The Times, They Are A-Changin'

[savor_last_shot]

Who: Garrus, open to Normandy haus.
Where: Normandy House
What: Garrus is human; hilarity ensues.
When: Afternoon.
Warnings: Possible anaphylactic shock, probably swearing, maybe violence.

Comments

[cmdr_renegade]

While Shepard had become relatively accustomed to various assholes trundling up and down the stairs (of whatever structure they were currently using as a base of operations) with no regard for how much noise they were causing, something was off about this particular incident. It was too early in the morning for anyone drunk to be moving with that much hustle and no accompanying explosions, and the sound of that heavy stride was completely unfamiliar. Shepard didn't like waking up to unfamiliar and she particularly disliked waking up to unfamiliar people charging headlong into rooms just outside the ones she slept in

[savor_last_shot]

Normally, Garrus would've been able to put up at least a semblance of resistance, even taken by surprise. But this body moved in unfamiliar ways, his reach wasn't what it had been and didn't bend in the right ways. His reaction time seemed slower. He felt the wind go out of him as someone slammed into him and then pain blossomed up his arm; arm-lock. He knew that much and he didn't have the leverage to break out of it. A moment later, he felt his face slam into the mirror.

Ow.

Why did humans have to be so soft? That hurt. He kicked for a moment, but froze when he recognized Shepard's voice.

Well, at least he wasn't about to get killed.

Probably.

"Shepard, it's me, dammit!"

[cmdr_renegade]

"Yeah. Good try, but no cigar," Shepard replied flatly and tightened her grip on his pinned wrist. Her gun was pressed firmly against the side of his head. She was honestly prepared to shoot him, but something in that statement gave her just a brief moment of pause. That was a red-flag. Something about that voice...was offhandedly familiar

[savor_last_shot]

"It's me!" Spirits, how did she not realize this? And his arm was starting to scream at him even more. Not to mention that being on the wrong end of Shepard's pistol was a very, very uncomfortable experience. One that he really had no desire to repeat in the near future.

If he lived to see the near future, anyway.

"Garrus! You pulled me off of Omega!"

He took a deep breath (human lung capacity seemed about the same - maybe less). She didn't know about this particular detail (he thought), but it should prove his identity. "...check my visor. It has the names of my squadmates burned into it."

Hopefully, that would be enough proof for her. Otherwise, he'd have to think of something else that might persuade her that he wasn't some random nutjob off of the street.

[cmdr_renegade]

Visor

[savor_last_shot]

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief as the pain eased and he was finally able to get his bearings. He wasn't having that much trouble staying up right - humans turians were both bipeds, after all - but everything felt a bit off. Like he should be a bit taller, his eyesight should be a bit better. Little things. A bunch of little things that all rolled together and became one big thing. He settled against the bathroom's sink with a frown and rubbed at his arm.

"Human arms weren't meant to bend that way, were they?"

The pain had been his first clue. The question brought his attention back to Shepard.

"I... I have no idea. I went out on a perimeter sweep this morning. Didn't see anything, decided to head back. I step through the transporter - next thing I know I'm... like this

[cmdr_renegade]

Aside from the fact that the armor was possibly the ugliest rig she'd ever seen on a human (that Phoenix monstrosity, inclusive), he seemed in good health. No missing limbs, skin in tact, and only mild redness on the side of his face from where she'd shoved him up against the glass.

The more he talked, the more she believed him. That was Garrus's voice, alright. It was a bit bizarre without that flange, but still similar enough. Unfortunately, now that he wasn't being assaulted, he'd gone right back to the freak-out she'd interrupted in the first place.

"While it's clearly a step down the evolutionary ladder," Shepard started, dryly, "I'm sure if you can handle fighting geth and collectors, you can survive being a human until we figure out what happened."

Speaking of inability to deal with strange, reality defying bullshit? Without gunfighting or combat, she was just not awake enough.

"You want more specific help in dealing with it, it'll have to wait until after coffee," Shepard added and turned to leave the bathroom.

[savor_last_shot]

"I- Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Shepard

[cmdr_renegade]

Shepard had just managed to get the coffee into the machine when Garrus started yammering. She assumed it was him bitching about having five fingers until he started gasping and clawing at his throat. One look at the dextro nutrient paste next to his foot clarified the situation completely. Judging by the redness of face and the way he was flailing, he'd taken a healthy mouthful and had a pretty serious allergy to it

[savor_last_shot]

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He hadn't been thinking, been too distracted - ironically enough - by his new human body to think about what he was eating. And he'd been about to die on the floor, if Shepard hadn't stabbed him in the neck with something. He took a deep breath of air as his throat started to open again and he managed to stagger to a seat and he slumped with a clatter. After a few moments of gulping in air and waiting for his stomach to settle, he slumped over, head rested on his arms.

"...this is ridiculous. I have five fingers, I'm allergic to my own food and my eyesight-"

He squinted.

"...my eyesight seems worse. I think. I don't even have mandibles. Just because I like humans doesn't mean I wanted to be one-!"

Yeah, he was about to start ranting.

[cmdr_renegade]

Shepard listened to Garrus in only the most technical way. She had no idea how he took his coffee and, having never tasted dextro food (for obvious reasons), had no way to approximate. She settled for just bringing him one of the many packs of extra mix-ins that they kept around for various local crew. She tossed it on the table in front of him and set the mug down next to his arm.

He clearly needed some kind of pep talk but given the laundry list of complaints about her species...yeah.

"So you've been rendered completely ineffective because of a few spare fingers and a lack of facial plating?" Shepard paused and took a sip of her own coffee as she wandered back to find something edible. First levo thing he ate probably shouldn't be the ration bars she usually had for breakfast. "Funny, I thought it'd be harder."

[savor_last_shot]

"I'm not ineffective," Garrus snapped. His mood was worse than usual. "It's just... strange! How would you like it if you woke up one morning and your body felt wrong? I should be moving my mandibles right now, but I don't have any, so I just end up-"

He shook his head sullenly and plucked the cup of coffee off of the table with a muttered, "Thanks," and downed a large gulp of it. He paused, glanced at the mug in his hands and then up at Shepard, "...this coffee stuff is pretty good. Bit of a rush to it."

[cmdr_renegade]

"That's the caffeine," Shepard replied and took another drink. She chose not to answer the first line of bitching. (Woke up one morning to a body that felt wrong? Oh Garrus, gold star.)

"And cut the whining about the mandibles. You have movable facial features, they get the job done," Shepard added as she continued to look for food amid the strange conglomeration of parts and ammunition that littered the room. "The voice is a definite downgrade, but not that bad overall."

Apparently Sagan had been by recently with more baked goods. She was...halfheartedly avoiding him, she still didn't know how to deal with people who were genuinely happy to see her, but he didn't seem to mind. Kept trying to buy her off with baking.

It was working too.

Shepard cut a piece of the--banana and walnut bread? Sure. She cut a couple pieces and tossed them on a plate before heading back over to the table.

"Look at it this way: you could have turned into Virgil."

[savor_last_shot]

"I don't even want think about that," Garrus shuddered. Virgil. Ugh. Disgusting, slimy little bastard. Sometimes he wondered why Shepard kept him around the way she did. He wasn't even all that useful. He propped his chin in his hand - man, that was weird - and took another slurp. He eyed the food that Shepard was presenting him and then snagged a slice and took a bite.

Hey, not bad. He hadn't realized how hungry he was and he began chewing and swallowing very quickly (hard to get used to, chewing). Almost choked once or twice before he reminded himself that humans chewed their food. He washed the bread down with more coffee.

"It's still weird," he complained half-heartedly. At least Shepard was around to keep him company. And the rest of the crew.

"Joker is going to flip when he hears about this."

[cmdr_renegade]

"I say you go harass him," Shepard suggested with a shrug and finished her cup of coffee. She snagged the (now empty) plate and took it with her as she went to get another cup.

"Bound to be as amusing as it is unproductive."

[savor_last_shot]

"Amusing for me? Or him?" He paused and settled his features into what he thought was a human grin, "...or you?"