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[solitary_summer]

10 cm snow tomorrow? Are you kidding me? *groan*

Generally, though, feeling somewhat better. Although I can never quite decide if this process of getting used to the job again after a holiday is actually a good or a bad thing. But last week was horrible in the completely surreal what-am-I-doing-here,-please-kill-me-nownowNOW way, so improvement

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[un_crayon_rouge]

I suddenly had this idea: why don't you collect all the meta you've written over the years, not just DW and TW, but also Angel and Smallville and whatever else there is, and make them into a book? Not to send to editors or anything, but just for you and maybe other interested people. You know, with chapters and sections and an index and goddamn footnotes and all :-) There could be summaries by season and brief descriptions of characters for the people who haven't seen the whole thing. I think it would be AWESOME and maybe if you saw it all together, actually held it in your hand, it wouldn't seem like a waste of time, but instead you'd think what an incredible amount of deep thinking about life and death and love and choices and all that you've done throughout the years.

[solitary_summer]

Aaaand... there go the next few years of my life. *ggg* Seriously, my perfectionism would totally fuck that up. The only thing I'm really happy with so far is the big!epic! Jack/Ianto post, because with all the negative opinions about their relationship after CoE I felt this was something I wanted/needed to do thoroughly and propperly. But otherwise.. Livejournal at least allows me lazy shortcuts and being all emotional and subjective, and occasionally a bit schlampig. :)

Ignore my whining, mostly I'm happy with it anyway. Or at least the writing makes me happy. Being at work and scribbling ideas on little bits of paper. It's just, if I'm ever going to write this thing about life & death & whatnot in DW/TW, if things sort themselves out enough to fall into place, which I'm not even so sure yet, this is going to be big & *very* wordy, and the time I'll need for that kind of scares me a bit. And I should be doing other things...

(edited for missing words & such, sorry.)

[un_crayon_rouge]

And I should be doing other things... You mean, things that you are better at and that give you more pleasure and make you feel more fulfilled, right?

[solitary_summer]

Right now, RUSSIAN HOMEWORK OMG! Sonst wird's nie was mit Krieg und Frieden, usw. auf Russisch... ;) Also, exploring options for a possible job change. *deepsigh*

I guess it's the fact that this is something I really enjoy doing a lot, but even if with the RL people I can talk about this it's hard to convey that without coming across as completely weird. Photography is respectable, writing TW meta, not so much. And I always feel guilty, because the fact that it makes *me* happy doesn't seem justification enough... Nothing new there, I should get over it, I know.