Science of Fear, Grey Matter - Part Two of Two
Title: Science of Fear, Grey Matter (5/15)
Pairing: Brittany/Santana, Brittany/OC
Rating: T (for now)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Glee or song related, just Dylan.
Spoilers: Through s02e11
Summary: Fear. It forces you to do things you regret. And that's just what happens to Santana, causing her to run away from the one person she loves the most. Can one stranger help her defeat those fears or will she just lose Brittany to her for good?
“That was a really good idea you had, D,” Brittany said as the couple walked down the hall the next day. “That song is really perfect.”
“Yeah it is. It actually helped me when I was coming out,” Dylan confessed.
“Coming out of where?”
Dylan turned towards Brittany, giving her a questioning look. “Out of the closet.”
“You were in a closet? Why?”
“What? No, Britt,” Dylan laughed, “It’s just a saying.”
“I don’t get it.” Brittany pouted.
Dylan stopped walking and pulled Brittany towards the side of the hall, reaching up to run her thumb over the wrinkles that appeared on the blonde’s forehead as she frowned in thought. Dylan smiled and gave her a small kiss. “I mean,” she explained, “it helped me tell everyone I was gay. I was hiding before because I was scared. And when you’re scared, you metaphorically hide in a closet.”
“You we’re scared?”
“Mhmm, everyone gets scared, Britt, but that song helped me realize I needed to be more confident,” Dylan explained.
“I think I understand,” Brittany said, still frowning.
“It’s ok,” Dylan said lovingly, “So how about you? What’s your favorite Michael song?”
Dylan watched adoringly as Brittany screwed her face up in thought, the tip of her pink tongue peeking out between her lips. “Oh! I know!” she perked up.
“Hm?”
“Um, that one from that movie, with the dancers,” she said looking at Dylan.
“You’re gonna have to give me a little more there, Britt,” Dylan laughed, holding up her hand, showing a small distance between her thumb and index finger.
“Uh, the one with ballet. And the guy drives a motorcycle on the stage and she’s wearing a red dress and then they have sex. Like on stage.” Brittany turned away thoughtfully, “Always wanted to try that.”
Dylan blinked at her girlfriend in surprise. The sudden mention of sex had thrown her off guard. She shook the thought from her head and focused on Brittany. “You mean Center Stage?”
“Yeah that one!”
“Thought so, that’s um… “The Way You Make Me Feel,” yeah I really like that one too. I like the dance they did in that movie. I would always start dancing after I watched it.” Dylan confessed, shrugging her shoulders, “but I could never do it, almost broke a few vases actually.”
“Oh, I know the dance!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, totally. I could teach you if you want,” Brittany says, taking a step closer to Dylan.
“Oh yeah?” Dylan says, snaking her arms around the cheerleader’s neck.
“Definitely,” Brittany leaned down, claiming Dylan’s lips once, “But…”
“But?” Dylan quirked an eyebrow.
“You have to sing it,” she claimed the shorter girl’s lips once more and Dylan hummed into her mouth.
“Well, that I can definitely do,” Dylan says. The smile she received from the blonde was enough to throw any inhibitions aside.
Dylan reached down and grabbed her girlfriend’s hand, turning back into the flow of the crowded hallway, “Come on, Britt, I’ll walk you to class,” she said.
She walked Brittany down the hall, navigating them in between the massive amounts of people, laughing as Brittany told the story of how she once tried to drive her motocross bike through her living room in an effort to reenact the scene from the movie. She ended up getting it stuck between the sofa and the window and had tried to cover it up with some of her old cheerleading magazines. Didn’t work though.
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Dylan got to the dance studio a little earlier than Brittany on purpose. She walked over to the sound system in the corner and hooked up her iPod scrolling through it until she found the song she was seeking. As the beat started up she reached up and unbuttoned her shirt, revealing a thin strapped tank top. She tossed her shirt down on top of her bag before turning around, stretching a few times.
As the chorus came around the first time she jumped up and moved in front of the mirror trying to remember the dance moves. She really didn’t remember them. She hadn’t seen the movie in a while, but she was having fun just attempting to move to the beat. As she looked up at the mirror at the end of a turn she spotted something blonde in the door way and she practically fell over.
Brittany was standing against the door jam, arms crossed, a sly grin plastered on her face. Dylan smiled sheepishly at her girlfriend who just laughed in response to Dylan’s shy demeanor. She stood up straight and walked the rest of the way into the room, closing the door on the way.
“You weren’t lying,” Brittany chuckled as she walked over to Dylan who was standing in the middle of the room. “I bet you totally broke a vault.”
“A vase, Britt. And almost,” Dylan corrected, laughing. “I caught it right before it hit the ground. Quick reflexes. Trait of a softball player. So you gonna help me or what, oh powerful Brittany?”
Brittany laughed and slapped Dylan on the shoulder. She had changed. She was no longer in her Cheerios outfit and instead showcased a tight, revealing tank top and loose, red, McKinley sweatpants.
“Duh,” the blonde said, “you ready?”
“Always,” Dylan said, giving her girlfriend a quick kiss before moving over to her iPod to start the song over again.
She watched as the blonde started executing basic ballet moves, mimicking the movie, as the beat began to fill the room, “Ooh! Go on Girl,” Dylan sang.
“Hey pretty baby with the high heels on,” she made her way towards where Brittany, who was dancing in the middle of the room as she sang, “You give me fever like I’ve never, ever known. You're just a product of loveliness. I like the groove of your walk, your talk, your dress! I feel your fever from miles around. I'll pick you up in my car and we'll paint the town,” she stalked around the blonde, reaching a hand out and dragging a finger down along Brittany’s jaw as she danced, singing into her eyes. “Just kiss me baby and tell me twice, that you're the one for me!
“The way you make me feel,” Dylan fell into step next to Brittany, attempting to follow her as she danced, her iPod echoing the words she sang. “You really turn me on. You knock me off of my feet. My lonely days are gone.
“I like the feelin' you're givin' me. Just hold me baby and I'm in ecstasy! Oh I'll be workin' from nine to five,” Brittany dances away from Dylan, toying with her, as Dylan follows her across the floor, “to buy you things to keep you by my side. I never felt so in love before. Just promise baby, you'll love me forevermore. I swear I'm keepin' you satisfied, 'cause you're the one for me!” Dylan caught up with Brittany and spun her around before pulling her in tightly so they danced face to face.
“The way you make me feel,” The girls swayed back and forth, Dylan holding Brittany tightly against her with a hand placed at the small of her back. Brittany had one arm wrapped around Dylan’s shoulder while the other rested against her chest, right above her heart. This time, Brittany sang Dylan’s words back to her, mimicking the lyrics. “You really turn me on. You knock me off of my feet now baby. My lonely days are gone.
Brittany broke the embrace and danced away from Dylan. Dylan smirked and chased after her, song and dance momentarily forgotten. Brittany laughed and dodged Dylan’s advances gracefully, adding a perfect ballet move here and there as Dylan stumbled after her, attempting to match the blonde’s actions.
Dylan finally managed to jump in front of blonde’s path, stopping her short. She started dancing towards Brittany, picking up the lyrics where she left off. “I never felt so in love before. Just promise baby, you'll love me forevermore! I swear I'm keepin' you satisfied, 'cause you're the one for me!”
She made it to where Brittany was standing and they started dancing next to each other again, Brittany echoing Dylan once more, “The way you make me feel. You really turn me on. You knock me off of my feet now baby. My lonely days are gone!”
Dylan spun around and jumped towards Brittany, lifting her up in her arms and swinging her around as the song continued in the background. The blonde squealed and kicked her legs, causing the shorter girl to lose her balance. The girls topped over, hitting the ground in a fit of giggles. Brittany moved so that she was hovering over Dylan, hands on either side of the other girls head. The music continued playing but neither girl was paying attention. They were both out of breath and Brittany was beaming down at Dylan.
Dylan brought her hands to Brittany’s sides, running them up until they found the blonde’s shoulder blades. She looked up into the blonde’s eyes as they both fought to catch their breath. Her eyes were darker than usual, a sparkle in each one. Dylan watched as a sly smile inched across the girl above her.
She couldn’t help but mimic Brittany’s grin as she gave a forceful tug, causing the taller girl’s arms to collapse and their bodies to slam together. Dylan laughed haughtily until she was cut off, finding Brittany’s lips against her own. She closed her eyes and savored the feel of the blonde’s lips against hers, pulling her closer.
Dylan reveled in the low moan that came out of Brittany’s throat as she slanted her mouth against Dylan’s, tongue asking for permission. Dylan didn’t hesitate to let the blonde in, her own tongue aching to explore. She felt Brittany’s hands begin to run up along her sides and she let out a light gasp before surging forward and pressing harder against the blonde, Brittany’s hands clutching the thin straps of her tank top. As one of Dylan’s hands moved up to grab the back of Brittany’s neck, she gently sucked the blonde’s bottom lip into her mouth, biting down gently. Brittany moaned her appreciation, thrusting her tongue further into her girlfriend’s mouth and Dylan held her tightly against her, applying a firm pressure on the nape of Brittany’s neck.
Dylan pulled back, eliciting a whimper from the blonde above her. They were both out of breath, so they had no choice but to hold back for a second. Brittany rested her forehead against Dylan’s as she brought on one hand up to trace along her jaw until she reached full, swollen lips. Dylan let out a sigh and she closed her eyes to the sensation. The music had stopped and the girls were shrouded in a heavy silence.
They felt, rather than heard, the door open. Dylan’s eyes flashed open and she felt Brittany roll off of her as they turned to see who had walked in on their impromptu make-out session. She heard a whimper fill the room but was surprised to see it hadn’t come from Brittany, but rather the Latina who stood in the doorway.
Santana stood with her hands clenched into fists by her side and Dylan saw her throw Brittany a death glare before turning on her heals and slamming the studio door shut behind her.
“Shit,” Brittany’s voice floated through the room.
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Santana practically ran from the dance studio. She had heard the singing as she made her way down the hall from the Cheerios locker room. Recognizing the voice, she followed it, hoping she could scare Dylan a little bit if she caught her by herself. She had not been prepared for what she walked in on.
There she was, the girl she loved, lying on top of someone that wasn’t her, kissing the other girl in the way she had only ever kissed Santana. She couldn’t believe that Brittany, her Brittany, was sharing their special moments with another girl. Brittany had once told her about how she only kissed Santana like that, with that much emotion and feeling. But here she was, pouring herself out to someone else, and it hurt. Like, a lot.
She made her way blindly down the halls of McKinley until she had to stop and support herself against the wall, for fear of falling over. As she calmed her breathing, she clenched the hand resting against the wall into a fist and slammed it into the nearest locker. The bang echoed throughout the hall and when Santana lifted her hand she saw a small dent in the ugly tan metal. She felt a stinging pain shoot through her hand, “Shit,” she yelped, “God fucking damnit.” She removed herself from the locker and walked across the hall. She hadn’t realized it, but she had somehow managed to make it to the choir room.
She forcefully pushed open the door with her injured hand and pain shot through it once more. “SHIT!!! ARGHHH!!” she screamed this time.
There was a clamor of a chair falling over and a cymbal clashing and Santana looked up. She wasn’t alone. Finn was standing awkwardly by his drum set, staring at her in fright.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” the girl screamed.
“Um, no… nothing,” Finn stuttered.
Santana felt weak, she couldn’t even summon the energy to yell at Finn anymore. She just didn’t care. Her heart was hurting too much to care. So instead, she walked over to one of the maroon chairs and plopped down.
“Santana?” Finn asked hesitantly.
“What?” her tone was sharp.
“Are you… are you ok?”
“I’m fine…”
“Oh… well okay, I was just wondering why you’re hiding out in here.”
“Who said I was hiding?”
“Well, no one.” Finn admitted.
“What about you huh, why you hiding?” Santana countered.
“I just needed to get away,” Finn said, cautiously approaching the Latina. When she didn’t make a move to hit him, he sat down in the chair next to her awkwardly, unsure of what to do with his body.
“Away?”
“Yeah. I don’t know, there’s just… so much shit I’m trying to deal with.”
“Knock another girl up, did we?” Santana smirked, remembering Finn’s last breakdown a year earlier.
“What? No, no not even a chance this time. Haven’t been anywhere near a hot tub since then.”
Santana just looked at him as though he was a rock who just sang her the alphabet. “Then what’s got you so worked up?”
“It’s just all this shit with Rachel. She cheated on me, Santana. With the same boy who my only other girlfriend cheated on me with. How am I supposed to be friends with Puck? Rachel is driving me crazy and now I feel as though I can’t lead the Glee club anymore. Like I’m losing control.”
“Shut up, Rachel was the one who fucked up, not you.”
“What the fuck Santana, this was your fault,” Finn snapped.
“What?”
“If you hadn’t told Rachel about us, none of this would have happened!” Finn stood up, screaming in Santana’s face.
“Excuse me, but if you had just told her your damn self I wouldn’t have needed to!”
“I don’t need this, I don’t need any more shit. Fuck you!”
“Um, news flash Frankenteen, you already did. And you sucked,” Santana waved him off.
But Finn grabbed her shoulders and spun the shorter girl around harshly. “Stop fucking with my life, Santana. You get off at screwing other people over for your benefit. Oh, but guess what? You’re still losing. You have less than I do now and no one gives a shit about you.”
Santana slapped him hard across the face with her busted hand. She doubled over in pain and screamed out again, clutching at her injured hand.
Finn recovered from her slap but didn’t make any effort to help the Latina with her injury. “Sometimes that’s all you want to do isn’t it?”
“Do what?” Santana asked, voice defeated.
“Scream.” Finn answered. He turned around and walked over to the radio resting on the piano. He fiddled around for a few moments before turning the volume up loud. Santana watched him as he made his way over to the drum set and sat down behind it.
He rolled his shoulders a few times before raising his drum sticks to his forehead, breathing in and releasing the loudest scream Santana had ever heard come from the boy, as he slammed his drumsticks down as hard as he could. He fell into beat with the music coming from the radio and small grin crawled across her face.
“Tired of injustice. Tired of the schemes. Kind of disgusted. So what does this mean? Damnit.” Santana had never seen the boy in front of her be so fierce as he sang the words out towards her. “Kicking me down, and I, I got to get up. It's jacked as it sounds. The whole system sucks. Damnit.”
The Latina stood up and walked over to the drum set, singing Janet’s part of the duet. “A peek in the shadow. Come into the light. You tell me I'm wrong, then you better prove you're right. You're sellin’ out souls but I care about mine. I've got to get stronger and I won't give up the fight.”
“With such confusions, don't it make you wanna scream,” Finn sang out.
“Make you wanna scream,” Santana echoed.
“Your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme.”
“You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize.”
Finn continued his drumming as they locked eyes and sang together. “Somebody please have mercy cause I just can't take it! Stop pressurin’ me, just stop pressurin’ me. Stop pressurin me, make me wanna scream. Stop pressurin’ me, just stop pressurin’ me. Stop pressurin’ me, make you just wanna scream!”
“Tired of you tellin’ the story your way, it's causin’ confusion. You think it's okay. Damnit,” Finn broke off.
“You keep changin’ the rules while I'm playin’ the game. I can't take it much longer, I think I might go insane,” she held her hands up to her head as she sang, eyes screwed tightly shut.
“With such confusions, don't it make you wanna scream.”
“Make you wanna scream!” Santana practically screamed the line out.
“Your bash abusin’ victimize within the scheme.”
“You find your pleasure scandalizin’ every lie,”
Finn threw his drum stick down and walked around until he was right up against the small Latina. “Oh brother, please have mercy ‘cause I just can't take it…” The unlikely pair stood together in the middle of the choir room and sang out the last words of the song. “Stop pressurin’ me, just stop pressurin’ me. Stop pressurin’ me, make me wanna scream. Stop pressurin’ me, just stop pressurin’ me. Stop fuckin’ with me, make me wanna scream!”
The music ended and Finn just stood there staring down at Santana, taking long deep breaths to calm his racing heart beat.
Santana looked up at him, mouth hanging open as she also regained her breath. She felt surprisingly lifted and stared back at the boy curiously.
“Sometimes all you need to do is scream,” he said quietly.
Santana nodded slowly.
“I don’t expect you to tell me what’s bothering you, Santana, but you can’t keep it locked up like this. It’s just going to come pouring out one day. And it will probably end up hurting someone.”
Santana didn’t answer him. Instead, her posture slouched and she folded crossed her arms across her chest and looked towards the wall at the back of the room.
“I hope you have the strength within yourself to change.” Santana jumped a little when she felt strong arms wrap around her. She stiffened at first but then relaxed for a split second before Finn pulled away. “I’ll see you around.” He offered her a small smile before making his way to the door and out into the hallway.
Santana sighed. She knew she had to change, she just wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to do it.
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The rest of the week went by in a haze. Santana was avoiding people left and right. She could barely stand to be in Cheerios practice, with Brittany only a tier above her on the pyramid. So when she found herself standing amongst the Glee kids in the auditorium at the end of the week, she practically wanted to crawl out of her skin. It didn’t help that the stage had been set up with dozens of mirrors, seemingly forming a fun house as reflections bounced off of them.
As they started snapping Santana ran through the lyrics in her line, seriously considering them. Sam’s voice broke her thought as he began the first part of the song.
“Gotta make a change for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right,” He sang as he walked in between the mirrors on the stage. “As I turned up the collar on a favorite winter coat, this wind is blowin' my mind. I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat. Who am I to be blind, pretending not to see their needs.”
“A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top and a one man's soul,” Pucks voice floated over the music as he appeared from behind another mirror. “They follow each other on the wind ya' know, 'Cause they got nowhere to go. That's why I want you to know!”
“I'm starting with the man in the mirror,” the rest of the Glee club revealed themselves from behind the mirrors and they sang together. “I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer,” they walked up to the edge of the stage and formed a line across it. “If you wanna make the world a better place. Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey!”
“Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho!” the girls sang.
Finn stepped forward from the line as the rest of the Glee club fell back and danced in between the mirrors, “I've been a victim of a selfish kinda love. It's time that I realize there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan, could it be really pretending that they're not alone?” Finn found Santana’s eyes and held them with his gaze as he sung the lines.
Artie rolled forward, joining Finn at the front of the stage. “A willow deeply scarred somebody's broken heart and a washed out dream. They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see, 'Cause they got no place to be. That's why I'm starting with me!”
Everyone came together again to sing the chorus. “I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer,” As Santana sang, she understood the message. “If you wanna make the world a better place. Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
“I'm starting with the man in the mirror.” Santana thought of herself.
“I'm asking him to change his ways.” She had to change. She had to be brave. She had to overcome her fear and change how she was living her life.
“If you wanna make the world a better place. Take a look at yourself and then make a change.” She reflected on the last two years of her life. She had been so caught up in her social status, she had missed so many opportunities for happiness.
“I'm starting with the man in the mirror! I'm asking him to change his ways!” She asked herself to find the strength to make the change.
“If you wanna make the world a better place. Take a look at yourself and then make a change.” She had to take control of her life. She had to step up and fight for what she wanted.
As the song came to an end, Santana dropped her hands to her side and her eyes sought out Brittany. Finding the blue eyes in the mess of teenagers, she held their gaze. Brittany was giving her a questioning look and Santana tried to allow her eyes to show determination. She wanted to change. She didn’t know how long it would take, but she was going to do it. One step at a time, and she needed Brittany to know that.
Songs:
Will You Be There - Michael Jackson (Dalton Academy Warblers)
Black or White - Michael Jackson (Will Schuester)
The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson (Dylan Frost)
Scream - Michael & Janet Jackson (Finn Hudson and Santana Lopez)
Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson (New Directions)