The Dark Lover's Promises

[snowgrouse]

All the promises you made me

Comments

[snowgrouse]

It's more to do with that archetype I've always loved and who has manifested himself in so many rock stars and villains, and then this feeling that Connie is the culmination of them all. To the point where it frightens me. He had such a profound effect on popular culture that I only need to scratch the surface to find a Connie underneath. This rockstar I adored as a kid based his makeup on Cesare's, that movie had some character or trope Connie created or codified, and so on and so forth. These archetypes are no less than what gods used to be in polytheist times, so it's like watching different emanations and then arriving at the core, the source of them all. Like how Krishna's fanboys decided that he wasn't an incarnation of Vishnu after all but even Vishnu emanated from *him* because he was that awesome

[snowgrouse]

Oh, Connie is pretty much the muse of all muses to me. Even if I've been in Doctor Who fandom since the late Nineties (got in through repeats of Tom Baker stories and was a big oldschool fan before the series came back), I've never been as *inspired* by that or any other fandom in a similar way. Connie's just got... everything that clicks for me, personally. I didn't even use to write longfic and a couple of years ago, would never have thought I'd ever be writing novel-length stories, but here I am. He's also made me write so much poetry (most of which isn't up on here outside friendslock) that it's just insane--it's like he came into my life just at the right time and struck this golden, rich vein of perfection, like he brought me to life body and soul. And I can't thank him enough for that

[ataslightangle]

Mmm, wonderful. This captures so well that feeling of curious familiarity, of recognising in those certain shapes the presence you've quite possibly always felt, as well as the readiness to embrace it. And the incredible, overwhelming feeling when the deluge of everything that presence has come to mean - everything that speaks to your soul - appears, fully formed. Complete. Breathtaking.

"I flow into your mouth, liquid, pulsing, warm, alive; so grateful, so grateful. I am become but blood, but tears, but sexual fluids; and into you I flow, flow, flow. And you keep devouring, eternally devouring, eternally taking me, penetrating me, fucking me, enclosing me and swallowing me, inside me and outside of me. Always there, always, I sob hysterically as I cling to your body in ecstasy; for you never left me." - My God, this.

[snowgrouse]

It really is the fully-formed thing that's frightening; I mean, nobody is totally fully perfect and a complete match for someone else, but he comes so close it's absolutely astounding. As we discussed before, there's so little rewriting or mental Photoshopping or projecting of one's desires onto him to do. So often, I've had to project things like spirituality or hypersexuality or bisexuality or androgyny/femininity or certain other things onto the male figures I've loved, but with Connie... nope. I don't need to do that with him, so it feels funny at times--like I'm going "oh yeah, you don't need that!" because I'm so used to having to mentally retouch and reshape someone to make them into my dream lover. But he IS the dream lover, as fully formed as one can be, the Animus incarnate. And I just... HOW? How did so many things I love, personally, ever even converge in a guy? It's true that he does embody so many of the things women yearn for romance-wise and slash fiction-wise, but still. There's more to it than that (the spiritual

[ataslightangle]

It *is* incredible just how... whole he seems to be, how filling. I do come away feeling *full* sometimes, which is something I've actually never experienced before. It's so wonderful and yet at the same time really difficult to get one's head around, because I genuinely didn't think that sort of thing possible, because I have such very specific interests and tastes and longings etcetera. So yeah, for one bloody man to somehow be the amalgamation of such a vast array of those things... Just... What?

Ahahaha! Bloody hell, we really must seem like the brides of Dracula for him. I'd be surprised if we're the only ones, I've no doubt he's claiming new victims all the time. What would be really interesting is if any others have similar experiences, and if they differ, how they differ. Does he come to people in different ways, different intensities? *ponders*

[snowgrouse]

Yes, that feeling of fullness! Oh my god, yes. It's such a sensuous fullness as well, I think, as in that it fills more than just a few senses. I mean, I can feel really full and nourished acting-wise with someone like Rainsy, because of his skills. But with Connie you get so many other things, too. You get that hypnotic charm and attractivenss, you get the acting skill, you get the erotic fulfillment and the beauty. And then you get the super-physical acting where he's so present in his body and inhabits his space so perfectly, and I wonder if it isn't that thing that causes that sensation, too. Because we think of the actions we see and sort of mirror them psychologically when we watch someone move (the mirror neurons thing), so watching him involves us on some minute, minute unperceptible level in our musculature as well. So he takes the mind, the body, the spirit, the intellect, the sexual desire... all these things and uses them for his performance. Normally actors manipulate just one or two things, but as with the genders, he