Changing Lives 19/?? (Sam/Janet femslash)
Janet looked up at the sound of the oh-so-familiar, much-missed voice. No, it couldn't be. Was this some sort of wish-fulfilment fantasy? She shook her head, and looked up again.
"So you didn't die?" she asked, feeling dumb, and scared. This couldn't possibly be real. Could it?
Sam took a step toward her, and was horrified to see Janet flinch. So she didn't move any further forward. "No, that's not it" she said, in a voice barely above a whisper. "The Sam you knew did die in that accident. I'm from an altered timeline. It's complicated."
Janet looked up at her dumbly. "So you're a different Sam?" she asked.
"Yes and no," Sam told her gently. "I'll explain it all to you, I swear. If you want me to stick around that is. D'you want me to go? I don't want to make this any harder on you."
"No!" Janet almost shouted. "Don't go. Please don't go. Mom," she turned to Kathryn. "Is this real? Am I crazy?"
"It's real, J," Kathryn spoke softly, "I swear to you it's real. Samantha is here. And you're as sane as you've ever been. It's hard to understand. But she's here now, and she loves you."
"You grew your hair," Janet said to Sam irrelevantly. "My Sam always had short hair."
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "It's been long about a year now. I'll cut it if you want. I'll do anything you want. Anything at all." She knew Janet was stalling for time, trying desperately to make sense of the insane situation.
Janet shook her head. "I like it," her voice was hardly audible. She cleared her throat, and looked Sam straight in the eye. "Is it really you?" she asked.
"It's me, Jan," Sam reassured her.
"How long are you gonna be here? Are you gonna disappear suddenly?" Sam could hear the fear in Janet's voice.
"I'm staying," Sam held her voice steady. "I'm not going anywhere. I won't disappear, I swear to you."
"You won't move to a different reality, or timeline, or whatever?" Janet wanted to know.
"No, sweetie," the endearment slipped out accidentally, Sam hadn't wanted Janet to think that she assumed they would resume their former intimacy, "I'm here and I'm staying. If the timeline changes now, it'll change for all of us."
"I don't think I understand that," Janet said.
"I can explain it all, Jan," Sam told her. "If you want to hear it."
"I want...," Janet hesitated, "I think...," she swallowed. "I want you. I want to feel you." She looked up, and Sam could see the fear in her eyes. "Can I touch you? I need to know you are real."
Sam moved toward her carefully, and Kathryn got up from the couch where she was sitting next to Janet. "Sit," Kathryn instructed Sam. So Sam sat, never taking her eyes off Janet. Gingerly, she put out her hand, and very softly covered Janet's smaller hand with it. Janet shut her eyes, but Sam could still see the tears escaping.
"Oh God," Janet said. "You are real. You feel just like her."
"That's because I am her, sort of," Sam said quietly. "There aren't many differences between us, we've just had some different experiences. But deep down, we're the same person."
"You are, aren't you?" Janet's voice cracked. "You really are."
"I really am," Sam replied. "I really am. And I love you Janet. Whatever reality, whatever timeline, that's something that will always stay the same."
"Will you hold me Sam?" Janet asked, her tone still fearful.
Sam tenderly pulled Janet to her, and held her tight. To start with, Janet was horribly tense; suddenly, she took a deep shuddering breath, and started to sob uncontrollably. "You're here," she kept saying to Sam, between sobs, "you're really here."
= = =
Kathryn watched the scene unfold before her eyes, and found it hard to hold herself together. She also felt like an intruder on the intimate scene. She put a gentle hand on Sam's shoulder. "I'm going to play bridge with the others for a couple of hours," she told her in a quiet voice. "Make yourselves at home. Take all the time you need. Remember, I'll be just down the corridor if you need me."
Sam looked up at her beloved mother-in-law. "Thanks Kathryn," she said quietly, "you've been amazing."
"I'm just glad to see you back where you belong, with my little Jay-bird. She's been lost without you."
= = =
Sam held Janet for what seemed like an age before she was able to pull herself together. Eventually, Janet pulled herself upright. "Sorry," she said in a thick voice. "It's just a lot to take in."
"I know it is, sweetie," Sam said gently, "and we can take things slowly. There's no hurry for anything now, not now that we've found each other. We've done the hard part. The rest will come."
A thought suddenly struck Janet. "Where are you living?" she wanted to know.
"Washington," Sam replied glumly. "But I'll sort something out. You are the only thing that matters. There's so much I want to know about your life, and there's a lot I have to tell you. We worked together, in my timeline, on an amazing project. And," she swallowed nervously, but she had to tell Janet the truth, "we've got a daughter. I'm hoping I may be able to find her here, but I don't know."
"Find her?" Janet was confused.
"She's adopted," Sam explained. "And it's complicated too. Everything's complicated. We're gonna have to talk, a lot."
"I want to know everything," Janet said. "I don't care how long it takes. Not tonight though," she said tiredly, "I'm not sure I can take any more in tonight."
"No," Sam agreed, "not tonight. Soon though. Right now, it's enough just to be breathing the same air as you, to be able to see you, hear you, feel you."
"We'll talk tomorrow," Janet said, "if you can hang around?"
"I'll stay as long as you want me to," Sam told her, "you call the shots. I know it's been a terrible shock."
"No, it hasn't," Janet said firmly, "it's been a shock, but it hasn't been terrible. Far from it. It's wonderful. I feel as though I've been given a second chance. It's hard to get my head around it, though. I mean, she's still dead, isn't she? But then you're here."
Sam just put her arms round Janet again, and pulled her into her lap. Janet was far too thin, Kathryn had been right. They would fix that though. The two of them. Together.
= = =
When Kathryn returned two hours later, Janet was snuggled tight into Sam on the couch, fast asleep. Sam was awake, and couldn't take her eyes off the smaller woman.
"Everything okay?" Kathryn asked in a quiet voice.
"Everything's great," Sam smiled. "Thanks Kathryn, I think this would have been even more of a shock for Janet without your help. You're one in a million."
At the sound of voices, Janet stirred.
"Shh," Sam whispered to her, "you don't have to wake up."
"Yes I do," Janet replied, a wry grin on her face. "I don't know about you, Sam, but I'm too old to stay the night on Mom's couch. I should head home. What about you?" she asked Sam, worriedly, "are you staying somewhere?"
"I'm just gonna book into a motel," Sam said, "there's one just by the highway."
Janet's heart thudded. "You could come back with me," she said, in a small voice. "Stay in the spare room," she added hurriedly, "I'm not trying to make a move on you. Not yet anyway. We've got a lot of talking we need to do first. But I'd really like it if you stayed with me."
Sam smiled, the wide open smile that Janet had so missed; Janet's heart skipped a beat when she saw it again. "That would be good," she replied, "if you don't mind."
"I'd like it," Janet told her, "very much."
= = =
Despite their pledge not to delve any further into the situation that evening, in the end Janet and Sam talked for hours. They still barely scratched the surface of their lives. Janet told Sam all about working at NASA, and she showed her scrapbooks, photos and news cuttings of the 'other' Sam's exploits. Sam found it really weird, seeing all of that; the worst thing was the last photograph, that of 'her' headstone. "I'm sorry," Janet said, snatching the album from her, "I didn't mean you to see that one. That must be hard for you."
"Harder for you," Sam's voice caught in her throat.
"No more of that tonight," Janet said, and then stifled a huge yawn.
"You need to sleep," Sam told her. "I do too, in fact. It's been an extraordinary day. Don't misunderstand me, it's the best day I've had since I came into this timeline. Seeing you," she took Janet's face in her hands, stroking the soft skin gently, "is amazing. I love you Janet," she said.
"I love you too Sam," Janet kissed her very softly on the lips.
= = =
"You got everything you need?" Janet checked with Sam as she showed her to the spare room.
"I sure have," Sam smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jan, okay? Try and sleep. I know it's been hard."
"You too, Sam," Janet said softly. "Thank you for coming to find me."
= = =
Janet tossed and turned, but try as she might, she couldn't get to sleep. At 0300hrs, Janet gave up, and crept down the corridor. She opened Sam's door, and saw that she was awake too; she's obviously had the same problem. "Can't sleep," she said, in an embarrassed voice, "you?"
Sam shook her head. "Too much going on in here," she tapped the side of her head.
"You've always got too much going on in there," Janet smiled sadly, "that's one of the things I love about you."
Sam sat up and drew the covers back on the bed. "You want to get in?" she asked, tentatively.
Janet looked worried. "Don't you think we're taking things a bit fast?" she asked, though every inch of her wanted to just jump in.
"Not to make love," Sam's voice was gentle. "Not yet; I just want to hold you. I want to go to sleep with you in my arms. More than that, I want to wake up with you beside me."
"I want that too," Janet whispered, "more than anything." And she slid in beside Sam, and tried not to start at the all-too-familiar, but so much missed, feeling of Sam against her in the bed. "Sam?" she asked in a small voice. "We will be okay, won't we?"
"Yes, sweetie," Sam kissed the top of her head, and wrapped her arm round the smaller woman. "We will. Whatever happens, whatever we have to face, we'll be okay. I love you Janet."
"Love you too, Sam," Janet's voice was drowsy. "Thank you for coming back to me."