couldn’t keep the smile off his handsome face.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 21
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 40
Mantra: Oh yeah, because Emmett would be SO pleased to have TWO condescending assholes who think they're better just because they can read minds around him. Oh joy.
Naruto: (Emmett) Awwww. she's so cute...she thinks she's people!
SOS: *Revives herself* Well, that's the end of the chapter. In the next one, we...god I don't way to say this, but we see a horrible, HORRIBLE photo-shopped picture of the Sue and Emmett.
Naruto: *Snickers* Y-Yeah...of course....*Hides laughter behind his hand*
NG55: *Crawls back* That was pretty sucky. ...Wait, what? What?! Where is it? Let's see it.
SOS: Wait until next time, folks. And trust me, it's nothing to look forward to.
FINAL COUNT:
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 21 (Actually dropped down to 1.7% or every 60 words, the lowest so far, though that might only be because this chapter is taken up by HUGE block paragraphs describing the Sue’s house, so there wasn’t many actions performed.)
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 40 (Right up to 3.2% or every 31.5 words, which I believe might be the highest so far. Nice to see that the Suethor is compensating for any hint of improvement with sickening amounts of flaunting, huh?
NICKNAME MISUSE: 11 (Out of only 17 uses of the Sue’s name, meaning she only got it right SIX times. Things are not looking good for you, dear.)
Go Forward to: Chapter 7
Go Back to: Chapter 5, Part 2