Dear Diary, part six.
June 15th
Dear Diary,
I needed to talk about what really happened, so I invited Tamara and Kaylynn around for Girl's Night.
Kaylynn was horrified about what had gone down, and was ready to run over to his place and let him have it.
They immediately started plotting what they could do to him, and while I know they'd never do any of the things they talked about (I hope!), it was then that I knew I'd done the right thing by divorcing him.
I was determined that life would only get better from now on.
And to help celebrate that, Kaylynn suggested we be very girlie and have makeovers.
Kaylynn did great work - Tamara looked amazing!
Then it was my go. I was so nervous, but I was ready for a change. I had come so far since leaving Alfred, but I was still pretty ignorant about all those girlie things.
I was amazed! I love my new look! It will be so much easier to take care of, and I feel so much lighter, in spirit, if not physically.
It was a great night, and exactly what I needed. I am so glad I finally have some friends like these girls.
But I think I got a bad piece of pizza. I was throwing up all morning today. I felt better by this afternoon, which was great, because I decided to do one of the things the girls suggested.
It felt strange seeing them there like that, ready to burn.
But I knew that I didn't need them in my life any more, as reminders of what went wrong.
It felt so good to watch it all burn.
I don't know if it was the pizza still, or just the shock of seeing it all burn, but I spent more time throwing up, I felt so sick.
But it passed quickly, so I thought it was just nerves, so I decided to indulge in a much needed bubble bath.
But then it hit again, so tomorrow I'm going to make an appointment to see my doctor.
Z.
July 5th
Dear Diary,
There is no rest for the wicked in this house! Yolanda insists upon waking up early, no matter how I try to convince her otherwise.
But that's ok, what better way to start the day than baby snuggles?
Especially when it's the day your doctor makes a house call.
She wanted to give me a proper check up, because it had been a while since I had one.
It felt a bit awkward, but I guess it was necessary.
I was floored when she told me what was wrong with me.
I guess floored wasn't the right word. Devastated would be a better choice.
I was already raising one baby on my own - how will I manage with two??
I don't want to tell Alfred. I don't want to speak to him, or see him, ever again. I know that's not possible, but I just don't want him around.
Z.
August 21st
Dear Diary,
I've been very slack about writing, I know. I keep trying to remember to take the time to get my thoughts out, but, well, I've been occupied! The last few weeks have been amazing.
One "thing" that's been keeping me busy, is Damon Wade. I've known him since I was in preschool, but haven't seen him since we graduated. He's spent time travelling around the world, and hadn't heard what happened with me and Alfred. He tracked me down and we started emailing each other, which led to him calling me almost every night, which led to him coming over. A lot.
So we've been spending a lot of time together lately, and it was so nice to have someone around who cares for me, even just as a friend.
Plus, it helped that he's still really cute.
He was shocked to hear what happened with Alfred, but said he felt that I did the right thing. It was so nice to have another man say that what Alfred had done was wrong.
Especially with this new baby on the way. He couldn't get enough of talking to my belly! It was so funny!
Alfred had never been that interested when I was pregnant with Yolanda. I've got to admit, it made my heart go flitter-flutter when Damon did that.
He and Yolanda get along so well, too. She thinks he's great, and he thinks she's adorable. They're both right!
And the more time we spent together, the more I knew I liked him...as more than a friend. And I'd never felt like this before! Things with Alfred...happened. And I didn't ever feel like this with him.
I just feel so comfortable with Damon, we hang out all the time, and he's happy to come over here, so that it's easier for me and Yolanda.
Then one night, oh wow, things just...happened! We were snuggling on the couch, watching a movie, and then, we just started kissing!
And then...we started doing more. On the couch! I've never done that before! I can't help but giggle when I think about it, I feel so wild.
And since then, well, let's just say that I never knew things could be so good!
I think I've fallen in love!
Z
September 20th
Dear Diary,
Alfred is a dick. He really is.
I don't know what he thinks he can gain, by coming over here and acting like an idiot. I know he's got anger issues, but we're over. Why does he have to torment me? Just because he can?
I guess he's still pissed that I broke up with him, that I don't need him. His ego is probably quite bruised.
But I don't care!
I did let him have it, when I saw what he'd done to my rubbish bin. How dare he? I think I surprised him (more than I surprised myself!), by standing up to him again.
He was pissed.
But then, so was I! And I had legitimate reason to be annoyed by him!
He changed his tune quickly, though, when Yolanda came out to see what the noise was about. He even tried flirting with me!
As angry as I am with him, I don't as yet have a good enough reason to deny him access to her.
He told me that he had asked Nina to marry him a few months ago (why he couldn't have told me then, I don't know!), and that last night they'd had a quiet ceremony at home.
I must admit, I'm surprised that it happened at all! But I'm not surprised he didn't have a real wedding, his parents would not be impressed at all - least of all his grandmother! She still has firm control in his family.
I'm not happy with Nina being Yolanda's stepmother, but I don't expect her to be around a lot. Certainly not once his money runs out!
So while he played good dad, I cleaned up his mess. How typical is that? I'm just glad she's too young to understand what's really going on.
Especially with how things went once Damon came over! Alfred was NOT impressed to see how intimate Damon (my boyfriend!!) was with me - especially when it came to Damon rubbing my baby belly.
I went inside to put Yolanda to bed, and when I came out, Alfred was laying into Damon! It was horrible!
I was so relieved that Damon didn't try to hit him back - I can't have another violent man in my life! I felt like I was going to burst from how much love I had for Damon!
But Alfred wouldn't have a bar of that, would he? He can't stand to see me be happy.
But instead of scaring Damon off, Alfred's behaviour had the opposite result!
He asked me to marry him! OH MY GOD! I was so stunned!!
This infuriated Alfred, but I just didn't - and don't! - care! Damon wanted to marry me, and I wanted to marry him.
I said yes straight away. This ring is amazing! It's so gorgeous. I can't take my eyes off of it! (and it's so much prettier than the one Alfred bought me!)
Having someone like Damon love me, and want me, is just amazing. Why can't Alfred just let that go?
He tried to get Damon to fight with him, and was saying that Damon isn't a real man if he won't fight.
Damon said he didn't need to fight, because I loved him, and not Alfred. And then Damon kicked him out!
I am so happy! I'm not quite ready to get married again, or to have Damon move in, but he knows that, and is happy to wait for me, for as long as I need.
Z
Previous entries:
[ part one][ part two][ part three][ part four][ part five]