fic: Just Use a Damn Umbrella
Title: Just Use a Damn Umbrella
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Brittany, Mike, Sue, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Puck wants to do an end of the year prank.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,900
Spoilers: previous stories in this series. (specifically Right on Target)
A/N: Follows Tradition Dictates It. Don't get used to multiple posts in a week; I doubt it'll be a regular thing.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
series masterlist
It's technically Noah who has the idea for an end of the year prank; though Rachel comes up with the actual prank and how to carry it out. The only reason she does, is so Noah leaves her alone; he texts her every hour for five straight days before she gives in. He even texts her while they're hanging out Friday night.
It makes her wonder if she's this annoying when she's being tenacious and head strong. Deciding she doesn't want to know, she doesn't bring it up to Noah.
…
With trying to figure out her summer schedule, Rachel can admit the idea of an end of the year prank simply slipped her mind. However, once the idea takes root, it consumes her until she comes up with the perfect plan. It only takes forty hours for inspiration to strike.
It's elaborate, but Rachel knows Noah wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. However, it's going to require Brittany and Santana's assistance as well. Rachel figures they'll be more than willing.
And so she begins planning and gathering the necessary materials.
…
Rachel is at her locker Monday morning when Noah approaches.
"So?"
"Yes Noah?"
"Did you come up with a plan yet?" he asks.
"Noah, it's only been two days," Rachel points out. "Besides, you could come up with something as well."
"I could," Noah agrees. "But yours will be more awesome. And once Rachel Berry starts working on something, I know the solution will be figured out quickly."
"I'm flattered by your belief in me," Rachel replies.
"So?"
Rachel sighs. "Yes. I came up with a plan."
"Fan-fucking-tastic," Noah says.
"Is the cursing really necessary?"
"Absolutely fucking necessary."
"Fine. We'll discuss it at another time."
"Damn straight we will," he grins.
"Noah."
…
Rachel is eating lunch in the choir room with Marisa when Brittany bounces in.
"Hi Rachel!"
"Hello Brittany," Rachel greets.
Brittany turns to Marisa. "Hi freshman whose name I don't remember."
"This is Marisa," Rachel introduces.
"Yeah. That sounds right," Brittany agrees.
"And what brings you by Brittany?"
"Puck said you needed to talk to me," Brittany explains.
"Of course he did," Rachel mumbles
"Don't worry, Rach," Brittany says. "I think I know anyway. I just wanted to tell you, of course I'll help."
"Oh. Well, thank you Brittany."
"Course Rachy." Brittany bends over slightly and picks Rachel up in a bear hug, lifting her off the chair she's sitting in. "Okay. I gotta go. See you later." She sets Rachel back in her chair before waving at them both. "Bye freshman friend of Rachel." And then Brittany skips out of the room.
…
"So when are we doing this?" Noah asks Rachel as they're exiting McKinley at the end of the day.
Rachel sighs. "I didn't think it possible, but I believe you've become even more impatient."
"It's just cause it's almost summer," Noah assures her.
"Hmph. Still, you need to relax a bit. It's still in the planning stages."
"But the end of the year is just three weeks away," Noah points out.
"Well, then you should have brought it up sooner," Rachel tells him.
"Hey, I was waiting for you," he replies. "I thought for sure you were saving some super awesome idea for the last moment."
"I was worrying about a lot of other things, actually," Rachel retorts.
"And that's what you have me for, bro. To remind you."
"I have a voice lesson, so we'll work on it this weekend, all right?" Rachel asks. "Friday. I'll talk to Santana about it. Do you think you can wait until then?"
"Of course," Noah scoffs. "I'm not six."
"Are you sure?"
"Shut up, Berry."
…
Friday night doesn't come soon enough for Rachel; mostly because Noah will not leave her alone. She knows it's been a while since they've pulled a decent prank, but he's acting like a hyperactive puppy. He's one step away from licking her face.
It is amusing watching Santana shoot him down. Tuesday, before glee, Noah grabs them before they can head into the choir room.
"Hey. I just wanted to check," he says. "Did you talk to her about it, yet?"
"Yes, Noah, I did," Rachel sighs.
"And?"
"I'm right here, Puckerman."
"Well?"
"Hell yeah, we'll hang out on Friday and figure it out. Okay?"
"Awesome."
"Jeez Puckerman, you're like a five year old that just ate a ton of pixie sticks. Calm the fuck down. Is this your first time or something? If you don't relax, you're gonna shoot your load too soon."
"Santana, ewww," Rachel says.
"Well it's true."
"Fuck off Lopez, I'm just excited. It's been a while."
"How did you survive before you had Rachel to tell you how to be a badass?"
"I did just fine, bitch."
Rachel sighs again. "Must you two? We're going to be late for glee."
Noah nods. "After you, ladies."
…
Friday afternoon, Santana drives Rachel home and forbids Puck to arrive at Rachel's any earlier than seven. She wants a little alone time with her girlfriend. She knows they'll have all day Saturday too, but Puckerman's been in Rachel's face a lot this week and Santana feels like they haven't had a moment to themselves.
"Noah's just enthusiastic," Rachel defends. "It has been a while since we pulled a good prank. And the end of the school year is enough of a reason to celebrate with carefully planned chaos."
"First off, I'm not sure if chaos is the right description," Santana replies. "Second, I thought you liked school."
"Well, I do believe in a proper education," Rachel starts. "And I do believe one's day should have structure. However, this means there's just one more year that we're stuck in Lima. And you have to admit that is something to celebrate."
"One of the best reasons."
"And technically you're correct, it does not meet the exact definition of chaos, but it will be rather crazy."
"You do seem to like 'em complicated, babe."
"An end of the year prank demands as much, don't you think?" Rachel muses.
"True. But doesn't that mean you're going to have to come up with a kickass beginning of senior year prank?" Santana asks.
"I suppose so. I'll have all summer to figure it out, so I'll just add it to my summer to do list."
"Summer to do list?" Santana questions. "This is the first time I'm hearing about this. What's on it?"
"Um, a number of things," Rachel replies. "There's a couple things I want to do with you and with Noah as bros. As well as things I feel need to be done before my final year of high school."
"I can think of a thing or two we should try," Santana smirks. "Can I add it to the list?"
"If you're speaking of sexual related activities, that would be a separate, more general year round to do list."
"Seriously?"
Rachel nods. "I find lists to be quite helpful."
"Maybe we could take a look at it?" Santana tries. "Cross something off before, Britt and Puck show up."
"I'd rather not," Rachel replies. "I'm not sure we'd have enough time to do things properly."
"Do things properly? What the hell is on this list?"
"How about tomorrow?" Rachel asks. "We'll have all day. I believe that will be an adequate amount of time to try a couple things."
"If you're purposely trying to make me crazy curious," Santana says. "Congrats. You're really successful.
"Well it wasn't my intent, but thank you for the info."
"Weirdo," Santana says, fondly.
…
The planning session goes well and Puck is satisfied with the idea Rachel lays out. Everyone is assigned a task or materials to find because unlike with the castle, a number of things are easy to find. And because it's Puck's idea, Rachel insists that he find a majority of the necessary items since he can just keep everything in his truck.
Looking over the various drawings, Puck is in awe of his bro. The level of detail is ridiculous. Never let it be said that Rachel Berry isn't detail oriented. He also wonders how the hell Rachel even knows the exact definitions of the roof.
"Blue prints, of course."
"Where the fuck did you get blue prints of McKinley?" Puck asks.
"Things are quite accessible if one knows where to look."
"That statement could have been more ambiguous and less informative," Puck mutters.
"City hall, you moron," Santana says.
"Puck's finally mastered sarcasm," Brittany exclaims, clapping.
The only thing that stops Puck from telling Brittany to shut up is the death glare Santana shoots him. Rachel seems to be ignoring all three of them as she makes notes in her already info stuffed notebook.
…
Wednesday, Mike seeks out Rachel before school. He just agreed to teach a summer dance class at the community center and he's going to need a dance partner. Besides teaching with Rachel had been a lot of fun and he knows she'd be up for helping out again.
"Of course I'll be your assistant," Rachel tells him when he asks. "It would be an honor."
Mike fights a blush. "We'll be co teachers," he tells her. "I mean, you'll be helping the whole time, so it only seems fair."
"Fairness is very important," Rachel agrees.
"Great," Mike says. "When I have all the details, I'll let you know?"
"I'm looking forward to it," Rachel replies.
…
"Should I be worried?" Santana asks later, sprawled out on Rachel's bed.
For some reason, Coach Sylvester cancelled practice, so Santana gave Rachel a ride home and decided to hang out.
"About?"
"Chang," Santana answers. "I always thought it'd be Puckerman or Q, but maybe it's Chang."
Rachel is at her desk, typing something into her laptop. Santana is too lazy to get up and check what has her girlfriend so engrossed.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rachel mumbles.
"You helping Mike out," Santana explains. "Spending all that time together, dancing close…"
"Don't be ridiculous, San," Rachel replies. "Mike's not my type."
"Male?"
"A jock."
Santana sits up, not expecting that answer. "He is on the football team," Santana points out.
"He is," Rachel agrees. "But he's a dancer."
"And dancing isn't athletic?"
"You know very well, I don't believe that," Rachel answers. "It's just… I seem to be attracted to a definite jock type. And Mike doesn't fit that stereotype. Even if he is in superb shape."
"What about me?" Santana asks.
"What about you?" Rachel counters.
"I'm not a jock," Santana says.
"You're a cheerleader."
Santana waits for more. When the only sound is Rachel typing on her laptop, she replies, "That's not the same thing."
"Isn't it?" Rachel continues to type. "You have letterman jackets, you have a coach and you've won trophies."
"I can't believe you're comparing me to those two wastes of space."
"I don't see why you're acting so insulted," Rachel comments. "I'm not trying to be cruel."
"Maybe I don't appreciate being pigeon holed," Santana replies. "Plus, comparing me to Fimbecile and Fuckerman is just mean."
"I wasn't comparing you to Finn or Noah… specifically," Rachel tells her.
"Well it sure seems like it."
"Besides," Rachel continues. "Noah does have his moments."
Santana sits up. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like," Rachel replies. "For all his bravado and testosterone, Noah has proven to be a kind and loyal friend. In his own way."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Rachel finally turns away from her laptop to face Santana. "Are you purposely trying to pick a fight?"
"I'm just wondering what you could be working on that's more interesting than me?"
"Just because it's nearly summer doesn't mean I don't have things that need doing, Santana," Rachel replies.
"Like?"
"For the moment, I'd rather not say."
"What? You can't trust me?" Santana asks.
"Of course I can," Rachel says. "But it's still a work in progress."
"Hmph, yeah, well don't wait too long."
"Well to be fair, I didn't expect to have the pleasure of your company this afternoon."
Santana smirks. "Well then it's your lucky day, isn't it?"
"Let me finish this and we can do whatever you want?"
"Whatever?"
Rachel gives this a bit of thought and decides agreeing shouldn't be too dangerous. "Fine. Whatever."
"Okay. Let me know when you're done." Santana looks around for the remote to Rachel's TV. Finding it on the floor, she turns it on and begins channel surfing.
…
"Remind me why we're doing this on Sunday night instead of Thursday night?" Puck says as they load things into the bed or his truck.
"Noah, I've already explained this three times," Rachel snaps. "One, I highly doubt that anyone is expecting anything to happen tomorrow. They're probably all assuming something will happen on Friday. Two, there's a chance that classes will be canceled tomorrow. If that were to happen on Friday, there's also a chance that Figgins would demand we come in another day to make up for Friday."
"Isn't there still a chance of that?" Noah asks.
"Of course," Rachel replies. "I just feel it's a smaller chance because in theory, there's still time to cover whatever is missed. Third, I cannot keep these things at my house any longer without suspicion rising. Just as you can't either. And fourth, it fits into my schedule the best if we do it tonight. Any more questions?"
"Not at the moment."
"Good. Shall we get going?"
…
Brittany and Santana are already there when they arrive and Britt has picked the lock. They begin unloading everything. They've decided it'll be easier to just lift everything up to the roof instead of just the big things and carrying the smaller things up the stairs. They did that when they set up the castle and Rachel felt they wasted between forty and fifty minutes doing so.
Rachel and Brittany run inside and up to the roof to get the pulley set up. Once it's ready, Puck and Santana load things onto the platform and it's pulled up. On the roof, Brittany and Rachel unload it and the process begins again.
It takes five loads before everything's on the roof. Rachel tosses two bottles of water down to Puck and Santana before beckoning them up. Santana is thankful that Rachel actually made them all wear the head lights she has because otherwise, the water bottle might have took out an eye. But as she and Puck walk up the stairs to the roof, she can't help but gulp down as much as she can. Pulling pranks with Rachel Berry is hard work.
…
Rachel marvels on how well they work as a team. Technically, they've only done this all together once, but apparently that was enough. Or, Rachel muses, it could be because she's used to working with all of them on pranks, separately, while Brittany and Santana are definitely used to working together.
It might have helped that she explained how everything is going to be set up and assigned everyone a project before heading out. Still, there's no grumbling or complaining and the manage to finish an hour sooner than she'd planned. Not that she'd tell them that.
They quickly clean everything up and load the tools on the pulley. It takes two loads to clear the roof and then Rachel is taking it apart. Santana helps her carry the various pieces downstairs.
While Brittany, Santana and Noah load everything into his truck, Rachel runs around the inside of McKinley, locking every door with a chain and a pad lock, just as she did for the castle. Once Rachel's certain the only possible way into the school is the front door, she sneaks out a door near the gym that doesn't have a handle on the outside. Discovering it meant that roof top pranks could be done properly.
Like before, they all head to Rachel's to change for school. Noah demands they eat something next because he's going to need it to help deal with the lack of sleep. So they all head to Rachel's favorite diner for breakfast.
…
Because Rachel refuses to kill time by making out with Santana while Brittany and Puck watch, they're a bit early to school. Still, there's already a crowd gathering when they arrive.
Walking into the crowd, they find Mike and Tina first.
"Hey guys," Mike greets.
"Sup," Puck replies. "What's going on?"
"Prankster," Tina answers. "He's taken the idea of a slushie shower to a whole new level."
"Oh?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah," Tina replies. "Apparently there's like three hoses hanging over the front door with a shower heads that sprays grape slushie."
"So?" Santana scoffs. "Go in a different fucking door."
"All the other doors are locked," Kurt reports, appearing next to Brittany, along with Mercedes.
"Yeah," Mercedes agrees. "Which I still don't get. Did the prankster change the locks or what?"
"Doors are probably blocked," Puck offers. "That's what I'd do--not that I'm the prankster."
"Relax Puckerman," Mercedes says. "No one thinks you're smart enough to be the prankster."
"Hey!"
"Well, unfortunately, it's true, Noah," Rachel says.
"Not cool, bro. Not cool."
Brittany's straining to see the front door over the mass of heads. "Why don't they just run through the slushie?" she asks. "It doesn't look that bad."
"No one wants to get a slushie shower," Mike answers.
"Figures," Rachel mutters.
"Of course all the adults would be afraid of being touched by a bit of frozen water and food coloring," Kurt scoffs. "But when it happens to us, we just need to accept it and move on."
"Adults are fucking hypocrites," Mercedes mutters.
"Well the ones that run this school are, anyway," Rachel says.
"Does this mean classes are canceled?" Puck asks. "Because then I can leave and do something I actually want to."
"If they'd just use a damn umbrella," Rachel mumbles.
Puck elbows her. "Shut up, bro. I wanna leave."
"No one's stopping you," Santana retorts.
"No way. If I don't show up, they'll call my mom."
"She certainly has enough to deal with, without worrying about your truancy, Noah."
"That's what I'm saying, bro."
"I didn't think it was possible, but I think I've even more disappointed in this place," Tina says. "I mean, there's nothing stopping them from going inside. Cowards, all of them."
"You could go in then," Mike smirks.
"I wouldn't help them deal with slushies if it meant a million dollars," Tina replies. "Not when I don't even get to dress the way I want to express myself because our principal thinks vampires are real."
"Didn't you also convince him to change his mind for that exact reason, though?" Rachel asks.
Tina shakes her head, a small smile on her face. "That's not helpful Rachel."
"Right. Sorry."
"How long do you think this'll go before they give up?" Kurt asks.
"It's already been too long," Mike replies. "I've been here for almost a half hour."
"It always takes them a while to figure out the prankster, though," Mercedes says.
"Shouldn't all the practice make them act more efficiently?" Rachel asks.
"I think you've mistaken us for a different, well run high school," Kurt replies.
"You know what I find the most interesting?"
Everyone's head snaps to the left where Sue Sylvester is standing.
"Coach. Hi," Brittany says.
"Why aren't you with the other faculty?" Rachel asks.
"Waste of time," Sue replies. "Besides, they're not worthy of being near my greatness."
"And we are?" Puck asks.
"No," Sue tells him. "But at least you mouth breathers know it."
"You were saying, coach," Santana prompts.
"Despite the prankster constantly striking, out witting this administration and forcing them to cancel classes multiple times, you sheep still stand here, waiting to be dismissed. It's pathetic."
"So you're suggesting we just leave?" Puck asks.
"I'm sure this will be all cleared up by tomorrow," Sue replies. "I mean, eventually the slushie has to run out."
"Not necessarily," Rachel mumbles.
Sue smirks, but doesn't say anything.
"You're still here," Tina points out.
"I'm taking notes--mental notes," Sue explains. "The prankster knows their stuff."
"That's certainly true," Rachel says.
Sue inches closer to Rachel. "What are you using?"
Rachel inches closer as well. "Ice rink shavings."
"Endless supply," Sue mutters.
Rachel nods.
"What if they figure it out after we leave?" Kurt asks. "And classes aren't cancelled?"
"What are they going to do? Suspend you?" Sue asks. "There's a week of school left."
"They could hold us back," Mercedes replies.
"Only if your grades are so bad that not taking the finals mean you fail," Sue retorts. "You freaks need to read your school hand book."
"I don't believe it says anything about a person failing a grade or being held back," Rachel says.
"Are you sure?"
"Rather."
"Hmph. Well you're correct, Berry. Still, they'd have little recourse."
Rachel sighs. "Fine. I'm leaving then. San? You coming?"
"Whipped," Puck coughs.
Santana ignores him, but stomps on his foot when she walks by.
"You're really going to leave?" Santana asks, when she's standing next to Rachel.
"If they're unwilling to run through the shower of slushie, I find it highly unlikely that they'll be able to figure this out soon. And I doubt the slushie will run out. So I'm going to leave because there are plenty of things I could be doing."
"Does that include me?" Santana whispers.
"We can hear you, Santana," Mercedes says.
"And now I need to wash my ears out with soap," Kurt adds.
"That's tame in comparison to some things," Brittany says.
"Don't care," Kurt replies. "If Rachel's leaving, I think I'll be going as well. I need to fill my ears with things that don't involve girl on girl sex."
Rachel intertwines her fingers with Santana's and drags her back towards Santana's car. Kurt and Mercedes head towards his. The others shrug and follow.
"Thanks Coach," Rachel throws over her shoulder.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Berry."
…
School is canceled for the day, approximately twenty minutes later. Rachel receives a text from Mike who got one from Mercedes who found out because she was with Kurt who received a call from Finn who was still standing in front of McKinley when the cancelation was announced.
"Another reason to listen to Coach Sylvester," Santana says when Rachel tells her.
They're sprawled on Rachel's bed and channel surfing because Rachel insists they not do anything sexual until they know school is off, in case they need to head back.
"She just wanted to push us into leaving," Rachel replies.
"Why?"
"Who knows? To see if we would, I suppose," Rachel says.
"She seemed impressed," Santana notes.
"Hopefully," Rachel replies. "That was an impressive prank."
"Not bad for an end of the year-er," Santana agrees.
"I don’t feel you're giving me enough accolades," Rachel says.
"Maybe because I was there too," Santana retorts.
"I came up with the idea," Rachel insists.
"Who got the actual slushie machine?" Santana asks.
"Brittany."
This earns Rachel an elbow to the ribs, which she wasn't expecting and she almost rolls off the bed. Santana manages to catch her at the last moment and stop her from tumbling to the ground.
"You're lucky, Lopez," Rachel growls.
"Hey, we could be naked right now, but you insisted we wait."
"Fine," Rachel huffs. "Strip."
"So romantic," Santana smirks, removing her uniform.
Rachel's response is to throw her bra in Santana's face.
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Santana, Puck, Brittany, Mike, Sue, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Puck wants to do an end of the year prank.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,900
Spoilers: previous stories in this series. (specifically Right on Target)
A/N: Follows Tradition Dictates It. Don't get used to multiple posts in a week; I doubt it'll be a regular thing.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
series masterlist
It's technically Noah who has the idea for an end of the year prank; though Rachel comes up with the actual prank and how to carry it out. The only reason she does, is so Noah leaves her alone; he texts her every hour for five straight days before she gives in. He even texts her while they're hanging out Friday night.
It makes her wonder if she's this annoying when she's being tenacious and head strong. Deciding she doesn't want to know, she doesn't bring it up to Noah.
…
With trying to figure out her summer schedule, Rachel can admit the idea of an end of the year prank simply slipped her mind. However, once the idea takes root, it consumes her until she comes up with the perfect plan. It only takes forty hours for inspiration to strike.
It's elaborate, but Rachel knows Noah wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. However, it's going to require Brittany and Santana's assistance as well. Rachel figures they'll be more than willing.
And so she begins planning and gathering the necessary materials.
…
Rachel is at her locker Monday morning when Noah approaches.
"So?"
"Yes Noah?"
"Did you come up with a plan yet?" he asks.
"Noah, it's only been two days," Rachel points out. "Besides, you could come up with something as well."
"I could," Noah agrees. "But yours will be more awesome. And once Rachel Berry starts working on something, I know the solution will be figured out quickly."
"I'm flattered by your belief in me," Rachel replies.
"So?"
Rachel sighs. "Yes. I came up with a plan."
"Fan-fucking-tastic," Noah says.
"Is the cursing really necessary?"
"Absolutely fucking necessary."
"Fine. We'll discuss it at another time."
"Damn straight we will," he grins.
"Noah."
…
Rachel is eating lunch in the choir room with Marisa when Brittany bounces in.
"Hi Rachel!"
"Hello Brittany," Rachel greets.
Brittany turns to Marisa. "Hi freshman whose name I don't remember."
"This is Marisa," Rachel introduces.
"Yeah. That sounds right," Brittany agrees.
"And what brings you by Brittany?"
"Puck said you needed to talk to me," Brittany explains.
"Of course he did," Rachel mumbles
"Don't worry, Rach," Brittany says. "I think I know anyway. I just wanted to tell you, of course I'll help."
"Oh. Well, thank you Brittany."
"Course Rachy." Brittany bends over slightly and picks Rachel up in a bear hug, lifting her off the chair she's sitting in. "Okay. I gotta go. See you later." She sets Rachel back in her chair before waving at them both. "Bye freshman friend of Rachel." And then Brittany skips out of the room.
…
"So when are we doing this?" Noah asks Rachel as they're exiting McKinley at the end of the day.
Rachel sighs. "I didn't think it possible, but I believe you've become even more impatient."
"It's just cause it's almost summer," Noah assures her.
"Hmph. Still, you need to relax a bit. It's still in the planning stages."
"But the end of the year is just three weeks away," Noah points out.
"Well, then you should have brought it up sooner," Rachel tells him.
"Hey, I was waiting for you," he replies. "I thought for sure you were saving some super awesome idea for the last moment."
"I was worrying about a lot of other things, actually," Rachel retorts.
"And that's what you have me for, bro. To remind you."
"I have a voice lesson, so we'll work on it this weekend, all right?" Rachel asks. "Friday. I'll talk to Santana about it. Do you think you can wait until then?"
"Of course," Noah scoffs. "I'm not six."
"Are you sure?"
"Shut up, Berry."
…
Friday night doesn't come soon enough for Rachel; mostly because Noah will not leave her alone. She knows it's been a while since they've pulled a decent prank, but he's acting like a hyperactive puppy. He's one step away from licking her face.
It is amusing watching Santana shoot him down. Tuesday, before glee, Noah grabs them before they can head into the choir room.
"Hey. I just wanted to check," he says. "Did you talk to her about it, yet?"
"Yes, Noah, I did," Rachel sighs.
"And?"
"I'm right here, Puckerman."
"Well?"
"Hell yeah, we'll hang out on Friday and figure it out. Okay?"
"Awesome."
"Jeez Puckerman, you're like a five year old that just ate a ton of pixie sticks. Calm the fuck down. Is this your first time or something? If you don't relax, you're gonna shoot your load too soon."
"Santana, ewww," Rachel says.
"Well it's true."
"Fuck off Lopez, I'm just excited. It's been a while."
"How did you survive before you had Rachel to tell you how to be a badass?"
"I did just fine, bitch."
Rachel sighs again. "Must you two? We're going to be late for glee."
Noah nods. "After you, ladies."
…
Friday afternoon, Santana drives Rachel home and forbids Puck to arrive at Rachel's any earlier than seven. She wants a little alone time with her girlfriend. She knows they'll have all day Saturday too, but Puckerman's been in Rachel's face a lot this week and Santana feels like they haven't had a moment to themselves.
"Noah's just enthusiastic," Rachel defends. "It has been a while since we pulled a good prank. And the end of the school year is enough of a reason to celebrate with carefully planned chaos."
"First off, I'm not sure if chaos is the right description," Santana replies. "Second, I thought you liked school."
"Well, I do believe in a proper education," Rachel starts. "And I do believe one's day should have structure. However, this means there's just one more year that we're stuck in Lima. And you have to admit that is something to celebrate."
"One of the best reasons."
"And technically you're correct, it does not meet the exact definition of chaos, but it will be rather crazy."
"You do seem to like 'em complicated, babe."
"An end of the year prank demands as much, don't you think?" Rachel muses.
"True. But doesn't that mean you're going to have to come up with a kickass beginning of senior year prank?" Santana asks.
"I suppose so. I'll have all summer to figure it out, so I'll just add it to my summer to do list."
"Summer to do list?" Santana questions. "This is the first time I'm hearing about this. What's on it?"
"Um, a number of things," Rachel replies. "There's a couple things I want to do with you and with Noah as bros. As well as things I feel need to be done before my final year of high school."
"I can think of a thing or two we should try," Santana smirks. "Can I add it to the list?"
"If you're speaking of sexual related activities, that would be a separate, more general year round to do list."
"Seriously?"
Rachel nods. "I find lists to be quite helpful."
"Maybe we could take a look at it?" Santana tries. "Cross something off before, Britt and Puck show up."
"I'd rather not," Rachel replies. "I'm not sure we'd have enough time to do things properly."
"Do things properly? What the hell is on this list?"
"How about tomorrow?" Rachel asks. "We'll have all day. I believe that will be an adequate amount of time to try a couple things."
"If you're purposely trying to make me crazy curious," Santana says. "Congrats. You're really successful.
"Well it wasn't my intent, but thank you for the info."
"Weirdo," Santana says, fondly.
…
The planning session goes well and Puck is satisfied with the idea Rachel lays out. Everyone is assigned a task or materials to find because unlike with the castle, a number of things are easy to find. And because it's Puck's idea, Rachel insists that he find a majority of the necessary items since he can just keep everything in his truck.
Looking over the various drawings, Puck is in awe of his bro. The level of detail is ridiculous. Never let it be said that Rachel Berry isn't detail oriented. He also wonders how the hell Rachel even knows the exact definitions of the roof.
"Blue prints, of course."
"Where the fuck did you get blue prints of McKinley?" Puck asks.
"Things are quite accessible if one knows where to look."
"That statement could have been more ambiguous and less informative," Puck mutters.
"City hall, you moron," Santana says.
"Puck's finally mastered sarcasm," Brittany exclaims, clapping.
The only thing that stops Puck from telling Brittany to shut up is the death glare Santana shoots him. Rachel seems to be ignoring all three of them as she makes notes in her already info stuffed notebook.
…
Wednesday, Mike seeks out Rachel before school. He just agreed to teach a summer dance class at the community center and he's going to need a dance partner. Besides teaching with Rachel had been a lot of fun and he knows she'd be up for helping out again.
"Of course I'll be your assistant," Rachel tells him when he asks. "It would be an honor."
Mike fights a blush. "We'll be co teachers," he tells her. "I mean, you'll be helping the whole time, so it only seems fair."
"Fairness is very important," Rachel agrees.
"Great," Mike says. "When I have all the details, I'll let you know?"
"I'm looking forward to it," Rachel replies.
…
"Should I be worried?" Santana asks later, sprawled out on Rachel's bed.
For some reason, Coach Sylvester cancelled practice, so Santana gave Rachel a ride home and decided to hang out.
"About?"
"Chang," Santana answers. "I always thought it'd be Puckerman or Q, but maybe it's Chang."
Rachel is at her desk, typing something into her laptop. Santana is too lazy to get up and check what has her girlfriend so engrossed.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rachel mumbles.
"You helping Mike out," Santana explains. "Spending all that time together, dancing close…"
"Don't be ridiculous, San," Rachel replies. "Mike's not my type."
"Male?"
"A jock."
Santana sits up, not expecting that answer. "He is on the football team," Santana points out.
"He is," Rachel agrees. "But he's a dancer."
"And dancing isn't athletic?"
"You know very well, I don't believe that," Rachel answers. "It's just… I seem to be attracted to a definite jock type. And Mike doesn't fit that stereotype. Even if he is in superb shape."
"What about me?" Santana asks.
"What about you?" Rachel counters.
"I'm not a jock," Santana says.
"You're a cheerleader."
Santana waits for more. When the only sound is Rachel typing on her laptop, she replies, "That's not the same thing."
"Isn't it?" Rachel continues to type. "You have letterman jackets, you have a coach and you've won trophies."
"I can't believe you're comparing me to those two wastes of space."
"I don't see why you're acting so insulted," Rachel comments. "I'm not trying to be cruel."
"Maybe I don't appreciate being pigeon holed," Santana replies. "Plus, comparing me to Fimbecile and Fuckerman is just mean."
"I wasn't comparing you to Finn or Noah… specifically," Rachel tells her.
"Well it sure seems like it."
"Besides," Rachel continues. "Noah does have his moments."
Santana sits up. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like," Rachel replies. "For all his bravado and testosterone, Noah has proven to be a kind and loyal friend. In his own way."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Rachel finally turns away from her laptop to face Santana. "Are you purposely trying to pick a fight?"
"I'm just wondering what you could be working on that's more interesting than me?"
"Just because it's nearly summer doesn't mean I don't have things that need doing, Santana," Rachel replies.
"Like?"
"For the moment, I'd rather not say."
"What? You can't trust me?" Santana asks.
"Of course I can," Rachel says. "But it's still a work in progress."
"Hmph, yeah, well don't wait too long."
"Well to be fair, I didn't expect to have the pleasure of your company this afternoon."
Santana smirks. "Well then it's your lucky day, isn't it?"
"Let me finish this and we can do whatever you want?"
"Whatever?"
Rachel gives this a bit of thought and decides agreeing shouldn't be too dangerous. "Fine. Whatever."
"Okay. Let me know when you're done." Santana looks around for the remote to Rachel's TV. Finding it on the floor, she turns it on and begins channel surfing.
…
"Remind me why we're doing this on Sunday night instead of Thursday night?" Puck says as they load things into the bed or his truck.
"Noah, I've already explained this three times," Rachel snaps. "One, I highly doubt that anyone is expecting anything to happen tomorrow. They're probably all assuming something will happen on Friday. Two, there's a chance that classes will be canceled tomorrow. If that were to happen on Friday, there's also a chance that Figgins would demand we come in another day to make up for Friday."
"Isn't there still a chance of that?" Noah asks.
"Of course," Rachel replies. "I just feel it's a smaller chance because in theory, there's still time to cover whatever is missed. Third, I cannot keep these things at my house any longer without suspicion rising. Just as you can't either. And fourth, it fits into my schedule the best if we do it tonight. Any more questions?"
"Not at the moment."
"Good. Shall we get going?"
…
Brittany and Santana are already there when they arrive and Britt has picked the lock. They begin unloading everything. They've decided it'll be easier to just lift everything up to the roof instead of just the big things and carrying the smaller things up the stairs. They did that when they set up the castle and Rachel felt they wasted between forty and fifty minutes doing so.
Rachel and Brittany run inside and up to the roof to get the pulley set up. Once it's ready, Puck and Santana load things onto the platform and it's pulled up. On the roof, Brittany and Rachel unload it and the process begins again.
It takes five loads before everything's on the roof. Rachel tosses two bottles of water down to Puck and Santana before beckoning them up. Santana is thankful that Rachel actually made them all wear the head lights she has because otherwise, the water bottle might have took out an eye. But as she and Puck walk up the stairs to the roof, she can't help but gulp down as much as she can. Pulling pranks with Rachel Berry is hard work.
…
Rachel marvels on how well they work as a team. Technically, they've only done this all together once, but apparently that was enough. Or, Rachel muses, it could be because she's used to working with all of them on pranks, separately, while Brittany and Santana are definitely used to working together.
It might have helped that she explained how everything is going to be set up and assigned everyone a project before heading out. Still, there's no grumbling or complaining and the manage to finish an hour sooner than she'd planned. Not that she'd tell them that.
They quickly clean everything up and load the tools on the pulley. It takes two loads to clear the roof and then Rachel is taking it apart. Santana helps her carry the various pieces downstairs.
While Brittany, Santana and Noah load everything into his truck, Rachel runs around the inside of McKinley, locking every door with a chain and a pad lock, just as she did for the castle. Once Rachel's certain the only possible way into the school is the front door, she sneaks out a door near the gym that doesn't have a handle on the outside. Discovering it meant that roof top pranks could be done properly.
Like before, they all head to Rachel's to change for school. Noah demands they eat something next because he's going to need it to help deal with the lack of sleep. So they all head to Rachel's favorite diner for breakfast.
…
Because Rachel refuses to kill time by making out with Santana while Brittany and Puck watch, they're a bit early to school. Still, there's already a crowd gathering when they arrive.
Walking into the crowd, they find Mike and Tina first.
"Hey guys," Mike greets.
"Sup," Puck replies. "What's going on?"
"Prankster," Tina answers. "He's taken the idea of a slushie shower to a whole new level."
"Oh?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah," Tina replies. "Apparently there's like three hoses hanging over the front door with a shower heads that sprays grape slushie."
"So?" Santana scoffs. "Go in a different fucking door."
"All the other doors are locked," Kurt reports, appearing next to Brittany, along with Mercedes.
"Yeah," Mercedes agrees. "Which I still don't get. Did the prankster change the locks or what?"
"Doors are probably blocked," Puck offers. "That's what I'd do--not that I'm the prankster."
"Relax Puckerman," Mercedes says. "No one thinks you're smart enough to be the prankster."
"Hey!"
"Well, unfortunately, it's true, Noah," Rachel says.
"Not cool, bro. Not cool."
Brittany's straining to see the front door over the mass of heads. "Why don't they just run through the slushie?" she asks. "It doesn't look that bad."
"No one wants to get a slushie shower," Mike answers.
"Figures," Rachel mutters.
"Of course all the adults would be afraid of being touched by a bit of frozen water and food coloring," Kurt scoffs. "But when it happens to us, we just need to accept it and move on."
"Adults are fucking hypocrites," Mercedes mutters.
"Well the ones that run this school are, anyway," Rachel says.
"Does this mean classes are canceled?" Puck asks. "Because then I can leave and do something I actually want to."
"If they'd just use a damn umbrella," Rachel mumbles.
Puck elbows her. "Shut up, bro. I wanna leave."
"No one's stopping you," Santana retorts.
"No way. If I don't show up, they'll call my mom."
"She certainly has enough to deal with, without worrying about your truancy, Noah."
"That's what I'm saying, bro."
"I didn't think it was possible, but I think I've even more disappointed in this place," Tina says. "I mean, there's nothing stopping them from going inside. Cowards, all of them."
"You could go in then," Mike smirks.
"I wouldn't help them deal with slushies if it meant a million dollars," Tina replies. "Not when I don't even get to dress the way I want to express myself because our principal thinks vampires are real."
"Didn't you also convince him to change his mind for that exact reason, though?" Rachel asks.
Tina shakes her head, a small smile on her face. "That's not helpful Rachel."
"Right. Sorry."
"How long do you think this'll go before they give up?" Kurt asks.
"It's already been too long," Mike replies. "I've been here for almost a half hour."
"It always takes them a while to figure out the prankster, though," Mercedes says.
"Shouldn't all the practice make them act more efficiently?" Rachel asks.
"I think you've mistaken us for a different, well run high school," Kurt replies.
"You know what I find the most interesting?"
Everyone's head snaps to the left where Sue Sylvester is standing.
"Coach. Hi," Brittany says.
"Why aren't you with the other faculty?" Rachel asks.
"Waste of time," Sue replies. "Besides, they're not worthy of being near my greatness."
"And we are?" Puck asks.
"No," Sue tells him. "But at least you mouth breathers know it."
"You were saying, coach," Santana prompts.
"Despite the prankster constantly striking, out witting this administration and forcing them to cancel classes multiple times, you sheep still stand here, waiting to be dismissed. It's pathetic."
"So you're suggesting we just leave?" Puck asks.
"I'm sure this will be all cleared up by tomorrow," Sue replies. "I mean, eventually the slushie has to run out."
"Not necessarily," Rachel mumbles.
Sue smirks, but doesn't say anything.
"You're still here," Tina points out.
"I'm taking notes--mental notes," Sue explains. "The prankster knows their stuff."
"That's certainly true," Rachel says.
Sue inches closer to Rachel. "What are you using?"
Rachel inches closer as well. "Ice rink shavings."
"Endless supply," Sue mutters.
Rachel nods.
"What if they figure it out after we leave?" Kurt asks. "And classes aren't cancelled?"
"What are they going to do? Suspend you?" Sue asks. "There's a week of school left."
"They could hold us back," Mercedes replies.
"Only if your grades are so bad that not taking the finals mean you fail," Sue retorts. "You freaks need to read your school hand book."
"I don't believe it says anything about a person failing a grade or being held back," Rachel says.
"Are you sure?"
"Rather."
"Hmph. Well you're correct, Berry. Still, they'd have little recourse."
Rachel sighs. "Fine. I'm leaving then. San? You coming?"
"Whipped," Puck coughs.
Santana ignores him, but stomps on his foot when she walks by.
"You're really going to leave?" Santana asks, when she's standing next to Rachel.
"If they're unwilling to run through the shower of slushie, I find it highly unlikely that they'll be able to figure this out soon. And I doubt the slushie will run out. So I'm going to leave because there are plenty of things I could be doing."
"Does that include me?" Santana whispers.
"We can hear you, Santana," Mercedes says.
"And now I need to wash my ears out with soap," Kurt adds.
"That's tame in comparison to some things," Brittany says.
"Don't care," Kurt replies. "If Rachel's leaving, I think I'll be going as well. I need to fill my ears with things that don't involve girl on girl sex."
Rachel intertwines her fingers with Santana's and drags her back towards Santana's car. Kurt and Mercedes head towards his. The others shrug and follow.
"Thanks Coach," Rachel throws over her shoulder.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Berry."
…
School is canceled for the day, approximately twenty minutes later. Rachel receives a text from Mike who got one from Mercedes who found out because she was with Kurt who received a call from Finn who was still standing in front of McKinley when the cancelation was announced.
"Another reason to listen to Coach Sylvester," Santana says when Rachel tells her.
They're sprawled on Rachel's bed and channel surfing because Rachel insists they not do anything sexual until they know school is off, in case they need to head back.
"She just wanted to push us into leaving," Rachel replies.
"Why?"
"Who knows? To see if we would, I suppose," Rachel says.
"She seemed impressed," Santana notes.
"Hopefully," Rachel replies. "That was an impressive prank."
"Not bad for an end of the year-er," Santana agrees.
"I don’t feel you're giving me enough accolades," Rachel says.
"Maybe because I was there too," Santana retorts.
"I came up with the idea," Rachel insists.
"Who got the actual slushie machine?" Santana asks.
"Brittany."
This earns Rachel an elbow to the ribs, which she wasn't expecting and she almost rolls off the bed. Santana manages to catch her at the last moment and stop her from tumbling to the ground.
"You're lucky, Lopez," Rachel growls.
"Hey, we could be naked right now, but you insisted we wait."
"Fine," Rachel huffs. "Strip."
"So romantic," Santana smirks, removing her uniform.
Rachel's response is to throw her bra in Santana's face.