Science of Fear, The Eighth Circle - Part Two of Two

[smallfrost]

Title: Science of Fear, Whatever Happened to Fairytale Endings? (8/15)
Pairing: Brittany/Santana, Brittany/OC
Rating: T (for now)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Glee or song related, just Dylan.
Spoilers: Through s02e11
Summary: Fear. It forces you to do things you regret. And that's just what happens to Santana, causing her to run away from the one person she loves the most. Can one stranger help her defeat those fears or will she just lose Brittany to her for good?


Dylan wasn’t sure how she made it through the rest of the day. She wanted to yell at Brittany, ask her why she hadn’t told her about Santana, but she knew that was the wrong thing to do. She managed to calm down before their art class that afternoon by reminding herself that Brittany had chosen her and was trying to get over Santana. The last thing she needed to do was give her a reason to go back to the other girl.

So instead, Dylan practically jumped the cheerleader when she saw her coming into their class. Brittany seemed a bit shocked at Dylan’s rather large display of affection in the middle of the classroom, but gladly accepted her hand as they made their way over to their table. About halfway through the class, however, Brittany wasn’t so accepting. She was frustrated with Dylan’s constant need to be touching her and actually went as far as to yell at her to stop.

Dylan slouched back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t want to smother the girl, but she didn’t want to lose her either. So she spent the rest of the period contemplating how she was going to confront Santana. As she ran through everything in her head again, she felt the rage begin to build once more. She needed to get out of this classroom. She needed to find Santana.

Dylan jumped at the sound of her own fist connecting with the table and she realized she had actually lashed out and slammed it down in her frustration. The action yielded a few strange looks from the other students in the class and Dylan saw Brittany look around nervously before turning towards her.

“D? Are you okay?” she asked quietly, a nervous look in her crystal blue eyes.

Dylan sighed and looked up at her girlfriend, “I’m fine, Britt.”

“Are you sure?” she asked shyly, reaching out and placing her hand over Dylan’s where it remained on the table.

Normally Brittany’s touch would have caused Dylan’s insecurities to melt away, but today was different. Today, the blonde’s touch actually made it worse. Dylan pulled her hand back, probably too harshly to be considered smooth and turned to stare out the window. “Yeah, B. I’m fine.”

Brittany didn’t say anything else for the rest of the period, but every once and a while glanced over at Dylan. After the bell rang, Brittany followed Dylan into the hallway and reached out and grabbed the shorter girl’s arm, pulling her to the side and engulfing her into a tight hug.

Dylan tensed, but forced herself to relax into Brittany’s arms. She needed to let Brittany know everything was alright, so she hugged the blonde back. She could feel Brittany smile into her neck before the pulling back and placing a light kiss on the smaller girl’s lips.

“Hey,” Britt breathed before another kiss, “Be happy, okay?” and another, “It’ll get better soon.”

Dylan wasn’t sure what Brittany was talking about, whether she was referencing the fact that they were all super busy with school and competitions or whether she was implying she knew why Dylan was upset. Maybe Brittany was trying to let Dylan know that she was getting over Santana and that soon, the two of them could truly be happy. She felt another ping of pain as Brittany leaned down to press one more kiss against her lips before turning and heading off towards her next classroom.

The last period of the day was a blur. Dylan had no idea what the teacher had lectured about in class. All she could think about was different ways in which confronting Santana could go down. As the final bell rang, she panicked and realized she had no idea where the Latina would be. But she couldn’t wait any longer; she needed answers now, so she headed off in the direction of the other girl’s locker, hoping to catch her before Glee rehearsal.

As she rounded the last corner, she spotted her target unceremoniously shoving books into her locker. Luckily, Brittany had not made it back from her last class yet. Dylan would be able to corner the Latina and talk to her without Brittany being there. But as she approached the other girl, Santana glanced up and saw her coming. She quickly shoved the rest of the books in her locker and started off down the hall at a blistering pace, away from Dylan.

Dylan fumed when she realized the Latina was avoiding her, so she quickened her pace and dodged past the crowd of people filling the hallway.

“Santana!” Dylan shouted over the mass of students. She didn’t stop. “Santana wait!”

She chased her around the corner and was greeted by another wall of students.

“Move!,” she screamed out, pushing her way through the crowd.

She spotted the cheerleader on the other side, still moving rapidly away from her. Dylan growled and actually started running towards the offending girl. This was getting on her last nerve.

“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, SANTANA, STOP!” Dylan yelled as she closed in on the cheerleader. A dozen other people around her stopped and stared; shocked at the sudden burst coming from the girl.

Santana twitched visibly but didn’t stop, “Leave me alone, Dylan.”

Dylan caught up to the cheerleader and reached out to grab her arm, pulling her to a halt, “Stop.”

Santana turned, a look of fury in her eyes as she yanked her arm out of Dylan’s grasp. “Fuck off.”

She turned and made to walk away again but Dylan jumped in front of her, blocking her escape. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She needed to do this, but if she could avoid a fight she would. “Please, just, I need to talk to you.”

“No.” Santana pushed passed Dylan and started down the hall again.

Dylan huffed and felt the anger rising again. She looked around and realized they were in the hallway leading to the choir room. She ran to catch up to Santana, grabbing her arm once again and roughly dragging her into the room, slamming the door shut behind her. Dylan had her questions and she needed answers; now.

“What the hell.” She hears Santana say. Dylan forced herself to take a deep breath and calm down. Technically, the only thing Santana had done wrong was lie about her sexuality and Brittany’s. Santana didn’t know that Brittany was in love with her and Dylan didn’t know how Santana felt about Brittany. Though Santana never denied sleeping with the blonde, Dylan had never asked. And even so, the two cheerleaders had never done anything while Brittany and Dylan were together, nothing that she was aware of at any rate, so she technically had no real reason for starting a fight with Santana.

But she needed answers. She needed to feel confident that she wouldn’t lose Brittany to the girl in front of her. So she takes a deep breath and turns to face Santana, “I’m sorry.”

“What’s your problem?” Santana huffs, giving Dylan a look of disgust, “Why are you following me around?”

“We need to talk,” Dylan said hardly.

Santana laughed and made to walk past the other girl, “I have nothing to say to you.”

“I beg to differ,” Dylan said as she moved to stand in front of the door, blocking the exit.

“Excuse me?”

“You have a lot of explaining to do, Santana.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” the Latina says as she turns around and heads for the other door.

Dylan should have expected this much. Santana had not once been open or honest with her since the day they met She couldn’t let the girl walk away again, she couldn’t be kept in the dark anymore. Before Dylan could help herself, she shouted out, “I know about you and Brittany.”

Santana stopped her retreat and Dylan saw her stiffen visibly before her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she hears the girl say through clenched teeth.

Dylan walked towards where Santana was standing until she was in front of the other girl, eyes locking on to brown. “Yes, you do.”

A look of panic flashed briefly across Santana’s face, “I… I didn’t do anything, Brittany… she…” Santana snapped her mouth shut and held Dylan’s gaze.

Dylan looked at her, slightly confused, “No, you did do something. You and Brittany were together before.”

Dylan watched as Santana’s eyes grew wide in realization, followed by a retreat to her steely reserve once more. Dylan furrowed her eyebrows. She didn’t know what this girl was trying to hide. She had confronted the Latina, and yet she still denied everything.

“You lied to me, Santana,” Dylan said coldly.

“I didn’t lie to you,” Santana snapped.

“Yeah, you did; about Brittany. You lied to me, you lied to everyone else. And most of all, I think you’ve lied beyond measure to yourself.”

“I didn’t lie about Brittany. She’s not like you,” Santana said, crossing her arms and glaring at Dylan, ignoring the second half of the girl’s words.

“Really? Cause I mean, I’m pretty sure she is. We’ve been dating long enough for you to realize that.”

“No. She’s just confused.”

“I don’t think she’s the one confused. She’s never lied to herself, Santana,” Dylan sighed.

“Oh yeah? What exactly am I lying about then?” Santana’s tone was growing harsher every second and Dylan fought to maintain her current state of calm.

She needed to get through to Santana once and for all. She had tried to help the girl out of her shell before to no avail, she would try again. Santana needed to admit to everything on her own, a shouting match would just cause her to recede again. “Everything, Santana. From the day we first met, you have lied about everything,” Dylan took a step closer to the brunette. “We all have our secrets, San. I know what you’re going through. I went through it myself. You can talk to me. I can help you if you’ll just let me!”

“Fuck off, Dylan,” Santana was angry now. She backed away as she spat out her words.

Dylan saw fear flash through her eyes and she took a step closer. “I know you’re scared. But you don’t need to be.”

“What the FUCK are you talking about?”

Dylan sighed and glanced down at her feet before finally giving up. If Santana wasn’t going to admit it herself, Dylan was just going to have to inform her of what she was denying. “You’re GAY, Santana.”

Santana was in her face so fast, Dylan actually stumbled backwards a few steps. “I am NOT gay,” the shorter girl said, venom on the tip of her tongue.

Dylan held her ground and met her eyes in an intense stare. “Yes, you are. And you’ve been lying to me since they day we met, and probably long before that too.”

“No. No, you do not fucking know me.”

“Why did you kiss me?” Dylan asked. It was sudden, but it had been her intention to catch the Latina off guard.

Santana blinked, rage visibly melting off her face, “I…”

Dylan took a step closer as the brunette stepped back, “Santana, you kissed me. Why?”

“I…” Santana paused, eyes darting around the room anxiously until snapping back to Dylan, “No, you kissed me!” she said, pointing an accusing finger towards Dylan.

“Only after you kissed me first, Santana!” Dylan yelled. “I wasn’t the one who found you after practice. I wasn’t the one who was searching for answers.”

“You pushed me into it,” Santana battled. “I just wanted you to leave me alone yet you kept coming after me!”

“No, I told you I wasn’t going to bother with you anymore,” Dylan countered, remembering the argument they had in the hallway a few months ago. “I left you alone. And you came to me. So why the hell did you kiss me?”

“Because I felt like fucking kissing someone, okay?” Santana screamed. She actually screamed, and Dylan was certain she saw some people outside the choir room cast confused glances inward. “I like kissing people; I can kiss whoever the hell I want. I do it all the time! I made out with Puck the other day, you don’t see him walking in here and asking me why, do you?”

Dylan laughed to herself. She had caught Santana in another lie. “No,” she laughed again, ignoring Santana’s death glare. “No, you didn’t. You haven’t been with Puck in almost five months.”

Santana’s mouth dropped open in shock and she rocked backwards slightly. Dylan smirked at her, knowing she had hit home. “You… you don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no proof.”

“Santana,” Dylan stated coolly. “Puck told me himself. You’ve barely let him near you recently.”

“He lied,” Santana said, trying to regain the upper hand.

Dylan shook her head, “No, you lied.”

Santana didn’t answer her. She could tell the girl wanted to leave, that she didn’t want to have this conversation, that she wanted to avoid talking about it at all costs. But Dylan wasn’t going to let her leave. She wasn’t going to let Santana yell at her and shrug it off like she had done with Brittany.

“You’re scared, Santana. And I’ve told you that before. You even admitted it.”

“I never admitted it,” Santana responded quickly, defending herself.

“You didn’t deny it. And by doing so, as good as admitted it… and then you kissed me. You kissed me, Santana, and I need to know why.”

Santana clenched her fists, “Fine. Because I knew you wanted me to. You had the hots for me,” she said forcefully. “Happy?”

Dylan laughed again. “That’s not why, don’t kid yourself, Santana.”

“You wanted an answer, I gave you one.”

“You gave me another lie.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

Dylan took another step towards Santana and stared into her eyes intensely. “Because that was the day I told you I had feelings for Brittany. That’s why I stopped kissing you back. And then you got pissed and left.”

“Bullshit,” Santana huffed again, crossing her arms and looking away.

Dylan chuckled. Saying it out loud made her remember the way Santana had stormed out after Dylan admitting having feelings for someone else. “You kissed me… you kissed me because you like me!”

“Pft, don’t flatter yourself Frosty, you disgust me.”

“Then what is it then? Because you like girls? It’s true. You like girls and you’re too much of a coward to admit it.”

“Ugh! FUCK OFF!” Santana shouts, shoving Dylan back by the shoulders.

Dylan recovers and grabs the Latina’s arm, preventing her from leaving once more. “You’re a coward, Santana. You’re too scared to be yourself because you may lose your precious social status.” Dylan is glaring down at Santana. She may only be an inch and a half shorter, but Dylan managed to make it seem more like twelve. “Well guess what, ‘hot stuff’, No. One. Cares. Not out there,” Dylan motions to the space around them, attempting to symbolize the world outside the walls of high school.

“You don’t know anything about it. You’re not from around here.” Santana countered.

“So that’s it, isn’t it? You lied about your sexuality because you don’t want to lose your place in the Lima, Ohio food chain. Grow up, Santana.”

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Santana yelled in Dylan’s face.

“Brittany has. It’s time you do the same.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“She’s comfortable with who she is. She’s happy being out. You will be too!”

“I’M NOT GAY! And neither is Brittany!”

“YOU FUCKING SLEPT TOGETHER, SANTANA!” Dylan shouted.

Santana gaped at her. “That doesn’t mean anything,” Santana said, shaking her head in disbelief. She was telling herself, not Dylan.

“So you’re admitting it then?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“You didn’t deny it.”

“There is nothing to deny. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s fucking obvious what it means. Straight girls don’t sleep with other girls, Santana.”

“No, Brittany was… different. We’re not gay. She was my best friend!”

“Don’t know many bffs who sleep together, Santana.”

Santana’s hands were in fists again as she glared at the taller girl. “Why do you even care? It’s not like I’m sleeping with her now.”

“You LIED, Santana. That’s why I care. Why didn’t you fucking tell me about you and her?”

“It’s none of your business, that’s why!”

“Oh, but every other sexual escapade you can flaunt around. But wait, none of those were actually real, were they? You made them up. You haven’t slept with Puck in months. What about the others? Make those up too?”

Dylan could see the fury building behind the Latina’s eyes. It told her she had hit the nail right on the head, driving it home. She watched as Santana clenched her jaw and dug her painted, black nails into her palm.

“More lies, Santana,” Dylan laughed.

“Shut up,” Santana pushed through clenched teeth.

“They just keep coming, don’t they? Next you’re going to tell me you slept with Brittany just because you felt like it right? Just because you wanted to, I don’t know, experiment?”

“SHUT UP, DYLAN!”

“And then I bet you lied to everyone and said it was because you were drunk. Come on, tell me I’m wrong.”

“I swear to god, Dylan, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

“Or what? You’ll lie about something else?”

“Shut up!” Santana turned and raised her palms to her eyes, screwing them shut and rubbing her palms tightly against their lids. “Stop it! Just stop!”
“WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, SANTANA?” Dylan shouted, her patience completely gone, frustration taking over.

Santana spun around abruptly, removing her hands from her eyes, and balling them up into fists once more. “I LOVE HER, okay?” Dylan could see tears streaming down her face. “I’m fucking in love with her and I always have been and I can’t fucking stand it!”

Santana was towering over Dylan now whose mouth was agape in disbelief. She had not expected this. Somewhere across the room came the sound of a door opening and Dylan’s eyes flashed behind the Latina to a crowd of people standing in the threshold of the choir room, frozen in place. Santana didn’t notice, however, and continued to yell at Dylan.

“I can’t fucking stand it and I’m scared! No one fucking understands the shit I have to go through and it’s killing me. I lie because that’s what people want to see. I lie because I will lose everything if I don’t. I lie because, because… because people don’t care about how I feel!”

She’s practically sobbing when she finally stops. But when Dylan’s eyes flash behind her again, she chokes up and spins around in fright. Standing in the doorway is about half a dozen members of New Directions. Every one of them had their mouth hanging open after listening to the end of Santana’s speech.

Dylan took a deep breath as Santana snapped back to face her, a look of utter dread plastered across her face. “I’m sorry Santana. I can’t… I can’t leave her. I think I’m falling for her and I can’t… you can’t do anything about it.”
Santana looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler as she frantically scanned back and forth between the people standing in the doorway and Dylan standing in front of her.

“And I swear, do not try anything. Let her be happy. Let me be happy,” Dylan warns, under her breath. She hadn’t expected this admittance. This made everything worse. She had known Santana was gay, and was just trying to get her to admit that. But now… not only did she know her girlfriend was in love with the girl standing in front of her, but she knew that the girl standing in front of her was in love with her girlfriend. She couldn’t lose Brittany, not now.

They stood in silence for a while; Dylan, Santana and those in the door way. No one knew what to say. They were either too much in shock or too frightened. But as though on cue, Dylan heard Brittany’s voice drifting into the room from the hallway.

“Hey everyone! Guess what?” she said happily bouncing into the room, only to stop short upon entering, realizing the uncomfortable vibe that had descended upon the club. She turned to look at Dylan who was still standing in the center of the room with Santana, “Dylan?”

Dylan turned to face her girlfriend, a small look of panic on her face when a second set of footsteps came barging into the room.

“Hey guys!” Kurt announced excitedly, hands held high. “I’m back! I’ve come home! For good!” His smile fell, similarl to the way Brittany’s had, when no one greeted him with as much enthusiasm. He looked around the room, confused, until he saw the look of dread written on Santana’s face. “Oh…”

Kurt’s realization must have pushed Santana off the edge. She had already shouted out her confession to Dylan, now she had the majority of the Glee club staring at her accusingly. So Dylan watched as she ran. She bolted through the wall of people blocking the door, knocking Rachel over along the way, and ran as fast as she could down the hall.

Dylan stood, now alone, in the middle of the choir room, everyone’s focus now on her.

“D?” Brittany’s voice was soft and Dylan saw her girlfriend take a few tentative steps towards her.

She couldn’t help but let out a sniffle and brought her hands immediately up to her eyes, willing the tears not to come. People were talking, but she couldn’t hear. People were moving, but she couldn’t see. But when Brittany wrapped her arms around Dylan’s shaking frame, she melted into the strong arms. Dylan gripped at the cheerleader’s uniform. She didn’t want to let go. She couldn’t lose her.

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Santana ran. She ran as fast as she could to get as far away as possible. She hadn’t heard the rest of the Glee club come in so she had no idea how much they had heard her say. It frightened her beyond belief that she just spilled her deepest darkest secret to the one girl she hated the most and possibly the rest of the Glee club. Santana saw everything crumble right before her eyes.

She continued running until her heavy panting caused too great a pain in her side to continue. She stopped and hunched over, willing the pain, both physical and emotional to go away. Having no luck, she lifted her head and took in her surroundings. She was on the football field, near the bleachers. She sighed and started moving again. But this time it was as though she could barely move at all. She slowly placed one foot in front of the other until she reached the top of the cold, metal stands. There, she sat, in the top corner overlooking the deserted field.

She couldn’t help the sniffle that escaped her throat as she replayed the events of the last hour in her head. There, alone, at the top of the bleachers, she buried her head in her hands and let the tears flow. She couldn’t hold them back any longer.

She had no idea how long she sat there, crying silently to herself. She didn’t even hear the boy approaching. And she barely flinched when she heard Finn whisper her name.

“Santana?” his voice was calm, soothing and curious.

She didn’t answer, just let out a heavy sob and turned away from where the boy was standing next to her.

She felt him sit down, trying to keep his distance, not wanting to rush the girl. “San?” he asks again, whispering her name.

Santana doesn’t know why, but normally when Finn’s presence would annoy her to the verge of snapping, today it was soothing. Maybe it was because she was currently in such a current broken state. Or maybe it was because she lost all strength to keep her fortress up. But whatever it was, it allowed her to slowly turn and face the awkward boy sitting next to her, unashamed of her tear stained cheeks.

“You okay?” he asks hesitantly.

Santana wants to laugh. She wants to snap at him asking if she looks okay or not and then tell him he’s an idiot. But instead she just sniffles and shakes her head. She sucks in a breath and turns her gaze back towards the abandoned field in front them. “Why are you here?” she barely hears herself.

Finn’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Hmm?”

She clears her throat slightly and turns to face him again. “Why are you here?” she asks, slightly stronger.

“Oh,” he reaches up and rubs the back of his neck. “I, um, come here before Glee club. It…. Calms me down.”

Santana sniffles again, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, eyes questioning him.

Finn gives her a sad smile and then turns to face the field himself before continuing. “It’s hard to be in the same room with her. I do still love her,” Santana watches him sadly. “I just like to sit here and think of how easy it is when you’re out there, playing football. Life, it’s simple.”

Santana follows his eyes to where they are visualizing an imaginary game on the grass below them. A small smile twitches at the corner of her mouth remembering how lost she could become while cheering with the Cheerios. It was, in a way, its own utopia. “But life isn’t simple,” she says what she concluded in her mind out loud.

Finn turns to look at her. His eyes aren’t harsh or condescending. They aren’t questioning or disgusted. Instead Santana sees a look of respect and understanding in his warm brown eyes. She can’t help the tears that threaten to spill once more and brings her hands up to her eyes again, wiping away the moisture before dropping her hands gingerly in her lap.

She flinches slightly when she feels Finn’s large, strong hand rest gently over hers, squeezing lightly. But she doesn’t pull away. His touch is comforting and she is to broken to care that he’s Finn. She takes a deep breath, gathering courage for what she planned to say next. I’m … gay, Finn, I’m gay,” she whispered the last part, more for herself than for anyone else.

His grip doesn’t relax like she thought it would. She had prepared herself for his immediate dismissal but instead she felt his hand tighten around hers. “I know,” he whispers.

Santana stiffens and turns to face the boy next to her, “You knew?” her voice cracks.

Finn nods his head lightly, not breaking eye contact with Santana.

She couldn’t help herself. The tears came flooding back and she felt so small and weak. She lunged forward into Finn’s arms and buried her head against his letterman jacket, sobbing uncontrollably.

It took a second for Finn to adjust to the sudden display of affection from Santana but he soon relaxed and wrapped his arms around the small girl. He held her, rocking back and forth slowly knowing all she needed was a shoulder to cry on. Literally.

The pair sat there for a while with nothing but Santana’s sobs breaking the silence as Finn continued to hold her. Santana felt ashamed of herself, being so broken and vulnerable to Finn. She forced herself to regain her breathing and willed the tears to stop flowing. She felt bad for throwing herself onto the boy in front of her so she sucked in one last deep breath and pulled back, gripping at his jacket as she did so.

“I’m... I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I… this isn’t me,” she said turning away.

“It looks like the real you to me,” Finn said with a smile, gently lifting her chin in his hand.

Santana sniffed and gently nodded. Finn had caught her with all of her guards down. He had walked in on a moment when Santana was the frightened, young girl she really was under all her bravado.

“What happened?”

Santana opened her mouth to respond. She had told Finn more she had ever been willing to tell to anyone else. She had admitted more about herself to other people today than she had ever admitted to herself in one sitting. It had taken her months, years even, to figure out the two things she admitted to people today. She wanted to tell him what happened. She wanted to open up more, but when she opened her mouth to respond, her body reacted adversely and the words caught in her throat.

“It’s okay,” he soothed, willing her to tell him.

But she couldn’t speak. It was possible that the entire Glee club knew how she felt about Brittany. There was already to great of a risk of anyone else finding out. She couldn’t tell Finn willingly. So she shook her head sadly, “I… I can’t.”

She expected Finn to interrogate her relentlessly, the way Dylan had, but instead he nodded his head knowingly and pulled her back in for another tight hug. “It’s okay; everything will work out in the end. I know it.”

“And if it doesn’t?” she asked nervously.

Finn chuckled and she felt his diaphragm vibrate beneath her. “I have faith that it will… eventually.”

Santana sighed against his jacket, taking in his smell; sweat and a hint of old-spice soap. She contemplated what he had said. She didn’t understand how he could be so calm about his entire situation. How could he live day by day loving someone who caused him so much pain? It was killing Santana to live with her love for Brittany. “How do you know you still love her?” she asked quietly, staring out at the muddy grass.

“I just know…”

“Then why…” she furrowed her eyebrows, confused as to why he didn’t take her back. “I mean, you know she loves you.”

Finn sighed. “I know, and I want to take her back. But, it’s hard. I don’t think I’m ready to have my heart broken again. What she did was wrong, and it makes me so angry to think about it. Sometimes, sometimes I wish I could stop loving her.”

“But you can’t?”

“No, no matter how hard I try.”

Santana takes a deep breath, “I have to try harder…”

Finn pulls back from their embrace to look at her intently.

“I… I’m not ready for h… them to know, about me.”

“But why?”

“It’s just… it’s hard, Finn… you wouldn’t understand,” Santana says, turning away from him.

He reaches out and pulls her back, staring into her eyes. “No, I do understand. I mean, not personally or whatever, but Kurt, he’s my brother. And I see what he goes through every day. Last year. This year. He was scared. He was so scared he was forced to leave his friends, his family… me. So no, Santana, I do understand.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered, feeling incredibly small under his heavy gaze. “I’m not ready for people to know. I have to…. I have to pretend, and maybe, maybe I can forget.”

“You can’t forget who you are, San. But maybe, maybe you can pretend.”

She tilts her head in confusion as Finn slips into a deep thought of some sort. She had been pretending her entire life, so she knew that was a possibility. It sucked, but that was the only solution to the problem she currently faced. “I know I can. I do it every day.”

Finn looked at her and a small smile played across his face. He reached out and grasped her hands in his. “No, I mean, maybe we can pretend? Together?”

“What?” Santana was confused now, “What do you have to pretend about?”

“Well… I mean. I mean more for you. Maybe I can help, but I guess maybe I can pretend to not love Rachel anymore. Maybe it won’t hurt as much.”

“What are you getting at, Finn?”

Finn moved so that he straddled the metal bench and faced Santana, “Okay, hear me out. You need… a disguise, an um… distraction, so others won’t, you know… know about you and stuff. This is a one time offer but I’m willing to help. I wasn’t fast enough to help Kurt so maybe I can help you.”

“What? What am I? Some sort of charity case?” Santana huffed, pulling her hands from Finn’s grasp.

“No! No, not at all. I just, I want to help you. As a friend,” he tried to explain.

“Help me how?” Santana questioned him, raising one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows.

“Be my girlfriend,” Finn stated simply.

“What? No, Finn. What the hell, I just told you, I’m gay. Did you forget already?”

Finn laughed lightly, a smile on his face, “No, Santana, I don’t mean like actually be my girlfriend. I don’t want to actually be your boyfriend either.”

Santana laughed at that, “Thanks, I love you too.” She crossed her arms.

“San, I mean, be my pretend girlfriend, and I’ll be your pretend boyfriend,” he explained.

“What, like my beard or something?”

“You don’t have facial hair, Santana, you’re a girl,” Finn stated, clueless to Santana’s actual meaning of the term ‘beard’.

“What? No, of course I don’t. It’s a… never mind. You’d do that? For me?” Finn nodded. “But why? You love Rachel.”

The boy in front of her sighed, “Yeah, I do. And I always will. But, I don’t know. She hurt me, Santana. And I need a distraction too. I need to pretend, maybe try a bit harder too. And then maybe she’ll see what she lost and understand my pain?”

It didn’t really make sense to Santana, but at the same time, Finn was hurting just as much as she was. Maybe if they teamed up it would work out for both of their benefits. “I’m sorry, by the way,” she said, suddenly feeling an overwhelming guilt that she had been the source of all his pain. If she hadn’t told the Glee club about their sexual relationship, Finn would still be happily attached to Rachel’s side.

“For what?”

“For telling everyone about us. I shouldn’t have done that. It… it wasn’t my place.”

“No, I’m glad you did.”

Santana stiffened in confusion, “What? Why? You would be so much happier if I hadn’t said anything.”

“Yes, that’s true,” he said dryly, “But I would have been living with the guilt of lying to the woman I love. It’s better this way. No more secrets.”

Santana smiled. She understood what Finn was saying. She was still too scared to let people know the real Santana Lopez, but knowing that Finn knew was comforting. She felt safe almost. “Well, except for this one,” she said with a smile, motioning between the two of them.

“Really? So you’re in?” He said, face lighting up.

“Sure thing, boyfriend. BUT, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to have to lay down some ground rules,” she said sternly, placing a finger to the steel beneath them.

“Yes, of course, by all means, we play by your rules,” Finn said with a smile.

“Okay, first of all. No sex. Even if I actually liked penises, I would not sleep with you because you are in fact, Finn Hudson,” Santana stated, receiving a hearty laugh from the boy in front of her. “Second, you have to buy me food or any beverage I happen to desire at any particular moment.”

“Woah, easy on the pocket change there, Santana,” Finn said, raising both of his hands in a defensive manner.

“Three, you will not make up any rumors about our ‘sex life’ or lack thereof unless we both agree on the story before hand and strategically place it,” she counted on her fingers. “Four, hand holding and arm-around-the-shoulder action is required while walking me to class to show our ‘affection’ for one another.” Finn nodded. “Five, only if necessary and appropriate may you kiss me or I kiss you. Kisses are redeemable for the sole purpose of jealously and to ‘fortify’ our relationship. Six, we are both allowed, if granted the opportunity, to be with other people. However, we must maintain said ‘relationship’ status until one of us terminates the agreement.”

“Anything else, oh mistress?” Finn asked jokingly.

“Yes, seven, I am allowed to amend these rules as well as implement new ones at any time,” she said sternly.

“Hey, now that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Finn asked skeptically.
“Do you want to do this or not?”

Finn thinks for a moment before nodding his head enthusiastically, “We have a deal then?”

A sly grin spread across Santana’s face. She hadn’t been expecting it, and was even surprised when he suggested it after Santana had tried to get him to date her before, but Finn Hudson had provided the perfect solution to all her current problems. “Deal,” she held out her right hand and Finn grasped it in his, shaking firmly.