the one where soop gets all emo and shit

[soopageek]

In my earlier entry of woe, I mentioned my funk, without going into all the specifics. As I reflect more and more on it, I realize it's been building for a while. It probably goes back as far as my wedding anniversary back in November. It was overshadowed by a phone call from my dad about my mom's cancer diagnosis. Frankly this put a pall on

Comments

[backuplj]

Thanks for this entry. I knew there was a lot of shit going on and probably even more than you've detailed here, but I wasn't exactly sure what. I'm glad I know now so I can be of more help if you need it. Be strong and keep me in mind if you need to bend an ear (I'm trying to be a better listener and more present friend these days.)

[soopageek]

I appreciate that Sarah. While my spirits are down and I'm frustrated and sad and stressed... I am okay. I haven't lost my shit or anything. :)

[malaria]

*big giant hugs*

Man oh man. I can't express enough how sorry I am that all this shit keeps happening to you. I know we haven't gotten to know each other very well yet, but I've been LJ-friends with Erin for quite a while and the two of you are in my thoughts quite often.

Don't beat yourself up too badly about the smoking - I'm currently a light smoker (a pack a month if things aren't stressful) and have been trying to quit for a while. There are worse things you could be doing to alleviate stress; smoking isn't that big of a deal, IMO. When things calm down again, you'll go right back to smoking lightly or not at all.

You're an incredibly strong person. I'm not sure if you've acknowledged that fact, but give yourself some credit for being able to make it through the last several months of shit without completely losing your mind. Lesser folk would have crumbled. You completely rock and this streak of crap can't last forever.

♥

[soopageek]

I had quit cold turkey for a year, and then began light "social" smoking on weekends when I was home a few months ago, utilizing loose tobacco and a roll-your-own machine. I want to get back to that point. Frankly, I can't afford to keep smoking like I have been... but right now, as much things feel beyond/out of my control and having to change things about my life and lifestyle, it's soothing to have something that I enjoy... and it feeds the little baby nihilist in me just a little which always helps me in times like these.

[malaria]

Believe me, I completely understand about the inner baby nihilist ;) Sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I'm pretty much a social smoker, but there have been occasions over the past several months or so where nothing tasted/felt better than a solitary late-night drive and a smoke.

Were you a heavy smoker before you quit?

[soopageek]

No, I smoked less than a pack a day before.

[con_grazia]

Life can sometimes suck big time. I do hope things turn to the better for you soon.

Re: smoking - have you ever tried vaping? (e-cigs) I have tried unsuccessfully for years to quit smoking and finally got around to the e-cig thing and vaping and I love it. It's way cheaper and no tobacco, tar or preservatives and no second-hand smoke or having to smoke outside. Yet amazingly it still acts like cigarette smoking. Dude, it's fabulous. I can give you more info if you want.

Life will get better, worse, and better. Fluidity and all that.

Best to ya.

[soopageek]

I haven't tried vaping. I see the kits all the time in truckstops. I would if I knew someone who did, but I don't see me plunking down that kinda cash to just try it.

[con_grazia]

It's not spendy, at least not where I got my kit from. And you can cut down even THAT cost - which is a lot less than cigarettes - by refilling your own cartridges, which is very simple

[soopageek]

I'll check out those links later and maybe I'll give it a shot, thanks!.

[yshaloo]

hopefully it gets better. it has to, right?

[soopageek]

I would say it can't get any worse, but I've already thought that a couple of times, especially in the past couple of days. I thought, y'know... fuck February, good riddance. Then the second day into march I injure myself.

[dividedbyzero]

Suckage.

You weren't perchance driving down I75 near Corbin yesterday morning, were you ? It's funny, I see Hornady trucks all the time and I always crane my neck to see if I recognize the driver. :)

[soopageek]

Nope, I was in South Carolina heading for Prosperity. Ha!

[dividedbyzero]

Oh, irony your name is Prosperity. SC. :)

Let me know if you're traveling the I75 corridor and stopping (I know time is money for haulers).

I hope your recovery week goes well. Hang in there.

[soopageek]

Unfortunately, if I'm traveling that part of I-75 I'm heading out and have no time, or I'm heading home and am eager to get there. Me and Welf just need to mee up with you some weekend in Danville one weekend for dinner or something.