Changing Lives 20/?? (Sam/Janet femslash)
When Janet awoke the next morning, she remembered a wonderful dream where, by some improbable miracle, Sam was back in her life. She jerked away, realizing that this couldn't possibly be true. And then she felt the weight of Sam's arm round her waist, and it all suddenly came back to her. It was true. Sam hadn't 'come back', but this 'other Sam', from another timeline, had come to find her. She stifled a sob of gratitude, and of sorrow -- she had, after all, still lost 'her' Sam -- which the wakening Sam heard.
"Janet?" Sam asked, tightening her grip around the smaller woman's middle. "You okay?"
Janet swallowed. "M'okay," she mumbled. "Thought it had all been a dream. But you're here. With me. Thank you Sam."
Sam struggled to sit up. Gently, she pulled Janet up with her, and cupped her face. "Thank you too, Janet. For letting me in. I know it's hard for you. It's weird, and it's a lot for you to take in. I'm so grateful you decided to take the risk."
"And I'm grateful that you gave me the option, Sam," Janet said, kissing her softly. "It's been too long," she took her hand, "my life's been pretty empty since the accident. One of the worst things was that only Mom knew about ... her. We kept it all under wraps because of our careers, but I couldn't even mourn openly. I went to the funeral, as a colleague, and I just wanted to scream, wanted everybody to know what we had been to each other. But I didn't. I know you're not exactly 'her' in some ways, but in others you are. And I love you Sam. I don't think there could be any version of you that I wouldn't love."
"Oh you'd be surprised," Sam thought back to the Replicator version of her. She put both her arms round Janet, and hugged her tightly. "My life was empty without you too," she told her, "nothing's been right since I came into this timeline. But now, for the first time, I know I can live here, now, even if the timeline isn't repaired."
"Repaired?" Janet asked. "Why Sam, is that an option?"
"It's complicated," Sam said sadly, not for the first time. "I'll explain everything to you. Do you have to work today Jan?" she asked.
Janet shook her head. "No, I don't have to be back for three days, I'm taking some of the time owing to me."
Sam smiled. "Good timing, huh?" she said. "Next time I come visit you from a different timeline, I'll try and make sure it coincides with your free days."
"Don't even joke about it, Sam," she said fiercely, "you're with me now, and you promised me you won't go anywhere."
Sam looked stricken. "Oh honey, I was only kidding. I'm never leaving you again," even as she said it, her face clouded over. If Ba'al were to act, she knew she might have to leave Janet. But then if he did something, all their lives, as they knew it at least, would stop. She just prayed that if she did have to try and repair the timeline, they would be successful. She would then be with Janet again. Right now, nothing apart from that mattered. That, and trying to find Cassie; she knew she couldn't last much longer without doing what she could to find out if Cassie had ever made it to this world. She couldn't even think about the possibility that Cassie might not be on Earth, that she had died with the others.
Janet noticed Sam's changing expression. "What is it, Sam?" she asked, worried. "Are you okay?"
Sam shook herself. "I'm okay Janet, I'm just thinking about just how much I'm gonna have to tell you. Most of all, I want you to know all about Cassie. About our daughter. I miss her so bad Janet."
Janet took Sam's hand. "If she's here, we'll find her Sam. We'll do everything we can." And she took Sam in her arms, and hugged her tightly. Janet was overwhelmed to be with Sam again, and she took every excuse she could find to touch her, to reassure herself that she was real, that she was really there with her. She ran her hand through Sam's thick hair. "I'm still trying to get used to you with long hair," she told her, "I never saw Sam with anything but short hair. It suits you though, hon." She laughed then. "Of course, you'd even look great bald. I don't think you could ever look bad. You're so beautiful, Sam. I love you so much." She cupped her face with both hands, and kissed her gently. Then she moved her right hand down to Sam's pajama top, and moved as though to unbutton it.
Sam put her hand softly on Janet's. "Not yet, Jan," she said in a quiet voice. She looked at Janet's disappointed face. "Don't misunderstand me, honey," she explained. "There's nothing I would like more than to make love to you, to feel as close to you as possible. But I want to tell you all about my life -- and my life with the 'other' Janet -- first. I want you to know everything about me, and I want to know everything about your life, and your life with the other Sam. Then, when we do make love, we won't be kidding ourselves about who we are. Does that sound dumb?" she looked up at Janet, tears in her eyes. "I don't want you to be disappointed, or to think that I'm somebody I'm not. I don't want any false pretenses."
Janet smiled lovingly at Sam. "I could never be disappointed with you. Ever. But I understand what you're saying, and though I hate to admit it, you're right. Hey," she laughed, "I can wait a few hours. It's been three years since I made love, a bit longer isn't going to kill me."
"You haven't been with anybody since?" Sam asked. "Shit, I'm sorry," she said hurriedly, "I wasn't going to ask that. You don't have to answer that Jan, it's none of my business."
"It is your business, Sam. I don't want there to be any secrets between us. None. I want you to feel free to ask me any questions, and I want to feel the same way about you. And no," Janet said wistfully, "there hasn't been anybody since. Not really. I nearly did, once," her voice hitched. "The day of the second anniversary of her ... your ... death, I suddenly saw her picture on the television in the canteen in the hospital. I knew what day it was, of course I did, but I wasn't expecting to see her picture right then, and I guess my defenses were down. We had a visiting surgeon in with us that week, and she noticed my distress. I tried to cover it up, but she wasn't going to be fooled. She came to my office later that day, to ask if I wanted to talk about it. She had guessed we were together, and just wanted to help. We went out for dinner, and I'm pretty sure she would have liked to take it further. And she was great, so kind. And beautiful. But I wasn't ready, I couldn't face having another woman in my bed." Janet laughed, self-deprecatingly. "So that was a long way of telling you that there hasn't been anybody. Until you."
Sam embraced her tightly. "Thank you for telling me Janet," she whispered into her hair.
After a few minutes, Janet pulled away, and wiped the tears from her face. "Okay," she smiled, "this isn't getting us anywhere. How about I make us some breakfast, while you get showered? And then I'll shower while you wash up, does that sound fair?"
Sam grinned. "Sounds good to me."
Janet hopped off the bed, and headed to the door. Sam watched her too-thin frame. "Jan?" she said, tentatively.
Janet turned.
"You've lost a lot of weight, honey," Sam stumbled over her words, she didn't want to patronize Janet. "What about we have pancakes?"
Janet reddened. "I know," her voice was not much above a whisper. "I didn't mean it to happen, Sam, I swear," she told her, "it's just that after the accident, I had no appetite. And then I found it hard to keep anything down for a while. And then I didn't have anybody to cook for, cooking for one's not much fun really."
Sam smiled. "You're still beautiful Jan."
Janet smiled back. "I love you Sam."
= = =
After breakfast, Janet took her shower, and then joined Sam in the living room. She brought two large mugs of coffee with her. "Thought we could use these," she smiled. "We've got a lot of talking to do, I guess."
"Thanks Jan," Sam took a mug from Janet. "Yeah, I reckon we have. I'll start right from the beginning, if that's okay, from when I started work on the Stargate program in Washington. I know you haven't heard of the Stargate, but believe me, you'll be amazed when I tell it all. Or you'll think I'm just crazy."
And she embarked on the story. By 1400hrs, she was still only part-way through the tale, so she and Janet moved to the kitchen, where Janet made pasta while Sam chopped the salad. Sam was gratified to see Janet manage a good-sized portion. She would be fine, she decided, and made a mental note to try not to nag her.
It took the whole day, and by the end of the day, Janet had endless questions to ask. But at least she had a clearer idea of Sam's life, and of her own life in that timeline. Her head was spinning as she tried to absorb details of life on other planets, the predatory, parasitic Goa'uld, the many near-death -- and actual death -- experiences that Sam had had, the close bond shared by SG-1 of which Sam spoke with such affection. She tried to memorize all the names and places, and knew that she was hardly taking in any of them. She would learn, Sam would be patient with her.
"So what about your daughter?" Janet asked. Sam had deliberately kept the story of Cassandra to the end, wanting Janet to have some understanding of the Stargate before she attempted an explanation.
"Our daughter," Sam said softly. "She's 22 now. She's beautiful, and smart, and funny. You'd love her. We found her, 11 years ago, on a planet that had been devastated by one of the worst Goa'uld, Nirrti. She was the only survivor of a disease that Nirrti introduced. We brought her back with us, and she was adopted by the Janet from my timeline. You're a spectacular mom, did you know that? We brought her up together, and she's been wonderful. I'm so proud of her. She's only just come back, from a round-the-world trip, with her girlfriend Anna. They got engaged last week," Sam's voice broke slightly, the memory of Cassie and Anna's beaming faces almost too much for her to bear. "They fit so well together. Oh God, Janet," Sam burst out, "what happens if I don't find her? D'you think she'd still be with Anna? Maybe she didn't even make it to Earth. I can't bear it if she died along with all the others on Hanka."
"Shh," Janet soothed. "We don't know that. She may be absolutely fine. So many things are the same in this timeline. Where did she meet Anna? Is she local? Maybe we could go ask her, check out if she knows a Cassandra. We'll do whatever she can," she took Sam's hand in hers. "We'll search high and low. If she's here, we'll find her. After all," she smiled a small smile, "there's nothing you don't know about hacking computer systems, unless of course your timeline has been much different to this one!"
Sam gave a wan smile in return. "That's true, I usually manage to break into any system I need," she agreed, "nobody really understands how to encrypt data properly. And I hadn't thought of Anna. Before meeting Cass, she was working in a bookshop in London, England. She's British."
"Well I've always wanted to go to London," Janet said, "how about we take a trip? Will the goons watching you allow you to go that far?"
Sam nodded. "I can't see that they'd object. After all, there's no link to the Stargate program there. I'll just tell them I want a vacation, that I want to see a bit of Europe."
"That's settled then," Janet said. "I've got two weeks' vacation starting at the end of the month, only three weeks away. We'll go then."
"Would you really do that for me?" Sam was overwhelmed.
"For us," Janet said firmly. "For our family."
Sam reached over to Janet, and pulled her into a deep kiss. "You're amazing," she said in a soft voice. "I thank God that I found you again."
"So do I, Sam, so do I," said Janet. She grinned. "So," she said, in a suggestive voice, "you reckon we know enough about each other now?" she caressed Sam's cheek.
Sam smiled back. "We've made a good start," her voice was low with desire. "Think we should head upstairs, and get to know each other a bit better?"
"Hell yeah," Janet growled, and took her by the hand, pulling her toward the stairs.
= = =
"I've never been to England before," Janet told Sam at the airport, "have you?"
"Only once, when I was a student," Sam told her. "I did the same as Cass, traveled the world for a year. Though I only spent two weeks in England, I didn't get sidetracked by a hot bookstore assistant in London. Are we crazy Jan? We don't even know if she's there. In my timeline, Anna was going to Japan, to teach. She could be there."
"But Japan was only four months," Janet reminded her. "She'd be finished by now. And the school semester doesn't start for six weeks in England," she had checked her facts on the net, "so she could easily be back at the bookstore. Even if she isn't, she's likely in England, and her uncle should be able to help us, shouldn't he?"
Sam nodded thoughtfully. "As long as he doesn't think we're a couple of basket cases. I know we could have called, but I didn't want to scare her off on the 'phone."
Janet put her arm round her lover's waist. "We'll just go there and see what we can do," she said. "And if that doesn't work, we'll try something else. We'll find her if we possibly can, Sam, I swear."
"You're so good to me," Sam tried to keep the emotion out of her voice.
= = =
"This must be the place," Sam said as they approached the bookstore in London's Covent Garden. "This is weird. I've heard a lot about this place, but I've never been here."
"Are you okay, honey?" Janet asked her solicitously.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Sam reassured her. "I'm just finding this kinda strange. I hope she's here, Jan, at least then I'll know I'm not totally crazy."
"Let's go in," Janet said decisively, and she entered the store. It was dark and musty, just what she had imagined an old bookstore in England would be like. She didn't see anybody, so she headed round the corner, where a young woman was working. The young woman looked up. "Hi Janet," the young woman said.
Janet gasped. "Do you know me?"
The woman looked at her, and then blinked, and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I thought I did for a moment. But I don't think I do after all."
"My name's Janet," Janet began.
"And I'm Sam. Hi Anna," Sam said, her voice shaking.
Anna looked confused. "This is weird," she said finally. "I feel I know you two, but then I know we've never met."
Sam stepped forward. "Don't worry," she said gently. "I think I can probably explain, if you'll let me. It's a real long story though. Do you have some time? We'd really like to talk to you. We're not nutcases, I swear. I'm just trying to find my daughter, and I think you may be able to help."
Anna stared. "Okay," she said, after a long pause. "Of course, if I can help. There's a cafe round the corner, Ginelli's. Can we go there to talk?"
"Sure," Sam agreed. "Just one thing before we go, though. I want you to take a look at this picture." She reached into her purse, to take out the small, laminated picture she carried everywhere. She knew that carrying photographs was against the rule in the military, but it was one rule she ignored. And she had held tight onto the picture since arriving in the new timeline; at the beginning, it was the only thing that had kept her sane. The photograph was double-sided, a black and white head shot of Janet on one side, and a close up of Cassie smiling broadly on the other. "Do you know this woman?"
Anna looked at the picture. "Cassie," she said in a quiet voice. "She's called Cassie."
Sam nodded. "Are you two together?"
Anna started to weep. "You're going to think I'm mad," she said. "I've never met her. Not in person. But I've dreamt about her. Several times. In my dreams, we're in love. But then I wake up and realize I've just imagined her. What is this?" she was becoming distraught. "Am I losing my mind?"
"No," Sam's voice was gentle. "It's a very strange situation, but there's nothing wrong with you, I swear. Can we talk to you? To explain?"
Anna nodded. "Joe!" she called to her uncle. "I'm going out for a while, I'll be at Ginelli's if you need me." She shrugged on her coat.
As they left the store, Sam put her hand on the young woman's shoulder. "It's all going to be okay," she reassured her, "don't worry."