Short Message Service Vol. XV - Music

[solrosan]

Notes: I just couldn't stay way until the next series ;) It is dedicated to (and betaed by) zedille. The fic spans from sometime around ASiP to sometime after TRF.  And as always, I apologise to the princes.

Summary: Sherlock is picky when it comes to music, or as not!Anthea would say: "He's a pretentious snob.”

Previous chapters to be found here.


-x-
Your brother is acting
very strangely today.

That one is too easy.
I won’t take the bait.
SH

He’s humming.

Are you by any chance
going to Thailand in the
near future?
SH

If you got that from your
brother's humming, then
I must say I’m impressed.

It’s actually one of the
easier deductions I’ve
made this year.
SH

How did you know?

You almost sound like John.
SH

I hope that wasn’t an insult.

I was under the impression
you liked the ex-army doctor.
SH

I really do.

Then I can’t see how
comparing you with him
would be an insult.
SH

I got the feeling you were
calling me stupid.

Maybe a little.
SH

Are you going to tell
me how you knew
about the Bangkok
trip, or do I have to
bribe you?

A bribe sounds good.
SH

Haha.

It was your idea.
SH

How can you be so sure
you know what song it is?

I knew you were going
to Thailand when you
said he was humming. Do
you really think I don’t
know what song it is?
SH

No.

Exactly. This is the only
song he ever sings.
SH

He sings too?

Occasionally.
SH

Oh my goodness!

I know, it’s horrible.
SH

Tell me!

No, I think you should
guess. You’re fond of that.
SH

So I should guess, even
though you never do?

Yes. Guessing is for
weaker minds.
SH

I do have a higher IQ
than you.

I still highly doubt that. And
it's not relevant, anyway.
SH

Believe what you want,
as long as you tell me
what song it is.

One Night in Bangkok.
It’s from Chess, his
favourite musical.
SH

That’s the sweetest thing
I’ve ever heard.

That he has a favourite
musical? That’s not sweet.
It’s sad.
SH

The fact that you KNOW what his
favourite musical is.

It’s one of the great
tragedies of my life.
SH

You two are adorable.

Let’s never talk about
this ever again.
SH

HA! In your dreams.

-x-

How was Bangkok?
SH

What can I say? The
world was my oyster.
The bars were temples,
but the pearls weren’t
free.

What?
SH

One Night in Bangkok.

I may never get that song
out of my head.

Oh, so you’ve heard him
sing now. My condolences.
SH

Hush. He has quite the
singing voice.

Yes, it’s astonishing how
someone with such poor
music taste can be as
musical as Mycroft is.
SH

The song is catchy.

So is chlamydia.
SH

Be. Nice.

-x-

Is Linda Lampenius
performing at Buckingham
Palace this weekend?
SH

No, Windsor Castle.

I need to be there.
SH

Why?

To waltz with Prince
William. What do you
think? I want to hear
her play.
SH

I’m sorry, it’s family
and friends only. So
if you can’t get Prince
Harry to propose to
you….

Please.
SH

Wow, I didn’t know
you knew that word.

Did it work?
SH

No. We’re not allowing
you near any royals.

I don’t want me near
them anymore than you
do, I just want to hear
Linda Lampenius play.
SH

You’re not going to
Windsor, Sherlock. But
she’s performing at
Number 10 on Thursday,
and I can get you into
that concert.

Why didn’t you say
that right away?
SH

It’s fun to hear you beg
and use words like “please”.

You’re evil.
SH

Yes. Do you have a
dinner jacket?

Of course I do.
SH

Good. Be ready at 18:30
on Thursday. A car will
pick you up outside your
flat.

Thank you.
SH

Don’t let me regret
this, Sherlock.

-x-

You didn’t cause any
huge political scandals,
did you?

As if you and Mycroft
didn’t watch me the
entire time.
SH

Yes, we did. You’re so
sweet when you listen
to classical music.

There’s an adjective
I’ve always associated
with myself.
SH

How was it?

Fantastic.
SH

Thank you.
SH

-x-

I need your help
arranging a birthday
present for your
brother.

I’m sorry, your text
has no value to the
recipient and has
self-deleted. This is
an automatic text.
Please don’t respond
if you don’t have
anything interesting
to say.

You didn’t even sign it.
I’m impressed.

What do you want?
SH

Didn’t you help someone
at the Swedish embassy
last spring?

It was a very boring case.
The letter opener was
a butter knife, and it
didn’t open.
SH

I have no idea what
you’re talking about.

Neither did they. I can’t
believe they’re the
ones picking the Nobel
laureates.
SH

Yeah, anyway… Do you
think you could ask them
for a favour?

I thought you had the
Prince’s phone number
already.
SH

I do. I need some
translations done.

Don’t you have an army
of translators at your
command?
SH

Yes, but I can’t very well
give them Chess songs in
Swedish to translate.

Why are there Swedish
Chess songs?
SH

No, don’t tell me! I don’t
care.
SH

Can you help me?

I’m not wasting a favour
so that Mycroft can get
song lyrics translated.
SH

Please.

No. I’m not going to
encourage his terrible
taste in music and
culture.
SH

First, don’t be such a
snob. And second, you’re
cute when you think
you have that type of
influence over your
brother.

If I do this, you’re going
to be the one owing me
a favour.
SH

If you do this for me, I
won't tell your mother
you still smoke.

When did it go from
begging to threatening?
SH

When you were being
a prick.

I don’t care if my mother
knows that I smoke.
SH

So you won’t care if she
knows who broke your
great-aunt’s vase, either?

You evil woman.
SH

You’ll do it?

Yes.
SH

You’re the best.

I forbid you to ever
speak to me again.
SH

-x-

I love my job.

Has someone hit you
over the head?
SH

I think so, actually. I just
met my childhood heroes.

How’s the Iron Lady
doing these days?
SH

That’s Baroness Thatcher to
you. And I said “heroes”, plural.

You’re not making me guess.
SH

I got to meet three-fifths of
the Spice Girls.

They’re your heroes? Now
I really wish it had been
Thatcher.
SH

Come on, I was a kid
during the 90’s.

So was I, and you
don't see me fall all
over myself at the
mention of a pop group.
SH

No, you did that when
that Finnish violinist came
to visit.

At least she’s good.
SH

Hush!

-x-

Tell him I want my
violin back.
SH

Yes, because being your
referee is one of my
many important duties.

Tell him I want it back
right now, or I won’t be
responsible for the
consequences.
SH

Don’t mess with me, Sherlock.
I have sixty-four things to
supervise today.

Tell him!
SH

He says you’ll get it
back when you return
his Chess Original
Concept Album record.

Unscratched.

Tell him that he’s in no
position to make
demands.
SH

He says a string just
snapped.

I’m going to use the album
cover to play Tic-tac-toe with
John!
SH

And I’ll let John win!
SH

If you two don’t leave me
out of this and settle it
within two minutes, I’m
calling your mother.

You wouldn’t!
SH

I will. You appointed me
Arbiter. And I do know best.

You’re taking his side.
SH

I’m on nobody’s side. But I
have to do something to
prevent World War Three.

He started it.
SH

I DON’T CARE!

-x-

I think your brother is
in love with me.

You’re not really his type.
SH

He sent me to meet all
the Spice Girls today.

Why?
SH

Watch the closing ceremony
of the Olympics, and you’ll
find out.

I will definitely not do
that.
SH

Your loss.

I’ll survive.
SH

Take That might appear
as well.

Do you listen to anything
besides bad pop music?
SH

You do know that you’re
a pretentious snob, right?

It’s called “having taste.”
SH

No, it’s called “being a
condescending tit”.

Better that than embarrassing
the entire country with how bad
our taste in music is.
SH

Take the stick out of your
arse. The London Symphony
Orchestra was the first to
accept the invitation.

Please don’t ruin them.
SH

Sherlock, go spice up
your life.

-x-

You’ll never guess where
I am right now.

You’re right. Because I
don't guess.
SH

I was under the impression
you thought to playing dead
was boring.

It’s not boring enough
to start playing guessing
games.
SH

Well, you’ll never deduce
where I am, either.

Oh, I wouldn’t be too
sure of that.
SH

I’ll bet you tickets to the
Nobel banquet that you
won’t get it.

How many questions do
I get?
SH

Not a single one.

You’re not playing fair.
SH

When do I ever?

True. So where are you?
SH

Can’t you at least guess
once?

Why?
SH

Because you love me.

You’re in Stockholm.
SH

What would I do there?

The Prince?
SH

Oh, funny.

You started this
ridiculous game.
SH

I’m with your brother.

That’s not a “where”, that’s
just bad company.
SH

I’m at the Union Theatre.

I’m sorry, my phone must
have missed some texts. Now
it looks like you’re at a theatre
with Mycroft.
SH

It’s nice to be asked out
once in a while.

Even if the offer is to sit
next to Mycroft for hours
and hours listening to
what I assume will be people
singing about a board
game?
SH

You surprise me, Sherlock.
I thought musical plots
were something you
deleted.

I’m sad to say that I
also know who Mulder
and Scully are, thanks to
Mycroft’s strange choices
in cultural amusement.
SH

You’ll never be able to
convince me that you
don’t care about your
brother again.

You’ll probably die of
boredom before you
can use that against me.
SH

If I do, will you come back to
London for my funeral?

Will there be dancing?
SH

Of course.

Then I won’t be there.
SH

But you’re coming back soon?

I don’t know.
SH

Your brother says hi.

Tell him that I need
more money.
SH

He says that I have to
turn off my phone if
I want to have a job
tomorrow.

I think you should take this
opportunity to get
fired and kicked out of
the theatre at the same
time.
SH

I don’t have time for that
particular conversation loop
right now.

You know, “Anthem” isn’t
all bad.
SH

I’m showing your
brother that text.

Don’t.
SH

He says you always
go for the obvious.

And that I really should
turn the phone off.

Won’t that lead to war,
nuclear meltdowns, and
natural disasters?
SH

I’m sure you can behave
without my supervision.

I don’t feel so sympathetic
about your three upcoming hours of
torture anymore.
SH

Did you ever?

No. Try to not let your
head get completely
filled with cotton.
SH

I won’t.

Good.
SH

-x-

Vol. XVI - The Game is On!