Fanfiction: Wake Up Heart (chapter 1, part 2)

[soliandxpyne]

Damnit.

Goku sent another of his attackers skidding through the dirt, having knocked him unconscious, but not killing him.  Sanzo and Gojyo would pitch a fit, he knew, but something about this group of youkai seemed...off.  They didn’t seem crazy--well, anyone who took them on with such low-level powers was crazy--but they weren’t “crazy

Comments

[avierra]

Wow, a lot going on here.

I am really liking how you have set this up, with the flashback/flash forward thing, and also how the whole situation is really a tragedy. I think that gets lost sometimes in fics, because Saiyuki has a some really morbid dark humor to it, but really the whole thing is an epic tragedy from beginning (in Gaiden) to end (but I hope it doesn't really end tragically ;) ).

I like both pairings' protectiveness of each other, and especially like Protective!Hakkai slapping Sanzo. I am frequently rather appalled at some of the things he says sometimes -- he is SUCH a bitch sometimes! -- so I can sympathize.

Although maybe what makes it appalling is that he stabs right to the heart with what he says. He has great aim, doesn't he.

I am really looking forward to the rest of the story.

[soliandxpyne]

Thank you! I really enjoyed the flashback/forward thing as well; I'd been wanting to try something like that, but it's quite tricky getting it to work just right. Sadly, it would be impossible for me to construct the entire story this way, but I'm planning to try this format again for a later chapter.

::laughs:: Xpyne and I discussed me adding a note "Not as angsty as it seems!" Because while there's a lot of intense violence and "o noes!" in the first chapter, the tragedy of it doesn't drag on into one big angst-fest for everyone. (Sanzo's just pissed and acting like a right bitch because he's still hurting, lol.) But I did want to open on something dark and horrible, then pull away from it to show how the guys are able to pick up and move on.

One of my favorite things about Saiyuki is the way Minekura manages to have really serious, bad things happen, but I would never characterize her manga as "angsty," because she knows how to resolve things, how to include a good dose of humor, and have her boys learn from their

chapter 1 comments (both parts)

[gen50]

intriguing. or as spock might put it, fascinating.

goku goes wild without breaking his limiter
i'm not at all surprised, since the cause is
singling out sanzo for lots of pain.

perhaps goku is able to leech seiten's power when
he is deeply hurting, and not in a physical way
which incidentally, is harder, methinks.

the 58 is an assumed thing here, i mean, the two are already in a close relationship
whereas the 39 is still being developed

the hakkai slap was both unexpected and expected
after all, hakkai is a violent man with very rigid controls - when he slips or provoked.... like sanzo did with the gojyo remarks (hakkai is ultra sensitive for gojyo, something i find protective)

i like the opening scene. it was ... visceral.

you also ended the chapter with a puzzle, why is sanzo healing a lot faster? as if he imbibed some youkai strength (or is mated to one *winks*)

injury in the first chapter! hmmm.
the injury is setting the stage, i presume??
btw. i know you and xpyne arent twins, but sometimes you sound like you two are

Re: chapter 1 comments (both parts)

[soliandxpyne]

The original idea for the story I was writing before this was sort of a "what would Sanzo do if Goku went berserk?" I worked on it for quite a while and had more than 8,000 words written before I realized I didn't like the idea at all, at least not the way I was approaching it, and that it was FAR too angsty. That, and I had 8,000 words but hardly anything had happened--it was all dreams and introspection and supposition, and it sucked. XD

So I scrapped everything and decided I preferred this idea (which I can't exactly say without giving it away), and that I would try my best to give a balanced account from all four guys' perspectives.

I do find the mechanics of Goku's powers and abilities very interesting, especially since I've been reading the original Journey to the West. It will seem to become a non-issue in the next few chapters as the story progresses, what with everything else going on, but it will come back up.

lol, yeah, I really didn't want to have to deal with getting both couples together, so because I felt it was

[candika]

This was...wrenching...and beautifully written. And painful. I hope we see more.

[soliandxpyne]

Thank you so much! There is definitely more to come, and I very, very much want to be able to finish this, since this is my favorite story I've written so far. >:d ::determined!::

[inksheddings]

Can't be coherent. This is so incredibly awesome. It's complex and frightening and my heart is aching for all of them and I don't even know exactly what's going on!

I am dying for more here. Seriously, this is the kind of fic I've been waiting to sink my teeth into, a good long juicy plotty fic with all of my favorite boys.

*loves you endlessly*

[soliandxpyne]

Eeeee, thank you! :D Yes, I was actually impressed by how much action I was able to put in here! lol, seeing as my biggest problem in creative writing has always been too little going on, and too much focus on what's going through a character's head.

♥♥♥ You have no idea how happy that second part has made me, especially since I've been wishing I could find the same thing.

~^.^~

[missionx]

This is the most amazing fan fic I have ever read. Beautiful, and stark, intriguing. I can't wait for more.

[soliandxpyne]

Ack, thank you so much for the kind praise! I am having a lot of fun writing this, except for the parts which make me what to tear my hair out, and I like to think that it shows. X)