SHENANIGANS

[sequincy]

Who: Ishida Uryuu, underachieves & yosukecantstop.
When: Monday morning
Where: Uryuu's apartment
Summary: Funny awkward things.
Warnings: idek
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Comments

[sequincy]

And then Uryuu is watching a train-wreck in his kitchen. He glances slowly between Yosuke and Shikamaru, as if he's never seen them before. Yosuke, lying so obviously that Uryuu wants to physically wince in embarrassment for him, and Shikamaru so obviously panicked over Yosuke's presence that he wonders if he should offer to let her hide in the bathroom.

In quick succession: the spill, the splash, Yosuke's hand over an injury and Shikamaru's quick grab for a towel. Uryuu watches, dumbfounded.

...There is also tea on his floor.

At the moment, this seems the easiest fix. The Quincy calmly grabs for the other towel hanging off the stove and kneels to take care of the spill. "...Yosuke, you aren't going to work today. You'll need that wound you're hiding taken care of." Calmly, not looking up at either of them as he blots up the mess. "I'll brew more tea."

Finally, he glances at his not-boyfriend-turned-girlfriend. "And I didn't know you don't like eggs. I'll make a rice porridge instead. I'd prefer you both stay to eat it.

"...I should also apologize for not mentioning that Yosuke-san is staying with Keigo and I until he finds a new home. I didn't intend to make you both so nervous."

[yosukecantstop]

Even holding his side in pain, Yosuke's eyes don't fail to bob up and down with the motion of the mystery woman wiping that tea off of her slender, shapely legs. He's always been a leg man. Except that, a second later two very important things register with him, and he drops the towel in the puddle of tea. He can barely mouth a silent 'no way' before Uryuu takes charge of the situation.

All the same, Yosuke's entire face is various shades of pink and red and nearly purple in some spots, his eyes flitting like panicked wasps, landing everywhere and staying nowhere. He clears his throat three times before he can get anything to actually come out of it. "I have to! I can't just stay home sick for-for this! It's fine, I swear. Fai-sama is counting on me. Someone has to do the dishes, right?"

It's probably better that he doesn't mention how seriously bad he is at that, either. If he doesn't drop it and break it, it probably gets sent back at least twice to be washed again. He's always confusing the settings on the dishwasher and the sanitizer.

[underachieves]

"I-It's alright..."

Wait - wound?

All of those self-absorbed worries fly right out of Shikamaru's mind. As she straightens up, her eyes go to the side that Yosuke's clutching. "You're hurt? What's wrong? How bad?" Shikamaru can't help but fuss over him; Yosuke just has a tendency to die really easily. "Uryuu's right. You're not going anywhere. Sit down, Yosuke. Lemme take a look."

[sequincy]

"Exactly." Uryuu affirms Shikamaru's order with a nod, standing to wring out the towel over the sink. He wets it with water. "If you can't make a simple movement without reacting like that, you aren't well enough to go through a work day. Moving at this point is only going to make your injury worse, whatever it is. You'd be better off not arguing and going to lie down on the couch. Let us look at the wound. I'm the son of a hospital director and Shikamaru knows healing techniques; you're outnumbered on this matter."

He pushes up his glasses primly and mops the spill spot on the floor with the damp rag. There - now it wouldn't be sticky.

[yosukecantstop]

Yosuke instinctively leans just a bit closer to Shikamaru, as if drawn by some inner magnet. A girl is worried about him! Except, no. No. He makes an odd, strangled, squawking noise when Uryuu confirms what he's been trying not to let himself suspect. That is no girl, that's his-well, whatever Shika is to him, anyway. What the hell kind of scroll does that to someone?

"Holy shit." His voice is still squeaking embarrassingly, but it's the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. Yosuke glances to Uryuu, completely out of his element and subconsciously seeking out the one guy in the room who will tell him to buck up and stop making such a scene. He can't keep his eyes off of Shikamaru for long, although he never lets himself look for long before he pries them off by force and focuses back on Uryuu, mopping up the tea from the floor, or the window across from them, or the ceiling, or the back of his eyelids while he counts in his head. One toad, two toads, three toads, eel.

He squirms uncomfortably. Great. Now he needs to pee.

[underachieves]

"...Nice one, Uryuu," Shikamaru mutters under her breath. And then, more sharply to Yosuke, "Stop making that face. This can't be the weirdest power you've ever seen." And Shikamaru can't decide whether it would be more awkward to switch now or to stay in this form. Therefore, the girl stays. It requires less effort.

"Come on, take your shirt off so I can see what's going on," she sighs. "Or - better yet, come with me. My stuff is in the other room." Away from Uryuu. If she's going to need V for this, she doesn't want Uryuu to see it.

[sequincy]

Uryuu shoves his glasses up, embarrassed and irritated. He tosses the towel aside. "It slipped. I didn't realize you were trying to keep it a secret."

Or why it needed to be kept secret; or why Shikamaru had practically hidden behind him upon finding Yosuke in the kitchen. It's beyond irritating, feeling constantly out of the loop.

The quincy crosses his arms, waiting for them to move. Oh yes, he intends to follow. "I also have a few medical supplies if you need any." His private stash, stolen from the hospital.

[yosukecantstop]

"I can't-" Yosuke starts and then stops, realizing that his argument is invalid before it even leaves his lips. Still, his face flushes at the idea of lifting his shirt up and letting a girl take a look at the gross injuries on his side. Besides, he really needs to start working out. He hasn't gotten around to gaining back that weight he lost those first two weeks. As if he didn't look gawky enough without the extra bones poking out.

And then, there's the lecture he's bound to get when it comes to them noticing that those are Darkness injuries. He squirms again, miserably. Damn it, he really should have gone before breakfast.

"Hold that thought."

And he does his best to make sure not to keep weight off his bad leg when he darts out from between them and makes for the bathroom. Maybe by the time he comes back out whatever kind of lover's spat is going on ...oh, gods. They're-it's really like that. He shuts the door and leans back against it for a moment, still a little dazed.

[underachieves]

As soon as Yosuke disappears into the bathroom, Shikamaru's palm slaps her forehead. "Geez..." This couldn't have gone any worse. About every revelation they just made were all things Shikamaru had hoped to break to Yosuke lightly. Months from now. Maybe even years.

At least Yosuke's bathroom break gives Shikamaru time to explain things to Uryuu. Somewhat. She turns, slumping against the counter. "He's gonna think I'm a complete freak again," she murmurs, rubbing at her face. "He hates this stuff. Didn't you ever notice? If it's even a little queer, it totally weirds him out."

[sequincy]

Awkward. Uryuu almost starts after the departing boy, but at the thought that maybe he was going to be sick - well, even Uryuu wouldn't be so cruel as to embarrass someone in that moment of weakness.

Even if he'd apparently managed to humiliate Shikamaru without trying. Damn it. He sighs. "No. I haven't known him for as long as you have. ...He's made jokes of course, but they never stood out as honest insecurity or disgust. I don't believe he'll think you're a freak, though. It's, ah... it's a surprising technique, yes, but if you explain to him that it's just a technique..."

The words are weak. He knows it. There's so much more about this situation that could unsettle a person. Even Uryuu, who has a less than stellar social intelligence on the best of days, knows that.

He wonders again just how close their friendship was, in that other world. They were nakama, weren't they?

Silence. He glances away, uncomfortably. "...It wasn't my intention to reveal more than you'd wanted to. I should have warned you I was letting him stay here."

An apology of sorts.

[yosukecantstop]

Yosuke leans against the door for the first few moments and tries not to listen to the muffled voices on the other side. It's quiet in the bathroom, and he almost thinks about just...staying there. Maybe forever. Maybe they'll forget he's in there, and he can just curl in on top of the towels in the linens cupboard and sleep, and when he wakes up this will just be a really weird dream. Didn't he eat some katsuobushi after work when he was too tired to cook something better? This is definitely a dream.

The uncomfortable pressure in his bladder snaps him mostly out of that line of thought, though. If this is a dream and he gives in to that urge and relieves himself, he'll definitely wake up in a puddle. Does he really want to take that chance?

"Damn it."

[underachieves]

Apology accepted. Shikamaru leans over to brush a very quick kiss over Uryuu's cheek, although she doesn't linger long enough for Yosuke to potentially catch them. "It's okay," she sighs. "It's your place. You shouldn't have to report to me about all your houseguests. Anyway, it was pretty stupid of me not to notice..."

But Yosuke staying here is going to be a problem. Shikamaru doesn't really want to mention it, however. Maybe just avoid coming over until he's gone, ridiculous as it is to carry on behaving like this over a year after getting dumped. Stupid, stupid.

Oh well. She forces a smile for Uryuu. "Sorry for overreacting."

[sequincy]

"I should when it's a house you're spending the night in..." But he lets it drop, and lets his lips tug upwards at the light kiss. (Ah, has he really become so easy?)

The question of what Shikamaru was really reacting to linger in his mind; he tucks it away for later use. It can wait for another, more private time. Preferably one where Yosuke isn't in his bathroom possibly vomiting or bleeding on the tiles.

He glances down the hall. "What do you think injured him? I know he's been training. Would he have gone out in the Darkness?"

[yosukecantstop]

It takes a few good, hard pinches to be sure. But Yosuke is almost positive that this isn't the kind of dream where you wake up and have breakfast and your friend is magically a girl but everyone acts like it's normal and then you wake up later and realize you were still asleep. Because...because pinching yourself is fool proof, isn't it?

He hopes so, although it doesn't matter all that much anyway. The only moisture he seems to be able to squeeze out at the moment is a bead of sweat dripping down his hairline. His ribs don't appreciate the way he's propped against the wall on his forearm, hovering above the toilet like a really bad joke. He's never been good at going under pressure. It's really not going to work, is it? Ugh.

Grudgingly, he zips himself back up and stops to splash some cold water on his face before he goes back out there. The running faucet gets another uncomfortable squirm out of him, but whatever. If he keeps screwing around in here eventually the others will get suspicious. With a sigh, Yosuke lifts his shirt and unwraps the bandages that are around his injuries (he's not totally irresponsible about them after all) and checks the damage.

...They're definitely still disgusting. Crap. A row of long gashes, muscle deep, two with skin flaps still hanging awkwardly off of them and six that are just meaty. In spite of the fact that he's been cleaning them twice a day, they're shiny in some places, clotted darkly in others, and even oozing a bit in the three where the skin curled up at the bottom like soap shavings.

He gags a little just looking at them, and drops his shirt back down quickly. Maybe he should clean them before he goes back out. The scratches, at least. He can leave the bitemarks so the others can fuss over them a bit if they want. The bite marks are just puncture wounds, they really don't look all that bad on the surface. Yeah. That's probably the best idea.

[underachieves]

Shikamaru follows Uryuu's gaze. Yosuke's taking a while, but she isn't concerned. It isn't as if the kid had seemed near death. He's probably trying not to vomit, or otherwise willing himself to recover from shock. This could be a while.

"I've already had to save him from the Darkness once," Shikamaru sighs. "And I've warned him plenty. But this is Yosuke we're talking about. The idiot probably goes chasing monsters every night."

But since they have time... "I'm gonna go change." - Into a boy and into some pants. Maybe he'll get a chance to sneak some V into his pockets without Uryuu noticing. "You wanna get breakfast started?" Not really waiting for a reply, Shikamaru's already striding back to the bedroom.

[sequincy]

Uryuu sighs. "I'll have to keep an eye on him while he's staying here then." Maybe he can go out with him when he does insist on doing so. If nothing else, it would be an extra set of eyes. (And much more than that of course, but sometimes Uryuu likes to imagine he's modest.)

"I'll wait until I know the injury won't require more than we have on hand." It seems a little ridiculous to cook when he isn't sure anyone will be eating it. But he lets Shikamaru go change, and he ducks into his own room to gather a few things from his hospital stash - bandages, alcohol, sedatives and pain killers. ...And just in case, he grabs some towels he wouldn't mind losing.

He places the collection neatly on the coffee table, waiting for Yosuke to emerge from the bathroom.