I'm getting really tired of longing, searching, crying, loneliness, emptiness. I have no idea how to make it go away. Sometimes I wonder how well anyone even knows me...other times I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know me at all. How is it possible to feel like you are completely spontaneous and totally predictable all at once? It shouldn't ( Read more... )

It's Tuesday and it's still raining. They say we probably won't see sunshine again until Thursday but you can always hope they're wrong. They're wrong about just about everything when predicting the weather anyways so why not this? The rain is simply not helping anything. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to these days. Things with Sara have ( Read more... )

It's been raining forever around here and today the sun finally came out today. Is it a sign? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that depression gets old fast. Alfredo left on Thursday and I miss him more than I would have thought, but in a way it might be good for me. If I'm honest, he was kind of like a drug to me. Over and over again I would fall ( Read more... )

So it's Saturday, the day that I've been dreading from the moment Alfredo told me that he planned to have his going away party today. Going away. Those two words seem to echo in my mind...replaying over and over like a scratch on a record. I have never understood more of how Mark in Rent must have felt when he sang Halloween. The major difference ( Read more... )

I guess I just feel empty and tired. I feel more and more like no one really cares every day but luckily there is a tiny part of my brain that yells protest to that. It's when that part of my brain goes away that I'll have to worry. No worries (not like anyone is) I'm not contemplating suicide or anything...though I have thought about it quite a ( Read more... )

Excuse me, but I refuse to be anyone's second place girl ever again. I think I'm going on the third guy who played me that way. First Will, but that was so long ago and I'm not going into that. Next was Jawsh who led me on from moment one with no intention of taking it anywhere. Now surprise of all surprises, his best friend James has done the same ( Read more... )

Senior year is getting old fast which isn't really a surprise. So I was a total drama queen about the whole Jawsh and me thing, but give me a break because it was that time of the month and I was really easily emotional for that reason. Yeah, let's go with that excuse. This is why I had given up on boys. I get completely obsessed with one and ( Read more... )

Today seems to be one of those days. I stole that title from a book I saw in Borders a while back. The subject of the book didn't really appeal to me but I almost bought it anyway simply because the title seemed so completely appropriate. These days I just don't put on makeup without having an occasion to do so. So today was a day I had been ( Read more... )

That is one thing I have known for a while now. I've always been horrible at waiting for anyone as just about any of my friends will attest to. I just want things to happen when and how I've pictured them, but at this point I know that's realy never the case. Just like most of these entries, this one is about a new guy. His name is Jawsh and yes it ( Read more... )

We don't know why we are even having them most of the time but there they are, forcing us to admit to things we would really rather not. That seems to be a big theme in my life these days. Guys are such confusing human beings and I have enough trouble knowing myself these days. Linds is ok with dating a bunch of guys all at once but I don't think I ( Read more... )