(Untitled)

[sirrobin_rdm]

Comments

[rhysdigital]

Might take me a bit. I'm spacing out paragraphs and saying it out loud to get a good feel for it. >_>;

[rhysdigital]

Flow stuff first:

When video games first arrived into the American spotlight in the late 1970’s
You might want to change the "in" to a "during". It sounds a little redundant with into/in so close in the sentence.

I am not just talking about someone that you talk to on occasion, but somebody that you talk to for advice, someone that you just enjoy being around and talking to, and someone that you interact with almost on a daily basis.Could change the "talk to for advice" to "ask for

I might have been born for this

[punknight]

I e-mailed you some suggestions for your speech, check your e-mail before Chuck Norris kicks you in the giblets.

Also add loadofbs and greeku1 to your friends list, noob. You'll know who they are as soon as you see their lj's.

[sirrobin_rdm]

Thank you both, been a big help