RPS Fic: Waiting for My Real Life to Begin-- 3/? -- Jared/Jensen -- AU -- NC-17
Title: Waiting for My Real Life to Begin 3/?
Fandom: CW RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jared has a date, and then he doesn't.
Disclaimer: This is fiction, not real.
Notes/Warnings: This was written on a whim, unplanned and (as of yet) unfinished. Also, there's a sad lack of Chad in this chapter.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
During finals week, Jared discovers something about himself. Jared discovers that he hates finals. Hates them with a passion. Hates them more than he knew he could actually hate something.
Jensen's smug every time he whines. "You're not even cramming!" Jared cries while desperately trying to remember the name of the guy the French sent to that island for treason who probably actually didn't do anything. "Why aren't you cramming?"
"I do this thing where I learn what I need to know the first time around," Jensen tells him. "You should try it."
"I hate you," says Jared. When he finally climbs out of his books four days later, he's exhausted and silly from it. He takes great joy in jumping up and down on his pre-calc textbook.
"Don't you need that for next semester?" Jensen asks.
"I'm being symbolic." Jared picks the book up and puts it back on the shelf above his desk.
"You ready to head to Chris' for a beer?"
"Yes. But just one. And no jungle juice." Jared puts his hand to his stomach. "God, just thinking about it hurts."
"No jungle juice," Jensen says with a laugh, picking up his keys.
Adam shoves open the door to their room without knocking. His eyes are wild. "Dude, we have dates tonight."
"What?" Jared asked.
"I just saw Rachel, that hot chick from the other night? Anyway, we were talking and I was making fun of you for not calling Sandy and she was making fun of Sandy for not calling you and we had a stroke of genius, which is that we're all four going out. And I don't think it'll work if you puss out and I really, really want to go out with this girl, so...yeah. Get dressed."
Jared looks down at his sweatshirt and jeans. "I am dressed."
"He means dressed for a date," Jensen tells him.
"What? Now? Right now?"
"You're leaving tomorrow," Adam reminds him. "When else would we go? Rachel has a car, we're meeting them at their dorm in half an hour."
"But I...Jensen and I were--"
Adam actually gets down on his knees. "This girl is a goddess, Jay. She's gorgeous and smart and when she laughs it's in the oh, you're so funny and charming way and not in the usual you're a freak way, so please, I'm begging you--"
"Go out with Sandy," Jensen says.
"But we had plans," Jared says. He's torn. He wants to go out with Sandy, he really, really wants to go out with Sandy, but he also doesn't one to be one of those guys who ditches his friends every time something better comes along.
"Hell," says Jensen. "Bring her to the party if you want, but seriously, man, go out with her. I'm gonna make fun of you forever if you don't."
Jared grins and pulls him into a hug.
"You're hugging me," Jensen says.
"Yes, I am."
"Stop hugging me."
"Aww," says Adam, getting to his feet. "I want in on some of this action." He wraps his arms around Jared and Jensen from the side.
"You're both hugging me."
"You can take it," Adam tells him, petting his hair.
"You both need to stop hugging me."
"You like it," says Jared, squeezing him tighter.
Jensen eventually twists and pulls away, but he's laughing. "You're freaks. Both of you."
Adam digs in Jared's closet and pulls out a dark green sweater. "Wear this," he says. "It brings out your eyes."
Jared looks over at Jensen.
"Don't look at me," says Jensen.
"I was raised by women," Adam tells them. "These things sink in."
Jared pulls on the sweater and sighs, rubs his hands on his jeans.
"You should also probably brush your teeth," Jensen tells him. "Unless you think she's into Funyun breath."
"Oh, God," says Jared. "I haven't been on a date since high school."
"That was only six months ago." Jensen claps him on the shoulder. "I think you can handle it."
Jared sighs again and goes to brush his teeth.
Rachel and Sandy are waiting in front of their dorm. Rachel's swinging her keys in her hand and Sandy's bundled up in a pale pink parka with a fluffy pink hat. She smiles and waves shyly, fluffy pink mittens covering her hands. "Hi," she says.
Jared stops and stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Hi," he says.
"Freezing," says Rachel. "Let's go."
They go to the Olive Garden and Jared makes sure not to order anything that will drip down his chin. Adam dominates the conversation, doing impressions and telling jokes and it's a relief, really, because usually Jared's the one being a spaz. He likes being able to pretend that he's the type of guy who can play it cool.
Sandy's from California so they talk about how cold it is for a while. It's lame, but at least it's something. When Sandy took off her parka it turned out she was wearing a top with a very low-cut v-neck and mostly, Jared's trying not to stare at her truly amazing rack.
Sandy eats two helpings of salad, an entire plate of lasagna, and a bunch of bread sticks. That's nice, too. Jared likes girls who eat, though he knows enough not to say it. Girls don't really like it when you call attention to their eating habits, even if you mean it as a compliment.
On the walk out to the car, Jared says, "Some friends of mine are having a party if you wanna go." It's not entirely true, but Jensen had said they could come.
Sandy looks at Rachel, who shrugs and says, "Yeah, ok."
"Awesome," Adam whispers in Jared's ear. "Shotgun!"
Jared sits in the back with Sandy, gives Rachel directions to Chris' house. He mostly remembers how to get there and he knows that once they get on the right street, it'll be obvious.
"You're kind of crushed," Sandy says.
"Oh." Jared shrugs. He doesn't have much legroom, but he's used to it. "It's OK."
"You can stretch out over this way if you want."
"I'm fine."
Sandy's silent for a moment, then she leans forward. "I kind of have garlic breath," she whispers.
Jared's stomach flips. "Me, too," he says, and he leans down and presses his lips against hers. He doesn't even notice the garlic on her breath, hopes she doesn't notice it on his. He cups her face in his hands and shifts to get a better angle. Her lips part under his and, yeah, fuck, he'd missed this. He hasn't kissed a girl in months, and Sandy's mouth fits so perfectly against his.
She lays one of her small hands on his legs, rubs it up and down his thigh and God, God, all his blood is rushing to his cock. She smells so good, like soap and flowery perfume and breadsticks, and her hand's rubbing up and down the inside of his thigh.
"You never called me," she whispers against his mouth when they part.
"Uh..." He can't really think. Hand on thigh. There is a girl's hand on his thigh. "I didn't know if you wanted me to, after what Chad told you."
"I don't care about that," she says. "Did you really think I'd care about that?"
"I don't know. I didn't know."
She nips at his lower lip and, Christ, he's so hard it's almost painful.
"That totally doesn't matter, like, at all," she tells him.
"OK." He kisses her again, strokes his thumb along her cheekbone and Sandy strokes her fingers along the inseam of his jeans and--
"You had better not be getting fluids on the back seat of my car," Rachel says sharply. "Both of you."
Sandy pulls back, laughing softly, and Jared can feel himself blush. He leans back in his seat and lays his hands in his lap.
"What's the name of the street again?" Rachel asks.
"I have no idea, but it's up here on the left in a few blocks," Jared says and he tries to distract himself from the way Sandy had felt against him by concentrating on the directions.
They get to the party and once again, there are cars lining the street and music blaring.
Jared's only half-hard by the time they walk into the party, but he's still glad his sweater hangs down low enough to cover his bulge. "You want a beer?" he asks Sandy. "I don't recommend the jungle juice."
"Yeah," she says, rubbing his arm. "A beer would be good."
"I'll be right back," he says. He makes his way through the house, hopes the keg isn't out, smiles when he sees that Jensen's the one manning it.
"Jay!" Jensen cries. "Everybody, this is my man Jared. Jared, everybody. How are you man? You good? How was your date?"
Jared smiles. He's never seen Jensen drunk before and it's kind of nice to see him out of his shell. "I'm good," he says. "Can I get two beers?"
Jensen leans a little bit to look out into the party as he hands Jared the next beer, completely ignoring the other people in line. "She here?"
"Hey," says a guy, "that was mine. I paid for that cup."
"Keep your panties on," says Jensen, pouring another beer for Jared. "Jared has a very, very hot girl that he just went on a date with to..."
"Olive Garden," Jared says.
Jensen sighs and shakes his head. "Really?"
"I like the Olive Garden. Besides, the girls picked it."
"The Olive Garden's lame," Jensen says.
"Come on," says Jared. "Come say hi."
"Yeah, all right." Jensen moves with a loose-limbed, easy grace. He looks at the guy who'd complained. "You're in charge now, buddy. Watch the foam."
"She's, God, she's awesome," Jared says as he and Jensen battle their way through the crowd. "We totally made out on the way here and--" He stops dead.
Sandy's twisting and grinding with some guy on the dance floor, her leg slung around his waist as he dips her.
Jared frowns. He must be missing something. He sets the beers down on an end table shoved up against the wall and heads towards Sandy. "Hey," he says, placing his hand on her shoulder.
Sandy looks back at him, rolls her eyes, and says, "Whatever." She drapes her arms around the other guy's neck and, well, fuck. Jared stalks back to the end table, slams one of the beers and is about to slam the other when he feels Jensen's hand on his arm.
"She's not worth it," Jensen tells him, taking the beer from his hands.
"She...I just...and then she!" Jared sputters.
"I know. I saw. Come on." Jensen hustles him through the party and down a dark hall. He fishes his keys out of his pocket and undoes a padlock on one of the doors.
From the padlock, you'd think whatever was behind the door would be top secret or something, but it's not. It's just a regular bedroom with a bare mattress in the center and a guitar in the corner and some boxes shoved off to one side.
"I keep some of my stuff here," Jensen tells him, hanging the padlock on a hook inside the door. "I don't trust most of Chris' friends."
From what Jared's seen, he thinks that's probably a good idea. He stalks to one end of the room, runs his fingers through his hair, stalks back towards the door. "What did I do?" he asks. "We hit it off, I thought we hit it off!"
"I don't know," says Jensen. He leans against the wall and laughs softly and admits, "I'm a little buzzed. I don't know what to tell you, man. She seemed into you after the movie. Maybe she has a twin."
"She doesn't have a twin, she was just being nice until she could ditch me. Fuck! I need another beer."
"You really don't. Remember last time?"
"That wasn't beer!"
"That was you barfing for two days. Check this out. Chris pimped out every bedroom in the house with this." Jensen flips off the overhead light, flips another switch and the walls and ceiling are covered with moving lights like at a planetarium.
"Huh," says Jared. He's not sure if it's cool or if it's making his stomach hurt. He sits on the edge of the bed, flops down so that his back's on the mattress, his feet on the floor. "He did this to every room?"
Jensen laughs softly and flops down next to him. "Yeah. He's not really into subtlety."
They stare up at the slow-moving points of light on the ceiling, changing color from white to yellow to green to blue.
"I really liked her," Jared says after a while.
"I know, man."
"Her hand was on my thigh."
Jensen laughs softly.
"I don't understand girls."
"Who does?"
"Sometimes? I think everyone but me. I'm never going to get laid."
Jensen laughs again and shakes his head. "Of course you will."
"No. I won't. I'm just going to, God, explode or something from sexual tension and when people ask how I died? You're going to have to tell them, 'Virginity.'"
"You're so overreacting. Wow. Are the lights making you spin or is it just me?"
"They're a little distracting. Fuck. Her hand was on my thigh and she was just...kissing me. She started it, she kissed me first and now she's...God. Probably sleeping with that guy who's probably slept with, like, a hundred girls already and I really, really hate my life."
"Don't worry about it," Jensen whispers, and Jared's not quite sure what he's not supposed to be worried about until he feels Jensen's hand slip between his legs. He startles, sits halfway up.
Jensen places his hand on Jared's stomach, rubs gently, eases him back down. "It's all right," he says, and then he's on his knees between Jared's legs, mouthing Jared's cock through his jeans.
Jared groans, arches up towards the contact. He should stop it, he knows he should stop it, but he was half-hard to begin with and then Jensen tugs his fly open and his hot, wet mouth closes around Jared's cock and that's it. He can't think anymore, can't even remember his name let alone the fact that he really shouldn't be letting his roommate blow him.
He bucks up into Jensen's mouth and Jensen chokes a bit.
"Sorry, sorry," Jared gasps.
Jensen just leans forward, pins Jared's hips to the bed with his forearms, and starts to suck him again.
Jared's never, never felt anything like it in his life. Sure, he knew it was supposed to be good but, Christ, Jensen's mouth is so hot, so wet, so slippery soft inside. When Jensen starts flicking his tongue against the underside of his cock, Jared wants to scream. He bites his fist, instead, squeezes his eyes shut, tries not to come right fucking then.
Jensen shifts, drapes one arm across Jared's hips to hold him down, slides the other hand down and cups Jared's balls and yeah, Christ, Jared throws his arms up above his head, grips the edge of the bed tight and twists his head to the side. He bites his lip to keep from moaning and when that doesn't work, he clenches his teeth and presses his face against his arm.
Then Jensen switches, his hand on Jared's cock, his tongue lapping at Jared's balls, which is just...God. So, so good.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Jared gasps. "Now. Fuck, Jen, I'm gonna--" Jensen lifts his head, closes his mouth around the head of Jared's cock and swallows and, Christ, that's so hot it makes Jared want to come all over again.
The swirling lights on the ceiling make him slightly dizzy, and that plus the beer plus the orgasm make him close his eyes and he wants to stay awake to figure out what the hell just happened, but sleep is far too sweet and he slips into it, Jensen's mouth still gentle around his cock.
The drive back to Texas the next day is slightly awkward.
In the morning, Jared had woken up alone, wandered out into Chris' house to find Jensen sitting on the back steps smoking a cigarette.
"I didn't know you smoked," he said softly.
Jensen had looked back at him, shrugged, said, "I don't. You ready to head back? I figure we should get on the road by noon at the latest."
Jared had just nodded and that had been it. Jensen acted like nothing had happened and, OK, maybe that was for the best. Maybe Jared should just forget about it. Except, Jensen had sucked his cock, and he was pretty sure he couldn't forget that, oh, ever.
Jared had been packed days in advance. He'd even made a couple different road trip playlists for his iPod, but he leaves it in his backpack. He doesn't think his playlist of songs like That's What Friends are For and Thank You for Being a Friend and You've got a Friend will be quite as funny the morning after a blowjob.
Jensen, for his part, is acting totally normal. Sure he's quiet and not saying much, just watching the road as he drives and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, but that's what Jensen would be doing anyway, even if he hadn't, you know, sucked Jared's cock.
Jared's having a hard time getting over the whole my best friend just sucked my cock thing.
Maybe he's just crazy. Maybe he imagined it. He knows that's not true. He knows it happened. Maybe it was just...a thing. One of those crazy college things he'd heard about growing up. People do weird stuff in college. Everybody says so.
He should say something. He really should say something. He doesn't have a clue where to start, though. He stares out the window and tries to think of what to say or if he should say anything and after two or three hours of that he's queasy and sort of losing his mind, so what comes out is, "Oh my God, did you seduce me?"
Jensen chokes on his Diet Coke and coughs for a good mile and a half.
"You did, didn't you? With the, the room and the fucking swirling lights and...you planned that!"
Jensen coughs some more, puts his soda can in the cup holder, and wipes Diet Coke off his t-shirt. "I didn't," he says softly. "I didn’t plan it. I just, when I'm drunk, sometimes I get a little..."
"Gay?" Jared demands.
"No, I'm gay even when I'm sober."
Jared frowns. "Oh."
"Look..." Jensen sighs. He rubs the back of his neck. "I just...I never know how to say it without making it into this big deal, and it's not, not really, just..."
"Just sometimes you blow your friends?"
Jensen groans and doesn't say anything.
Jared crosses his arms over his chest and stares out the passenger window. If Jensen doesn't want to talk about it, then fine. They won't talk about it. He can stay quiet. He can be quiet the entire fucking way to Dallas if he has to.
Jared actually can't stay quiet for that long, which he knows, so he's thankful when Jensen pulls off into a rest stop because that at least gives him an excuse to say something.
He doesn't get a chance to say anything, though, because Jensen jerks into a parking spot and rips his keys out of the ignition and kicks the driver's side door open even before the truck's come to a complete stop. Jensen walks off to the side where people walk their dogs, and he just keeps walking until he's as far as he can go, where there's nothing but a curb and a tiny strip of dead grass.
Jared locks the truck and watches Jensen walk. He stands by the truck for a few minutes, then when it become apparent that Jensen's not coming back any time soon, he follows.
"Jensen?" he asks softly.
"Give me a minute." Jensen's voice is thick, like maybe he's trying not to cry. And, yeah, Jared's a little uncomfortable and confused, but Jensen looks like he's actually in pain. He sits on the curb and pulls his knees to his chest, hunches in on himself like he wants to disappear. He's shivering.
"It's not a big deal," Jared says, sitting next to him. He doesn't know if it's true or not, but he doesn't want it to be a big deal. He doesn't want to see Jensen so fucking unhappy.
Jensen shakes his head. "I fucked up," he whispers, his voice shaky. "I know I fucked up and I don't...I don't know how to take it back, make it better, and you really are the best friend I've got and I had to go and fuck that up and...fuck." He drops his head down and his shoulders shake a little bit as he fights back tears.
Jared sighs. He's such an asshole. He's spent the whole day frustrated that Jensen was being so goddamn casual about it, when really he was ripping himself up inside. "I don't care that you're gay," Jared tells him, and that is true.
Jensen laughs softly, shakes his head.
"I mean it. I don't...I've never had a gay friend before, so if I fuck up, you can tell me."
"If you fuck up?" Jensen asks, lifting his head.
"Yeah. I mean, if I'm insensitive or say something wrong or whatever."
"How can you...? After what I did, man, I don't expect you to..."
Jared leans and bumps Jensen's shoulder with his own. "Yeah, OK," he says. "I have to admit. There are few things in this world as terrible as a blowjob. I mean, really, orgasms? Not fun. But I got through it and I think with some therapy the nightmares will probably become bearable."
"You're," says Jensen. "I...I don't even..."
"My mama always taught me that most things happen for a reason," Jared tells him, "and that it's usually to teach you how to be a better person."
"You so freakin' nice all the time," Jensen says. "How has the world not eaten you alive?"
"Because I can crush most people's throats one handed. Not that I would."
Jensen lays his head back down on his knees.
"I could sing if you want."
Jensen laughs and groans at the same time. "Please don't."
"You sure? I've got a whole friendship playlist on my iPod. I could sing you selections from it. It might make you feel better."
Jensen laughs for real, then, and looks up at Jared with this totally open look of wonder and gratitude and Jared can't help but smile at him. So, OK, he's got a gay best friend that maybe doesn't exercise the best judgment when he's drunk. So what? Jared's still friends with Chad, and Chad doesn't exercise any sort of judgment ever.
"You sure you don't want me to sing?" he asks.
"I'm sure."
Jared gets up and offers Jensen his hand. "All right, but it's your loss."
The rest of the drive is a lot less awkward, and Jared does sing a little bit but Jensen doesn't seem to mind. It's not like Jared can help it, really. Lean On Me just has a really catchy chorus, and halfway through Oklahoma, Jensen laughs and opens his mouth and just gives in and sings along.
Chapter Four
Fandom: CW RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jared has a date, and then he doesn't.
Disclaimer: This is fiction, not real.
Notes/Warnings: This was written on a whim, unplanned and (as of yet) unfinished. Also, there's a sad lack of Chad in this chapter.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
During finals week, Jared discovers something about himself. Jared discovers that he hates finals. Hates them with a passion. Hates them more than he knew he could actually hate something.
Jensen's smug every time he whines. "You're not even cramming!" Jared cries while desperately trying to remember the name of the guy the French sent to that island for treason who probably actually didn't do anything. "Why aren't you cramming?"
"I do this thing where I learn what I need to know the first time around," Jensen tells him. "You should try it."
"I hate you," says Jared. When he finally climbs out of his books four days later, he's exhausted and silly from it. He takes great joy in jumping up and down on his pre-calc textbook.
"Don't you need that for next semester?" Jensen asks.
"I'm being symbolic." Jared picks the book up and puts it back on the shelf above his desk.
"You ready to head to Chris' for a beer?"
"Yes. But just one. And no jungle juice." Jared puts his hand to his stomach. "God, just thinking about it hurts."
"No jungle juice," Jensen says with a laugh, picking up his keys.
Adam shoves open the door to their room without knocking. His eyes are wild. "Dude, we have dates tonight."
"What?" Jared asked.
"I just saw Rachel, that hot chick from the other night? Anyway, we were talking and I was making fun of you for not calling Sandy and she was making fun of Sandy for not calling you and we had a stroke of genius, which is that we're all four going out. And I don't think it'll work if you puss out and I really, really want to go out with this girl, so...yeah. Get dressed."
Jared looks down at his sweatshirt and jeans. "I am dressed."
"He means dressed for a date," Jensen tells him.
"What? Now? Right now?"
"You're leaving tomorrow," Adam reminds him. "When else would we go? Rachel has a car, we're meeting them at their dorm in half an hour."
"But I...Jensen and I were--"
Adam actually gets down on his knees. "This girl is a goddess, Jay. She's gorgeous and smart and when she laughs it's in the oh, you're so funny and charming way and not in the usual you're a freak way, so please, I'm begging you--"
"Go out with Sandy," Jensen says.
"But we had plans," Jared says. He's torn. He wants to go out with Sandy, he really, really wants to go out with Sandy, but he also doesn't one to be one of those guys who ditches his friends every time something better comes along.
"Hell," says Jensen. "Bring her to the party if you want, but seriously, man, go out with her. I'm gonna make fun of you forever if you don't."
Jared grins and pulls him into a hug.
"You're hugging me," Jensen says.
"Yes, I am."
"Stop hugging me."
"Aww," says Adam, getting to his feet. "I want in on some of this action." He wraps his arms around Jared and Jensen from the side.
"You're both hugging me."
"You can take it," Adam tells him, petting his hair.
"You both need to stop hugging me."
"You like it," says Jared, squeezing him tighter.
Jensen eventually twists and pulls away, but he's laughing. "You're freaks. Both of you."
Adam digs in Jared's closet and pulls out a dark green sweater. "Wear this," he says. "It brings out your eyes."
Jared looks over at Jensen.
"Don't look at me," says Jensen.
"I was raised by women," Adam tells them. "These things sink in."
Jared pulls on the sweater and sighs, rubs his hands on his jeans.
"You should also probably brush your teeth," Jensen tells him. "Unless you think she's into Funyun breath."
"Oh, God," says Jared. "I haven't been on a date since high school."
"That was only six months ago." Jensen claps him on the shoulder. "I think you can handle it."
Jared sighs again and goes to brush his teeth.
Rachel and Sandy are waiting in front of their dorm. Rachel's swinging her keys in her hand and Sandy's bundled up in a pale pink parka with a fluffy pink hat. She smiles and waves shyly, fluffy pink mittens covering her hands. "Hi," she says.
Jared stops and stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Hi," he says.
"Freezing," says Rachel. "Let's go."
They go to the Olive Garden and Jared makes sure not to order anything that will drip down his chin. Adam dominates the conversation, doing impressions and telling jokes and it's a relief, really, because usually Jared's the one being a spaz. He likes being able to pretend that he's the type of guy who can play it cool.
Sandy's from California so they talk about how cold it is for a while. It's lame, but at least it's something. When Sandy took off her parka it turned out she was wearing a top with a very low-cut v-neck and mostly, Jared's trying not to stare at her truly amazing rack.
Sandy eats two helpings of salad, an entire plate of lasagna, and a bunch of bread sticks. That's nice, too. Jared likes girls who eat, though he knows enough not to say it. Girls don't really like it when you call attention to their eating habits, even if you mean it as a compliment.
On the walk out to the car, Jared says, "Some friends of mine are having a party if you wanna go." It's not entirely true, but Jensen had said they could come.
Sandy looks at Rachel, who shrugs and says, "Yeah, ok."
"Awesome," Adam whispers in Jared's ear. "Shotgun!"
Jared sits in the back with Sandy, gives Rachel directions to Chris' house. He mostly remembers how to get there and he knows that once they get on the right street, it'll be obvious.
"You're kind of crushed," Sandy says.
"Oh." Jared shrugs. He doesn't have much legroom, but he's used to it. "It's OK."
"You can stretch out over this way if you want."
"I'm fine."
Sandy's silent for a moment, then she leans forward. "I kind of have garlic breath," she whispers.
Jared's stomach flips. "Me, too," he says, and he leans down and presses his lips against hers. He doesn't even notice the garlic on her breath, hopes she doesn't notice it on his. He cups her face in his hands and shifts to get a better angle. Her lips part under his and, yeah, fuck, he'd missed this. He hasn't kissed a girl in months, and Sandy's mouth fits so perfectly against his.
She lays one of her small hands on his legs, rubs it up and down his thigh and God, God, all his blood is rushing to his cock. She smells so good, like soap and flowery perfume and breadsticks, and her hand's rubbing up and down the inside of his thigh.
"You never called me," she whispers against his mouth when they part.
"Uh..." He can't really think. Hand on thigh. There is a girl's hand on his thigh. "I didn't know if you wanted me to, after what Chad told you."
"I don't care about that," she says. "Did you really think I'd care about that?"
"I don't know. I didn't know."
She nips at his lower lip and, Christ, he's so hard it's almost painful.
"That totally doesn't matter, like, at all," she tells him.
"OK." He kisses her again, strokes his thumb along her cheekbone and Sandy strokes her fingers along the inseam of his jeans and--
"You had better not be getting fluids on the back seat of my car," Rachel says sharply. "Both of you."
Sandy pulls back, laughing softly, and Jared can feel himself blush. He leans back in his seat and lays his hands in his lap.
"What's the name of the street again?" Rachel asks.
"I have no idea, but it's up here on the left in a few blocks," Jared says and he tries to distract himself from the way Sandy had felt against him by concentrating on the directions.
They get to the party and once again, there are cars lining the street and music blaring.
Jared's only half-hard by the time they walk into the party, but he's still glad his sweater hangs down low enough to cover his bulge. "You want a beer?" he asks Sandy. "I don't recommend the jungle juice."
"Yeah," she says, rubbing his arm. "A beer would be good."
"I'll be right back," he says. He makes his way through the house, hopes the keg isn't out, smiles when he sees that Jensen's the one manning it.
"Jay!" Jensen cries. "Everybody, this is my man Jared. Jared, everybody. How are you man? You good? How was your date?"
Jared smiles. He's never seen Jensen drunk before and it's kind of nice to see him out of his shell. "I'm good," he says. "Can I get two beers?"
Jensen leans a little bit to look out into the party as he hands Jared the next beer, completely ignoring the other people in line. "She here?"
"Hey," says a guy, "that was mine. I paid for that cup."
"Keep your panties on," says Jensen, pouring another beer for Jared. "Jared has a very, very hot girl that he just went on a date with to..."
"Olive Garden," Jared says.
Jensen sighs and shakes his head. "Really?"
"I like the Olive Garden. Besides, the girls picked it."
"The Olive Garden's lame," Jensen says.
"Come on," says Jared. "Come say hi."
"Yeah, all right." Jensen moves with a loose-limbed, easy grace. He looks at the guy who'd complained. "You're in charge now, buddy. Watch the foam."
"She's, God, she's awesome," Jared says as he and Jensen battle their way through the crowd. "We totally made out on the way here and--" He stops dead.
Sandy's twisting and grinding with some guy on the dance floor, her leg slung around his waist as he dips her.
Jared frowns. He must be missing something. He sets the beers down on an end table shoved up against the wall and heads towards Sandy. "Hey," he says, placing his hand on her shoulder.
Sandy looks back at him, rolls her eyes, and says, "Whatever." She drapes her arms around the other guy's neck and, well, fuck. Jared stalks back to the end table, slams one of the beers and is about to slam the other when he feels Jensen's hand on his arm.
"She's not worth it," Jensen tells him, taking the beer from his hands.
"She...I just...and then she!" Jared sputters.
"I know. I saw. Come on." Jensen hustles him through the party and down a dark hall. He fishes his keys out of his pocket and undoes a padlock on one of the doors.
From the padlock, you'd think whatever was behind the door would be top secret or something, but it's not. It's just a regular bedroom with a bare mattress in the center and a guitar in the corner and some boxes shoved off to one side.
"I keep some of my stuff here," Jensen tells him, hanging the padlock on a hook inside the door. "I don't trust most of Chris' friends."
From what Jared's seen, he thinks that's probably a good idea. He stalks to one end of the room, runs his fingers through his hair, stalks back towards the door. "What did I do?" he asks. "We hit it off, I thought we hit it off!"
"I don't know," says Jensen. He leans against the wall and laughs softly and admits, "I'm a little buzzed. I don't know what to tell you, man. She seemed into you after the movie. Maybe she has a twin."
"She doesn't have a twin, she was just being nice until she could ditch me. Fuck! I need another beer."
"You really don't. Remember last time?"
"That wasn't beer!"
"That was you barfing for two days. Check this out. Chris pimped out every bedroom in the house with this." Jensen flips off the overhead light, flips another switch and the walls and ceiling are covered with moving lights like at a planetarium.
"Huh," says Jared. He's not sure if it's cool or if it's making his stomach hurt. He sits on the edge of the bed, flops down so that his back's on the mattress, his feet on the floor. "He did this to every room?"
Jensen laughs softly and flops down next to him. "Yeah. He's not really into subtlety."
They stare up at the slow-moving points of light on the ceiling, changing color from white to yellow to green to blue.
"I really liked her," Jared says after a while.
"I know, man."
"Her hand was on my thigh."
Jensen laughs softly.
"I don't understand girls."
"Who does?"
"Sometimes? I think everyone but me. I'm never going to get laid."
Jensen laughs again and shakes his head. "Of course you will."
"No. I won't. I'm just going to, God, explode or something from sexual tension and when people ask how I died? You're going to have to tell them, 'Virginity.'"
"You're so overreacting. Wow. Are the lights making you spin or is it just me?"
"They're a little distracting. Fuck. Her hand was on my thigh and she was just...kissing me. She started it, she kissed me first and now she's...God. Probably sleeping with that guy who's probably slept with, like, a hundred girls already and I really, really hate my life."
"Don't worry about it," Jensen whispers, and Jared's not quite sure what he's not supposed to be worried about until he feels Jensen's hand slip between his legs. He startles, sits halfway up.
Jensen places his hand on Jared's stomach, rubs gently, eases him back down. "It's all right," he says, and then he's on his knees between Jared's legs, mouthing Jared's cock through his jeans.
Jared groans, arches up towards the contact. He should stop it, he knows he should stop it, but he was half-hard to begin with and then Jensen tugs his fly open and his hot, wet mouth closes around Jared's cock and that's it. He can't think anymore, can't even remember his name let alone the fact that he really shouldn't be letting his roommate blow him.
He bucks up into Jensen's mouth and Jensen chokes a bit.
"Sorry, sorry," Jared gasps.
Jensen just leans forward, pins Jared's hips to the bed with his forearms, and starts to suck him again.
Jared's never, never felt anything like it in his life. Sure, he knew it was supposed to be good but, Christ, Jensen's mouth is so hot, so wet, so slippery soft inside. When Jensen starts flicking his tongue against the underside of his cock, Jared wants to scream. He bites his fist, instead, squeezes his eyes shut, tries not to come right fucking then.
Jensen shifts, drapes one arm across Jared's hips to hold him down, slides the other hand down and cups Jared's balls and yeah, Christ, Jared throws his arms up above his head, grips the edge of the bed tight and twists his head to the side. He bites his lip to keep from moaning and when that doesn't work, he clenches his teeth and presses his face against his arm.
Then Jensen switches, his hand on Jared's cock, his tongue lapping at Jared's balls, which is just...God. So, so good.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Jared gasps. "Now. Fuck, Jen, I'm gonna--" Jensen lifts his head, closes his mouth around the head of Jared's cock and swallows and, Christ, that's so hot it makes Jared want to come all over again.
The swirling lights on the ceiling make him slightly dizzy, and that plus the beer plus the orgasm make him close his eyes and he wants to stay awake to figure out what the hell just happened, but sleep is far too sweet and he slips into it, Jensen's mouth still gentle around his cock.
The drive back to Texas the next day is slightly awkward.
In the morning, Jared had woken up alone, wandered out into Chris' house to find Jensen sitting on the back steps smoking a cigarette.
"I didn't know you smoked," he said softly.
Jensen had looked back at him, shrugged, said, "I don't. You ready to head back? I figure we should get on the road by noon at the latest."
Jared had just nodded and that had been it. Jensen acted like nothing had happened and, OK, maybe that was for the best. Maybe Jared should just forget about it. Except, Jensen had sucked his cock, and he was pretty sure he couldn't forget that, oh, ever.
Jared had been packed days in advance. He'd even made a couple different road trip playlists for his iPod, but he leaves it in his backpack. He doesn't think his playlist of songs like That's What Friends are For and Thank You for Being a Friend and You've got a Friend will be quite as funny the morning after a blowjob.
Jensen, for his part, is acting totally normal. Sure he's quiet and not saying much, just watching the road as he drives and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, but that's what Jensen would be doing anyway, even if he hadn't, you know, sucked Jared's cock.
Jared's having a hard time getting over the whole my best friend just sucked my cock thing.
Maybe he's just crazy. Maybe he imagined it. He knows that's not true. He knows it happened. Maybe it was just...a thing. One of those crazy college things he'd heard about growing up. People do weird stuff in college. Everybody says so.
He should say something. He really should say something. He doesn't have a clue where to start, though. He stares out the window and tries to think of what to say or if he should say anything and after two or three hours of that he's queasy and sort of losing his mind, so what comes out is, "Oh my God, did you seduce me?"
Jensen chokes on his Diet Coke and coughs for a good mile and a half.
"You did, didn't you? With the, the room and the fucking swirling lights and...you planned that!"
Jensen coughs some more, puts his soda can in the cup holder, and wipes Diet Coke off his t-shirt. "I didn't," he says softly. "I didn’t plan it. I just, when I'm drunk, sometimes I get a little..."
"Gay?" Jared demands.
"No, I'm gay even when I'm sober."
Jared frowns. "Oh."
"Look..." Jensen sighs. He rubs the back of his neck. "I just...I never know how to say it without making it into this big deal, and it's not, not really, just..."
"Just sometimes you blow your friends?"
Jensen groans and doesn't say anything.
Jared crosses his arms over his chest and stares out the passenger window. If Jensen doesn't want to talk about it, then fine. They won't talk about it. He can stay quiet. He can be quiet the entire fucking way to Dallas if he has to.
Jared actually can't stay quiet for that long, which he knows, so he's thankful when Jensen pulls off into a rest stop because that at least gives him an excuse to say something.
He doesn't get a chance to say anything, though, because Jensen jerks into a parking spot and rips his keys out of the ignition and kicks the driver's side door open even before the truck's come to a complete stop. Jensen walks off to the side where people walk their dogs, and he just keeps walking until he's as far as he can go, where there's nothing but a curb and a tiny strip of dead grass.
Jared locks the truck and watches Jensen walk. He stands by the truck for a few minutes, then when it become apparent that Jensen's not coming back any time soon, he follows.
"Jensen?" he asks softly.
"Give me a minute." Jensen's voice is thick, like maybe he's trying not to cry. And, yeah, Jared's a little uncomfortable and confused, but Jensen looks like he's actually in pain. He sits on the curb and pulls his knees to his chest, hunches in on himself like he wants to disappear. He's shivering.
"It's not a big deal," Jared says, sitting next to him. He doesn't know if it's true or not, but he doesn't want it to be a big deal. He doesn't want to see Jensen so fucking unhappy.
Jensen shakes his head. "I fucked up," he whispers, his voice shaky. "I know I fucked up and I don't...I don't know how to take it back, make it better, and you really are the best friend I've got and I had to go and fuck that up and...fuck." He drops his head down and his shoulders shake a little bit as he fights back tears.
Jared sighs. He's such an asshole. He's spent the whole day frustrated that Jensen was being so goddamn casual about it, when really he was ripping himself up inside. "I don't care that you're gay," Jared tells him, and that is true.
Jensen laughs softly, shakes his head.
"I mean it. I don't...I've never had a gay friend before, so if I fuck up, you can tell me."
"If you fuck up?" Jensen asks, lifting his head.
"Yeah. I mean, if I'm insensitive or say something wrong or whatever."
"How can you...? After what I did, man, I don't expect you to..."
Jared leans and bumps Jensen's shoulder with his own. "Yeah, OK," he says. "I have to admit. There are few things in this world as terrible as a blowjob. I mean, really, orgasms? Not fun. But I got through it and I think with some therapy the nightmares will probably become bearable."
"You're," says Jensen. "I...I don't even..."
"My mama always taught me that most things happen for a reason," Jared tells him, "and that it's usually to teach you how to be a better person."
"You so freakin' nice all the time," Jensen says. "How has the world not eaten you alive?"
"Because I can crush most people's throats one handed. Not that I would."
Jensen lays his head back down on his knees.
"I could sing if you want."
Jensen laughs and groans at the same time. "Please don't."
"You sure? I've got a whole friendship playlist on my iPod. I could sing you selections from it. It might make you feel better."
Jensen laughs for real, then, and looks up at Jared with this totally open look of wonder and gratitude and Jared can't help but smile at him. So, OK, he's got a gay best friend that maybe doesn't exercise the best judgment when he's drunk. So what? Jared's still friends with Chad, and Chad doesn't exercise any sort of judgment ever.
"You sure you don't want me to sing?" he asks.
"I'm sure."
Jared gets up and offers Jensen his hand. "All right, but it's your loss."
The rest of the drive is a lot less awkward, and Jared does sing a little bit but Jensen doesn't seem to mind. It's not like Jared can help it, really. Lean On Me just has a really catchy chorus, and halfway through Oklahoma, Jensen laughs and opens his mouth and just gives in and sings along.
Chapter Four