For dizzydame: It's Not Christmas . . .
Title: It's Not Christmas . . .
Recipient: dizzydame
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-14
Summary: Request was for hurt/comfort with a happy ending, no girlfriends. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.
New Zealand - 1999
Grateful that filming is done for the day, Billy enters the trailer he shares with Dom and eagerly peels off his costume, wrinkling his nose at the sensation of the damp material pulling away from his sticky skin.
"This is ridiculous," he mutters, then leans over to peer at the thermometer resting on the window ledge. "Twenty-nine degrees. Fucking hell. It's December."
"It's December in New Zealand, Bills," Dom interjects with a weary smile as he joins the Scotsman, not wasting anytime freeing himself of the dreaded fat suit, grimacing at his scent. "Ugh. I'm starting to pong."
"Starting?" Billy teases, ducking when Dom throws a conveniently close balled-up t-shirt at him.
"It doesn't feel like Christmas is three weeks away," Dom comments. "Mum's talking about decorating the tree and what she's making for dinner and I can't be arsed to shop."
"Spirit of the season is hard to come why when you're sweating in the hot sun instead of shivering in the cold," Billy agrees. "Maggie emailed me a picture from the newspaper. It's been snowing at home all week."
"I miss the smell of it," Dom muses quietly, a faraway look in his eyes. "Fresh snow, all crisp and untouched."
"You'll be there soon."
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Dom smiles weakly. "Yeah. Soon."
Little is said as the friends finish changing their clothes, leaving the costumes on hangers for the wardrobe girls, eager to head to the pub for a cold drink. It's when Billy's sitting in a booth, watching Elijah and Orlando check out the girls at the bar and Dom's in the loo, that an idea comes to mind, to help Dom get into the holiday spirit.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Hoping that Dom will forgive him for wasting precious resources, Billy shreds the pieces of tissue faster when he hears Dom talking to someone outside the trailer, Bean, if he's not mistaken. The last piece is just settling into place when Dom pulls open the trailer door, and Billy watches the younger man's expression change from surprise to confusion to amusement. Chuckling under his breath, Dom moves closer, hand extended, and he doesn't stop until his fingertips are dancing lightly over the 'snow' now covering his bed.
"Billy-"
"I couldn't help with the smell, but thought this might tide you over," Billy explains with a gentle smile. "Until you get home."
"It's fantastic," Dom replies, a warm smile lighting up his features. "Light and fluffy without the wet and cold. Thanks, Bills."
"You're welcome."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Brow furrowed in concentration and tongue planted firmly in cheek, Dom carefully guides the sharp blades of the scissors through the folds of paper, the design slowly taking shape. Since Billy's creation of 'snow' in the trailer last week, he's been trying to come up with a way to return the sentiment. Just over an hour ago, Dom was struck with what he considers a brilliant idea, and has been folding and cutting as quickly as possible, hoping to have the surprise finished before Billy returns from the food tent.
It's recycling, he muses to himself, promising to plant some trees to ease his guilt about cutting up the pages of last week's script. The nearly daily changes to dialog and other filming issues have provided many pieces of paper for Dom's project, so at least he's finding a secondary use for the discarded scripts before they're shredded.
Just over twenty minutes later, Dom secures the last object of art to the small window, covering the thermometer that reads twenty-seven degrees. After plugging in the string of lights he begged from a sweet Kiwi girl in Props yesterday, he sits back to wait for Billy's arrival with their tea. Dom's sure Billy will forgive him for not taking the time to rest, since he's been feeling under the weather for the last couple of days, thanks to becoming overheated too often in his fat suit and costume.
After all, it's in the name of Christmas spirit.
The infectious sound of Billy's laughter as he steps into the trailer answers Dom's question. Twinkling lights and dozens of cut out snowflakes have transformed the small space into a makeshift winter wonderland, the Englishman watching Billy's reaction with amusement and then pressing the Start button on the CD player, 'Let it Snow' providing the last detail.
"You win," Billy manages to say, shaking his head. "It definitely looks like Christmas in here."
"So you like it?"
"Of course. Too bad we don't have egg nog."
"Maybe Vig will have some at the Fellowship BBQ tonight," Dom muses. "Or at least some whiskey."
Billy snorts. "He better."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Later that evening, the BBQ is in full swing when Ian taps his wine glass with a spoon to call the group to attention.
"I'd like to propose a toast to our host," he begins, raising his glass to Viggo, who in turn ducks his head briefly in acknowledgment. "For throwing this lovely send off before we depart on flights home to our families."
A murmur of appreciation moves though the crowd, then refocuses back on Ian, as it's clear he's not quite finished.
"And to our young hobbits, for finding the Christmas spirit, however unorthodox, under challenging circumstances, and providing entertainment for the rest of us. Thank you."
Cheers ring out for Billy and Dom, and then Elijah pushes forward with an inebriated giggle.
"Look up," he tells them, pointing at the ceiling above them.
Despite Dom's efforts to avoid the sprig of mistletoe he spotted when he and Billy arrived, thanks to moving in closer to hear Ian's speech, they're now directly beneath it. There's no escaping.
"It's tradition," Elijah singsongs, leaning against Orlando as they grin conspiratorially.
"Well, Bills?"
"It's tradition," the Scotsman agrees, sliding an arm around Dom's slender waist to draw him closer, head tipping to one side.
A kiss between friends is nothing, or so Dom thinks until lips make contact and hold for longer than necessary, the hand against his lower back urging him closer, almost encouraging him to deepen the kiss.
When he opens his eyes, Billy is smiling warmly, then pulls him close for a lingering hug.
"Merry Christmas."
"Yeah. Merry Christmas."
To his surprise, Dom is unable to let the seemingly innocent kiss fall into his memory, his lips tingling and back warm where Billy held him. He's being silly of course, because he's feeling nostalgic and a wee bit homesick.
"Ready to go?" Billy asks. "I need to get some sleep before my flight tomorrow."
"Yeah, me too."
The walk to Dom's flat is quiet, but not uncomfortable, despite Dom's mind refusing to stop obsessing about the kiss he shared with his best mate this evening. He's kissed friends before, lots of times, and never had this reaction. It's probably a good thing he'll have a couple of weeks on his own to process and move on. Billy's his best mate; a closer and more dear friend he's never had. He can't even-
"Dom?"
The sound of Billy's Scottish lilt pulls Dom from his thoughts, and he's surprised to discover they're at his front door.
"Oh. I, uh- I guess I'll-"
"Shut it."
"Huh?"
Giving the younger man a fond look, Billy reaches up and taps Dom's temple.
"I can hear you thinking."
"I just-"
"I said shut it," Billy whispers, then captures Dom's mouth in a kiss that has none of the restraint of the one they shared under the mistletoe.
A breathy sigh bubbles up in Dom's throat as his arms slide around Billy's trim body, and all the uncertainty he felt evaporates as he surrenders completely to the intimate contact.
"By the way," Billy adds when their lips part long moments later. "I changed my flight. I thought you might like some company, since you can't sleep on airplanes."
"Something tells me that we can find a way to pass the time together," Dom replies, laughing before pulling Billy in for another kiss.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Mexico - 2002
It's almost physically painful to watch Dom, his eyes flat and dark circles beneath, skin pale and shoulders sagging under an invisible weight that pulls him lower and lower by the hour. All day, he's been putting on a show, trying to make Billy believe that he's fine, just a little tired from the drive, but the Scotsman knew the battle he was up against when Sean called to warn him yesterday. He knows all about the clubs, the drinking, the drugs and the number of times Dom's stumbled home at all hours of the morning, having gone home with someone he barely knows.
There may as well be a sign above Dom's head, flashing the news in neon yellow. He's depressed, drowning his pain in whatever he can find as he drifts aimlessly, not knowing how to save himself. Not sure if he even wants to be saved. Much to Billy's dismay, Dom looks nothing like the exuberant young man who bounced into the costume trailer that day in New Zealand, so full of joy and laughter. Billy would give anything to catch even a glimpse of that Dom. Anything but the shadow that now inhabits his weary body.
It's while watching a DVD after dinner that Billy tries to offer physical comfort, in a platonic way, as it's been nearly two years since they were intimate. Time and distance after Rings took its toll, but both were adamant about holding onto their friendship, no matter what. It takes a bit of gentle persuasion before Dom leans in and allows Billy's arm to slide around his shoulders.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
A heavy sigh pushes past Dom's lips. "No."
"I might make you feel better," Billy adds, the palm of his hand sliding up and down Dom's t-shirt covered bicep in what he hopes is a soothing rhythm.
"I said no."
When Dom tries to pull away, brow furrowed in annoyance, Billy simply wraps both arms around him, and the struggle to escape is brief. They both know that Billy is more than strong enough to hold him, especially in Dom's current state. He can't remember the last time he did his morning yoga routine, or ate without a stiff drink to wash it down. Tonight's dinner of Chinese takeaway could be considered his first full meal in more than two weeks, and he mostly picked at it.
"Well, if you don't want to talk about it, then I need you to do something for me," Billy says, cheek resting against the top of Dom's head.
"What?"
"I need you to give it to me."
"Give what?" Dom asks, pulling back just enough and looking up so their eyes can meet.
"This weight that you're carrying," Billy explains gently. "All the hurt, the pain, the sadness. I need you to give it to me."
"No."
"Yes," Billy insists, just short of pleading. "Just for a while. A day, Dommie. Just one day. Let me carry it."
"No," Dom repeats, shaking his head vehemently. "I don't want you to have it."
"Why not?"
"You're happy. Good things are happening for you," Dom replies. "Like filming Master and Commander down here in Mexico. It's just the beginning. I know it."
"How can I be happy when you're fecking miserable?" Billy asks bluntly. "I'm worried about you. Let me help. Stop shutting me out, like you have been for months now."
"I didn't- I haven't-"
"You've never lied to me, Dommie. Don't start now."
"I don't want you to feel like this," Dom whispers, the faade finally developing some cracks, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "So empty and-"
"You're not alone," Billy vows, hugging the younger man fiercely, wishing it were as simple as wrestling Dom's demons away from him. If only it were that easy. "Let me help carry it, help you fight it."
"I don't know if-"
"You can."
Billy's startled when long fingers slip beneath his shirt to caress bare skin, and a kiss is pressed to the side of his throat.
"Dom-"
Even though he knows it's not what Dom needs, Billy can't help but respond when their mouths meet, lips parting and tongues touching. For three blissful seconds he indulges in the intoxicating memories, and then pushes them aside. Placing his hands on Dom's slender shoulders, Billy breaks the intimate contact.
"No, Dom. I'm sorry."
"But you said-"
"We can't fix this with sex," Billy says gently, yet firmly. "It's not what you need."
"I want to feel better," Dom argues. "That part was always good between us."
Billy nods in agreement. "Incredible."
"But?"
"Of course it would feel good now, but it wouldn't last. Nothing would change, and then you'd be worse."
"Fuck," Dom whimpers, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry."
"Shut it, yeh daftie. It's me. Best mates, remember?"
Emotionally drained, Dom doesn't resist when Billy draws him close again.
"So tired, Bills."
"Think maybe you can sleep?"
A halfhearted shrug is all Dom can manage, unable to tell Billy that on the nights that he's sober, all he does is stare at the ceiling and wait for morning. Together, the two rise and make their way down the hall towards the bedrooms.
"It's been a long time since we shared a bed, yeah?"
Realizing that he won't be alone tonight, Dom stops short, causing Billy to turn and face him, eyes filled with uncertainty.
"Unless-"
"No," Dom hastily interrupts. "I mean, if you don't mind, I'd like to stay. With you."
"Of course."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
It's hours later, the moon high in the sky and the oscillating fan in the corner sending waves of cool air across the room, when Dom hears Billy whispering to him.
"Shhh, Dommie. It's all right."
Pain that he was unable to contain in his sleep has spilled out in the form of hot, salty tears, Dom's breath ragged in his attempt to keep his emotions under control. To have Billy's arms around him, cradling him to his chest and rubbing his back makes Dom miss what they had even more. Billy's gift for knowing how he needs to be touched has not faded since they ceased to be lovers.
"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
Small fingers stroking the fine hair at the nape of his neck and murmurs of devotion being whispered against his cheek shatter what's left of Dom's protective walls. Knowing that he's safe, and that he's loved, without reservation or compromise, gives Dom the strength to finally do as Billy asked.
He lets his best mate in, to help carry the load, trusting that together, they can dismantle it, brick by brick, until Dom is free and he can smile once again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Hawaii - 2005
Shaking his head to dislodge some of the sea water weighing down his sun-streaked hair, Dom pushes the long strands off his face before jogging up the beach to his house, surf board tucked under his arm, the morning sun just above the horizon. He's climbing the wooden steps to the lanai when he realizes that he's had an audience for at least part of the time that he was out on the waves, in the form of a sleepy Scotsman curled up on a lounge chair.
"What are you doing up?" Dom asks in surprise. "I figured the jet lag would keep you in bed for at least a few more hours."
Lifting the half empty mug cradled in his hands, Billy smiles. "Needed tea."
"Water's great today," Dom tells him, gesturing to the rack on the wall before placing his surf board on the lower rungs. "I waxed yours yesterday. It's ready when you are."
"Tomorrow?"
"Sure."
Shifting his legs to one side to give Dom space to sit down next to him, Billy sips the sweet and milky tea while gazing thoughtfully at the younger man. It doesn't take Dom but a few moments to notice the attention directed at him.
"What?"
"You look good. Happy."
"Of course I'm happy. You're here," Dom teases in reply, earning a grin.
"Cheeky."
"And?"
"I just mean that, in your e-mails, you said things were going well, but-"
"No lies. Remember?" Dom interjects softly, both recalling the time Dom spent in Mexico, and how it was Billy's selfless and gentle care that served as his lifeline.
"Aye. I also remember worrying that you'd leave while I was sleeping, and-"
"I couldn't do that, Bills. I was too afraid of what I might do if I was alone," Dom confesses, eyes tinged with sadness for a moment. "Didn't trust myself not to do something stupid. You asked me to trust you, and I did."
Billy barely has time to ensure that his tea is safely out of the way, and then Dom is leaning in to hug him.
"Did I hug you when I got here last night?" Billy asks suddenly. "I don't remember."
"You were knackered," Dom reminds him with a chuckle. "You couldn't stop yawning for fifteen seconds, so I sent you to bed."
"Right."
"So I guess this is hello."
"I'm glad I'm here," Billy replies softly. "I've missed you."
"I keep telling you that Scotland just needs to move closer to Hawaii. It would make things so much easier."
The Englishman's teasing tone causes both to laugh, only to be interrupted by a rumbling growl.
"Breakfast?" Dom suggests. "I have porridge, just for you."
"Lead the way."
Following Dom into the kitchen, Billy can't but notice how Dom has come into in his own since leaving LA and settling into Hawaii. It doesn't escape his attention how attractive Dom is, hair damp and tousled, and Billy's breath catches when Dom peels the black neoprene wet suit down to his hips, exposing his well-toned and tanned upper body.
"Do you ever miss it?"
Not quite sure what to make of Billy's question, Dom stops moving about the kitchen and turns around.
"Miss it?" he repeats. "Do you mean New Zealand? Spending nearly every waking minute with friends who became my family? How it felt like we had a world all to ourselves while we were filming?"
"Us."
The single word is pushed past Billy's lips before he loses his nerve. For months he's been putting it off, telling himself the ship has sailed, but now that they're in the same room together, Billy knows the time has come. It's now or never. At least this way he'll know.
"You mean-"
"I know it's been a long time," Billy adds when Dom trails off. "I-"
"What are you saying, Bill?"
"I don't like sleeping in the guest room, even though you have sheets just for me, and towels in my favorite color," Billy replies, taking a few steps to close the distance between them, encouraged when Dom doesn't back away. "I'm asking you if it's possible for us to try again. We've both changed, are at different places in our lives, but-"
"What?" Dom whispers, his heart pounding and chest rising and falling in quicker breaths.
"I still do. I never stopped loving-"
The unsteady words are cut off by a hungry kiss, long fingers sliding across Billy's scruffy cheek to keep him close. Overwhelmed, Billy eagerly responds, grabbing fistfuls of neoprene and yanking hips together as lips parts and tongues touch. Countless minutes pass as a variety of kisses are exchanged and shared, hands roaming endlessly, the couple getting reacquainted. Billy is nibbling on the left side of Dom's neck when he finally speaks, chuckling under his breath.
"You've got the worst timing there, Boyd."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm just back from surfing and need a shower."
"I happen to need one, too," Billy retorts. "Was traveling all day yesterday, remember?"
"True."
"We could . . . share."
Billy's eyes are twinkling mischievously, reminding Dom of when they were in New Zealand, finding their way to one another, and falling in love.
"Are we going to have breakfast first?"
"Something tells me that we're going to need our strength," Billy replies wisely, letting his fingers slide across Dom's abdomen in a tantalizing caress. "We've got a lot of catching up to do."
"Then lets get started, shall we?"
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Scotland - 2008
Rubbing his nose against the soft cotton of the pillow, Billy yawns and then opens his eyes, smiling at the sight of fresh snow sitting on the window ledge.
"Happy Christmas, Dommie," he rasps softly, trying not to be too disappointed that he won't be sharing the day with his lover.
Since finishing his role as Charlie on LOST, it's been a whirlwind of activity for Dom, the roles he so desperately wanted and richly deserved being offered to him. The plan was to spend Christmas in Scotland, but then Dom had been recalled to New Zealand for pick up shots for his role as Beak in X-Men Origins. The irony was not lost on either of them, and Billy dropped Dom off at the airport and wished him well. This morning, part of Billy wishes that he'd taken Dom up on the offer to go with him, and spend the holidays there, but what's done is done. With some luck, they'll have Hogmanay together.
Rolling over and preparing to get out of bed, as some tea is sounding good right about now to ward off the chill, Billy lets out a sound suspiciously like a shriek when he realizes that he's not alone in his bed.
"The hell?" Dom mumbles, eyes open to narrow slits, looking utterly exhausted. "What's the matter?"
"You're here," Billy whispers, a smile lighting up his face. "I thought-"
"Pushed through to get what they needed, and caught the last flight out," Dom replies. "Wasn't sure I was going to make it, so I didn't tell you. Disappoint you."
"What time did you get home?"
"Half two. You didn't move when I got into bed," Dom says, yawning widely. "Guess you'd had a few fingers of whiskey before turning in."
"Why do this to yourself? I said I understood."
"I know." Dom soothes, not resisting when Billy draws their bodies close. "But I could see what you were thinking when you dropped me off at the airport."
"And what was I thinking?"
"The same thing that I was," Dom replies warmly. "It's not Christmas without you."
***
Recipient: dizzydame
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: PG-14
Summary: Request was for hurt/comfort with a happy ending, no girlfriends. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.
New Zealand - 1999
Grateful that filming is done for the day, Billy enters the trailer he shares with Dom and eagerly peels off his costume, wrinkling his nose at the sensation of the damp material pulling away from his sticky skin.
"This is ridiculous," he mutters, then leans over to peer at the thermometer resting on the window ledge. "Twenty-nine degrees. Fucking hell. It's December."
"It's December in New Zealand, Bills," Dom interjects with a weary smile as he joins the Scotsman, not wasting anytime freeing himself of the dreaded fat suit, grimacing at his scent. "Ugh. I'm starting to pong."
"Starting?" Billy teases, ducking when Dom throws a conveniently close balled-up t-shirt at him.
"It doesn't feel like Christmas is three weeks away," Dom comments. "Mum's talking about decorating the tree and what she's making for dinner and I can't be arsed to shop."
"Spirit of the season is hard to come why when you're sweating in the hot sun instead of shivering in the cold," Billy agrees. "Maggie emailed me a picture from the newspaper. It's been snowing at home all week."
"I miss the smell of it," Dom muses quietly, a faraway look in his eyes. "Fresh snow, all crisp and untouched."
"You'll be there soon."
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Dom smiles weakly. "Yeah. Soon."
Little is said as the friends finish changing their clothes, leaving the costumes on hangers for the wardrobe girls, eager to head to the pub for a cold drink. It's when Billy's sitting in a booth, watching Elijah and Orlando check out the girls at the bar and Dom's in the loo, that an idea comes to mind, to help Dom get into the holiday spirit.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Hoping that Dom will forgive him for wasting precious resources, Billy shreds the pieces of tissue faster when he hears Dom talking to someone outside the trailer, Bean, if he's not mistaken. The last piece is just settling into place when Dom pulls open the trailer door, and Billy watches the younger man's expression change from surprise to confusion to amusement. Chuckling under his breath, Dom moves closer, hand extended, and he doesn't stop until his fingertips are dancing lightly over the 'snow' now covering his bed.
"Billy-"
"I couldn't help with the smell, but thought this might tide you over," Billy explains with a gentle smile. "Until you get home."
"It's fantastic," Dom replies, a warm smile lighting up his features. "Light and fluffy without the wet and cold. Thanks, Bills."
"You're welcome."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Brow furrowed in concentration and tongue planted firmly in cheek, Dom carefully guides the sharp blades of the scissors through the folds of paper, the design slowly taking shape. Since Billy's creation of 'snow' in the trailer last week, he's been trying to come up with a way to return the sentiment. Just over an hour ago, Dom was struck with what he considers a brilliant idea, and has been folding and cutting as quickly as possible, hoping to have the surprise finished before Billy returns from the food tent.
It's recycling, he muses to himself, promising to plant some trees to ease his guilt about cutting up the pages of last week's script. The nearly daily changes to dialog and other filming issues have provided many pieces of paper for Dom's project, so at least he's finding a secondary use for the discarded scripts before they're shredded.
Just over twenty minutes later, Dom secures the last object of art to the small window, covering the thermometer that reads twenty-seven degrees. After plugging in the string of lights he begged from a sweet Kiwi girl in Props yesterday, he sits back to wait for Billy's arrival with their tea. Dom's sure Billy will forgive him for not taking the time to rest, since he's been feeling under the weather for the last couple of days, thanks to becoming overheated too often in his fat suit and costume.
After all, it's in the name of Christmas spirit.
The infectious sound of Billy's laughter as he steps into the trailer answers Dom's question. Twinkling lights and dozens of cut out snowflakes have transformed the small space into a makeshift winter wonderland, the Englishman watching Billy's reaction with amusement and then pressing the Start button on the CD player, 'Let it Snow' providing the last detail.
"You win," Billy manages to say, shaking his head. "It definitely looks like Christmas in here."
"So you like it?"
"Of course. Too bad we don't have egg nog."
"Maybe Vig will have some at the Fellowship BBQ tonight," Dom muses. "Or at least some whiskey."
Billy snorts. "He better."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Later that evening, the BBQ is in full swing when Ian taps his wine glass with a spoon to call the group to attention.
"I'd like to propose a toast to our host," he begins, raising his glass to Viggo, who in turn ducks his head briefly in acknowledgment. "For throwing this lovely send off before we depart on flights home to our families."
A murmur of appreciation moves though the crowd, then refocuses back on Ian, as it's clear he's not quite finished.
"And to our young hobbits, for finding the Christmas spirit, however unorthodox, under challenging circumstances, and providing entertainment for the rest of us. Thank you."
Cheers ring out for Billy and Dom, and then Elijah pushes forward with an inebriated giggle.
"Look up," he tells them, pointing at the ceiling above them.
Despite Dom's efforts to avoid the sprig of mistletoe he spotted when he and Billy arrived, thanks to moving in closer to hear Ian's speech, they're now directly beneath it. There's no escaping.
"It's tradition," Elijah singsongs, leaning against Orlando as they grin conspiratorially.
"Well, Bills?"
"It's tradition," the Scotsman agrees, sliding an arm around Dom's slender waist to draw him closer, head tipping to one side.
A kiss between friends is nothing, or so Dom thinks until lips make contact and hold for longer than necessary, the hand against his lower back urging him closer, almost encouraging him to deepen the kiss.
When he opens his eyes, Billy is smiling warmly, then pulls him close for a lingering hug.
"Merry Christmas."
"Yeah. Merry Christmas."
To his surprise, Dom is unable to let the seemingly innocent kiss fall into his memory, his lips tingling and back warm where Billy held him. He's being silly of course, because he's feeling nostalgic and a wee bit homesick.
"Ready to go?" Billy asks. "I need to get some sleep before my flight tomorrow."
"Yeah, me too."
The walk to Dom's flat is quiet, but not uncomfortable, despite Dom's mind refusing to stop obsessing about the kiss he shared with his best mate this evening. He's kissed friends before, lots of times, and never had this reaction. It's probably a good thing he'll have a couple of weeks on his own to process and move on. Billy's his best mate; a closer and more dear friend he's never had. He can't even-
"Dom?"
The sound of Billy's Scottish lilt pulls Dom from his thoughts, and he's surprised to discover they're at his front door.
"Oh. I, uh- I guess I'll-"
"Shut it."
"Huh?"
Giving the younger man a fond look, Billy reaches up and taps Dom's temple.
"I can hear you thinking."
"I just-"
"I said shut it," Billy whispers, then captures Dom's mouth in a kiss that has none of the restraint of the one they shared under the mistletoe.
A breathy sigh bubbles up in Dom's throat as his arms slide around Billy's trim body, and all the uncertainty he felt evaporates as he surrenders completely to the intimate contact.
"By the way," Billy adds when their lips part long moments later. "I changed my flight. I thought you might like some company, since you can't sleep on airplanes."
"Something tells me that we can find a way to pass the time together," Dom replies, laughing before pulling Billy in for another kiss.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Mexico - 2002
It's almost physically painful to watch Dom, his eyes flat and dark circles beneath, skin pale and shoulders sagging under an invisible weight that pulls him lower and lower by the hour. All day, he's been putting on a show, trying to make Billy believe that he's fine, just a little tired from the drive, but the Scotsman knew the battle he was up against when Sean called to warn him yesterday. He knows all about the clubs, the drinking, the drugs and the number of times Dom's stumbled home at all hours of the morning, having gone home with someone he barely knows.
There may as well be a sign above Dom's head, flashing the news in neon yellow. He's depressed, drowning his pain in whatever he can find as he drifts aimlessly, not knowing how to save himself. Not sure if he even wants to be saved. Much to Billy's dismay, Dom looks nothing like the exuberant young man who bounced into the costume trailer that day in New Zealand, so full of joy and laughter. Billy would give anything to catch even a glimpse of that Dom. Anything but the shadow that now inhabits his weary body.
It's while watching a DVD after dinner that Billy tries to offer physical comfort, in a platonic way, as it's been nearly two years since they were intimate. Time and distance after Rings took its toll, but both were adamant about holding onto their friendship, no matter what. It takes a bit of gentle persuasion before Dom leans in and allows Billy's arm to slide around his shoulders.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
A heavy sigh pushes past Dom's lips. "No."
"I might make you feel better," Billy adds, the palm of his hand sliding up and down Dom's t-shirt covered bicep in what he hopes is a soothing rhythm.
"I said no."
When Dom tries to pull away, brow furrowed in annoyance, Billy simply wraps both arms around him, and the struggle to escape is brief. They both know that Billy is more than strong enough to hold him, especially in Dom's current state. He can't remember the last time he did his morning yoga routine, or ate without a stiff drink to wash it down. Tonight's dinner of Chinese takeaway could be considered his first full meal in more than two weeks, and he mostly picked at it.
"Well, if you don't want to talk about it, then I need you to do something for me," Billy says, cheek resting against the top of Dom's head.
"What?"
"I need you to give it to me."
"Give what?" Dom asks, pulling back just enough and looking up so their eyes can meet.
"This weight that you're carrying," Billy explains gently. "All the hurt, the pain, the sadness. I need you to give it to me."
"No."
"Yes," Billy insists, just short of pleading. "Just for a while. A day, Dommie. Just one day. Let me carry it."
"No," Dom repeats, shaking his head vehemently. "I don't want you to have it."
"Why not?"
"You're happy. Good things are happening for you," Dom replies. "Like filming Master and Commander down here in Mexico. It's just the beginning. I know it."
"How can I be happy when you're fecking miserable?" Billy asks bluntly. "I'm worried about you. Let me help. Stop shutting me out, like you have been for months now."
"I didn't- I haven't-"
"You've never lied to me, Dommie. Don't start now."
"I don't want you to feel like this," Dom whispers, the faade finally developing some cracks, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "So empty and-"
"You're not alone," Billy vows, hugging the younger man fiercely, wishing it were as simple as wrestling Dom's demons away from him. If only it were that easy. "Let me help carry it, help you fight it."
"I don't know if-"
"You can."
Billy's startled when long fingers slip beneath his shirt to caress bare skin, and a kiss is pressed to the side of his throat.
"Dom-"
Even though he knows it's not what Dom needs, Billy can't help but respond when their mouths meet, lips parting and tongues touching. For three blissful seconds he indulges in the intoxicating memories, and then pushes them aside. Placing his hands on Dom's slender shoulders, Billy breaks the intimate contact.
"No, Dom. I'm sorry."
"But you said-"
"We can't fix this with sex," Billy says gently, yet firmly. "It's not what you need."
"I want to feel better," Dom argues. "That part was always good between us."
Billy nods in agreement. "Incredible."
"But?"
"Of course it would feel good now, but it wouldn't last. Nothing would change, and then you'd be worse."
"Fuck," Dom whimpers, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry."
"Shut it, yeh daftie. It's me. Best mates, remember?"
Emotionally drained, Dom doesn't resist when Billy draws him close again.
"So tired, Bills."
"Think maybe you can sleep?"
A halfhearted shrug is all Dom can manage, unable to tell Billy that on the nights that he's sober, all he does is stare at the ceiling and wait for morning. Together, the two rise and make their way down the hall towards the bedrooms.
"It's been a long time since we shared a bed, yeah?"
Realizing that he won't be alone tonight, Dom stops short, causing Billy to turn and face him, eyes filled with uncertainty.
"Unless-"
"No," Dom hastily interrupts. "I mean, if you don't mind, I'd like to stay. With you."
"Of course."
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
It's hours later, the moon high in the sky and the oscillating fan in the corner sending waves of cool air across the room, when Dom hears Billy whispering to him.
"Shhh, Dommie. It's all right."
Pain that he was unable to contain in his sleep has spilled out in the form of hot, salty tears, Dom's breath ragged in his attempt to keep his emotions under control. To have Billy's arms around him, cradling him to his chest and rubbing his back makes Dom miss what they had even more. Billy's gift for knowing how he needs to be touched has not faded since they ceased to be lovers.
"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
Small fingers stroking the fine hair at the nape of his neck and murmurs of devotion being whispered against his cheek shatter what's left of Dom's protective walls. Knowing that he's safe, and that he's loved, without reservation or compromise, gives Dom the strength to finally do as Billy asked.
He lets his best mate in, to help carry the load, trusting that together, they can dismantle it, brick by brick, until Dom is free and he can smile once again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Hawaii - 2005
Shaking his head to dislodge some of the sea water weighing down his sun-streaked hair, Dom pushes the long strands off his face before jogging up the beach to his house, surf board tucked under his arm, the morning sun just above the horizon. He's climbing the wooden steps to the lanai when he realizes that he's had an audience for at least part of the time that he was out on the waves, in the form of a sleepy Scotsman curled up on a lounge chair.
"What are you doing up?" Dom asks in surprise. "I figured the jet lag would keep you in bed for at least a few more hours."
Lifting the half empty mug cradled in his hands, Billy smiles. "Needed tea."
"Water's great today," Dom tells him, gesturing to the rack on the wall before placing his surf board on the lower rungs. "I waxed yours yesterday. It's ready when you are."
"Tomorrow?"
"Sure."
Shifting his legs to one side to give Dom space to sit down next to him, Billy sips the sweet and milky tea while gazing thoughtfully at the younger man. It doesn't take Dom but a few moments to notice the attention directed at him.
"What?"
"You look good. Happy."
"Of course I'm happy. You're here," Dom teases in reply, earning a grin.
"Cheeky."
"And?"
"I just mean that, in your e-mails, you said things were going well, but-"
"No lies. Remember?" Dom interjects softly, both recalling the time Dom spent in Mexico, and how it was Billy's selfless and gentle care that served as his lifeline.
"Aye. I also remember worrying that you'd leave while I was sleeping, and-"
"I couldn't do that, Bills. I was too afraid of what I might do if I was alone," Dom confesses, eyes tinged with sadness for a moment. "Didn't trust myself not to do something stupid. You asked me to trust you, and I did."
Billy barely has time to ensure that his tea is safely out of the way, and then Dom is leaning in to hug him.
"Did I hug you when I got here last night?" Billy asks suddenly. "I don't remember."
"You were knackered," Dom reminds him with a chuckle. "You couldn't stop yawning for fifteen seconds, so I sent you to bed."
"Right."
"So I guess this is hello."
"I'm glad I'm here," Billy replies softly. "I've missed you."
"I keep telling you that Scotland just needs to move closer to Hawaii. It would make things so much easier."
The Englishman's teasing tone causes both to laugh, only to be interrupted by a rumbling growl.
"Breakfast?" Dom suggests. "I have porridge, just for you."
"Lead the way."
Following Dom into the kitchen, Billy can't but notice how Dom has come into in his own since leaving LA and settling into Hawaii. It doesn't escape his attention how attractive Dom is, hair damp and tousled, and Billy's breath catches when Dom peels the black neoprene wet suit down to his hips, exposing his well-toned and tanned upper body.
"Do you ever miss it?"
Not quite sure what to make of Billy's question, Dom stops moving about the kitchen and turns around.
"Miss it?" he repeats. "Do you mean New Zealand? Spending nearly every waking minute with friends who became my family? How it felt like we had a world all to ourselves while we were filming?"
"Us."
The single word is pushed past Billy's lips before he loses his nerve. For months he's been putting it off, telling himself the ship has sailed, but now that they're in the same room together, Billy knows the time has come. It's now or never. At least this way he'll know.
"You mean-"
"I know it's been a long time," Billy adds when Dom trails off. "I-"
"What are you saying, Bill?"
"I don't like sleeping in the guest room, even though you have sheets just for me, and towels in my favorite color," Billy replies, taking a few steps to close the distance between them, encouraged when Dom doesn't back away. "I'm asking you if it's possible for us to try again. We've both changed, are at different places in our lives, but-"
"What?" Dom whispers, his heart pounding and chest rising and falling in quicker breaths.
"I still do. I never stopped loving-"
The unsteady words are cut off by a hungry kiss, long fingers sliding across Billy's scruffy cheek to keep him close. Overwhelmed, Billy eagerly responds, grabbing fistfuls of neoprene and yanking hips together as lips parts and tongues touch. Countless minutes pass as a variety of kisses are exchanged and shared, hands roaming endlessly, the couple getting reacquainted. Billy is nibbling on the left side of Dom's neck when he finally speaks, chuckling under his breath.
"You've got the worst timing there, Boyd."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm just back from surfing and need a shower."
"I happen to need one, too," Billy retorts. "Was traveling all day yesterday, remember?"
"True."
"We could . . . share."
Billy's eyes are twinkling mischievously, reminding Dom of when they were in New Zealand, finding their way to one another, and falling in love.
"Are we going to have breakfast first?"
"Something tells me that we're going to need our strength," Billy replies wisely, letting his fingers slide across Dom's abdomen in a tantalizing caress. "We've got a lot of catching up to do."
"Then lets get started, shall we?"
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Scotland - 2008
Rubbing his nose against the soft cotton of the pillow, Billy yawns and then opens his eyes, smiling at the sight of fresh snow sitting on the window ledge.
"Happy Christmas, Dommie," he rasps softly, trying not to be too disappointed that he won't be sharing the day with his lover.
Since finishing his role as Charlie on LOST, it's been a whirlwind of activity for Dom, the roles he so desperately wanted and richly deserved being offered to him. The plan was to spend Christmas in Scotland, but then Dom had been recalled to New Zealand for pick up shots for his role as Beak in X-Men Origins. The irony was not lost on either of them, and Billy dropped Dom off at the airport and wished him well. This morning, part of Billy wishes that he'd taken Dom up on the offer to go with him, and spend the holidays there, but what's done is done. With some luck, they'll have Hogmanay together.
Rolling over and preparing to get out of bed, as some tea is sounding good right about now to ward off the chill, Billy lets out a sound suspiciously like a shriek when he realizes that he's not alone in his bed.
"The hell?" Dom mumbles, eyes open to narrow slits, looking utterly exhausted. "What's the matter?"
"You're here," Billy whispers, a smile lighting up his face. "I thought-"
"Pushed through to get what they needed, and caught the last flight out," Dom replies. "Wasn't sure I was going to make it, so I didn't tell you. Disappoint you."
"What time did you get home?"
"Half two. You didn't move when I got into bed," Dom says, yawning widely. "Guess you'd had a few fingers of whiskey before turning in."
"Why do this to yourself? I said I understood."
"I know." Dom soothes, not resisting when Billy draws their bodies close. "But I could see what you were thinking when you dropped me off at the airport."
"And what was I thinking?"
"The same thing that I was," Dom replies warmly. "It's not Christmas without you."
***