For righteous_bro
It hurt, that realization that this was his fault and that he couldn't fix it. Looking at Sam on the bed, that knowledge that this wasn't something he could touch and make better made him feel helpless, powerless. He was still coming to terms with his memories, with everything he'd done, how he'd hurt the only people that had trusted him, that
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It was the Winchester Way, wasn't it, giving too much? With Dean, Sam and Bobby to learn from, was it any wonder that Castiel had picked up similar behaviors? He forced himself to sit up, and it took effort. His body felt heavy. He'd been through this before, at the end of the Apocalypse, in the weeks before they'd faced Lucifer. But, this was different. This wasn't just cut off from Heaven, this wasn't having pissed off an archangel, his Grace was gone. He sighed quietly, not meeting Dean's eyes at the quuestion ( ... )
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He got into the car, watching Dean as he moved around to the driver's side after shutting Castiel's door. He nodded to the offer gratefully.
"Thank you, Dean."
He hadn't brought any with him, and his short attempt at a normal life had at least informed him of the fact that daily clothing changes were expected. Before he would probably have questioned why. Now... he knew better. At least in some regards.
Castiel was glad that Dean didn't bring it up. He would like to see her again, to at least say thank you, to tell her that he was sorry. But, it would be selfish, he would be needlessly putting her in danger. Maybe when things had died down a little he could call her, explain. He felt that he owed her that at least ( ... )
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"I'm paying, so eat as much as you want."
Dean was going to eat a ton himself. He was hungry and worried about Cas and he needed some serious double pie, that was for sure.
Maybe it was selfish, but Dean was glad that Cas hadn't mentioned his wife or whatever she was. Dean was jealous that Cas had had that kind of life and Dean hadn't been part of it. Not that he thought about Cas getting stuck as a human all the time or anything, but there was that one time where he'd maybe thought that after the apocalypse, if they were both still alive, Dean could teach Cas how to be human and they could be there for each other or something. It was stupid.
He walked around to the other side of the car, ready to help Cas if he needed it.
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Castiel frowned as he managed to get out of the car without assistance. He had to close the door twice, as it didn't latch the first time -- he wasn't used to being so weak. He was used to having to keep tight control on his strength, having to worry about hurting Dean. Even when he'd been playing at human, there'd been that thread of control he hadn't understood, but that underlined his very existence.
He looked at Dean, already starting to walk toward the diner. Food now?
He wanted a cheeseburger, or three, and Dean wasn't the only one that was likely going to be going for the double pie. There was a very real possibility that Cas might eat himself sick; he was starving and unused to the human, physical reactions to such things.
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He held the door for Cas. It was weird, but seeing the angel--well, former angel, anyway--like this just seemed to bring out every protective instinct he had. He rested his hand at the small of Cas' back and steered him to an empty booth in the corner.
"You tired, too? Or just the hunger?"
He almost didn't want to stop touching Cas, but he shoved that urge back and sat on one side of the booth, immediately missing the feel of Cas under his hand.
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"I am tired. But, hunger seems to be... a more pressing factor."
Which was to say that once he'd eaten, Dean might find himself with an angel on the verge of passing out. He was so hungry his stomach was in visceral, tangible pain, and for the moment that was staving off the desire for sleep. There was a brief flicker of a frown as Dean pulled away, but it quickly disappeared, and the former-angel took a seat across from the hunter.
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Dean grabbed his menu and flipped through it carelessly.
"First, we feed you, then we go back to the motel and you can sleep for days." He frowned. "But don't really sleep for days. That's not normal."
Really, the issue with that was that he would be worried if Cas slept for days. After Cas had passed out, Dean had been scared he just wasn't going to wake up again. That fear wasn't totally gone and he kept looking back to Cas like he thought the man would just disappear on him.
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A full pound of burger, topped with several pieces of bacon, cheese, avocado, and onion straws, as well as the usual burger toppings. To be honest? Castiel felt like he wanted five.
"Okay. I will try not to sleep for days. Just- until I am less fatigued."
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