SHENANIGANS

[sequincy]

Who: Ishida Uryuu, underachieves & yosukecantstop.
When: Monday morning
Where: Uryuu's apartment
Summary: Funny awkward things.
Warnings: idek
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Comments

[sequincy]

And then Uryuu is watching a train-wreck in his kitchen. He glances slowly between Yosuke and Shikamaru, as if he's never seen them before. Yosuke, lying so obviously that Uryuu wants to physically wince in embarrassment for him, and Shikamaru so obviously panicked over Yosuke's presence that he wonders if he should offer to let her hide in the bathroom

[yosukecantstop]

Yosuke's knuckles are white where they're wrapped around the towel rack, gripping desperately. He's not a towel, which means he's putting way too much weight on it, but for the third day in a row he's seeing stars in Uryuu's bathroom. How is it possible for a handful (pawful?) of scratches to make his nerves scream in agony like this when he just adds a little disinfectant to one

[underachieves]

Once he's returned to his usual form, Shikamaru waits until Uryuu's out of sight, then pulls out a summoning scroll. If Uryuu's going to insist on hovering around while he treats Yosuke's injuries, then he can't just pull out a vial of blood and pour it straight onto the wound. He needs to mix it into some real medicine.

He summons a jar of herbal salve he'd created months ago, one of the Nara clan's usual concoctions for treating cuts. It's a relatively weak medicine on its own, but those two are probably about to think he's created some miracle cure. The V goes in and he mixes it with his finger until the salve is a dirty pinkish color.

He pauses after he closes the jar, staring at the remaining cream on his finger. He should wipe it off on a towel, really, but there's still V on there. The idea of wasting V, even the tiniest amount, makes his stomach twist up. After a moment of further hesitation, he pops the finger in his mouth and licks it clean.

- Oh, that is disgusting. It's all he can do not to gag out loud. He holds his

[sequincy]

Already standing next to the bathroom door, Uryuu shakes his head 'no'. He's been listening for the past couple minutes. There's been no water running, no sounds of Yosuke throwing up or relieving himself. Something isn't right. He may be in too much pain to even move properly, or perhaps he's avoiding them. Either way, something's going on behind that door.

He waits to hear Yosuke's answer, listening for notes of strain or panic in his voice.

[yosukecantstop]

Panic is about right. Yosuke's eyes snap open at the sound of Shika's voice. Aw, man. Not good. He can't even think of a lie that isn't really disgusting. Then again, maybe it's worth it. Except he can't even properly word a disgusting one, he realizes, because he's been biting his tongue hard enough to taste blood in his mouth. Ugh. Gross.

"Uh!" He says instead, stupidly. His sweaty hand slips on the towel rack and he almost falls face first into the sink, but manages to land in a ridiculous crouch instead. He's actually dripping sweat now, and having those unpleasant moments of his brain trying to go dark on him. It's so stupid. He should have just called Souji. Souji probably could have finished healing them after a couple days of rest. No one else would have ever had to know about his screw up. But since that won't work, he throws out the first half-believable thing he can think of.

"Um...I'm fine! I just. Ate something funny, okay? Go have breakfast, I'll be out later!"

[underachieves]

Shikamaru glances at Uryuu. Yeah, it's obvious that Yosuke's lying. Normally he might indulge it, if he believed it was rooted in embarrassment, but since there are injuries involved this time...

"Don't be an idiot, Yosuke," he says as he reaches for the door handle. "I'm coming in and we're gonna take care of whatever mess you've gotten yourself into." Which by now he's beginning to suspect could be very serious, if Yosuke's evading them like this. Not waiting for further argument, he begins to push the door open.

[sequincy]

Uryuu's right behind him. They probably should have done this earlier, but at least now Yosuke can't claim they didn't give him a chance before forming their own conclusions. Honestly, freakout over genders or not, if Yosuke had just come clean about whatever was going on earlier, this could all be resolved already. They're going to have to skip breakfast altogether at this rate...

"If you're bleeding everywhere, get into the tub where it will be easier to take care of," he adds helpfully.

[yosukecantstop]

Yosuke is a pretty ridiculous sight to behold at the moment. He's still gripping the edge of the sink with the hand on his good side, palm on the bad side down to the floor leaving a vague outline on the tiles. His legs are bent and splayed like some doe-eyed pinup girl showing off would be posed, and his chest is caved in where he's bent over to protect his weak side. The pale, sweaty face and minor tremor he can't seem to stop are just the icing on the cake. Yeah, kid looks a little worse for the wear.

He lets go of the sink to bat uselessly at the bloody gazue on the floor, like he can somehow hide it, and whines. "Hey, this is private. Get out!"

Fine, so he's probably not fooling anyone. But he wraps the arm that's not supporting his weight around himself loosely anyway. "They're just scratches. F-from a cat. Something cat-like."

Crap. That sounded monstery. Crap.

[underachieves]

"I know I look like a moron, but I'm not actually that stupid," Shikamaru sighs. He wants to grab Yosuke and drag him out of the bathroom by force, but that would risk tearing the wounds. Better to try to calm him down first.

"Look, I'm not gonna yell at you. I'd be a hypocrite. I get my ass kicked all the time out in the Darkness. It happens to everybody. You don't have to go hiding it like some big secret, especially since you suck at lying." He takes a step back and gestures for Yosuke to turn so he can see the injury. "Everything'll be fine as long as you don't make a mess of Uryuu's bathroom, 'cause if you do, he'll really get on your case. So come on. Lemme treat your 'cat' scratches."

[sequincy]

"It's even more damaging to keep something like that quiet." Uryuu's voice now, much harsher than Shikamaru's. He glares from the doorway, his eyes sharp and cold. "Why would you hide an injury like that, much less think to treat it yourself? Don't you realize how many of the monsters in the Darkness carry poisons, infections and acidic compounds in their attacks? There are species whose claws and fangs will literally detach to burrow beneath the skin and cause internal damage. What were you thinking?"

It takes an effort not to add a Kurosaki to the end of that; it would fit so perfectly.

[yosukecantstop]

"Wait, poison?" Yosuke stares for a second. Aw, man. That better not be what the oozing stuff is. He shakes his head, at any rate, and gets to his feet. He's no closer to death than he was a bit ago at the breakfast table. Just a little shaky from his protesting nerve endings. Still, he looks a little sick at the idea of burrowing claws.

"Uh...Souji healed the internal damage. Don't worry." His eyebrows start to knit without him wanting them too, and he finds himself glaring at the wall. They're talking to him like a kid again, damn it. "And I was thinking that I can take care of a few stupid scrapes myself. Thanks for worrying, Mom and Dad, but I'm not totally helpless

[underachieves]

The tantrum is so entirely childish that he probably doesn't even have to point that out. Anyway, winning the argument isn't the important thing. Yosuke can kick and scream about wanting to be taken more seriously, but Shikamaru's focused on the real issue: healing those wounds.

He puts himself between Yosuke and the kitchen, holding out the jar of ointment. "Wait a second. At least rub this on. It'll take care of whatever poison or infection you've got going on, and it'll help with the pain, too."

[sequincy]

"That's the issue; they aren't 'stupid scrapes'. Treating your injuries lightly won't make you seem more mature." Irritated, and he bites his tongue to avoid turning this into more of a lecture than it already is. But storming away - is he serious? As though this problem will just disappear on its own...!

Uryuu bites his cheek, waiting for Yosuke's reply to Shikamaru's offer. Maybe he'll be able to reach out to him. Obviously someone has to before he passes out on the linoleum. Uryuu isn't the doctor his father is, but he knows just from glance that the wounds in Yosuke's side aren't going to get better with simple bandaging and alcohol swipes; something's gotten into them.

[yosukecantstop]

Yosuke stops short when Shika gets in the way, but it's almost a relief. The storming around kind of hurts, and now his head is ringing too. He presses the heel of one hand between his eyes and catches his balance by grabbing Shikamaru's shoulder. It happens automatically. He can't even let go again, because the ringing is throwing him completely off-balance. "It wasn't this bad yesterday," he finally mumbles, swallowing. "Are they infected?"

[underachieves]

Shikamaru turns slightly so it's a little easier for Yosuke to hang onto him. "They probably are," he murmurs, thinking but not saying that they wouldn't be if Yosuke had told someone and gotten proper treatment right away.

After a moment of hesitation, he gingerly wraps his free arm around Yosuke and glances at Uryuu. "Here, I'll hold him steady and you rub some of this on the scratches." The jar's offered to him instead, since despite all his arguing, Yosuke's in no state to take care of himself. "I swear it'll be all better once that's on, Yosuke. You'll see."

[sequincy]

"Fine." He takes the salve with an unhappy expression, only somewhat mollified that Yosuke was listening to one of them at least. He supposes it's easier than waiting for the boy to pass out (although he's also sure that would have been fairly soon) and taking care of him then.

The salve smells strange; he crinkles his nose at it. "What is it? An antibacterial? If he's gone too long without treatment this may not be enough. ...If they don't improve in the next few hours, he'll need to go to a hospital."

But he glops some of the medicinal... goop on his hands, waiting for Yosuke to stand still. (And if that takes too long, he'll simply wrap his other arm around the boy's waist.) Either way, his long and nimble fingers will be spreading the strange concoction over the oozing injuries. The Quincy will be tender but efficient, careful not to press too hard or linger for too long.