...

[singingwren]

"Light the candle, John
The daylight is almost gone
The birds have sung their last
The bells call all to Mass..."

Sitting here right now, gazing at my altar, I cannot tell you what I feel. I cannot explain the confusion, the captivation, the physically painful sensation of need coiled like a snake deep in my belly. I cannot explain the way that

Comments

[lillassea]

A fascinating entry... thank you for sharing this.

[singingwren]

I think that they;ve been in my head for a while now, the thoughts I couldn't articulate until just that moemnt when I spontaneously lit my candles, but I felt hesitant to write them because some of them feel shameful. It's scary to see how different I am now from the girl most people who started reading this LJ originally met, and it's upsetting that I can't seem to figure out what went wrong (or right?) to change me so much.

I feel like my LJ is shallow now, and like no one has any reason to read it. This makes me feel pretty bad.